《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Drowned
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Drowned
TheImperfectLife
Horror, Murder, Revenge, Suspenseful
OMG, it's beautiful, but I don't like how I have to squint to see your name.
I like it, but are you saying that the lake has a curse? In which the curse brings people back to life? You should say a little bit about the curse.
Everything is good. Sentence flow, grammar, and descriptions.
"I could never do what he once did."
"The moon reflected off the still lake giving off a shimmer of light."
This is the most suspenseful story I've ever read.
Don't forget to tell us who POV it is. Sorrow and grief is basically the same thing.
Is the 'Another life' a legit another life? Or a flashback?
Again POV. Oh, SNAP!!
POV again. WHAT!!!
4 💙💙💙💙
Besides your summary and the little things I pointed out above and in the comments; your story is golden. It's so suspenseful and intriguing.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2: Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4: Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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