My critiques mean no offense to the story nor author. These are solely intended for the betterment of your work, it does not mean to hurt nor belittle you as the creator of the story. If you have concerns regarding this critique, feel free to message me privately. Everything stated here came from my own opinion and perspective which may differ from others.

TheEggWhoNeedsDress

▪ I really like the way your title is, a belladonna is one of the most poisonous plant and yet in your title, it says that it's an antidote. I love the figurative speech there! But getting back on its relevance to your story, basing from the latest chapter, I still haven't seen its relevancy to the story itself. Binanggit sa description na si Aiko ay parang isang belladonna, pero napanindigan ba sa nilalaman ng kuwento? Hindi gaano. Kulang pa 'yong impact na binigay mo, parang hindi sapat iyong pagpatay niya at parang ang common ng poison niya sa iba. Try to make her "poison" unique, and keep in mind that showing her poisonous side by making her kill isn't the only way.

▪ Though why is your title like that? I presume the plant describes Aiko's personality, right? But why does it feel like she's not a belladonna? Where's the antidote you speak of? Because all I can see were the poisonous traits of her. Kahit huwag mo nang palitan ang title, basta maipakita mo lang ang relevancy nito sa mismong laman ng akda and not just bluffs.

▪ Is it catchy and well-made? Well, yes. But does it give the action-thriller vibe it needs? No. Looking at the cover, it looks more like a mystery/thriller and scifi rather than an action story. Take note, sa cover pa lang, dapat naggi-give na ito ng genre vibes para doon pa lang, ramdam na ramdam na.

▪ The way of delivery is great, but not that clear. Also, the description lacks the action and thrill it needs. Maybe try to at least put intriguing questions that'll definitely make readers read the story.

▪ Also, I think it would be better if you could make the second sentence (green underlined) the first and make the blue underlined the second. Kasi nagmumukhang dalawa iyong binabanggit mong karakter sa description imbes na si Aiko lang naman.

▪ Take note that what you've put in the description must be seen and visible within the chapters of the story. Now, what am I referring to? It's Aiko being a suicidal maniac when she's not, and her being an arms dealer keeping the business she holds steady and yet it's stated in the description that she wants to crash it. Know first whether what you'll put in the description is what the readers will see. I tried to revise your description, but of course, it's definitely up to you whether you'll copy it or not. Hindi ko nilahat dahil alam ko na kaya mo na 'yong ibang parts na kailangan pang idagdag gaya ng action-thriller vibes, and intrigue na kailangan.

▪ One of the reasons why the story lacks the thrill and suspense whenever the characters are in a action scene is because you lack the way of describing the mood, atmosphere, environment, and places. Always, always! Put the five senses (sight, smell, sound, touch, taste) every time so the readers can imagine the exact thing in your mind. Hindi sapat iyong basta lang pag-describe ng mga nakikita nila. One way to make a successful description of places is trying to put yourself in their situation, wholeheartedly. What would you see if you were in Aiko's place? What would you hear and smell? If ever you'll touch a weapon, what or how does it make you feel? Is it heavy or light, rough or smooth? Try to answer these questions, and put all your answers together to construct a sentence or paragraph. Napakaimportante kasi na maiparamdam mo sa mga mambabasa na buháy ang mundong ginawa mo maging ang mga tauhan sa kuwento. Everything must be vivid. Because for example, in chapter one where they met a client. Sa part na napatay na ng kasama ni Aiko ang mga tauhan ni Irashii, kulang na kulang sa thrill. I didn't even feel myself get excited nor thrilled about it. Try to read more stories that has the same genre as yours, and observe the way they give thrills and suspense.

