What happens when Tristan is asked to abduct the girl he loves? And what if an accidental guest comes along for the ride?

Aella Dawson has a father that is a billionaire, a mother that is ill, and an unfortunate talent for uncovering dangerous secrets.

Tristan Villin is an enigma. The same enigma that has sex with Aella only to lose her trust two days later. But what happens when he is asked to abduct the girl he loves? And what if an accidental guest comes along for the ride?

Three tortured souls on a jungle escapade, surrounded by uncertain truths and white lies will decide the lives of many.

And more.

I can see how your cover relates to your story, and it draws in the right audience for your story. I'm a little confused, however, at what role the third main character you introduce in the blurb has to do in the story, considering he/she isn't featured on the cover at all (I'm assuming). Along with that, you can experiment with how you can present your title on your cover. What fonts and colors can you use? Is there a better place to write the author's name where it can be more noticeable? These things can all be improved.

I haven't even gotten around to reading your chapters yet, but I can already see how your title relates to your story. Letting your readers have a lightbulb moment like this is great, and shows that you did a wonderful job at choosing the right title for your story.

First off, I want to commend you on your blurb. It was so well written, and most importantly, it was short and concise. It's clear that you knew what you were doing when you wrote this, and it was clever to introduce your main characters while still staying on topic of the synopsis of your story. I suggest that you include Tristan's last name in your first sentence because by writing just his first name; it gives your readers the impression that they should know who he is—and it can look a little unprofessional. Along with that, how can you rephrase that sentence when you repeat it again in the middle portion of your blurb? Since it's repeated, it can be a little awkward for potential readers. Try thinking of a new way to display this information again without sounding repetitive; and slyly sneaking in more information at the same time.

I enjoyed reading your hook, because it immediately drew me in, and also informed me the state of mind Aella was in at the moment—and that she had experienced something like this before. I suggest that you also focus on the setting and the scene. I got the distinct impression that they were in a room, but it's vague enough that I'm not entirely sure. You want to ground your readers to where they are, so they can look around with your character, breathe the same air as your character, and experience the same things with your character. Along with that, you could definitely dramatize how Aella was feeling in the moment. There was a flash of sympathy from me—but that was it. If you want your readers to know how important Aella felt Tristan was—or could be—to her, you should go in depth about her facial expressions, body language, and stilted dialogue. There were a few grammar errors, but I'll address those later on in this review.

The most common mistake I'm seeing are your punctuation errors at the end of your dialogues. You should only end the dialogue in a comma if there is a dialogue tag afterwards (for example: he/she said). The reason for this is that "he/she said" is not a sentence by itself. It is part of the dialogue sentence, so that's why a comma should end the dialogue, to signify that the sentence hasn't ended. However, when you have an action tag after the dialogue (for example: "She began walking.." or "I sat down"), it is a sentence by itself. It is not describing the dialogue, nor is it part of the sentence. Then, a period should be used at the end of the dialogue to indicate that there is a new sentence after it.

I've also caught a few capitalization errors. Common nouns such as "morning" should not be capitalized when used in phrases such as "good morning." Along with that, you need to capitalize "grandma" or "mom" when you are writing it directly. For example, it's okay to not capitalize if you say "my mom said," because you are already being specific about it. However, by saying "mom said" you are letting the reader know that your character is referring to a specific mom, so it should be capitalized. Make sense?

The last mistake I've seen is that you've been misusing commas. A few times, I've caught run-on sentences, or sentences that could be split into several sentences. If you'd like, you can research commas more thoroughly on your own. However, just keep in mind that commas should be used to separate different independent/dependent clauses. For example: "When we took a walk we saw a clown." These are dependent clauses, because they "depend" on each other to explain something. These are two different topics, so they should be separated. Correction: "When we took a walk, we saw a clown." There are also independent clauses. An example is: "I walked to my room and after contemplating I decided to take a shower." Typically, commas accompany conjunctions (such as and, but, or, etc). Along with that, these are two different "topics" (as I like to think it). One topic is that "I walked to my room and contemplated." The other is "I decided to take a shower." Since we've just melded these two sentences into one, they should be separated with a comma. Correction: "I walked to my room and after contemplating, I decided to take a shower." In future writing, take a good look at your writing and think to yourself: Should there be a comma? If your sentence follows one of these sentence structures, the answer is probably yes.

I can clearly see that you've gone through your chapters and edited each part thoroughly! You did a wonderful job, and I couldn't detect any spelling errors. Then again, I'm human, so I could have missed something. If you'd like to double check your writing before uploading on Wattpad, I suggest using a writing site to help you (such as ProWritingAid) and it might not only correct spelling errors, but grammatical ones as well, and suggest new diction/spelling styles for you to experiment with.

