So today I'm going to tackle a fairly heavy subject, and try to weigh my opinion on that subject. Over the last two-three years, this has grown into an increasingly touchy topic, with very strong opinion on both sides of the spectrum. Part of me wants to explain this because I feel that many new writers, particularly in the romance section, need to understand this cultural change if you didn't already so that at the very least you can be ready to defend your own choices. The other part of me wants to write this because every time I write about sex, I get 2-3 times as many likes on that chapter... So let's talk about America's favorite pastime, Sexual consent and Rape. And hopefully wattpad doesn't tag me with mature again, because I honestly think this is something even young adults need to hear.

Just to be clear, rape is bad, mmkay. However, when I'm discussing the concept of rape today, I'm no longer discussing the stranger in a dark alley who forces a girl to the ground at knifepoint. That was the understanding of rape when adults over 40 grew up. This is undeniably rape for anyone and everyone. If you're a few years younger (30+), you might add violating drunk people who are unable to give consent, and of course date rape as elicited by a drug slipped into someone's drink. Almost everyone would agree this is rape, but I'm not talking about this kind of rape either.

I'm talking about the newest cultural change, which takes the term rape down to its definition. That would be, non-consensual rape. Or... rape where one party does not give a clear, verbal consent. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these things weren't always rape. I'm merely speaking to culture's tendency to not see these things as wrong in the past. Non-consensual rape in the 70s was as much rape as it is today, but just like a racist movie in the 1930s, many people just didn't see it as racist, because culture...

Now, America (US) is a lot different than other countries, so let me explain for a bit. While we have a history of saying "anything goes" when it comes to violence in media, America (US) has always had a strange relationship with sex. It has often become a media taboo to have anything sexual on camera. Even these days, R rating goes to anything remotely sexual, whereas blowing someone's head off sits comfortably at PG-13. Don't even think of seeing a guy's butt as he's thrusting, because that's an immediate NC-17 rating. Even this site has their mature rating, which creates the "after dark" app they have to make look like smut, because way too many people equate sex with taboo.

This affected rape too. Since sex is taboo, sex crimes are even worse. America (US), for entirely too many years, tried to pretend rape didn't exist, or if it did, it was somehow instigated in some way. So, that's how America (US) existed. But slowly, perhaps too slowly, America (US) has steadily started to accept the reality of rape. We've began to understand what consent really means.

To the current America (US), consent is clear, verbal acknowledgement prior to sex. No mumbled maybes, no half-hearted submissions. You can argue until the cows come home whether it's the man's responsibility to hear that consent, or the woman's responsibility to give that consent, but it's only the man's failure that results in a crime, so in society as it is, the man is responsible. Also, while I say "consent is clear", I don't mean that everyone has accepted this world view on sex. However, whether you accept it or not, it is the reality.

Furthermore, that consent is not a permanent, or even a temporary yes. Any American should be entitled to change their mind during any part of sexual intercourse, and disengage without further continuation of said sex. That means five minutes in, if one party suddenly decides they don't like it, if they change their consent, the other party must disengage immediately.

This is all considerably easier said than done. It leads to a lot of equally difficult questions. For example, what about coercion? If I try to convince my girlfriend to have sex, is it a crime? Many say yes, some say no. If someone gives consent, and then they change their mind, sex immediately stops. But what about the opposite case? When someone doesn't give consent, at what point can you ask again? If you make out, as teenagers are like to do, and you try to cop a feel, and are told no... how much making out before you're allowed to ask again, and see if she is now in the mood?

In America (US), the current answers usually side on caution. You don't ask again, you don't touch without asking first, and you don't try again, even if you're already in a sexual situation (like making out). After asking, if the opposite party changes their mind, it is up to them to let you know. That's not how things were when I grew up, but that is how things are now. Part of the reason I'm mentioning this here is because a lot of readers are teenagers, and unless health class has changed, the most any of you hear about sex is to not have it.

So I'll go on record saying that consent is very important, especially in the US. Unless you've known someone a really long time, and know their attitude and mood extremely well (like living together and married for 10 years, not like boyfriend for a year), you must be very clear about what you want and expect. And even if you do think you know what they want very well, being wrong can have disastrous consequences.

Now why am I going on about sexual consent in America? The reason I'm speaking about this is because I've been reading an increasingly large amount of books hit in controversy, or at the very least, commentroversy, over scenes in which one party engages in sex with the other party without expressed permission. Let's face it, bad boys are like catnip for teenage girls. Every romance story needs that aggressive guy who will loosen a girl up, whether she says she wants it or not. Not even touching on rape fantasies, you have many many MANY romance stories that by the current American standard have the male lead committing the equivalent of rape. We've come a long way from the age in which a male lead kissing a woman who's saying no was considered "hot".

Let's face it, a hot and heavy scene where a woman is unwillingly willing while an aggressive, dangerous, yet super-hot man pushes her to the floor and has his way with her might be some girl's dream scene. Yet, by the current American standard, that is also very much rape.

So you end up seeing a pretty extreme division. There are those that insist this kind of writing adds to "rape culture" that encourages men in real life to treat women in real life that way. Personally, I believe this is a load of hogwash. Men in real life treat women that way because we don't teach children about sex properly in health classes. Sex as a taboo has created health classes that teach children that celibacy is the best method, glossing over so many important things people should know, not the least of which include how to properly ask and accept consent. A person is capable of separating fiction from reality (like violence in books/video games), but that's only if someone properly explains reality to them. If all you have to go by are examples in media, then of course you'd act that way. The way to fix that isn't to turn media into your source of education, but to actually have a legitimate and clear source of education.

