《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Things We Lost
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Things We Lost
Madisueb
Fantasy, Gods
Interesting. I like the colors and how it seems to flow.
Interesting. I really like it.
"Although you day wasn't a fourth the size of mine!" Is Luke basically trying to say was bigger?
"He was a quick thinker and sharp and skilled with his words." I would re-say this differently; make it flow better.
What do you mean by Mike took over the stand?
I felt like you explained a lot for when he was heading back to the mansion, but not while inside the mansion. Also, what does his dad look like? Does he look like a natural evil man or not?
3 💙💙💙
Everything is really good. I just feel the second half of your story was laking something
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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Collateral
*honk honk honk honk honk hon-crash* After a horrific traffic accident killing multiple people Cassidy finds himself in a room with beings speaking in an unintelligible language before being reborn into a different world. Confused and clueless, he just shrugs and lives his new life in this new world with magic and monsters. Hi everyone, it's my first go at writing so it's fine to be brutal with your reviews. I'm doing this to grow and to give back to the community that has kept me entertained for years. Hope you have fun reading! and if you dont i hope you tell me why at least and not just leave a non helpful comment. Cheers!
8 259The Franco-British Union: The Trials of Time
"Unfortunately this earth is not a fairy-land, but a struggle for life, perfectly natural and therefore extremely harsh." - Martin Ludwig Bormann The Franco-British Union: The Trials of Time is yet another collaborative novel written, edited, and proofread by 3 like-minded authors. The events of the story take place during the year 2024. The following story revolves around the Franco-British Union (FBU), a union between the United Kingdom and the French Republic formed during the Second World War suddenly "teleported" into another world, full of mysteries. What is the mystery behind the phenomena that has suddenly teleported them into a new world? Will the FBU withstand the test of time or will it fall like others before it? Follow the Franco-British Union as it tries to secure its position in the New World while encountering mysterious nations with unknown intentions while war looms on the horizon. Note: Some if not most of the images have been taken off the internet. We own nothing except the storyline and the cover of the book itself. Credits to the authors who made this work possible: PongppxPorsche_TigerCryralLarcade This story is also uploaded and updated on Wattpad on an account with the name "Blue_Diamond930", you can also follow the story there but rest assured, both will be updated at the same time.
8 157BOOK 2: THE WRATH OF ASMODEUS -- [a Perth's Accidental Superheroes series] VOL 1.2 OTHER-PERTH
The handicap tweens -- Jane, Peter and Paul go back to school after the Treeton tragedy that 'cursed' them with their undesired super abilities. The Cursed-trio are split in their decision, as Peter wanted to exploit their new-found superpowers, for his 'own' personal fame and glory - while Jane and Paul would rather be anonymous and conceal their secret identities. Meanwhile, Piper -- Jane's runaway dog got into a pickle with the law when the mutt left Perth City into the Outbacks. An eminent threat is coming in form of a supernatural devastating bushfire, created by the Dark forces of the Asmodeus, lurking near - would the Cursed-trio unite to work as one -- to put out the fire before it consumes their city?
8 195Being an Empress
[This story is a spin-off of A Emperor's Journey, from Varsha's POV...CAN BE READ AS STAND ALONE]Varsha is a young and simple girl (or so she thought). Her parents died when she was young and she tends for herself. Her life is a routine. But suddenly one day a Young prince sees her and wants her immediately. He forces her into a relationship and brings her to the palace as his wife. She tries a lot to escape but fails. He finally conquers her. Due to these turn of events, everyone in palace is either jealous of her or hate her. Above all this she is expected to become a Empress, where in reality she has no idea of being a royal even. This is her journey of Being an Empress.Cover Credit:-KrishnaPath. Thank you so much!!TheCrazziestWins.... Second Runner up..
8 142All I Wanted {Book 1}
Meet Abigail Jenkins. She's sixteen. Smart, Funny, Pretty, And a good-girl. But, she's never had a boyfriend. Of course, if she hadn’t given her heart to her brother’s best friend, she might not be in this predicament. Opportunities for love long lasting had come and gone, due to her tunnel vision on the subject. At twelve years of age she’d decided that Nick Walker was the one. And that childish dream certainly had rooted deep and flourished with time.
8 215Getting Hard (Journey of a Tank)
Herald Stone always built tank characters in every MMORPG he played. To be immortal—that was his first Goal, a simple childhood dream. However, the turbulent realities of life put an end to his gaming days. Years passed, and Herald Stone, now having attained success and stability, was presented with the opportunity to redeem himself...to fulfill his first Goal. Trivial? Childish? Others might think so. But Herald Stone always fulfilled his Goals—every single one. No matter what. Immortality beckoned in Mother Core Online, and this time Herald Stone would answer. Choosing a long-forgotten race, hidden away in an unknown region, the journey of an immortal tank begins. This is the tale of Herald Stone...getting hard. Schedule: Mon-Wed-Fri ~1.8k-2.3k words per chapter. Also published on Scribblehub. My other ongoing story: REND | Royal Road Expect a focus on building a true tank in MMORPGs. Heavy game elements and numbers are present. But actual math will take a backseat to strategies involving skill builds and synergies that steadily become more complex while remaining understandable. The main character is atypical in LitRPGs or web novels as a whole. He might take some getting used to. Character arcs will develop over a long period. What you see now will be different as the main character changes. The start of Getting Hard is slow-paced (more so than others of the genre) and includes world-building and character development before focusing on the LitRPG.
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