《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mirage
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Mirage
LK_XOXO
Teen Fiction, Romance, Humor
LOVE IT.
Like your summary. To me it's a little too much info.
I agree with another fellow member, your Prologue is not really necessary.
At the beginning of the chapter you should say Months later since Luna then made friends.
Sentences I'm confused about:'Reminded of Ed Sheeran's Photograph? Well, I am.'
4 💙💙💙💙
Overall it's good. I see potential as it already has. I don't know how I feel about the break of the fourth wall though...
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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