When Tristan Villin is asked to abduct the girl he loves, an accidental guest comes along for the ride.

***

Aella Dawson has a father that is a business tycoon, a mother that is ill, and an unfortunate talent for uncovering dangerous secrets.

Tristan Villin is an enigma. The same enigma that slept with Aella only to lose her trust two days later. But what happens when he is asked to abduct the girl he loves?

And what if an accidental guest comes along for the ride?

Three tortured souls on a jungle escapade, surrounded by uncertain truths and white lies will decide the lives of many.

And more.

I can see how your cover relates to your story, and it draws in the right audience for your story. I'm a little confused, however, at what role the third main character you introduce in the blurb has to do in the story, considering he/she isn't featured on the cover at all. Along with that, you can experiment with how you can present your title on your cover. What fonts and colors can you use? Is there a better place to write the author's name where it can be more noticeable? These things can all be improved. (copied and pasted from previous review).

I haven't even gotten around to reading your chapters yet, but I can already see how your title relates to your story. Letting your readers have a lightbulb moment like this is great, and shows that you did a wonderful job at choosing the right title for your story. (copied and pasted from previous review).

You did a good job at applying my suggestions to your blurb. The only thing now is that there's some repetition in your blurb. You repeat that Tristan is asked to abduct the girl he loves twice. I understand that the top part is a recap of your blurb, but is there any way this can be rephrased differently? Examples include, "... asked to do something unimaginable?" or "finds himself stuck in a situation that can't be backed out of?" and more. Along with that, I suggest that you remove "and more" at the end. It looks unnecessary and like a last thought phrase added on.

I enjoyed reading your hook, because it immediately drew me in, and also informed me the state of mind Aella was in at the moment—and that she had experienced something like this before. I suggest that you also focus on the setting and the scene. I got the distinct impression that they were in a room, but it's vague enough that I'm not entirely sure. You want to ground your readers to where they are, so they can look around with your character, breathe the same air as your character, and experience the same things with your character. Along with that, you could definitely dramatize how Aella was feeling in the moment. There was a flash of sympathy from me—but that was it. If you want your readers to know how important Aella felt Tristan was—or could be—to her, you should go in depth about her facial expressions, body language, and stilted dialogue. There were a few grammar errors, but I'll address those later on in this review. (copied and pasted from previous review) (does not apply to this specific review since this is about chapter 1, so please disregard).

Again, you've had a few issues with your punctuation at the end of your dialogue. It's much better compared to when I did your first review, but there were still a few weak spots out there. I've pointed out some in your chapter reviews, but it's up to you to find the rest. I'm not going to explain too much about these since I've already addressed this in your first review, but keep in mind that your dialogue can end in any punctuation except a period if there's a dialogue tag afterwards (she/he said), or it can end in any punctuation except a comma if there's an action tag afterwards (she ran away, he grinned, etc). Along with that, I've spotted some tense slip-ups. Not a lot, but enough that I thought it would be worth mentioning here. You still have a lot of commas that were either unnecessary or missing in your sentences (which could also be restructured and tightened). Keep in mind that commas should be applied when separating a sentence into several "topics." That way, you can avoid confusing your readers.

I've spotted at least one spelling error in your writing. For the most part, it's good. Still, I suggest you proof-read your writing to catch these little typos, and use a writing site to help catch these mistakes for you (and help you learn from them along the way).

I really like the uniqueness of your plot. You've spun a new perspective on things. However, you have ten chapters (technically eleven) that I've critiqued, and your story hasn't been set into motion yet. In a story, the action that triggers the start of your plot should usually start in the first chapter and lead up to the climax in the following chapters. I've read up to chapter ten, and I'm still not seeing your plot unfold yet. This is way too long, and if it isn't until chapter eleven that the real action starts happening, then I suggest you start your story at chapter eleven. I do understand that you're trying to set up a backstory here and ease your readers into your character's life, but you can do most of this in two chapters max.

I'm definitely seeing an improvement in Aella's personality. The side characters are all still a bit blurry for me, however. I don't have a clear idea of their physical description. You want to define who fits in what category. Along with that, I've noticed that you include Tristan in your blurb, but I pretty much forgot his name as I read your ten chapters. He's rarely mentioned at all. I understand he isn't part of the story just yet, but isn't there a way you can incorporate him in so your readers don't forget about him? He is, after all, a crucial character in triggering this story. You don't want to hide him away and then just add him back in for your benefit. Make sure to keep the principal characters consistent throughout your story.

