My critiques mean no offense to the story nor author. This is solely intended for the betterment of his/her work, thus it does not mean to hurt him/her in any way. Everything stated here came from my own opinion and perspective which may or may not differ from others.

This contains spoilers about the story, beware.

This is a rough draft, typographical and grammatical errors are to be expected.

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▪ The words used were pretty common yet understandable. When reading the title, it seems like those typical titles that have another meaning behind it, which is good because it fitted the vibes and genre of the story. However, when I've finished reading it (up to ten chapters), I still have no idea what the title meant, since there weren't any foreshadowings/hints given. I think it'd be great if sa simula pa lang, may hint na ang mga readers kung bakit gano'n ang pinili mong pamagat ng iyong kuwento.

▪ The background used really gives off a romance/teen fiction story, kudos to that! Though parang hindi gaanong nababagay ang font na ginamit sa cover. At saka medyo nagbe-blend din ang kulay ng font sa background. I think mas maganda iyong dating cover na ginamit mo, o kaya naman, kung puwede, palitan natin ang cover. Gawin nating mas unique at appealing para sa readers.

On the second sentence, the one being blue underlined, I think it'd be great if you would also tell us what did Hannah wish for. Because you said everything she wished for was already there, so why not give us a few example of it? Next, on the last sentence, mainam siguro kung ire-revise pa natin 'yon kasi medyo nakakalito. Gaya na lang do'n sa bandang huli na trying to free her from a devastating pain in the name of love. Nakakapagtaka na bakit alang-alang sa pag-ibig, kailangan niyang palayain ang sarili niya? I mean, just for the sake of love, she'll free herself? Won't she also do that to save herself and move on? Also, what's more questionable is that why is it stated in your description that she's fighting to free herself from the pain, when in the actual story, she's still chasing Troy? It seems like what's stated in the description really contradicts on what's in the story. In the story, it looked like Hannah is still tied onto Troy, she's still affected by their breakup. When in the description, she's fighting to free herself, or in other words, trying to move on from that devastating pain. When writing the description of your story, please make sure whether what's in the story and what you'll put on the description are the same. It shouldn't be contrast. To wrap this all up, I highly recommend that you revise your description. Mind your technecalities, grammar, and mold your description into something interesting, beautiful, and precise.

▪ The story significantly lacked the worldbuilding. In writing a story, one of the most important element is the worldbuilding. Don't simply tell the readers that the character is here and there. Because how are we able to imagine the scenery or scenerio you want us to imagine if the setting is vague? One way to make the readers vividly imagine the setting if where the character is is to use the five senses (sight, smell, sound, taste, touch) in describing the place of where the character is. For example, let's say that Hannah is in a restaurant. Ano ba ang nakikita niya noong nasa loob siya ng restaurant? Mukha bang mamahalin? Simple lang? Ano ang naaamoy niya? Naaamoy niya ba ang mga niluluto ro'n? Ano'ng naririnig niya? May music na ba agad noong pagkapasok niya? Anong nararamdaman niya no'ng pumasok siya sa restaurant? Nilamig ba siya kasi may aircon? Your character is also a human, they have feelings every minute and every second. Try to put yourself in the situation where you character is. Don't limit your worldbuilding, author. Go beyond it as long as it makes us, the readers, feel like we're also in that place where the character is. Next, parang ang unrealistic ng environment ng kuwento. Masyadong nakapokus sa emotions o process ng relasyon ng dalawa kaya nakakaligtaan ang pagpansin sa environment na kinaroroonan nila. Let's learn to balance them well. Don't give importance only to your characters, but also to their surroundings. Kasi parang sina Hannah at Troy lang ang tao ro'n sa lugar na kinaroroonan nila e. Kumbaga, parang sila lang 'yong tao sa mundo na ginawa mo. Huwag gano'n. Iparamdam mo sa mga mambabasa mo na may mga tao rin sa paligid nila. Make them feel like the environment of your characters are actually real and realistic.

