《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mirage
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Mirage
LK_XOXO
Teen Fiction, Romance, Humor
LOVE IT.
Like your summary. To me it's a little too much info.
I agree with another fellow member, your Prologue is not really necessary.
At the beginning of the chapter you should say Months later since Luna then made friends.
Sentences I'm confused about:'Reminded of Ed Sheeran's Photograph? Well, I am.'
4 💙💙💙💙
Overall it's good. I see potential as it already has. I don't know how I feel about the break of the fourth wall though...
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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- In Serial48 Chapters
Ardent Tears
[Participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge.] Youth is something to be treasured, for it is the foundation upon which all experiences are built. It is also a time when some may Awaken as Ardents or Stoics; individuals who can draw great power from the Resonance of emotions. Rowan’efrii is one such youth, but at what cost? This is the story of her journey; of love and loss, friendship and isolation, fortune and tragedy. What can a girl do when she is faced with all the wonders and horrors that the world has to offer? Live! In the Kingdom of Særis, a group of renegade lords are seeking to enslave young adolescents to forge them into Ardents and Stoics. Those that fall will be used in a war against the Azure King. Will they break Rowan, or will they turn her into the very thing that will destroy them. Ardent Tears focuses heavily on all kinds of relationships including: romantic, familial, platonic and sexual. The MC is a clear example of this, especially as she is poly. Because of this, I gave the story my own Poly Tag. This won't be anything like a Harem story and it is being written by someone who is polyamorous (me). There is also going to be several LGBT themes throughout which can't be represented through Tags. Ardent Tears is now on Top Web Fiction. If you like the story, I'd appreciate it if you give me a boost by following this link and pressing boost. Massive thanks to KrazeKode for the amazing cover art. And special thanks to MelasD and Selkie for the shout-outs.
8 101 - In Serial19 Chapters
Tethered
Noah Fel was a [Ritualist] for the Collegium. As a professor, his daily routine consisted largely of grading papers, writing apprentice recommendations, and helping to ensure that his students didn't blow themselves up. Truly, it was a rewarding job. Now though, displaced from his home in the after-effects of a ritual gone wrong, follow Fel on an inadvertent fantasy world adventure! Lands to travel, people to meet, and deaths to be had! Here you’ll find rituals, monsters, magic, a number of distractions, and more nervously written author’s notes than you can shake a stick at! A stand-alone brother story to Barkept Image of the book displayed in the Cover-Art by Noupload (Am I allowed to write author's notes in the Synopsis? Yeah why not- random thoughts, Go!) I've never done this before, but I've got this neat leather-bound notebook and a will to write, so let's have an adventure! If I do write something stupid, inconsistent, or strange, however... please do call me out on it?I love well-meaning corrections, they're one of the best ways I could improve! With all that out of the way, the author will sit here and transition into talking in the 3rd person while on break. It's the only time he's able to write. Don't worry, the work-break won't last long. Something is always sure to go wrong here at th
8 246 - In Serial14 Chapters
A Dark Connection
Darian is a boy growing up in a world that is conspiring against him. He was born in a simple town, but because of the powers he inherited, he would never keep his simple life; not that he cared. Darian has always enjoyed fighting and looked forward to his future since the moment he discovered his inherited abilities. He looked forward to becoming an adventurer or a warrior. Darian never expected the pain his powers would bring him and everyone around him. It's too late to turn back now, he must become stronger; he has no choice. He will become stronger or he will die. The story will take place over several years of Darian's life. During that time, Darian will grow as a character and as a fighter, but it will take some time before Darian comes into his own in both respects. While he is strong when compared to his peers, it will take time for him to face the challenges presented to him properly. It will be a little slow, but I hope you enjoy reading along as Darian struggles and grows.
8 63 - In Serial136 Chapters
Cannon Fodder Cheat System
At first, when he learned that he was forced to go to many different routine worlds and be reborn into all kinds of cannon fodder, he was against it.Because villains usually all only have a moment of satisfaction, the endings of cannon fodder are also frequently quite miserable.But the man who gave him the system told him that this system not only has all types of powerful functions, but he can also break the routine lives of the cannon fodder. If he achieves this satisfactorily for each world, he can even become a god.He's already experienced over a thousand reincarnations, but hasn't yet been a god. Since it sounds pretty great, why not just try it out.From that moment on, he began the irreversible path of tyrannically oppressing people, while conveniently tearing open those white moonlights and so-called righteous people's hypocritical masks.His goal: wearing the villain's role to walk other people's righteous paths, leaving them no path to follow.--------------------------------------------------[Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THIS NOVEL, this is for offline reading purposes only. All rights are reserved to the respected owners of said novel and its translation. Please support the Translator at her website!]Go check out her WordPress blog: https://auroranovels.wordpress.com
8 308 - In Serial15 Chapters
Always Knew You'd Come Back - Dunclet and Kladora
Hi, this is my first book! Enjoy!It had been years since the Baudelaires last saw the Quagmires. Count Olaf has died, but Esme and Carmelita survived the Hotel Denouement fire. VFD has finally caught up with them, and recruited the Baudelaires and Quagmires into the organization, but a surprise appears during their first mission. This book is a follow-up from The End, pls enjoy :D~!EDIT: This story is ON HOLD, due to your grounded author :PPS. It will feature more of Dunclet than Kladora, but both all the same!ALL CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME, THEY BELONG TO DANIEL HANDLER.Love, blu_hoodie398Rankings to date:no. 6 on seriesofunfortunateevents no. 8 on carmelitaspatsno. 3 on esmesqualorno. 23 on kladorano. 14 on duncletno. 82 on asouea bunch of others i'm too lazy to list :P
8 142 - In Serial65 Chapters
Servamp Kuro X Mahiru
Note: I don't own the characters of Servamp and the anime itself. This story is a fanfiction only.And also if you don't like Boy x boy yaoi, I don't recomend this kind of story to you. 🙂🙂🙂
8 155
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