My feedbacks mean no offense to the story nor author. These are all solely intended for your work's betterment, it does not mean to belittle and hurt you in any way. If you have concerns regarding this critique, feel free to message me privately. Everything stated here came from my own opinions and perspective which may differ from others.

▪ The words used were simple and understandable, and that's good. But the only problem is, it doesn't make any sense as the story's title. Because based on the first chapter until the end, Wrev wasn't slowly fading away. He faded away, literally.

▪ Because on chapter nine, doon ko lang nalaman na panaginip lang pala ang lahat ng iyon. Sa panaginip lang nangyari ang mga bagay na nakasulat sa ibang mga kabanata mo, na ang ibig sabihin ay hindi at kailanlama'y hindi ito magiging totoo. So, bakit "Slowly Fading Away" ang pamagat ng iyong akda? Dahil ba namatay si Wrev? Pero hindi naman siya unti-unting nawala, bagkus ay aksidente siyang nawala nang dahil sa isang 'di inaasahang pangyayari. Him slowly fading away was only based on Lianna's point of view which is only a dream.

▪ I don't think the words you chose for your story isn't accurate to its plot since Wrev didn't literally slowly faded away. I highly suggest you change the title. Try to be creative and play with words that'll reflect your story's plot.

▪ First thing I noticed was the badges/stickers put at the side of your story. Maybe those're winning badges you've won at some awards and congratulations for that. But I don't think it's necessary to put them on your cover. Why? Because they are not a part of your story, and cover. Kumbaga, hindi dapat sila nakalagay roon. Mas mainam siguro kung tanggalin mo na lamang ito, at gumawa ka ng special chapter kung saan doon mo isho-showcase ang mga napanalunan mo.

▪ Pangalawa, ang mga fonts. Sa unang tingin, hindi ko nabasa nang maayos ang title sa cover. Masiyado kasi siyang manipis tingnan at idagdag pa ang halos kulay puti rin na background. I think it would be better if you'd thicken the width of your fonts, and add a space or gap on the words kasi nagdidikit sila 'pag tiningnan. Also, maybe try to at least shrink the "Veraño Series #1" because it looks too big, thus sa title dapat nagpopokus ang mga mambabasa, hindi sa series.

▪ The background is okay, it brings a teenfic vibe, though I didn't much feel the character's personalities from the chosen portrayers. Just consider my suggestions, and point outs for a more better outcome.

▪ Medyo simple siyang tingnan, then I quickly sensed it "cliché". But you know what they say, don't judge a book without knowing its contents.

▪ It's okay, though there were small grammatical errors that could be fixed easily.

▪ The setting of the story wasn't that much clear for me because some of the senses weren't use in describing the place thus you only told it. Sa pagsusulat ng lugar sa storya, inilalahad sa pamamagitan ng pagsho-show ang lugar na pinangyayarihan ng storya. For example, you weren't able to describe well enough the house of Lianna and Wrev, which is one of the most commonly used scenarios of the story. Be sure to use the five senses; sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste, in a method of showing. Don't just tell us what you/your character sees. Go deeper beyond your imaginations and put yourself in your character's position. Do you think all you'll see is the birds, and trees? Do you only notice the people around you and not look into small details of a new place?

▪ Because if you're not doing this, your story's environment won't be that much alive as it is right now. 'Di ko gaanong naramdaman ang paggawa mo ng sariling mundo sa storyang ito dahil nagkukulang sa paglalahad ng mga pinangyayarihan ng kuwento. Same goes for the mood, parang hindi man lang buháy ang mga characters (kahit hindi, but our goal here is to make the readers feel they're alive). Hindi ko gaanong naramdaman ang pagiging teen fiction nito kahit na short story lang kasi mabilis din ang pacing.

Lianna

▪ You described her as a loving, and funny girlfriend. Siya 'yong tipong mapapakilig mo agad sa mga simpleng banat at galawan. Pansin ko rin na mabilis siyang makaramdam sa mga bagay-bagay. Gaya na lamang noong sa sinabing nagbabago-bago ang ugali ni Wrev, na parang ang lungkot ng mga mata niya, which turns out to be true. Though kung pansin niya 'yon, bakit hindi niya gaanong inusisa si Wrev about doon? I mean, they've been together for years and Lianna knows Wrev well. Thus she knows that he's not fine. So why didn't she nosed her business to her boyfriends's business that much? If it bothers her almost everyday, why don't she try to bring that topic again? One more thing about her is, she lacks showing and expressing her emotions. For example, she stated that she was so happy because finally, she and Wrev were gonna camp alone. But how is she happy? How much is she happy? How does it make her feel? Is this one of the happiest moments in her life? Why is she so happy about it?You should answer these questions through her point of view.

