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My time in the hospital had been short lived. While I got to go home a few days later, Christian was still in the hospital. He would still be for a while longer before he is discharged.

At first I had joked around. I laughed. Then slowly, my laughter died down. My smile started to fade.

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It had finally hit me. It hit me full force one day. I found myself crying alone in the shower. I cried.

I cried for the incident. I cried for Markel. I cried for Tristian and Christian. I cried for the injustice of it all.

They had targeted Markel because of the color of his skin. They had targeted Tristian for whom he to love. Things that are not a choice for us. Fore those very things of which makes us different, they were targeted by bigots hiding behind the guise of protecting us all.

I had been grazed covering Christian and Tristian during the shooting. Christian had taken the bullet meant for his older brother. I remember Tristian asking him why he had taken that bullet with his name on it. Christian's response had both warmed and torn apart my heart.

After talking to the doctor more in depths we found that Christian would need physical therapy. He had indeed suffered minor nerve damage to his spinal cord. The kid had just smiled happy to still be alive.

I know that Naomi worries for me. I can see it in her eyes. I can feel it in the way that she touches me now. I can hear it every time she utters a word to me.

I do not want for her to worry for me. She does not need to worry about me at all. I am fine. I am fine.

'If you are so fine than why are you crying in a shower when no-one is around?', my subconscious questioned.

I'm fine. That has been my mantra for a few weeks now. I laugh more now. I smile more. I do more.

I make life as easy as possible for my family now. I spend more time with the twins. I cater to Omi even more than ever. She barely even had to lift a finger for anything now. I have declined a few DJ-ing gigs just to stay close to my family as much as possible. Usually I would go with a little push from Omi, but all I want is to be around my family now. I need to be around them.

I raised my head. The fogged glass of the shower and my own tears obscuring my vision.

"Omi?", I whispered.

The shower door opened revealing my Omi with a worried look upon her beautiful face. I watched wordlessly as she stepped inside of the shower fully clothed closing the door behind herself. Slightly waddling, she came to my side cautiously lowering herself until she sat beside me.

I remained facing forward. I felt her presence. I could feel her warmth, but my mind hand been miles away. She took my hand into hers intertwining our fingers. A second later I felt her soft lips touch the back of my hand.

"It's okay to not be okay, Nathaniel", she softly uttered.

I frowned squeezing her hand slightly.

"I'm fine", I muttered.

'No, you're not', my subconscious denied.

"You're not", she stated.

"I'm fine", I repeated.

'Stop lying', my subconscious chastised.

"Why do you do this?", she whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

She was about to cry herself.

"Do what?", I mumbled.

"This. You hide. You bottle everything up. Why do you get to hide, but I can't? It's not fair? Don't you trust me, Nathaniel? I am your wife, you baby, your Omi. Why can you not talk to me?", she said, her voice cracking.

I could hear the tears in her voice. I heard the change in her breathing over the blaring shower-head, water pitter-pattering loudly. She was crying. She was crying, but still I made no move to comfort her.

"I'm not supposed to cry, be weak", I muttered absentmindedly.

She squeezed my hand gently.

"Talk to me, Neil. Please?", she croaked.

"About what? How every time I close my eyes to sleep I see those bastards sneering at us while firing their guns? How I cannot help but think about that day like never ending loop? What exactly do you want me to say?", I asked blandly.

"Yes! Yes, I do! Anything! Say anything, because your silence hurts so much!", she exasperated angrily.

My head fell forward as I lowered my eyes.

"What can I really say? I was lucky", I let out a humorless chuckle.

"Lucky? Nath-don't say that, please", she breathed dejectedly.

"What? It's true. We were all lucky. There's so many people who weren't. They weren't and it's assholes like them that made sure of it. We were lucky", I paused feeling my emotions get the better of myself.

"Why did we have to be lucky, Omi? It didn't have to happen at all. You don't know what it was like to see Christian lying on that sidewalk bleeding out in Tristian's arms. There was so much blood. I was in pain, but it was nothing to seeing him like that. My younger cousin slipping away right before my very eyes", I managed to choke out.

My grasp had tightened around her hand, our hands shaking from the force of my own due to being overwhelmed by my emotions. Tears spilled from my eyes falling onto my lap.

"But boys don't cry", I whispered remembering what my uncle once told me as a child when I cried after falling from my bike.

Her hand left mine as she engulfed me into a hug, hugging me as tightly as she could while I cried. I did not hug her back. I could not find the strength to do more than cry. So she held me as I cried out my bottled up sorrow.

"Neil, I made dinner. It's your favorite", Omi called carrying a tray into our bedroom.

I rose from the bed meeting her halfway taking the tray from her hands then placed a kiss to her cheek in gratitude.

"Thank you, baby", I muttered turning walking over towards our bed.

I placed the tray on the nightstand before retaking my seat on the side of the bed. I heard her sigh.

"Neil, please eat for me, baby? You are making me worry again", she pleaded.

Letting out a sigh of my own I picked up the plate of food from the tray along with the fork. I let out another sigh feeling her eyes boring into my person. She was waiting for me to begin eating. She was willing to literally watch me eat just to make sure that I did.