▪ Sanayin din ang sarili na palaging isasama ang mga nararamdaman ng bawat karakter sa bawat eksenang gagawin mo. Dahil hindi naman siguro sila robot para hindi makaramdam ng kahit ano, 'di ba? Ipakita mo sa amin kung ano ba ang mararamdaman ni Aiko at ng iba kapag nakikipagbakbakan, may away, at iba pa. Try to also enhance more your world building. I mean, 'wag puro sa mansion ni Aiko ang setup ng bawat scenes. Go beyond that. Nakaka-bore kasi kapag halos lahat ng kaganapan sa buhay nila e sa mismong mansion lang. Or kapag hindi naman sa mansion, kapag may imi-meet silang kliyente, try to at least describe the atmosphere and mood before jumping into the action scenes.

Aiko Hiraraka

Her character is really questionable and unique in its own way. She really feels like a living dead individual because of her personality and doings. I like how savage you made her, especially when she's on a killing spree. But what bothers me the most was the lack of herself. What am I talking about? She's the main character of the story but it somehow doesn't feel like it. Probably because you were focusing too much on the other characters' flashbacks within the given chapters. But keep in mind, she's your female lead, so focus on her as much as you focus on her boys (Zciarex, Zhaike, Roswell, Imada and Eiko). Kasi imbes na siya dapat ang unang makilala namin, nauna 'yong iba. Dapat siya muna ang makikilala namin - anong back story niya, bakit siya naging ganoon - hindi ang mga kasamahan niya. She lacks the spotlight needed. So instead of giving all your efforts on her boys, why not focus on her? Give her a proper back story, author.

▪ One more thing that bothers me is her suicidal self that doesn't make sense. I hope you're well-aware of what a suicidal maniac is because putting this up in your story can be super sensitive (shall discuss later on). A suicidal maniac is someone who always feels sad, hopeless, and lonely. Someone who keeps on engaging in dangerous stuffs such as drugs and alcohol. Someone who has major depression and problems on sleeping. On the other hand, Aiko, doesn't show any of these. So how can you say that she's a suicidal maniac when she doesn't show any symptoms? Her thinking or planning of a perfect way to die is not enough to be called a suicidal maniac.

Aiko's men (Zciarex, Imada, Zhaike, Roswell, and Eiko(sorry if i)

▪ First of all, are they permanent on Aiko's story? If not, then I guess giving them back stories are unnecessarily needed. Everything became so fast about the characterization of these guys that I wasn't able to adapt their own personalities and flaws. Keep it slow on introducing them. Mali iyong sa first encounter pa lang ng mga mambabasa sa karakter, bibigyan mo na agad ng back story. Patagalin mo muna, ipa-adapt mo muna sa mga mambabasa mo kung sinu-sino sila. Also, make sure to balance the spotlight you give. May iba kasi na sobrang laki mo kung bigyan, kaya siguro 'yong iba e parang nalilimutan na. Instead of flashbacks, why don't you give them a role in the specific chapter and showcase their personalities one by one? Don't mash them all up because that'll be hectic. Make sure first that the readers already adapted the characteristics of each characters before proceeding to their flashbacks. Secondly, be sure that all of your characters action are reasonable enough. May mga times na mapapa-huh na lang ako dahil sa biglaang pagdedesisyon at pag-akto nila, is it really according to their personalities or according to what you actually want to happen? Hindi pa ko pa man gaanong kakilala ang mga karakter mo, pero sana maging reasonable at may sense iyong ginagawa nila (kasama na si Aiko rito). Oh, and they must truly care for their mistress Aiko right? Otherwise they wouldn't risk their life. Anyhow, what bothers me about this is, bakit hindi nila bini-bring up ang topic about kay Aiko? Especially sa kalusugan niya. Sa palagay ko, seryosong bagay ang health niya lalo na ang mental. Kung ayaw talaga nilang mapahawak ang boss nila, bakit nila pinabayaan iyong mindset ni Aiko? How are they okay with her, being a suicidal maniac who wants nothing but to die?

