《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Smile For Me
Advertisement
Smile For Me
Shybookworm88
: Zombie, Apocalypse , Survival? ,Horror?, Thriller?
: I like it since it's pose to be creepy. The title could be a little bigger. Also in the corner I see some words...what is that??
: Short and simple. This can make it or brake it. So far I like it.
This should be where your is summary. You can still keep this page as a dedication page.
: Good job. Very descriptive, but what did the zombie look like? Are they burned like CODZ or pale like Warm Bodies or unique? I didn't I have to reread things. I did find one spot that needs edit; I commented on it. Good job wrapping in what what happened to the family. I really like that this doesn't start with "It all started with a science experiment gone wrong..."
"However I didn't expect for someone to come up behind me." I suggest you take this out. It takes away the thrill. You can move your words around for suspense. "WORDS" said a (describe the voice) voice behind me.
Add some of the dislike from chap into two. Also it felt like the strangers voice changed. I feel he would say Signora not ma'ma. Cause in chap 2 I was getting the feeling he has a rough accent.
💙💙💙
Every chapter is very good. Not too long or too short. The descriptions are good; some could be added. I'm not sure if I've ever read a zombie story on Wattpad. This might be my first and it's really good. Keep writing. I suffer from the same thing were I describe certain things and then it begins to lack. You've got a good story
I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭)
💙💙💙💙💙
Advertisement
- In Serial123 Chapters
Castle Kingside (Rewrite)
A puzzling encounter leaves Dimitry a beggar with a strange emblem on his wrist. Around him, people suffer as ruthless organizations, opportunistic nobles, and an overly pious church vie for power in a medieval land under constant siege by stone monstrosities rampaging from the coasts. Can a kindhearted surgeon aid this ailing world with modern knowledge, resourcefulness, and magic? Or will rival powers crush Dimitry first? A fiction that starts brutally grim and eventually transitions into technology uplift with a focus on science, magitech, and town building. Warning: Technical terms abound. Cover art by AbsolutePower.
8 275 - In Serial441 Chapters
Dungeon Runner
Tibs survived by picking pockets; until he’s caught. Instead of losing a hand, he’s sent away and told he must now survive a dungeon. How is a kid who knew nothing more than his street supposed to survive a dungeon that changes each time he goes in it? Being sent into an ever-growing dungeon becomes his life, facing ever-changing threats to him and the people he tries so hard not to become attached to. He’d like to run away, but where the dungeon means he might die, the guards have made it clear trying to run will ensure he does. But his street taught Tibs to get back up after he’s beaten down. So he isn’t going to just give up. And maybe, just maybe, if he’s tough enough to take a chance on people, and on a deal for power he’s advised against taking, Tibs can not only survive, but beat those who seem to stack the odds against him.
8 4552 - In Serial37 Chapters
That Boy Hare [On Hiatus]
Somewhere in the Falcon Plains, a hare is born. He opens his little eyes for the first time, eager to see the world. But to his surprise, he’s not with his brothers and sisters in a litter. No, he’s flying! Flying! Imagine the wonder of that little hare; his first moments were spent in the air! The wind rushing through his fur, lesser birds beneath his paws. It was...magical! Then he looks up and sees the sky. The sky! What a mystical thing! And then he sees the monstrous brute that’s carrying him and similar things drawing closer. “Yo! That boy hare lookin’ real fine!” “Hey, you, Brutus! Don’t ya wanna share?” Thus begins the story of a very special hare. { Credit for Cover Art goes to Daicelf, on Deviant Art}
8 166 - In Serial6 Chapters
Bloodlines: Awakening
Yvette woke up in an alley, her friends dead, after a night on the town celebrating her twenty-first birthday. Taken to the Valentina Private Academy she learns the truth of what happened to her and begins to learn how her new world works with the help of her Sire Varric. However, Yvette soon discovers her new life isn't going to be peaceful by any stretch as it seems a battle is brewing.
8 346 - In Serial6 Chapters
[Hiatus, but this is my favorite, wait for it] Realithia Collection
NOTICE: This story will be edited from Prologue to the current chapters. In other words, I'll do a remake after I'm done with the quota. [Status = Under Hiatus till quota is fulfilled.] It's incomplete so don't read it yet. However, if you're curious as to how the story will be... Author's Notes: This is my first story. But I somehow ended up writing it last. Cover is just temporary. It's made by me, with 10 minutes in MSpaint. Warning: Tagged [Mature] for... errr. Gore and Violence. Mostly Violence, I think. ~~~~~~~SYNOPSIS~~~~~~~ It's a f*cking Crossover between my carefully selected stories posted on Royal Road! This will be about world-jumping and OP bullshit shenanigans! Wanna see some crazy shit? Sign up! Story1: royalroadl.com/fiction/4070 Story2: http://royalroadl.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=43356 Story3: Story4: Story5: Story6: Story7: Story8: Story9: Story10: Story11: Story12: Story13: ~~~~~~END OF SYNOPSIS~~~~~~~~~~~ Quota= 2 of 13 stories currently fulfilled.
8 179 - In Serial16 Chapters
SoulBinder: A Tale of a Conqueror
8 125