It irritated me. She was watching me like I was some mental patient at a psych ward. Like I was a criminal or some wild animal that she had to be cautious around.

"Can you please stop staring at me like that?", I griped shoveling a forkful of food into my mouth.

"I just want you to eat, ba-"

"I am eating. You're freaking staring at me so I know that you can see that. I will eat, but can you just go. I just want to be by myself?", I interrupted her explanation.

I did not care. I just wanted her gone. I just wanted to be alone.

'This isn't you', my subconscious chastised.

'Yeah, well, you can shut the fuck up already', I retorted mentally.

I continued eating. I had not realized just how hungry I actually was until I had cleared the entire tray of its contents and my stomach grumbles still for more. Letting out a sigh I left the bedroom heading for the kitchen for seconds, the tray of dirty dishes in hand.

I stopped.

I heard a sound.

I went to take another step, but I stopped once again.

There it was again, sniffling.

'Is someone crying?', I thought.

Excuse me for being an idiot. My mind has not been right lately.

Backtracking a few steps I came to stand outside of the laundry room. Placing my hand on the door knob I turned the knob slowly before slowly pushing the door open.

What? You thought I was going to put my ear against the door? Fuck no! A killer could stab me in the ear or some shit.

Or worse, I get a dick to the ear. My life would be the fuck over, I refuse to go out like that. I am emotionally unbalanced. I'm not an idiot.

The sight before me hurt my heart. I dropped the tray not caring if I broke the dishes that had been upon it or not. Rushing inside of the room, as soon as she was within my reach I pulled my sobbing baby into my arms holding her tightly. As tightly as her bump would allow for me to.

"Omi?", I breathed rubbing her back soothingly.

"Just le-leave me alone", she cried shoving at my chest.

The shove had taken me by surprise and I stumbled backwards a step.

"Baby?", I breathed stepping towards her.

She raised her hand indicating for me not to take another step towards her.

"Leave", she ordered.

"I can't. You were cry-"

"Leave, Nathaniel", she quipped angrily wiping at her tears while turning away so that he back faced me now.

I stepped forward anyway. Wrapping my arms around her waist I rested my head on her shoulder as I embraced her from behind.

"Get off of me. Why are you still here? Leave me alone", she hissed wiping at her tears still.

"No. I love you too much to leave you to cry like this", I protested.

"What's so different now?", she muttered.

"Huh?", I asked dumbly.

"What's different now, Nathaniel? You let me cry earlier. What's so different about now? Just ignore me and pretend that I am not even here like you have been doing for the past week when I try to talk to you", she spat bitterly.

I was dumbfounded by her outburst.

"I have ne-"

She had turned shoving at my chest sending me staggering backwards a couple of steps.

"Shut up! Do not lie to my damn face! You think just because you barely gave me room to breathe that it's the same as talking to me? You think spending time with Aiden and Aryan means being there when you checkout every time. You have spaced out so many times and time again I have made excuses for you. I am tired Nathaniel. I am tired of trying to be there for you and you pushing me away even harder than I do to get you y'all to me about your feelings. Keep it to your damn self! I don't care anymore! You don't care so why should I!?", she snapped angrily before shouldering pass me.

Dumbstruck. She had left me dumbstruck.

"Baby, wait a minute! We need to talk!", I called after her following behind her.

I had not been paying attention and found myself leaned against a wall in the hallway picking pieces of glass from my foot. The glass that had been on the tray had broken and my careless ass had walked right into the broken glass shards in my haste to catch up to my upset wife.

I cursed to myself tossing the last piece of glass aside. I would sweep up the glass in a bit, but for now I had to talk to Naomi. I did not want her mad at me.

Despite everything, that is the last thing I want. She was so upset. I did that. I have to fix this. I don't want her mad.

"Baby!? Naomi!?", I called walking through the house.

I walked through the entire house. She had not been anywhere in sight. I had checked the entire house, but she had not been there.

I checked the garage for her car only to find that her car was gone. She had left.

I had swept up the broken glass and ate another plate of food before calling her, thinking that she had enough time to reach wherever she had gone by then. The phone rang once before going straight to voicemail.

I cursed tossing my phone aside flopping backwards onto the couch.

"Fuck!", I cursed again in frustration.

I waited for another hour.

Then another two, three, four hours, and still nothing. The hope that I had that she would walk through our front door at any moment diminished tremendously with each passing hour.

She had not called or texted me once.

Just as I was about to call the cops and go look for her myself my phone pinged quickly a few times in my hand. Lowering the phone from my face after calling her for the uptenth time my finger glided across my phone screen opening her message.

My eyes scummed over each word multiple times. My brain slowly processed the words on my phone screen. Once the words fully processed within my mind it was as if a switch had been flipped off.

It was like an outer body experience as I watched my phone sail across the living room crashing against the wall shattering, shards of glass flying from the phone's frame before falling to the floor.

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"Fuck!", I exclaimed, the realization of not having a way to contact her as easily anymore dawning on me. "I'm such a fucking idiot", I growled tears of frustration and sadness spilling from my eyes.