I can really see your writing voice through your work! There were a few times where I could see you struggled with finding adequate descriptions, and I've also noticed that you use a lot of adverbs. Adverbs are basically when you are describing a verb, such as "running quickly". The word "quickly" is describing the verb "running." If you want to have a strong effect on your readers, don't try to cover up weak verbs with adverbs and hope it'll work. Instead, get rid of the verb and adverb completely, and replace it with a stronger verb. For example, you could replace "running quickly" with "sprinting." This happens frequently throughout your story, and I've made a few suggestions through your chapter reviews. In future writing, I suggest that you incorporate stronger verbs into your sentences. (copied and pasted from my other review, since my opinion here remains the same).

For the most part, your transitions from one scene to another were seamless and very natural. However, there were a few times where you've used filler words or filler sentences. Or even filler paragraphs. Before you write something, ask yourself if it's contributing to the plot. Is describing so-and-so's morning routine really moving the scene along to the actual plot? What about walking down the hallway and opening the door and deciding to take a shower? Is it really necessary? I've suggested a few improvements you could make, but I'm hoping you'll use your writing skills and apply this suggestion to your work on your own in future writing. (copied and pasted). Along with that, I've noticed you start your transitions with words such as "soon" and "then." I suggest you refrain from using these since they make the situation awkward. Instead, start your scene by describing an action that triggers it.

"I was lucky to have saved my work on my laptop and it didn't take too much time to copy it down." (p.3). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "I was lucky to have saved my work on my laptop, and it didn't take too much time to copy it down."

"But the history notes that had gotten destroyed in the rain did." (p.3). Did... what? It looks like you finished this sentence without completing the thought.

"Mary and Ranki rushed past me and Grandma slowly retreated out of the room, swiftly walking around Megan and me, and climbing down the stairs." (p.15). This is an abnormally long sentence. I suggest tightening and shortening it. Suggestion: "Mary and Ranki rushed past me, and Grandma slowly retreated out of the room. She swiftly walked past Megan and I, climbing down the stairs."

In paragraph 25, it looks like you have a punctuation typo, and you forgot to end the dialogue with quotation marks. Make sure to correct this mistake.

"After taking a shower, shampooing my hair, and getting ready, I went downstairs." (p.31). Showering and shampooing hair is part of the same process, so the "shampooing my hair" doesn't need to be included. Along with that, what is a stronger verb for "went"? Correction/Suggestion: "After taking a shower and getting ready, I sprinted/ran/tiptoed downstairs."

"Dr. Bolan had a hand to his head pressing his temples much like how my grandmother had just an hour ago." (p.35). You're missing a comma here. "Dr. Bolan had a hand to his head, pressing his temples much like how my grandmother had just an hour ago."

"I asked in a whisper." (p.36). Here, this sentence can be tightened and shortened. Suggestion: "I whispered." There are a lot of instances within your chapter where your sentences can be reduced and simplified, so be on the look for those.

"That was the power he, and many doctors possessed." (p.36). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "That was the power he and many doctors possessed."

"'Have fun,' Megan drove off with this, leaving me in a sea of teenagers." (p.45). These are actually two separate sentences, so the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period. Correction: "'Have fun.' Megan drove off with this, leaving me in a sea of teenagers."

"Consoling myself that I only had one period to go before lunch, I took another sip of water trying to stop the grumbling of my stomach." (p.50). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Consoling myself that I only had one period to go before lunch, I took another sip of water, trying to stop the grumbling of my stomach."

For paragraphs 61 and 62, keep in mind that you should combine these paragraphs since the same person is speaking.

"It was amusing to watch their jump from one" (p.81). You left the sentence unfinished here. Make sure to proof-read your chapters before you upload them on Wattpad, then you can capture these kinds of errors right off the bat.

"'He just needed a break from his pathetic sister and her embarrassing friends,' Kaitlyn walked towards us in a uniform I had worn on for three of the worst years of my life." (p.85). These are two different sentences, so the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period. Correction: "'He just needed a break from his pathetic sister and her embarrassing friends.' Kaitlyn walked towards us in a uniform I had worn for three of the worst years of my life." Did you also notice the unnecessary word I've removed?

In paragraph 93, I suggest replacing the all caps with italics to have a better, polished, and professional effect on your readers.

"'Welcome to Port Douglas, my friend,' I exhaled." (last paragraph). These are two sentences, so the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period. Correction: "'Welcome to Port Douglas, my friend.' I exhaled."

"I stood up wiping the spit off." (p.2). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "I stood up, wiping the spit off."

"Megan said, sitting on the floor, 'Don't start running and screaming around the house.'" (p.4). These are two separate sentences. Therefore, they should be separated with a period and not a comma. Correction: "Megan said, sitting on the floor. 'Don't start running and screaming around the house.'" You have the same problem in paragraph 11. Can you find it?