Hannah

▪ Her character type is overwhelmingly too common. She's an energetic, happy-go-lucky girl that secretly likes the male lead. Wala namang masama sa ganyang tipo ng mga karakter. Ang kaso lang, masyado nang overused ang mga ganoong bagsakan ng mga character. And to some point, parang walang pinagkaiba si Hannah sa ibang mga character na kapareho niya ng personality. Dapat may uniqueness siya. Ano bang pinagkaiba niya sa ibang mga fictional character? At saka, parang ang babaw no'ng pinaghuhugutan niyang "like" kay Troy. The depth of her liking Troy isn't deep nor convincing enough. What made her like Troy so much? There are a lot of people in the world that has is pretty similar to Troy, but what's so special about him that made Hannah fall for him? What does Troy have that not any man would not have? The flashbacks you gave were all just about how they were in elementary and high school, but not the actual flashback on as to how did Hannah fall for him. Next, it's really unrealistic on how Hannah's voice didn't change at all. What am I talking about? Like what I said, you gave us flashbacks about their elementary days, high school days, and up to the present. But all throughout those flashbacks, Hannah didn't seem to change at all. Parehas pa rin ang boses o tipo ng pov niya. Parang hindi man lang siya tumanda o nagbago. It's as if she's physically aging but not mentally. It's like her mindset is still childish, which is pretty unrealistic. Sa loob ba ng maraming taon, hindi siya nagbago? Hindi man lang ba siya nag-mature nang kahit kaunti lang? Everyone goes to puberty stage where our personality and thinking changes. So does Hannah should be. Her mindset shouldn't be stuck with being childish. She has to grow not only physically, but also mentally. It's pretty unrealistic how she's now a college student but she still has the same mindset or pov of her elementary days. She has to have this character development in order to be more realistic.

▪ One of the reasons that supports how her mindset didn't change is that how she somehow accepted the fact that Troy left her without him telling a single reason on why must they break up. How could she let that slide so easily? Anyone would be confused if that ever happens to them, where their lover leaves them without a single reason. Is she okay with that? How is she okay with that? Another reason is that after her breakup with Troy, she's still texting him, and chasing him. In the span of their after-breakup, hindi man lang ba siya nagdalawang-isip kung hahabulin niya pa si Troy o hindi na? Hindi man lang ba niya binulay-bulay 'yong mga nangyari sa buhay niya? What was/were her reason/s of why she's still determined in chasing Troy? Because of love? Didn't that love somehow weakened throughout the time? Through those times where they broke up, is her love that strong that it didn't drain? Hindi man lang ba sumagi sa isip niya na ayaw na niyang habulin pa si Troy kasi baka hindi na siya tanggapin nito? Hannah's character is too fictional. Masyadong hindi na talaga kapani-paniwala. She lacked her character development. She lacked growth so much to the point that her character is so vague. Provide her the things she significantly needs, author. Make her relatable and vivid. Make her come to realizations, or if she did come to realizations already, show us how. Give her the growth she needs, mentally and emotionally.

▪ Troy is pretty vague since he was only given one pov (up to chapter ten). But in that one pov, it feels unreasonable how he can't say the reason why he must break up with Hannah. And Hannah, on the other hand, let that slide. How is that possible? Parang ang immature tingnan na hindi man lang nagsabi si Troy ng dahilan kung bakit siya makikipag-break kay Hannah. Understandable pa sana kung nagsinungaling siya, pero wala. Wala siyang binigay na rason. Basta-basta na lang niyang iniwan si Hannah. Isa pa, ang vague din ng personality niya roon sa mga flashbacks na ibinigay mo. It's so... common. As I've said earlier, make your characters unique in their own ways.

▪ I like it how Pat is always there to support Hannah. Even through Hannah's up and downs, Pat is always there with her. She's the typical best friend that's always there for her best friend. But the only problem is that when you gave her a pov, her voice is just the same as Hannah's. Parang walang pinagkaiba 'yong boses nila. Halos parehas lang ang pag-iisip nilang dalawa, na parang hindi tama. Pat is her own character, and so does Hannah. Make Pat's personality unique. Give her her own voice. One of the things on how to make your characters vivid is by describing their outside appearance. That much can make them somehow vivid in a way that readers would be able to imagine what they look like.

Structure

▪ At this point, it still needs improvement. Balance the elements of your story. Provide worldbuilding. Don't just focus on the love between the two characters. Focus on their own growth as well. Because before they help others to grow, they must grow by themselves first. Give each equal focus. Don't focus too much on the past, let them embrace the present. Also, one of the most important element that I saw in your story was the love of Hannah and Troy. It wasn't really shown in the early chapters. But I do hope you can at least show us a glimpse of their romantic story because that solely itself, is already offering many advantages that will definitely benefit your story.