Wrev

▪ He's this type that loves to make fun of his girlfriend, and can sometimes say sweet things that can just make your heary flutter. In other's opinion, he might be their typical and ideal leading man. But of course, this leading man needs improvement. Maybe instead of letting Lianna tell what and who exactly Wrev is, why don't you try to show it to us? Para mas ma-attach ang mga readers mo sa kaniya, hindi vague, at para maging isang relatable na character. Give us a glimpse of his personalities. Just like how Lianna described him as a guy who always make her laugh, but when it's serious, he's also serious. Try to show it to your readers, so he can be more loveable.

Structure

▪ Okay, so on the first eight chapters, the structure of your story was stable. But not until it reached chapter nine, it became really unstable. Now, what am I talking about here? It's about Lianna dreaming the whole scenario in her story which is one of the biggest plotholes I've seen. It was all a dream, so how can she feel happy, nervous, and scared at the same time? Also, Psychology says that we don't pretty much remember our dreams every time we wake up.

▪ So far, on the first three chapters, it seems very simple and cliché. But not until chapter nine, doon nakitaan ng originality ang akda mo.

▪ Well, I can't say it's not and very creative. But, there was. From the names, places, and scenarios, I've seen flaws.

▪ A character's development is one of the most important things that a writer should do in order to reach the reader's heart. But so far, I haven't seen any character development in both of your characters namely Lianna and Wrev. So I highly recommend you consider this part of the critique and focus on developing your characters. Puwede mo itong gawin sa pamamagitan ng paglalagay ng mga small conflicts sa ugali nila. Halimbawa, nagseselos si Lianna sa bata na kasama nila ni Wrev, you can have a character's development there. By simply making Lianna feel like she's not supposed to be jealous, making her understand that jealousy is a sin, et cetera. All you have to do is show it, not tell. Show us how the character's development of Lianna is processing. Because by doing this, you'll have a great character that your readers will love.

☆ There's no way the baby in Lianna's womb can survive that car accident.

▪ Okay, one of the biggest plothole. Pagkarating ko sa epilogue, nagulat na lang ako dahil buntis pala si Lianna and takd note that it's only four months old. So paano nangyari 'yon? Napakaliit ng porsiyentong maka-survive pa ang bata lalo na't mga 2-7 months pa lang sa sinapupunan ng Nanay. At saka, sinabi mo na itinulak siya ni Wrev sa kalsada. So think of it, malakas ang impact no'n kasi maaaksidente na sila at nagpa-panic na si Wrev kaya malamang ay mapapalakas ang pagtulak niya kay Lianna. Malaki ang possibility na ro'n pa lang, nakunan na siya. I did some research and surveyed those who're expert in this field and they said there's really a small possibility for a child to survive that's only 2-7 months old in the Mother's womb.

▪ Yes, you need your character Lianna to have a baby in order for your 2nd series to continue. But it's really unrealistic for a 2-7 months pregnant woman to survive a car accident.

☆ A comatose person can't dream.

▪ How can Lianna dream in her state of being a comatose person? A comatose person's brain often show no signs of the normal sleep-wakefulness cycle, which means they are unlikely to be dreaming. But them dreaming can depend on the cause of their coma. But, she was only pushed on the road by Wrev, which is most likely a slight damage (?) on the brain.

☆ You can't feel, nor remember what you've dreamt as soon as you wake up.

▪ How is it possible that Lianna exactly knows what she feels in a dream? And how can she remember what she had dreamt that fast? These were so unrealistic. Okay, so first of all, we cannot feel anything in a dream. 'Di tayo nakararamdam ng saya, selos, lungkot, at kaba sa isang panaginip. Pangalawa, hindi mo agad matatandaan ang napanaginipan mo pagkasing mo. Comatose pa si Lianna niyan, so bakit ang bilis naman niyang makaalala at hanapin si Wrev? Be realistic somehow.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "rin, raw, rito, riyan, roon" at "din, daw, dito, diyan, doon" sa mga salitang Ingles.