"I went downstairs but the pointed look I received from both Mary and Grandma had me making my way back to my room." (p.17). You're missing a comma here. This sentence needs to be separated by the different topics. Correction: "I went downstairs, but the pointed look I received from both Mary and Grandma had me making my way back to my room." Along with that, I'm sensing that a lot of phrases are repetitive and repeated here. For example, this isn't the first time I'm seeing "I went downstairs..."

"The large wooden door of the building was decorated with a huge ruby in the middle..." (p.20). You're missing a comma here. Since you're listing descriptive words, you should separate them with commas. Correction: "The large, wooden door of the building was decorated with a huge ruby in the middle..."

"He chuckled before extending a hand towards me, 'I don't think we've officially met. I'm Adrien West.'" (p.33). These are two different sentences, so they should be separated with a period instead of a comma. Correction: "He chuckled before extending a hand towards me. 'I don't think we've officially met. I'm Adrien West.'"

In paragraph 36, those are two separate sentences, and should be separated with a period instead of a comma.

In paragraph 53, you have a really long sentence. I suggest you separate them into several sentences to avoid confusion with your readers.

"That was when I realized, I had said the 'f-word' out loud." (p.58). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "That was when I realized I had said the 'f-word' out loud."

"He breathed a chuckle once before standing up and looking down at me." (p.64). This sentence can be shortened and tightened, try to get rid of filler words. Correction: "He chuckled before standing up and looking down at me."

"The room was small if this triangular space that could only be the steeple could even be called a room." (p.90). This sentence is confusing. Is there any better way you can rephrase this?

In paragraph 95, the word "God" does not need to be capitalized, because you have "a" in front of it. You aren't referring to a specific person or being, so capitalization isn't needed.

In paragraph 137, you've misspelled the word "focused" and wrote "focussed" instead. Make sure to fix this mistake.

In paragraph 1, I suggest italicizing thoughts to avoid confusion with your readers.

"... I nodded my head." (p.6). Nodding is essentially shaking your head up and down, so you don't need to include "my head." This sentence can be tightened. Correction: "... I nodded."

"Stephan waved at us and went away." (p.8). I'm seeing the word "went" a lot, and it's becoming repetitive. Try to look for stronger verbs that you can use here. Along with that, this sentence can be shortened and tightened. Suggestion: "Stephan waved and walked/sauntered/strode off."

"She laughed and we were on the main road in seconds." (p.23). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "She laughed, and we were on the main road in seconds."

In paragraph 26, I suggest you write out the word "okay" instead of "ok."

"Her eyes lit up with a vibrant smile and the moisture that had filled her eyes shed as she squinted her eyes with the smile." (p.35). Here, You're missing a comma. Along with that, you've basically repeated the same thing twice, and I suggest you shorten this sentence. Correction/Suggestion: "Her eyes lit up with a vibrant smile, and the moisture that had filled her eyes shed as she squinted [at me]."

"'Grandma. I wanted to ask you something,' she gestured for me to continue, 'I want to attend Dad's engagement.'" (p.37). You wrote this as one whole sentence, when it should really be separated into several. Correction: "'Grandma. I wanted to ask you something.' She gestured for me to continue. 'I want to attend Dad's engagement.'"

"'You and Megan, go shopping tomorrow. I'm pretty sure you don't have anything presentable to wear,' with that she sent me to my room." (p.42). These should be two separate sentences, so the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period. Along with that, you need to capitalize "with" and add a comma. Correction: "'You and Megan, go shopping tomorrow. I'm pretty sure you don't have anything presentable to wear.' With that, she sent me to my room."

"One of the worst things in life, I considered was being in the most peaceful state possible, floating in a dream where you couldn't remember what your problems were and felt nothing." (p.1). Here, you have an unnecessary comma. Along with that, you switched your subject pronouns. Correction: "One of the worst things in life I considered was being in the most peaceful state possible, floating in a dream where I couldn't remember what my problems were, and felt nothing."

In chapter 3, I suggest replacing the all caps with italics.

"I restrained throwing it into the fast-moving overhead fan knowing that with my luck (and laws of rudimentary physics), I would get hurt and decided to find out who on earth was calling me at three a.m. in the morning as the fluorescent arms of my bedside clock indicated." (p.3). This is a really long sentence. I suggest separating it into several ones and adding commas. Along with that, you have unnecessary information that can be removed here. Correction: "I restrained throwing it into the fast-moving overhead fan, knowing that with my luck (and laws of rudimentary physics), I would get hurt. I decided to find out who on earth was calling me at three a.m. in the morning as the fluorescent arms of my bedside clock indicated."