When a compassionate devil comes to earth to stop his brother from spreading a demonic virus, he thinks everything will be easy; infiltrate his brother's organization, kill his agents and to back to hell.

But life is never that easy is it?

soon, he discovers his brother's plans are worse than he imagines.

A plan that will dangerously affect the lives of the ones he loves and humans too.

will he be able to stop his brother, or will he chicken out and run back to hell?

I like the mysterious air that the picture used for the photo gives off. However, the title seems to be not centered, and almost looks like it's cutting off at the top. Along with that, I'm not sure I can understand the random black line running through your cover. You can keep it as it is, but there are some pretty awesome cover makers on Wattpad that can not only design beautiful covers, but can also offer different approaches and ideas to the making of the cover.

The title does make sense. At first, I thought this story revolved around Ted. However, now I can see that this is really Ian's story, and that he is the undivulged son. It's an interesting and intriguing title that definitely pulled me in. Good job!

I found myself a little confused by your blurb. From what I've read, it seems that Ian's brother was the one who went down to Earth, not Ian. But I'm assuming that Ian is the "compassionate devil." Along with that, from what I've read of your story, it's mainly about an actor pretending to be the genius behind finding a cure to a disease, while the real man undercover works to overthrow his evil brother. If that is so, then that is what your blurb should be about. After all, it seems that Ted and Ian are your main characters, so Ted should be included in the verb. Other than that, I do enjoy how you've kept it short and concise, although there are words that should be capitalized and some grammatical errors.

One thing I like about the hook is that you threw me right into the action. I blinked, and suddenly, he was on camera. You did a wonderful job at engaging the reader and slyly threw in some backstory about your main character and the history of his home without making it sound boring (like a history lesson). One thing that threw me off guard though was that you ended your first sentence without a period. Some readers are extremely picky and will turn away as soon as they see this mistake. Along with that, you have unnecessarily separated paragraphs, when some paragraphs could be combined to form one whole paragraph. In addition, if Ted is talking to himself in his head, it may make more sense to make the sentence italicized. This will make it more professional looking to your readers. I also wanted to add as a side note: When writing down that it's Ted's POV, "pov" should be all caps because it is an acronym for "point of view." And you should make "Ted's POV" bold, because I read it as part of the story, which took away part of the anticipation of the hook.

From what I've read, it doesn't look like you've gone through and thoroughly edited your chapters. I've caught plenty of capitalization errors, commas that were missing or misplaced, and improper punctuations in your story. These are all basic materials to writing, so I suggest taking my review and learning from it thoroughly, as well as doing some research as well. Another thing you can do is read other stories, because that is the best way to improve your writing. Look at other authors, and how they write. What are some things they do that you aren't doing?

From reading your manuscript so far, I've caught a few misspellings and spelling errors. Do you write on google docs, Word, or other writing document? If you type up your story directly on Wattpad, it may have trouble saving and you could lose your work. Along with that, Wattpad doesn't catch any spelling errors you make, and you might be uploading chapters with a lot of red flags. If not already, I suggest keeping your writing on another source and uploading indirectly to Wattpad. Along with that, sites such as ProWritingAid can catch any spelling mistakes as well as introducing your diction.

I really haven't seen any other book on Wattpad—or anywhere, for that matter—that has a plot like this one. You threw in so many elements to surprise the reader, such as a paranormal activity in a fictitious world. One thing I'd like to caution you with: Even with writing, there are limitations. For example, you should not make your character have the ability to fly without explaining why. You need to establish rules within your story. What are the rules from the world your protagonist came from? These are just some questions to really get you thinking about how to further develop your world and the people within it.

You've shown so many sides to your main characters, particularly Ted. However, it's very wild and unpredictable, as though you've thrown it all together last minute. I like how you've established from the first chapter the flaws, such as Ted's arrogance. But revealing the softer side of him was rather abrupt and left me very confused. Try to go in depth with their personalities. I also felt disconnected because I didn't get to know the character very well. There was just too much action happening for me to notice a certain way Ted or Ian do things, or anything unique that marks their characteristics. Not to mention there wasn't really a physical description added. Try to plan out their character arcs. By the end of the story, your characters should have a development in the personality department.

I like the descriptions you've used throughout your chapters. They were very smooth and consistent. However, there were a few parts where your writing looked very rushed, and you've used unnecessary words just to show that they're there, even when they don't need to be. Try to pause and think: What are some stronger diction choices I can use in this paragraph? How can I better structure my sentences so it doesn't sound awkward or forced?

Your story flow was very natural and easy-going. The transition to each next scene was very effortless, so I commend you on that. There were a few parts where the information was not necessary to the character or the plot, but for the most part, you did an excellent job at moving the story forward.

