Sometimes I wish I could just change my name. And my face. And my whole life. Hell, maybe I should just erase myself entirely and cease to exist. This world, Fabian's world, would be better off without me.

I lost control.

Seeing Chase suffering, seeing Fabian so desperately trying to help him, I snapped. I let my desire to have Fabian as ours take control, and I forced Chase to mark him before allowing myself to do the same.

I'm so pitiful. I make everyone around me miserable. How can I possibly fix this mess? I fuck everything up, constantly. I don't deserve love and forgiveness, and I certainly don't deserve Fabian or my kindhearted brother.

Yeah... maybe I should just die... It's what everyone wants, after all...

Fabian fell asleep again not long after our discussion regarding his new position in life. Sighing softly, I slowly got myself up off the bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping shifter.

What should I do now? Fabian's asleep, and Zion has locked himself in his room. They're so boring...

As I stood up, something caught my eye. A corner was sticking out from a pile of Fabian's clothing, discarded on the floor. It appeared to be a book. I wonder what he's reading?

As quietly as I could manage, I crept over the the pile and shifted the clothes aside, revealing the book.

The cover read 'Dracula' and I gave a humourless chuckle. I wonder why he's reading this?

To my surprise, when I opening the book, I found the middle of the pages has been cut out, and a smaller book has been placed inside. Huh, strange. A notebook? It looks like one of the ones in the library that hadn't been written in before. Picking it up, I began to flick through the pages, finding them all to be blank. Weird.

However, towards the back of the book, I stumbled upon a page that had been written on. I hesitated a moment before reading it, thinking of Fabian's privacy, but eventually curiosity overwhelmed me. Why did the little shifter go to such lengths to hide this from us?

Plan:

14th October - go to HTL and rescue everyone. Take knives from the kitchen - these can be used as weapons. Door code - 325719. Solitary cells - 9812045. Power room -

825561. Shut down power- therefore the cells will open. They can't possibly overwhelm all of the shifters' combined force.

13th October - final meet up with Lukah regarding security and additional passcodes.

I stared at the page blankly for a moment. What is this..?

And then I realised. Fabian planned to go alone to 'rescue' everyone still trapped at the HTL. And the inside information? He somehow met up with Lukah, even though he knows what he did to Zion, to us.

I growled loudly, stalking towards Fabian and dragged him from the bed. He woke with a start, his head hitting the wooden floor hard. He yelped in pain, causing me to hesitate for a moment. But only a moment.

"What is the meaning of this, Fabian?! Do you have a death wish?! Well?!" I yelled, feeling my eyes glow dangerously. I've not been this close to losing it in years, but Fabian may manage to ruin my perfected self control. I didn't want to hurt him, but he's hurt my feelings and damaged my trust in him. How else was I supposed to feel besides angry as hell?!

"I- I'm sorry! I didn't want to be a burden, and my purpose for living is to help everyone at the HTL who can't help themselves! P-please, I have to! There are children there, Chase! Children! Babies! Taken from their families as soon as they're born, just to be experimented on! The screams of people I failed to help still haunt me, I can't allow more people to be used as test subjects! Please!" He sobbed, thrashing out against my hold on his ankle.

"I'm not even that mad you went and planned this behind our backs. No, I'm glad you show so initiative in order to perform such a selfless act. But boy, I'm angry that you just told me a half truth. Care to explain how you've been seeing Lukah? And for what purpose? Don't lie to me now, Fabian. Last chance"

He gulped loudly, his body stilling.

"I swear he's just been giving me information! He's been telling me the guards' weaknesses, what they like, how to keep them quiet if they see me, where the cameras are, what different passcodes for doors are... I promise, that's all! And I've been meeting him once a week for the past month, whilst you and Zion were asleep... I'm sorry that I kept this from you, but I knew you'd overreact!"

"Overreact?! I'm just trying to keep you safe, Fabian! If they get hold of you again, we may never be able to get you back! They'll up security, they'll hire specialists in dealing with vampires, you'll be locked away! We had every right to want to keep you safe! And how the heck did you sneak out to see that despicable man?!"

Fabian bit his lip nervously, but made no move to respond. "Fabian" I warned, my voice dropping.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, and whatever he did, he appeared to feel extremely guilty about it...

"I... I drugged you both. I put sleeping pills in your water" he said quietly not meeting my eyes. Well, I had to admire his acting skills. I didn't suspect such a cheap trick, not for a second.

"Where did you get sleeping pills? I'm guessing Lukah, and I bet he told you the amount to use, right? Figures" I muttered, more to myself than to him.

By now, I'd managed to calm myself down, but I was still pissed. "Go back to sleep" I ordered as I left the room, turning the key in the lock behind me. He can stay in there think about what he's done.

Someone has to be the guinea pigs for the HTL, and I'd rather it be a stranger than Fabian. But when I stop and think about it, Fabian was a stranger to us until he escaped. Is it really right to let them all suffer?

No- I shook my head. I have Zion and Fabian. And nothing else matters. Nothing at all.