Conflict

▪ I didn't directly witness the actual conflict of the story. All I know is that there's a conflict between Troy and Hannah. Why push it a little more? Give hints of what the conflict could be about.

Sequencing

▪ Mas maganda kung isang bagsakan na lang ang pagbibigay mo sa amin ng flashbacks, sa halip na halos kada kabanata ay mayro'ng flashback. Nakakalito kasi na nagsasalit-salitan ang nakaraan at ang kasalukuyan, to the point that I've mistaken the present to the past and vice versa. Sa halip na sa kada scene ng present ay mayroong naaalala si Hannah, bakit hindi na lang isang bagsakan ang buong nangyari sa nakaraan nila? Kumbaga, pagsunod-sunurin mo na lang ang mga nangyari sa nakaraan. At pagkatapos, back to present naman. Dahil sa totoo lang, sobrang nakakalito. May mga times pa na sa loob ng flashback ni Hannah, may flashback pa ulit sa mismong flashback na 'yon. Kaya ang hirap alamin kung ano ba talaga ang kasalukuyan at nakaraan. Magulo rin 'yong timeline ng story. As in. May mga times na naghahalo na ang nakaraan at ang kasalukuyan ng kuwento. May mga times din na 'yong past ay bigla-biglang nagiging present and vice versa. The timeline and sequencing of the story is so confusing, the reason why I had a hard time critiquing the story. So please, fix your timeline & sequencing in way that readers would be able to distinguish what is the past and what is the present.

☆ As much as I know, there are no poetry clubs in college. On the part where nakipagkita si Hannah sa club president ng poetry club, nakapagtataka na may mga gano'n pang clubs sa college kasi base rin sa sinabi ng isang kakilala ko na college student, wala na raw'ng clubs sa college maliban na lang sa mga Red Cross clubs. At saka, hindi pa parang hassle na mag-join pa si Hannah sa poetry club kasi nag-aaral siya ng medicine?

☆ On chapter 3, where Hannah reminisced the past where she and Troy broke up, how come Troy had a pov in her flashback?

☆ Paano nasabi ni Hannah na pareho silang naghihintay ni Troy ng almost 6 years e kakaamin pa lang naman sa kaniya ni Troy that time? Paano niya nalaman na naghihitay rin si Troy para sa kaniya?

☆ On chapter 4, nakalagay roon na ang bar scene ay nangyayari na sa present. Pero bakit parang kadugtong 'yon ng breakup nina Hannah at Troy? Hindi ba part ng past 'yon? Paano 'yon naging present e 'di ba matagal nang break na sila Hannah at Troy?

☆ On chapter 5, for sure, Hannah's 17th birthday was a part of her past already. Nakalimutan mo lang 'atang lagyan ng flashback beforehand. Anyway, after that flashback of her birthday, biglang ginigising na ni Pat si Hannah mula sa "hangover" niya. So, ibig sabihin ba no'n ang bar scene ay nangyari talaga sa present? Pero bakit tinanong ni Pat kung kumusta na ang date nina Hannah at Troy gayong break na nga silang dalawa?

>| Wastong paggamit ng "rin, raw, rito, riyan" at "din, daw, dito, diyan"

▪ Ginagamit ang "rin, raw, rito, riyan" kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa patinig (a, e, i, o, u). Ginagamit din ito kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa mga katinig na "w, y," dahil katunog lamang nito ang mga patinig. Ginagamit din ito kapag ang salita bago nito ay nagtatapos sa "ray, raw".

▪ Habang ang "din, daw, dito, diyan" ay ginagamit kapag ang huling letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa mga katinig (b, c, d, f...). Ito rin ay ginagamit kapag ang huling dalawang letra bago nito ay nagtatapos sa "ra, re, ri, ro, ru".

Halimbawa:

❌ - Actually nung niyaya niya akong ililibre raw niya ako...

✔ - Actually, no'nv niyaya niya ako na ililibre daw niya ako...

❌ - Lagi din naman kami nandito.

✔ - Lagi rin naman kaming nandito.

❌ - "Susunduin kita diyan."

✔ - "Susunduin kita riyan."

>| Wastong paggamit ng "nang" at "ng".