▪ Gagamitin lamang ang "rin, raw, rito, riyan, roon" kung ang pagkakabigkas sa isang Ingles na salita ay patinig. Hindi porque may patinig (a, e, i, o, u) sa huling salita ay nangangahulugang "rin, raw, rito, riyan, roon" na ang gagamitin.

Halimbawa:

- Ilang bese na rin kasi kamimg nag-aaway, that time (taym) din.

>>> "din, daw, dito, diyan, roon" ang gagamitin dito sapagkat ang tunog nito sa dulo'y katinig.

>| Wastong paggamit ng "nang" at "ng"

▪ Ginagamit ang "nang" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na paano, gaano, at kapag inuulit ang kilos.

Halimbawa:

- Kumakain nang mabagal si Anne.

- Tumaba nang bahagya si Anne dahil kain siya nang kain.

- Putak nang putak si Angela dahil kay Anne.

▪ Ginagamit naman ang "ng" kapag sinasagot ang tanong na ano at kapag nagsasaad ng pagmamay-ari.

Halimbawa:

- Kumain ang magbabarkada ng itlog at hotdog.

- Matalik na kaibigan ni Summer ang pinsan ng Tita niya.

- Mahilig siyang kumain ng french fries ng Mcdo.

▪ Remember them well, dahil nagkakabali-baliktad sila minsan.

Legend:

Yellow: should be Nang

>| Incorrect & correct uses of words

❌ tignan

✔ tingnan

❌ panget, pisnge

✔ pangit, pisngi

❌ manlang

✔ man lang

❌ byumahe

✔ bumyahe

❌ kunting, onti-onti

✔ konting, unti-unti

❌ kun'di

✔ kundi

❌ inabol

✔ hinabol

>| Misspelled Filipino Words and Phrases

1. Kadalasan o palagi ang may u sa pagitan ng k at w.

✅Kuwento, kuweba, kuwaderno, kuwago, engkuwentro

❌Kwento, kweba, kwaderno, kwago, engkwentro

Halimbawa:

a. Si Jacob at Jose ay nagkaroon ng engkuwentro; kamao sa kamao.

b. Ang mga mata ni Therese ay nagmistulang sa kuwago dahil siya'y kulang sa tulog.

2. Kadalasan o palagi ang may i sa pagitan ng "ns" at "y".

✅Probinsiya, konsensiya, ahensiya, pasensiya, ebidensiya

❌probinsya, konsensya, ahensya, pasensya, ebidensya

Halimbawa:

a. Si Jacob ay walang konsensiya kay Jose

.

b. "Huwag mong ubusin ang pasensiya ni Therese! Mumurahin ka niyan."

3. ✅Mapagpakumbaba

❌Mapagkumbaba

Halimbawa:

a. Si Maria ay isang mapagpakumbabang tao.

4. Kadalasan o palagi ang may i bago ang pandiwang nagsisimula sa katinig.

✅itinuturo, itinimbog, itinatampok, ipinagpapalagay

❌tinuturo, tinimbog, tinatampok, pinagpapalagay

a. "Itinuturo mo sa akin ang kasalananang ginawa mo, ganoon ka ba kakapal? " asik ni Therese.

b. "Alam mo ba? Itinatampok daw ni Mareng Jessica ngayon ang mga memes ni Reign."

5. ✅alaala, katakataka(halaman)

❌ala-ala, kataka-taka

a. Presko pa sa alaala ni Levi ang ginawa niyang pananampal sa kubrador ng utang.

b. Dahil dakilang plantita si Elise, nagtanim siya ng katakataka sa kaniyang bakuran.

6. ❌ano man, nino man, sino man, saan man, kailan man

✔anuman, ninuman, sinuman, saanman, kailanman

a. "Hindi ko makakalimutan ang ginawa mo kailanman! " puno nang emosyong saad ni Princess habang lumuluha.

b. Kung sino man ang tumututol sa kasalang ito ay maari nang lumayas.

7. ✅Natutuhan

❌natutunan

Halimbawa:

a. Hindi pa rin niya tuluyang natutuhan kung paano mahalin ang kaniyang sarili.