The second group of people are those screaming "SJW" while getting angry that things they like are having them called rape apologists who contribute to rape culture. I don't really side with this group either. It's perhaps a too personal reaction to something that needs to be taken in context to the situation.

While even I struggle to understand the current culture, I recognize that this IS the current culture we live in. Therefore, when you're producing work, and expect it to be read by people living in this culture, you should be aware of how people perceive things. Therefore, when you're writing your main protagonist, you may want the guy to be dark, and forceful, and you may want the girl to be resistant, and have her "convinced", but also understand that would be a difficult scene to write without bothering some people. By the time you're done, half your readers may be disgusted with the main character you were expecting them to swoon over.

Even stories like Twilight are slammed for the hints at abuse. He stalks her, sneaking into her room and watching her sleep. He breaks her car when he doesn't want her to go somewhere. He also is a mere second away from hurting her severely from his barely restrained animalistic desires. To one set of ears, that sounds hot, to the other set, that's clearly the least healthy relationship ever conceived. I wonder if Twilight had come out in 2015 as opposed to 2005, if it'd have been nearly as loved. I'm betting you that given the changes over the last ten years, it probably would have been buried in negative criticism.

So at the end of it all, I just want writers on Wattpad to be familiar with the current climate in the US. If you want to write stories where one party aggressively pursues another, many people these days will be repulsed by it. Even going back just a few decades, the way characters interact have radically changed.

X-files used to be show that was heralded for all of the sexual tension between Moulder and Scully (the two main characters). However, by today's standards, their interactions seem almost childish and Moulder comes off like a sexual pervert and creep. Movies like American Pie, Porky's Day, or Revenge of the Nerds have gone from classics to showcases on how to commit sexual assault.

What is my opinion on all of this? Should you stop writing stories with scenes you consider hot and sexy, the scenes where the line between rape and not rape gets a little blurry? Given my past comments, you probably can guess that I tend to sit on the line of creative freedom.

Only a victim can decide if they were a victim or not. We should at least give people that choice, especially when "choice" is the very thing we're saying someone is being robbed of. In the case of a romance story, it is the writer who creates that character, who thinks like that character thinks, and who knows the whole story behind every scene.As a reader, I think we should give writers the benefit of the doubt. If you're in the PoV of the main character, and she doesn't consider it rape, then neither should you. Who are you to take that choice away from her against her will? (see what I did there?) As far as how the scene looks on the surface? Scenes can be deceiving, and not everything written is what happens.

Just because the writer is trying to make a sexy scene, doesn't mean at some point after 'their bodies fall down and they give into their pleasure', you can't imagine the amandum 'and he looked up and asked for her clear consent before he stuck it in, and she gave it with a quivering yes.'. Unless the writer is writing this as a rape scene, then the writer gave consent, and if the writer gave consent, then the character that the writer wrote gave consent, and thus, consent was given, ergo it's not rape, no matter what it "looks like" from a third party PoV.

That's really the gist of it when it comes to writing. You're a third party looking in. You're only privy to the sexy scene the writer wants to show you. You aren't privy every word and motion. Chances are the writer is writing a girl who is saying 'no' but means yes. Some of you will then jump on that, and say "yes, the girl may mean yes, but the guy doesn't know that, therefore the guy is acting like a creepy rapist!" To which I respond with this. The writer is the same person as the girl. Do you know who else is the writer? The guy. The writer is writing the scene knowing the girl is giving consent, since s/he wrote the girl giving consent in his/her mind. Since the writer is also the guy, he knows she is giving consent, because they are both the same person. Ignore the part where I technically implied the writer is screwing themself...

Is it hard to accept that the guy just "knows" the girl is giving consent? Well... that's just called suspension of disbelief. So when someone has problems with the actions of a male protagonist who is rough with a female protagonist, it isn't rape they have a problem with (except in the cases where it clearly is as intended by the writer), it's their inability to suspend disbelief. It's too real for them. They have to get caught up on it, in the same way I might get caught up on the idea of a protagonist serendipitously escaping through deus ex machina or being practically in two places at once or any of the other hard to believe suspensions of disbelief (notice how no one ever goes to the restroom?).

Therefore, that is my opinion on sexual consent in books. And definitely please note that this IS an opinion... one that many of your readers may not hold. So while I have my justifications all I want, if you want to cater to certain audiences, you need to be very careful when handling your writing. In the end, you may need to figure out ways to put proper consent into a story, or at the very least treat what is happening as someone in reality might treat something like that happening. Most people who are okay without consent wouldn't be bothered if you threw it in. On the other hand, most people who aren't okay without consent will be heavily bothered by those scenes. So cater to the majority, and add it in. Just... add it in in a way that doesn't interrupt your story or make your characters seem weird.

He throws her to the floor, his rock hard manbody covering her own petite frame.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he breathes darkly, just centimeters from her lips. "Do you offer me permission!"

"O-okay..."

"Okay? Or Yes! Are you just intimidated by the fact that I'm on top, or are you legitimately giving me permission?"

She looks up from her eyelashes, fluttering them as she considers what she truly wants. Eventually, she comes to a conclusion.

"Yes, you have permission to kiss me!"

Their lips interlock passionately, their hot sweaty bodies pressed against each other as his tongue explored her mouth with her clear and expressed consent...

Meh... it could work.