▪ Ginagamit ang "nang" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na paano, gaano, at kapag inuulit ang kilos.

▪ Ginagamit naman ang "ng" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na ano at kapag nagsasaad ng pagmamay-ari.

Halimbawa:

❌ - Para makahinga NG maluwag.

✔ - Para makahinga NANG maluwag.

❌ - Napatayo siya NG maayos.

✔ - Napatayo NANG maayos.

❌ - Baka mamahalin mo ako NG totoo.

✔ - Baka mamahalin mo ako NANG totoo.

❌ - At handa akong saluhin ka at mahalin ka NG paulit ulit.

✔ - At habda akong saluhin ka at mahalin ka NANG paulit-ulit.

❌ - Bakit ka kasi nagmahal NG nagmahal NG nagmahal. Ayan tuloy nasaktan ka NG nasaktan NG nasaktan.

✔ - Bakit ka kasi nagmahal NANG nagmahal NANG nagmahal? Ayan tuloy, nasaktan ka NANG nasaktan NANG nasaktan.

❌ - Niyakap ko nalang siya NG mahigpit.

✔ - Niyakap ko na lang siya NANG mahigpit.

❌ - Uminat inat ako NG konti.

✔ - Uminat-inat ako NANG kaunti.

❌ - Napatingin ako sa kaniya NG masama.

✔ - Napatingin ako sa kaniya NANG masama.

>| incorrect & correct usage of words

❌ - 'yun, 'yung, nung, nun

✔ - iyon/'yon, iyong/'yong, noong/no'ng, noon/no'n

❌ - narin, sakin, nanaman/nanamang, parin

✔ - na rin, sa akin/sa 'kin, na naman/na namang, pa rin

❌ - dun, ganun, nalang, palang, non

✔ - doon/do'n, ganoon/gano'n, na lang, pa lang, noon/no'n

❌ - pake, panuorin, tsaka, tinignan/tignan

✔ - paki, panoorin, at saka, tiningnan/tingnan

❌ - nilingonan, kana, sayo, pano

✔ - nilingunan, ka na, sa iyo/sa 'yo, paano/pa'no

❌ - kamusta, bwiset

✔ - kumusta, bwisit

❌ - kunya kunyareng

✔ - kunwa-kunwaring

>| Misspelled Filipino words and phrases

1. Kadalasan ay mag "u" sa pagitan ng k at w.

❌ - kwento, kweba, kwaderno, kwago, engkwentro

✔ - kuwento, kuweba, kuwaderno, kuwago, engkuwentro

2. Kadalasan ay may "i" sa pagitan ng "ns" at "y".

❌ - probisya, konsensya, ahensya, pasensya, ebidensya

✔ - probisiya, konsensiya, ahensiya, pasensiya, ebidensiya

3.

❌ - mapagkumbaba

✔ - mapagpakumbaba

4. Kadalasan ay may "i" bago ang pandiwang nagsisimula sa katinig.

❌ - tinuturo, tinimbog, tinatampok, pinagpapalagay

✔ - itinuturo, itinimbog, itinatampok, ipinagpapalagay

5.

❌ - ala-ala

✔ - alaala

6.

❌ - ano man, nino man, sino man, saan man, kailan man

✔ - anuman, ninuman, sinuman, saanman, kailanman

7.

❌ - natutunan

✔ - natutuhan

8.

❌ - kumento, kunsensiya, kuleksiyon, kuneksiyon, kumpanya

✔ - komento, konsensiya, koleksiyon, koneksiyon, kompanya

9. Parehong "maya-maya" ang isa at pang-abay. Ginagamitan ng malaking titik ang isa kung gagamitin ito sa isang pangungusap, talata o sulatin kasama ang pang-abay na kapangalan nito. Maaari din gamitin ito bg malaking titik (na siyang karaniwang paraan ng pagsusulat sa mga species ng isda) kahit hindi nito kasama ang pang-abay na maya-maya.

❌ - mayamaya, Mayamaya

✔ - maya-maya, Maya-Maya (isda)

10. Sinu-sino at anu-ano ang tamang pagbaybay kapag nagtatanong. Sino-sino at ano-ano naman kapag nagsasalaysay.

11.

Sino + ang = sino'ng

Sino + na = Sinong

Ano + ang = ano'ng

Ano + na = anong