《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mirage
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Mirage
LK_XOXO
Teen Fiction, Romance, Humor
LOVE IT.
Like your summary. To me it's a little too much info.
I agree with another fellow member, your Prologue is not really necessary.
At the beginning of the chapter you should say Months later since Luna then made friends.
Sentences I'm confused about:'Reminded of Ed Sheeran's Photograph? Well, I am.'
4 💙💙💙💙
Overall it's good. I see potential as it already has. I don't know how I feel about the break of the fourth wall though...
Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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- In Serial31 Chapters
I Fight to Return Home
Doctor Nathan Shultz finds himself in a world of magic. A world where modern medicine is a fiction, and a broken bone can be healed with a magical spell. Pushed past his limits, he is forced to break his Doctors Creed and fight, all so he can ensure he returns home.Join Nathan in his journey in a world where Levels, Spells, and Stats are real. He will make friends, enemies, and does all he can to help others along the way with the knowledge of his Doctorates. He follows the path of a Battle Medic, a person who both heals and defends his allies.Chapters will be posted three times a week, every Monday, Wensday, and Friday. Chapters are estimated between 2,000 and 2,500 words but may be less or more depending upon chapter contents.This story focuses a lot on the game system. With a steady update on Skills, Spells, and Stats. If you do not like the 'Menu' or the occasional number crunch chapter, then this may not be a story for you. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment or review on your opinion of the story, both good and bad! This will help me become a better writer, and if you don't like the story and say nothing, how can it become better?Cover art done by: Jack0fheartA sort of psuedo warning about the tags:I put down Gore and Tragedy due to a few scenes that can and may show up in the story. They are not a focus by any means. When writing the story of about the viewpoint of a Healer, certain details such as wounds and blood will be written in some detail.
8 91 - In Serial15 Chapters
Liber Nominum Universalia
In this world there are things and beings who roam freely in the corners of our visions and places where the light of the sun and moon do not reach. There are things that raindrops have never touched, lands where humans may rarely set foot. And there are those whose names have been forgotten. Maeno Ayumu wanted to be one of the majority who lived without the knowledge of such things. But one summer, a pocketbook and a black cat opened the doors to the Other Side- doors he could no longer keep locked. And thus begins his journey towards learning forgotten names and forging unlikely bonds, so that those who live in darkness may never fade forgotten. Cover picture taken by Julissa Helmuth
8 73 - In Serial74 Chapters
The Golden Couple
Sophie and Bryce are known as "the golden couple" at their high school, but everything changes for them when Bryce is diagnosed with cancer. *****Sophie Allen, a straight "A" student, and Bryce Harrison, the school's star baseball pitcher, have been together for two years. They're so perfect together that they're referred to as "the golden couple". But when Bryce develops headaches and then collapses at a baseball game, they make a tragic discovery: Bryce has a brain tumor. Struggling with treatment, he's determined to make it through with Sophie's help. But will Sophie be able to handle the pressure? How much can she commit to love if she might lose Bryce in the end anyways?[[word count: 200,000-250,000 words]]
8 201 - In Serial14 Chapters
Ibrahim and The Magicians' Rebellion
The world has finally shifted from magician's rule to human rule. This expulsion of enchanted dictators was not without consequence. The new world has brought with it a horde of obstacles including the persecution of magicians, flamboyant insurrection, and the formation of a societal underbelly teeming with unbridled resentment for the human-dominated state. "Ibrahim" explores the shifting dynamics of two friends who find their roles of benefactor and recipient have been reversed in response to the changing times.
8 212 - In Serial28 Chapters
Xavier Black (COMPLETED)
My life was perfect or so I thought until my parents sent me to live with my uncle and his family in Chicago. With new adventures comes new boys or should I say "bad boys".JACKIEJackie Miller was an innocent girl who everyone fell in love with. She was the type of girl every boy wanted. But she only fell for the worst of the worst. Xavier Black.XAVIERXavier Black screams danger. People always stay ten feet away from him. No one dared to go near him. When he laid his eyes on Jackie, he knew she had to be his. And he has a dark past. Can Jackie handle it?But in every story there are complications. Can Xavier and Jackie fight it off and be together or will it crush them forever.Read to find out.
8 164 - In Serial44 Chapters
The Bad Boy's Broken Girl (Complete and Edited )
"I didn't need your help." I snapped harshly.Alex laughed bitterly "Oh, right you wanted to be bullied, criticized and hit." he said sarcastically.I walked away but a hand pulled me back. "Just promise me to take care of yourself okay?" he said softly.I ripped my hand away roughly, "I don't have to promise you anything." I took off.Rebecca Woods has a bad past. Her Dad left her when she was a child, and her mom is in the hospital with cancer, and on top of that she is bullied at school, and her brother Ashton has to stop it (specifically Bethany Marsh) every time. Alex on the other hand is Washington High School's 'Bad Boy', he's arrogant and attractive, but people stereotype him for what he's really not,He is actually a really nice guy. One day the two bump into each other and Rebbeca's life will change forever.So see what happens when the two broken, confused teenagers meet. Will it bad or good maybe both?So join this crazy ride of tears, laughs, and a whole lot more.
8 75
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