When artist Damien Miller is struggling to find inspiration for his new painting, he stumbles across his neighbor- Alison Jolie. Mystified by her magnetic personality, he wants her to be his muse. But while observing her, vivid questions pop into his mind. Is she as happy as she depicts? Why is she on the patio each night? But most of all, are her livid pink-purple bruises telling a different story about her happy, married life?

I like the mood of your cover, and it tells a story by itself. It's creative and draws in the right audience. However, it's also a little vague, and the way the title is presented could be a lot better. If you don't have the time to brush up on your font type/color/sizing and find a better representation for your story, I suggest finding a Wattpad cover maker to do the job for you.

While I can make a distinct connection with the title and your story, it's also generic and very vague. This title could fit any book, really, and doesn't do a great job at describing your story. As you continue to write, I suggest finding better titles through quotes, significant objects, or names of important characters. Then, you can find the one that appeals to you the most.

Wow, I'm so impressed by your blurb! It's short, well-structured, and compelling. This is a very professional-looking synopsis for your story, and will definitely bring in the right readers for your story. Well done!

What I like about your hook is that it sets the surroundings for your main characters, the keywords being "Manhattan" and "blizzard." Your sentences here were well-thought and well-structured. The reason why I took off a point here is because the beginning for your story is also cliche. Many writers start off their stories with either their characters waking up or describing the weather. Is there another way you can start this story? It's not necessary, but I suggest you think about it.

The only real grammar mistake I've caught is your comma use. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate several topics within a sentence. Usually, they accompany conjunctions (and, but, or, etc). For example, take the sentence, "she knocked on his door and he answered." The two topics are that she knocked on his door, and that he answered. There's also a conjunction "and" here, so there should be a comma as well. Correction: "She knocked on his door, and he answered." There also have been times where you have unnecessary commas. In future writing, ask yourself if the commas in your sentences are really necessary. What purpose do they serve?

Throughout your writing, I've caught several spelling mistakes. There weren't any typos, but you've misused words, confused plural and singular transition words, and left out auxiliary verbs that should have accompanied your verb. I've pointed a few out to you, but I suggest proof-reading your writing thoroughly before uploading on Wattpad.

This idea is interesting! It may not be the most original plot, but I can suspect (based on the first chapter) that it will be well executed. If you continue this story, I can guarantee that you'll build a reader base supporting each chapter. You also address some serious issues, which I'm appreciative of. Well done!

I did enjoy that you briefly described each of your characters, whether they were principal characters or side characters. You also described a few habits and opinions, giving me an idea of what your main character was like, and what his thoughts were. What I did notice was that you depicted Damien as a very attractive man, and his muse was a very attractive woman. It makes sense for the woman to be attractive; after all, he was drawn to her beauty, and that's what made him get inspiration. However, I was a little torn on how attractive Damien was. In almost every Wattpad book, the writer tends to make their primary characters very pretty and handsome, and it can get tiring for the readers sometimes. Keep in mind that your readers won't mind if your character has a few flaws, and they actually want to relate to your characters. It can be hard to do that if your character is physically flawless. I also suggest that you make room for character development. What flaws do they have? How can they accept them, and what skills will they learn along the way?

I did get a clear sense of your writing voice. You have a lot of prose and lovely descriptions, and I was impressed by your vocabulary and diction! Your writing is more on the advanced scale, but there are still a few things in the way of making it better. You tend to forget commas, which turns your writing into run-on sentences. I've also noticed that you have a lot of filler words and write with a passive voice instead of directly addressing the action (which would have a better effect on your readers). I'll address this later in your chapter review, so keep this in mind. Along with that, you often structure your sentence to be extremely long, often a paragraph's worth long. I suggest that you shorten and tighten these sentences, or your readers will skim over the miniscule details and get bored very quickly.

I didn't find many awkward transitions; each new scene flowed effortlessly and without unnecessary pausing. You did an extremely good job on this!

"The sun wasn't shining its most benevolent rays and the winter's frigid grip was tightening on Manhattan as the chilled winds chased away any sense of warmth and comfort." (p.1). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "The sun wasn't shining its most benevolent rays, and the winter's frigid grip was tightening on Manhattan as the chilled winds chased away any sense of warmth and comfort."

"Time does fly fast, unfortunately, and the mails/texts/phone calls from his agent were bombarding his shrine that he had created to get some rest after the first wave of the successful underdog of the art world had hit him." (p.4). This sentence may be accurate, but it also could be better. You could restructure this and shorten it down a lot. What I've noticed about your writing is that you write long-winded sentences that your readers will (often more than not) skip past or skim over. Suggestion: "Time does fly fast, unfortunately. The mails, texts, and phone calls from his agent were bombarding his shrine he'd created to get some rest after the first wave of the successful underdog of the art world had hit him."