This is definitely a unique twist that I'm seeing, and I like how you've incorporated it into your writing. It's new, fresh, and different. It looks like you have a definite plotline, so I won't worry about that. What I did notice, however, is that I've read through your first five chapters, and your story hasn't taken off yet. It looks like you've written some filler chapters that aren't important to the plot. If you need to convey information for your readers, you can easily sneak them in through at most two chapters, then be on your way.

I like how each of your characters has their own voice! I can really see them shine. Ironically, Aella is the character I'm really struggling with. I'm still not sure what her personality is, or her role with her friends. Try establishing habits or quirks for your main character that will make your readers remember them. For example, maybe she looks angry when she's just thinking. Maybe she twirls her hair around her finger when she's nervous. Even if they're common habits, it can make your readers feel more connected to your main characters and relate to them.

Another thing is that I haven't seen a lot of physical descriptions. It's good to not overdo the "she had an amazing body with a tight red dress and long slim legs and a swan-like neck" because they aren't important or vital to the plot. However, it's still important to let your readers know the small details. What color hair does she have? What about her eyes? You shouldn't describe this in one whole paragraph; try to sneak these pieces of information in through your chapters. Along with that, I suggest that you don't describe your main character as being an out-of-the-world beautiful girl with no physical flaws whatsoever. Frankly, that is really cliche and overdone by a lot of authors on Wattpad. Readers won't be able to connect or relate with your main character if they are godlike and gorgeous all the time. At the same time, don't say, "I have honey-blond hair and bright blue eyes. My skin is fair and creamy and I have an hourglass figure. But I think I'm really ugly." because if your character thinks they're ugly, why are they describing themselves in a flattering way? (I'm sorry, I'm ranting. You can skip this part). What I'm trying to say is that you can make your character look any way you want to. But make sure to establish some ties between them and your readers.

I can really see your writing voice through your work! There were a few times where I could see you struggled with finding adequate descriptions, and I've also noticed that you use a lot of adverbs. Adverbs are basically when you are describing a verb, such as "running quickly". The word "quickly" is describing the verb "running." If you want to have a strong effect on your readers, don't try to cover up weak verbs with adverbs and hope it'll work. Instead, get rid of the verb and adverb completely, and replace it with a stronger verb. For example, you could replace "running quickly" with "sprinting." This happens frequently throughout your story, and I've made a few suggestions through your chapter reviews. In future writing, I suggest that you incorporate stronger verbs into your sentences.

For the most part, your transitions from one scene to another were seamless and very natural. However, there were a few times where you've used filler words or filler sentences. Or even filler paragraphs. Before you write something, ask yourself if it's contributing to the plot. Is describing so-and-so's morning routine really moving the scene along to the actual plot? What about walking down the hallway and opening the door and deciding to take a shower? Is it really necessary? I've suggested a few improvements you could make, but I'm hoping you'll use your writing skills and apply this suggestion to your work on your own in future writing.

"Once Again." (paragraph 2). The word "Again" should not be capitalized, because it is not a specific thing, place, or person. Nor is it the start of a sentence.

In paragraph 4, can you elaborate on Tristan? A good idea is to describe characters you introduce as fast as possible, without info-dumping. Maybe his something-colored-eyes glinted with malice or sorrow as he stared at Aella, or he ran a hand through his something-colored-hair in frustration. What expression was on his face? What impression does he give off that convinces Aella to leave? Try to really draw your readers in the moment.

"Tristan began but I interjected." (paragraph 8). There should be a comma separating the two clauses. Correction: "Tristan began, but I interjected." This is also the perfect moment to check back with your readers how Aella is feeling. How did she interrupt Tristan? With anger, frustration, or with a blank face? Or, you can take the time to have her glance around the room—and describe the scene for your readers.

"I said evenly though my heart was thudding loudly in my chest and my stomach felt queasy and tight." (paragraph 9). You are missing a comma here. Also, try experimenting with your diction. What stronger word can you use to replace "loudly"? Keep in mind to try to avoid using adverbs (words that describe verbs) and use direct verbs, because they can have more of an impact on your readers. Since you used the word "thudding," the word "loudly" isn't even needed, unless you're looking for a stronger verb such as "roared" or "hammered" to replace "thudding loudly."

"'Wait!' Tristan shouted but I was out the door and running past people, my breath getting heavier and my heart pounding with each step I took." (paragraph 11). You are missing a comma here. Correction: "'Wait!' Tristan shouted, but I was out the door and running (suggestion: pushing/sprinting—any verb that is stronger than "running") past people, my breath getting heavier and my heart pounding with each step I took." Remember to show, and not tell. Don't just tell your readers that Aella's breath gets heavier. Maybe her breaths get stuck in her chest, or she wheezes and gasps for air as she runs.