▪ Now, this is for all the characters (Aiko + her men). First of all, is there a character development on the main character? No. Ever since the beginning of the story until its latest chapter, she's still the same, nothing changed. In every story - no matter what the genre is - there should always be a character development. Undressing the old personalities and wearing a new one is something like a character development. I think all the characters have no developments, since they're still the same. You already have so many chapters but still, no developments. But, how will you have the character development needed? You can either choose one, or even both: small, and big problems. Why talk about problems? Because just like in real life, all of us learn from our mistakes and try our best to never commit it again. For instance, you chose to focus first on the small problems so that a development will be shown. You must first make that/the specific character/s suffer as if he/she can't handle it because it often happens to humans. Give them hardships, and obstacles to face. Make the readers feel like there's actually no solution for that problem, make your characters anxious and stressed. Moving on, of course, in every problem there's a solution. So after throwing them in the darkness, let them find their light. Give them the hopes and positivity. Kapag nalagpasan na nila ang pagsubok na ibinigay mo, dapat na maisip o ma-realize nila ang mga dapat at hindi dapat gawin. Kung ano ang personalidad na dapay nilang hubarin at isuot, kasi puwedeng may matutuhan ang mga mambabasa kapag ginawa mo ito.

Structure

▪ So far, it needs improvement. Please balance your characters, the world bulding, and plot. Because the more chapters I read, the more it's visible to see that you only have your attention to your characters which is wrong. Kasi kapag hindi balanse, nawawalan ng saysay 'yong mga inilalapag mo. Kumbaga, parang ang mga tauhan lang ang elemento ng akda mo. 'Wag gano'n. Importante rin ang plot at conflict, author so please don't just focus on your characters, but also the plot. Or baka may scenes na iyon na talaga ang nagsa-sum up sa plot? Kung ganiyan nga ang kaso, mas maganda siguro kung magbibigay ka ng foreshadowing. As for the world building, ito ang isa sa pinakaimportante lalo na at action pa naman ang genre ng story mo. I already mentioned this, but then again, make us feel that the world your characters are living in is realistic. You can't just simply say that the characters are here and there. Be creative in creating the world you would like us to grasp.

Conflict

▪ Ano nga ba ang conflict ng story mo? Kasi hanggang sa latest update ng story mo, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano nga ba ang suliranin ng kuwento mo. Is it about Aiko being a suicidal maniac? Her illegal business? Or something else? Keep in mind, every story has a conflict. And the conflict must be at least shown in the early chapters so that readers would be aware. If what I mentioned above is the conflict, then make it feel like it's a serious problem that everyone should be wary about. Give us the curiosity, the thrill. Before giving the conflict, know what it actually is. Please don't be biased on your characters, give spotlight in everything. Show what conflict Aiko will face or facing.

Sequencing

▪ The opening is good, but it still lacks the curiosity and impact needed. Let's be serious here, who would be hooked when the first paragraph just merely described an appearance? I know you can do more than just having an opening that narrates a physical appearance. Do more than that. You can maybe start off with a more intense or catchy one, like an action scene. Though on the middle part of the opening, you did nail it! The only problem is the first paragraphs. Next, the following chapters. I mentioned this above already, but focus first on your female lead before other characters. There should be at least an order of introducing each characters, and the mains must always be the first. Kasi sobrang nag-lack sa characteristic ni Aiko, hindi nabigyan ng head ups kung bakit siya naging suicidal maniac at kung ano ang background niya. Moving on, her illegal business. You could've at least showed of what's the goal of her business. Is it because for her survivability? Or to achieve something else? Kung para mabuhay siya, parang nagko-contradict naman yata na suicidal maniac siya pero gusto niyang mabuhay. Give us the information needed, kung ano ang layunin niya at ng negosyo niya. Kung bakit sa dinarami-rami ng negosyo sa mundo, ilegal pa ang kinuha niya.

☆ Is Aiko really a suicidal maniac?