"Six foot tall which a broad stature, azure eyes that were begging to be unpuzzled, a brooding look on his face that pondered on the deepest of life's meaning and a flock of raven hair that crowned his attractive face and capped his inquisitive mind." (p.7). Here, you're missing a comma, you have a spelling mistake (wrong word use), and filler words. Correction: "Six foot tall with a broad stature, azure eyes that were begging to be unpuzzled, a brooding look on his face that pondered the deepest of life's meaning, and a flock of raven hair that crowned his attractive face and capped his inquisitive mind."

In paragraph 8, you've misused a word here. "Ruffing" should be replaced by "Ruffling" because these two words have different definitions.

"... he managed to get upstairs to his small apartment that stood on the third floor out of the six and heaved a sigh of great exhaustion." (p.8). You could use a hyphen here. You also have a weak verb that could be replaced with something stronger. Along with that, does your reader really need to know there are six floors? I suggest you omit that information since your sentence is already long as it is. Correction: "... he managed to [stagger/lumber/stumble, etc] upstairs to his small apartment - which stood on the third floor - and heaved a sigh of great exhaustion."

"Something sketchy but not too out of the world, something elegant but not too posh and something casual but not too hipster." (p.16). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Something sketchy but not too out of the world, something elegant but not too posh, and something casual but not too hipster."

"He left out a few breaths of triumph before dragging his already tired mind back to work and filling it up with thoughts." (p.19). I've noticed from most of your sentences that you have an unnecessary elaboration, which makes your sentences too long for your readers. You're also missing a comma here. Correction: "He left out a few breaths of triumph before dragging his already tired mind back to work."

"He let of a constrained scream and his hands tugged on his raven hair, trying to pry an idea." (p.20). It looks like you're missing some words here, and I suggest that you describe an action directly with the person, rather than describing an action with a person's body part. Suggestion/Correction: "He let out a constrained scream, and he tugged on his raven hair, trying to pry an idea."

"Although the deck wasn't adorned..." (p. 22). You've already referred to it as the deck several times, which makes this transition awkward. I suggest that you replace this with "Although it wasn't adorned..."

"He could have gone inside, shut the doors and called it a day." (p.24). You're missing a comma here. Keep in mind that a comma should be used when listing things. I see this mistake often in your writing. Correction: "He could have gone inside, shut the doors, and called it a day."

I've noticed that you used the word "impending" several times throughout the chapter. Is there a synonym to replace this with? It's becoming repetitive here, especially associated with the word "blizzard."

"The weather reports were dubious and he had hurried home early for nothing." (p.30). You're missing a comma here. There are two clauses that need to be separated; one is that the weather reports were dubious, and the other is that he hurried home early for nothing. Correction: "The weather reports were dubious, and he had hurried home early for nothing."

"His frustration was transformed into a childish rage when his mind couldn't even form words about a simple night sky." (p.34). Instead of it as "something was done," I suggest you get rid of the passive voice and directly write, "something happened." That way, it has a direct effect on your reader and tightens your writing. Suggestion: "His frustration transformed into a childish rage when his mind couldn't even form words about a simple night sky."

"Anyways, I need you to work something out." (p.45). You've misused a plural word here. Correction: "Anyway, I need you to work something out."

In paragraph 48, you have an unnecessary space in the word "It." I suggest you correct this issue.

"It was a typical New York morning but at least it was something better the gloomy weather that had dampened his spirits the day before." (p.49). You have a missing comma here, and it also looks like you're missing a word here. You should have "than," in between "better," and "the."

"... that my mind wonders do the stars dream?" (p.53). You're missing a comma here. Can you find it?

In paragraph 60, I suggest you write out numbers. You can write the time as "eleven-fifty-three."

"Damien didn't mean to, but he couldn't avert his eyes from the fair maiden that was now walking out of the deck." (p.69). You have unnecessary filler words here. Along with that, I suggest you replace "out of" with "off" since the woman wasn't inside the deck in the first place. Correction: "Damien didn't mean to, but he couldn't avert his eyes from the fair maiden walking off the deck."

In your last paragraph, the word "temptress" shouldn't be capitalized since it isn't the start of a new sentence, a specific person, place, or thing.

I was impressed by the prose and diction in your writing! There were still a few grammatical/spelling errors that I suggest you focus on, and the main problem here was your rambling sentence. I suggest tightening and shortening your sentence lengths, and you'll be good to go!