"Ted, you are a sexy young beast. Doing great is an understatement" (paragraph 1). First of all, this is a thought, therefore it should be italicized. There should also be a comma because you are listing off descriptions of Ted. Lastly, there should be a period at the end to signify the end of the sentence. Make sure to go throughout your entire chapter because these types of grammar errors can drive away readers or throw people off. Correction: "Ted, you are a sexy, young beast. Doing great is an understatement."

"I kept on straightening my black silky coat..." (paragraph 2). By saying Ted "kept on" straightening his coat, you are essentially saying he was straightening out his coat earlier. However, there is no mention of it until now, so the "kept on" can be taken out. Along with that, there should be a comma after "black" because you are listing off words to describe his coat. Correction: "I straightened out my black, silky coat..." And is there more description to that? What was the point of describing him straightening out his coat? If you are trying to let the readers know that he has a polished appearance, why stop there? Try describing if his hair is neatly combed back too, and what he looks like (without going overboard, of course.) If you just stop at him fiddling with his jacket, the reader will find it awkward because it appears that you just threw that in there last minute.

"A lady sat opposite me in an armchair and she put on a smile that could rip her face apart." I just wanted to point out that this sentence is absolutely delicious. I loved the description you used, and it really gives me a strong visual of her character.

"32,1..." (paragraph 10). If you are using numbers, you should write them out. If you don't write them out, your writers might think you are lazy and unprofessional. Correction: "Three, two, one..."

"Eyes on the prize Ted." (paragraph 13). If you don't place commas where they should go, your readers will read this sentence wrong. Some might read it as the prize being Ted, saying to put their eyes on the prize Ted. Can you see what I mean? Correction: "Eyes on the prize, Ted." This mistake happens frequently throughout your chapter, so make sure to go back and look for this.

Remember that numbers should be written out. This applies to paragraph 14.

Paragraph 15 and 16 have some tense issues. I won't quote them here due to the maturity and implications of the words (this is a G rated place), but remember that your story is mostly set in past tense, but you used words such as "won't" and "love" instead of "wouldn't" and "loved."

I'm a little confused. In the first half of the chapter, you portrayed Ted as a cocky, arrogant man. However, you suddenly switched the details and wrote about how he used to be a poor actor with a crappy apartment, and couldn't believe the situation he was in. I understand if you're trying to make Ted a humble guy acting all arrogant, but earlier you wrote that he "faked" a humble laugh which means he didn't feel humbled at all. Choose your words carefully, and stick to one side of the story. It took me a while to figure this out, so try to rephrase your words to make sense for your readers without repeating the same thing over and over, and in order. Along with that, you wrote Ted as thinking about the women in the audience the way a rich, arrogant man would. But if Ted's really an actor pretending to be this guy, then he wouldn't be thinking this way in his head. Is he an arrogant guy portraying a smart, arrogant guy, or is he a humble guy portraying an arrogant guy? This is all very confusing, so try to explain it thoroughly to your readers.

"'...you have saved the future generation from experiencing such dreadful times,' She uttered..." (paragraph 36). You did a good job at ending the dialogue with a comma, but the word "she" should not be capitalized since it is not the beginning of the sentence.

The thoughts that Ted is having in his head contradicts the fact that you wrote him as a humble guy pretending to be a rich and arrogant guy pretending to be humble. Does this make sense? Remember that Ted is acting like an arrogant man, that doesn't mean he has to think like it too, because this will confuse the readers. In fact, the thoughts that Ted has should be revealing his true character—the actor beneath his facade.

"...my pockets will be satisfied," (paragraph 62). Remember that you should be writing this in past tense like the rest of your story. Correction: "... my pocket were going to be satisfied,"

"A director's chair faced a rectangular mirror that had bulbs engrave in its frames." (paragraph 63). You've used the word "engrave" wrong in this sentence. The word "engrave" should be in past tense to describe the bulbs. "A director's chair faced a rectangular mirror that had bulbs engraved in its frames."

Remember to write "Ted's pov" into "Ted's POV." Bold, and "pov" in all caps (since it's an acronym.)

I love your first paragraph. It's descriptive and lovely. However, remember that your story is in past tense. Words such as "must be" should be converted to "must've been."

The same thing goes for your second paragraph. Make sure to go thoroughly through your entire chapter to fix tense slip ups. Even when you're writing an opinion from your character's perspective, it should stay in past tense.

Remember that numbers should be written out, even when describing height. This applies to paragraph 12).