8. ✅Komento, konsensiya, koleksiyon, koneksiyon, kompanya

❌kumento, kunsensiya, kuleksiyon, kuneksiyon, kumpanya

9. Parehong "maya-maya" ang isda at pang-abay. Ginagamitan ng malaking titik ang isda kung gagamitin ito sa isang pangungusap, talata o sulatin kasama ng pang-abay na kapangalan nito. Maaari ding gamitan ito ng malaking titik (na siyang karaniwang paraan ng pagsusulat sa mga species ng isda) kahit hindi nito kasama ang pang-abay na maya-maya

✅Maya-maya, Maya-Maya (isda)

❌mayamaya, Mayamaya

a. Paboritong isda ni Haniel ang Maya-maya.

b. Maya-maya't lamang ay lalabas na ang panauhin ni Shannah.

10. Sinu-sino at Anu-ano ang tamang pagbaybay kapag nagtatanong. Sino-sino at Ano-ano naman kapag nagsasalaysay.

✅Sinu-sino ang mga miyembro ng Critic Team?

❌Sino-sino, Sino sino, Sinu sino

❌Kung sino-sino na ang nakatikim ng kaniyang putahe.

✔Sinu-sino, Sinu sino, sino sino

11. Sino + ang

✅"Sino'ng umubos ng tilapya ko?" tanong ni Aegir.

❌Sinong, Sinung

Sino + na = Sinong

✅Walang kahit na sinong traydor ang puwede sa grupong ito!

❌Sinung, Sino'ng

Ano + ang = Ano'ng

Ano + na = Anong

12. ✅Puwede

❌Pwede, Pwide, P'wede, Pupuwede, Pup'wede, Pipwede, Pipuwede

13.Hindi dapat pinaghihiwalay ang mga katinig kapag naglalagay ng gitlapi.

✅Plinano, Grinipo, Trinumpo, Brinaso, Trinato, Trinaydor

❌Pinlano, Ginripo, Tinrumpo, Binraso, Tinrato, Tinraydor

a. Plinano ni Austin ang lahat para mapabagsak si Ali.

14. Ang unlaping i- at gitlaping -in- aynpalagian o kadalasang magkasama. Walang unlaping ini- sa unahan ng mga katinig.

✅ihinahabilin, ilinilihim, ilinathala, ipinaliwanag, idinulog, iginuhit, iginiit, ikinababagabag

❌inihahabilin, inililihim, inilathala, inipaliwanag, inidulog, inigiit, inikababagabag

a. Isa lamang ang ikinababagabag ni Sanchai... Iyon ay malaman nila ang kaniyang lihim.

15. Sa pormal na pagsusulat ay walang unlaping nakaka-. Ang unlaping naka- o nakapag- ay kadalasan o palagiang sinusundan ng inuulit na unang pantig ng salita.

✅Nakatutuwa, Nakatatawa, Nakaaangat, nakabibilib, nakahihigit

❌nakakatuwa, nakakatawa, nakakaangat, nakakabilib, nakakahigit

a. "Nakabibilib naman ang naganap na sabong! " wika ni Levi.

16.✅Tingnan, tainga

❌tignan, tenga

a. Piningot ni Reign ang tainga ni Abieson.

17. ✅Kaysa, Mayroon

❌Kesa, Keysa, Mayron, Meron, merun, miron, mayro'n

a. Mas mabuti na lamang ang may magalit sa iyo sa sinabi mong katotohanan kaysa mayroon kang tinatagong kasinungalingan.

>| TAGS (DIALOGUE, ACTION AND ADVERBIAL)

Dialogue Tags: What Are They and How To Use Them

A. What is a Dialogue Tag?

1. Also often referred to as an attribution, a dialogue tag is a small phrase either before, after, or in between the actual dialogue itself. It is used to inform the readers who’s the speaker of the dialogue.

Example:

» “Who ate my banana?” asked Joseph.

The phrase “asked Joseph” is the dialogue tag in the sentence.

***

B. How To Use Dialogue Tags?

Dialogue tags are found in three different places: before, after, or in the middle of dialogue. Depending on where the dialogue tags are, you use different punctuations and capitalization.

1. Tag Before the Dialogue

a. When dialogue tags are before the dialogue, it looks any of these:

» Sanchai asked, “Mabait ba talaga ako?”

» Sanchai muttered, “I’m fine.”

» Sanchai exclaimed, “That was so amazing!”

b. How it works:

» ALWAYS use a comma after the dialogue tag.

» If the dialogue tag is the beginning of a sentence, capitalize the first letter.

» End the dialogue with the appropriate punctuation (period, exclamation point, or question mark), but keep it INSIDE the quotation marks.

***