▪ Just because she wants to die doesn't mean she's already defined as a suicidal maniac. Involving this kind of thing is really sensitive. Puwedeng ma-misunderstand ng iba na may similar condition kay Aiko na suicidal maniac na talaga sila, at puwedeng ma-offend mo ang mga may ganitong mental health. How can you be so sure that she's a maniac? Pagkamatay lang naman ang gusto at iniisip ni Aiko, so puwedeng may depression siya. But her being a suicidal maniac? I don't think so. Please take note, this kind of condition is serious and should not be taken lightly just because the story is fiction. The symptoms of this condition must be shown in Aiko. A suicidal maniac has depression, attempts to kill him/herself, imagines various ways to die, isolates him/herself from others, and has other mental issues such as bipolar, and much more. If you want to include something in your story and you know you aren't knowledgeable enough about it, then please do some research thoroughly to avoid such plotholes.

☆ Why does Aiko keep on protecting her business and making sure everything about it is going smoothly when she wants to destroy it?

▪ This really contradicts the point on the other. If she really wishes to destroy her business, then why does she care about it? Why bother to eliminate her enemies for the sake of her business when she wants it gone? Please enlighten us more about this. Show us why she wants her business to fall, what's the main objective behind her goal. Otherwise this'll be one of the biggest plotholes in the story.

☆ How come she doesn't have an arch nemesis?

▪ In every story, there's a particular villain that makes the character's life miserable. But why does Aiko have no enemy? I'm not talking about the enemy she dealt with, but the main villain of the story. Or baka ang organisasyong kinabibilangan ni Eiko ang kaaway niya? Kung ganoon man, please provide foreshadowing and hints.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "riyan" at "diyan"

▪ Katulad ng paggamit ng "rin, raw, at rito" ginagamit din ang "riyan" kung ang huling letra ng salita ay nagtatapos sa mga patinig (a,e,i,o,u).

Hal.

• "Natatanaw mo b ang ganda ng tanawin?"

▪ Habang ang "diyan" ay ginagamit kapag ang huling letra ng salita ay nagtatapos sa katinig (b,c,d...).

▪ Ginagamit din ang "din, daw, dito, diyan" kapag ang huling dalawang letra ng salita ay nagtatapos sa "ra, re, ri, ro, ru".

Hal.

• "Mas maganda yata ang tanawi kaysa rito."

❌ - Dumiretso sa lamesa na nasa harap ng binata para roon ilapag ang kan'yang hawak.

✔ - Dumiretso sa lamesa na nasa harap ng binata para doon ilapag ang kaniyang hawak.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "nang" at "ng"

▪ Ginagamit ang "nang" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na paano, gaano, at kapag inuulit ang kilos.

Halimbawa:

- Kumakain nang mabagal si Anne.

- Tumaba nang bahagya si Anne dahil kain siya nang kain.

- Putak nang putak si Angela dahil kay Anne.

▪ Ginagamit naman ang "ng" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na ano at kapag nagsasaad ng pagmamay-ari.

Halimbawa:

- Kumain ang magbabarkada ng itlog at hotdog.

- Matalik na kaibigan ni Summer ang pinsan ng Tita niya.

- Mahilig siyang kumain ng french fries ng Mcdo.

>| Correct & incorrect use of words.

❌ - niyo

✔ - ninyo/n'yo

❌ - kan'ya/kan'yang

✔ - kaniya/kaniyang

❌ - asaan, andirito

✔ - nasaan, nandito

❌ - sumukay, byahe

✔ - sumakay, biyahe

❌ - titignan, tatoo, lentanya

✔ - titingnan, tattoo, lintanya

❌ - sineryoroso, kabaligtan, bisquit, maraanan, paro-parong, mapaparaan

✔ - sineryoso, kabaligtaran, biscuit, madaraanan, paru-parong, mmapapadaan

❌ - na saan, nagkikwento, mag-alasais

✔ - nasaan, nagkukuwento, mag-ala sais

❌ - t-shirt

✔ - T-shirt