"A guy shouted as I bristled past him." (paragraph 12). It looks like you're using repetitive words here, like "shouted" and "past." Make sure to change up your diction once in a while. Along with that, you've misused the word "bristled." "Bristled" means to be offended at something, or hair/fur to stand upright on the skin.

In paragraph 13, you can tighten your sentences. You often use unnecessary adjectives and adverbs. For example, you don't need to write "lightly" because "drizzling" already implies that it's raining lightly. If you're worried about ending sentences on a stilted or awkward note, you can rewrite the sentence as: "It was drizzling outside" rather than "it was drizzling."

"Less than thirty minutes later, I was in front of large ivory gates." (paragraph 14). Because you are listing descriptive words here, there needs to be a comma. Correction: "Less than thirty minutes later, I was in front of large, ivory gates."

"They were opened wide by Charles after he shone a flashlight in my face." (paragraph 14). Here, you are using a passive voice. You can describe the action directly to have a better impact on your readers. Suggestion: "After he shone a flashlight on my face, he opened the gates wide." Do you see how I wrote that someone did something, rather than something was done by someone?

You did the same thing in paragraph 18. Rather than saying "the first one to make me hurt," try to shorten it and write it directly by saying, "The first one to hurt me."

"'You are early, Miss Dawson?'" (paragraph 24). This is not a question, so the question mark is incorrect here. Either write it as a question using "what, why, how, etc" or simply end it with a period. Then, you can tell your readers that she was curious/inquisitive by saying, "she stated it as a question."

"She sobbed in her sleep," (paragraph 34). The comma should be replaced with a period, because it would be incorrect to include it in the next sentence. Another option is to write it as a dialogue tag for the previous dialogue, which means you'd have to un-capitalize "she" to indicate it is part of the sentence, "Micheal! No!"

In paragraph 37, I feel that your description of the bedroom can be shortened and tightened. It's great to give your readers a visual of Aella's surroundings, but describing too many (insignificant) things can scramble their minds and make this description easily forgettable.

In paragraph 40, you have an abnormally long sentence. Try to break these clauses up into different sentences so it can be more understandable for your readers.

Keep in mind that background information should only be displayed when it's important. It was not necessary for your reader to learn about Aella's parents this early into the story; in fact, it's good to keep the mysterious aura of your story to keep your readers reading. I won't reprimand you on this though because you incorporated the background so well into your story that it flowed seamlessly with Aella's POV. Just keep this information for future writing.

"My finger on the home button unlocked the screen and I squinted my tired eyes through the glare of the blue light to make out the text message." (paragraph 46). I've noticed that this is happening a lot; you often describe Aella's body parts doing things instead of just describing Aella doing things. You don't need to say that her finger unlocked the screen, you can shorten it and say, "I unlocked my phone." That way, you can tighten your sentence without unnecessary filler words.

"Megan shouted, her British accent thick, as she charged towards me." (paragraph 7). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Megan shouted, her British accent thick as she charged towards me."

"Her body slammed into me..." (paragraph 7). Again, you can tighten this sentence. It has less of an impact for your readers if you describe someone's body doing something, rather than that someone doing something directly. Suggestion: "She slammed into me..."

"She turned to me," (paragraph 8). The comma here should be replaced with a period, as it is its own sentence. Correction: "She turned to me."

"'Ah, sophistication at its finest.' I mused loudly as Marie chuckled lightly." (paragraph 12). The period in the dialogue should be replaced with a comma, because "I mused loudly..." is a continuation of the sentence. Along with that, you tend to include a lot of adverbs/adjectives in your writing. "Chuckled" basically means to laugh lightly, so you don't need to write "chuckled lightly." And, if you want to indicate that Aella mused out loud, write, "I mused out loud" instead of "I mused loudly." Try searching to replace verbs with strong verbs instead of cushioning them with adverbs and adjectives.

"All I got in response was an angry grunt from her." (paragraph 15). This sentence can be tightened here. Your readers will already know that you're referring to Megan, so you can say, "All I got in response was an angry grunt." Along with that, what does Megan look like? You've done a wonderful job at establishing her personality, but your readers will want to have a strong visual to keep in their mind, so when they see the word "Megan", they can automatically think back to a description and visual you'd have provided for them.

"The 'almost' stems from the fact..." (paragraph 21). You have a tense slip-up here. Keep in mind that your story is set in past tense. Correction: "The 'almost' stemmed from the fact..."

"All the previous playfulness was gone..." (paragraph 26). You used passive voice here, which has a weak impact on your readers. I suggest replacing it with a stronger verb such as "disappeared" or "vanished."

"She asked with a sh*t-eating grin stretched across her face as I stared horrified at her." (paragraph 29). You're missing a few commas here. Correction: "She asked with a sh*t-eating grin stretched across her face as I stared, horrified, at her. The reason for this is that you didn't convert "horrified" into an adjective or descriptive word, so you need to separate it from the clauses.