《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: My Sister's Social Agony
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My Sister's Social Agony
Friendforever21
Teen Fiction, Complementary
Needs a cover
Okay, but what is this book about? Is it a girl or a boy? Does something happen to them?
WOW. That was good. There is a little bit of things I would look over. Such as "After twenty steps the stairs,..."
Your first chapter was beautiful in third person. You can't jump from third to first. In Third person you can see into the minds of everyone, in your story. If you're in the present you can't go into the future; it ruins the flow.
3 💙💙💙
Mostly due to no cover, need a clear and supporting summary, as well as some fixes in the chapters. Most are stated above. If you need a cover go to clubs; here on Wattpad. Keep Writing.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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