"... he calmy insulted." (paragraph 32). You have a spelling error here. "Calmy" should really be "calmly." Try to look thoroughly throughout your chapter in case you make another mistake like this.

"I will never get a moment of peace with this guy." (paragraph 37). This is another tense slip up. Correction: "I was never going to get a moment of peace with this guy."

"'Can't a brother rest.'" (paragraph 40). Here, you've phrased this statement as a question, so it should end in a question mark. Correction: "Can't a brother rest?"

"Be calm Ted." (paragraph 54). Missing a comma here. Can you find it? If not, let me know and I will help you.

"He can walk home for all I care." (paragraph 71). Another tense slip up here. Keep in mind that you should go back and edit all of your chapters, considering that this is a frequent mistake that I find myself pointing out a lot.

Unfortunately, I will not be offering a review for this chapter because of the explicit content. If you check the rules and payments page, you will see that I have specifically said I will not read mature sexual content.

"I give props to Ted though." (paragraph 18). Your story is set in past tense, so make sure to keep it consistent. A correction would be: "I gave props to Ted though." Keep in mind that I'm only mentioning a few of these mistakes, so go thoroughly to catch the rest of the mistakes.

There are many places in this chapter where you have misplaced commas and used semicolons correctly. Keep in mind that you are only adding commas if it is to separate an independent or dependent clause, or writing some kind of list. A semicolon is when you can combine two separate sentences together. A semicolon should only be used when the second sentence is specifically important in some way, and can be read as its own sentence. I will not list any examples from your chapter because of maturity issues, but make sure to go back and check for this mistake.

"This was my favorite trousers." (paragraph 36). This sentence is grammatically incorrect. The word "this" is used when describing a singular word, while "these" is used to describe a plural word. "Trousers" is a plural word, therefore the sentence should be: "These were my favorite trousers."

"Curse you Grandpa." (paragraph 37). There should be a comma separating the two clauses. I also commend you for capitalizing "grandpa" since you are referring to a specific person, so fabulous job at remembering that! Correction: "Curse you, Grandpa."

"My long finger curled..." (paragraph 38). Instead of saying that a body part did something, a better alternative would be to describe the action directly from your character, such as saying something like: "I curled my longer fingers around..."

"A fireplace was burning earnestly with common earthly flames was placed in the wall." (paragraph 39). I love how you used personification for the fire, describing how it burned "earnestly." However, the word "was" is unnecessary in the second clause because it is joined with the first one. Correction: "A fireplace was burning earnestly, with common earthly flames placed in the wall." Did you notice the comma that I added in too? In addition, we all know that fireplaces are part of the walls, so you did not need to include that unnecessary piece of information.

"My feet falls." (paragraph 44). This is an interesting way to say that he walked. It's also incorrect. If you use the word "feet," then the word "falls" should be replaced with "falling." A correction would be: "My feet falling." But even with the correction, readers may be confused. You don't have to make something sound complicated. Sometimes simplicity is better. A better alternative would be "my footsteps" or "I walked." This happens several times throughout all your chapters too.

Okay, so near the end of the chapter, Ian sees a photo of a girl with similar eyes to Ted. But you started off by mentioning some indecent photos on the wall, and that Ian saw one with the little girl. The reader would then make the assumption that if you grouped the little girl with the rest of the photos of naked women, the girl in the photo would be naked as well. If the girl is Ted's daughter, why would he have a photo with her naked? I'm guessing that she isn't, and it was just a mistake. That means you can cut out the part about Ted being a pedophile, because if he has a photo of a clothed little girl, the natural assumption would be that the girl is his little sister, cousin, or daughter. Make sense? A normal person wouldn't immediately be thinking "pedophile" when seeing a person having a photo of a girl who's wearing clothes.

Hold on, wait. So Ted just had a seizure. I'm a little confused here. Seizures normally occur when someone is extremely stressed or has a condition known as epilepsy. A person who has a seizure would normally go to the hospital, not just stand back up and go about their normal day. I find it a little strange that Ted just randomly had a seizure in the middle of talking, then picked himself up and started talking again. Seizures are pretty serious things. If you wanted him to maybe lose control, you could have him faint instead. And if you do decide to include some mental illnesses or conditions such as epilepsy, make sure to do research first. Some readers might not appreciate it if you just throw that kind of stuff in there without any prior knowledge.

Check thoroughly throughout your chapter, you have included numbers that should be written out.

I love the cliffhanger you left at the end, it's intriguing and raises a lot of questions.

"I asked shutting the door behind me." (paragraph 2). There needs to be a comma here. If you don't separate the clauses with a comma, the reader will think that Ian is asking to shut the door behind him. Correction: "I asked, shutting the door behind me."