The bright sunlight filtered through the large panel windows of the dining room. The luminous sunny day had warmed not only the room but melted away the frost that had once covered one's heart. Sitting in the corner of the room, incredulously, Nawal gazed at her husband. Did she hear him right? She was afraid to move or even blink. What if this was a dream? She never wished to wake up from it.

Seema's gasped, clearly indicated it was real and when she came and hugged Salman and Nawal, she knew this was real. Closing her eyes, tears cascaded down her cheeks when she was enveloped in the maternal embrace of Seema. The woman who had been her support and fought against the world for her.

Her bleary eyes searched for Salman who was answering his father's questions. That is when Nawal forehead creased at the conversation.

"Are you sure?" Muhammad probed cautiously.

Salman sat beside him and took a toast from the bread basket and carefully applied butter on it with the butter knife.

"Yes."

That was all he said. It was evident he had no intentions of discussing his marriage with Nawal in front of his family members. Seema slowly shook her head, grabbing Muhammad's attention. It was wiser not to meddle between the married couple. If they had finally decided to make this marriage work, they should be given the chance. Now Seema prayed that with each passing day love would blossom in her son and daughter in law's hearts.

For the rest of the meal, Nawal nibbled her food. Her queasy stomach not appeased by the sight of the lavish breakfast that was prepared by Seema. Instead, there was a tight knot in her stomach.

What exactly was going on?

Last night, Salman said he forgave her. Then, this morning he uttered the statement her ears were desperate to hear. But not once during breakfast he glanced at her. She had learned from her past mistakes, communication was essential in their relationship. This is why, when Salman stood to leave for work after his breakfast, Nawal quietly followed him to the foyer.

Her hand slipped through his arm so that he would stop in his hasty stride. He came to a halt and turned to her.

"Thank you for giving us a chance again." She breathlessly said.

He evaded looking at her, nodding his approval he stepped back.

She tightened her hold on his arm, "When will you come back from work?"

"Around six."

She smiled sincerely, "I will be waiting. We will talk then, yeah?"

He still didn't look at her as he disengaged himself from her, "Okay."

And then, he was gone without any further affirmations of their relationship.

He may have said the words she was eager to hear but the tension within her was escalating by the minute. Anxiously, she walked to the front window, gazing out as Salman reversed the car from the front yard parking.

Whatever doubts he has, we will work through them tonight, she avowed.

Little did she know, the ice surrounding the heart doesn't even melt easily in the simmering heat of the summer.

****

Hours later, Salman stood in front of the glass wall in his office that overlooked the great Wicklow Mountains and South Dublin scenic views. Hand in his pants pockets, shoulders hunched, he stared mindlessly out the window.

Did he make the right decision?

All morning, he wasn't able to concentrate at work. In fact, he had cancelled one meeting and in the other meeting, in the midst of his board members, he felt alien. His troubled thoughts running through his mind. Second thoughts emerging. Fear lurking in his heart. Doubts rising.

It wasn't a hasty decision. Deep in his heart, he knew he would have never gone through the final steps of the divorce. He just couldn't. But the qualms lingered.

Maybe they could take it easy. He was afraid to be vulnerable again. The last few months, he had nearly broke down. His belief in himself, his pride, everything was shattered. He was hesitant to be close to her again and to break all barriers between them.

He spun around and faced his office. It will be difficult. In fact, nearly impossible. For his sanity, he will maintain this distance.

****

After her last completion of her examination, Nawal excitedly reached back home with one purpose to adorn herself for her husband. Her life would now focus only on pleasing her husband. She threw her bag on the bed and hastily went to the wardrobe to select a dress.

She hardly had any fancy maternity dresses. After rummaging through the hanged dresses, she selected a floral red maxi dress. Tonight was the night she would finally be in her room by his side. It was high time to get dress up.

An hour later, she was dressed in a flowing dress that went down to her ankles, fluttering against her legs. Her brown eyes coloured with charcoal black kohl, lips painted with deep red lipstick, a colour she hadn't applied as long as she could remember. Hair cascading down her shoulders to her lower back. Curls framing her chubby cheeks that she had been gifted during the pregnancy. She was wearing matching bangles, standing in front of the dresser, her eyes met his at the mirror's reflection.

With his masculine grace, he sauntered to her, accelerating her heartbeat. Her eyes roaming over his reflection. Even after a day at work, he took her breath away. His black straight hair falling to his forehead, her hand itched to brush it back. The snow white shirt against his olive complexion was alluring. His broad shoulders filling out in his slim fit shirt that emphasized his wide back and slim waist. His sleeves were rolled up showing off his muscular forearms symbolizing his sheer strength.

She whirled around her hair like silk threads fell on her shoulder, shyly she rose her eyelids meeting his smouldering gaze. Her hand touched his chest where his heart was beating as rapidly as hers. He covered her hand with his.

They were lost in each other. After months of separation, they were finally conceding with the marital companionship. There will be no more distances that was the only thought in her mind. Whereas, all he thought was how to be distant. Her overpowering seductive perfume was driving his senses crazy. His fingers interlaced with hers that was laying on his chest.

He brought her hand to his lips, not leaving his eyes from hers. His thumb drew circles at the back of her hand. Kissing the palm of her hand, his fingers loosened its grip on it. He turned around and closed his eyes, fighting an internal struggle within him.

She frowned, her eyebrows drawing together. She stepped closer but his voice stopped her.

"Perhaps, it's better you move in the room after the baby is here."

Dread filled her heart. Her eyes widened. Any intimate thoughts evaporated.

She moved around him and looked into his eyes. She saw the answer in them. In despair, she stepped back.

"What does that mean?"

"After what happened, we should take one step at a time." he reasoned.

Her frown deepening, "Why?"

When he didn't answer, she further probed, "You want us to have a separation?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, a wayward curl falling on his left eyebrow. "It's not that."

"Then?"

"Some things are hard to forget." He whispered.

"You didn't forgive me whole heartedly, did you?" she pursed her lips in anxiety.

He opened his mouth to speak. He had no justifications. He was only protecting himself. He was cautious after the disastrous turn their marriage had taken.

"It's for the best we just focus on the baby, right now."

"Is it?" her eyes held his in a challenge. She thought, he would hold her hand in this difficult phase of parenthood and be by her side when she needed him the most. Instead, he was leaving her to face the trials of motherhood on her own.

Curtly nodding, he rubbed the back of his neck, "You are done with your exams right?" In response, she nodded. "Then why don't you rest. I will see you later." Even to his ears, his excuse sounded feeble. But right now, he would say anything to leave before his resolve weakened.

Dumbfounded, she gazed at the man who was known for his possessiveness. A man who had been in a rush to claim her as his wife. He had fought the world just to marry her. Today, he was a different man. Aloofness, cold and distant. Where was the man she married? Perhaps, it would be better if she gave him the space he so much desired.

"Faraz bhai had asked if I could go and stay with him and Bhabi for some time." she gently spoke, wondering whether he would object.

He tilted his head, attentively listening to her.

"I was thinking to go there." she shrugged nonchalantly, "Until the baby arrives." She was treading on dangerous waters but she was testing him. There were still six weeks before her due date. Ample time to be away from home and for him to flatly refuse this notion.

His eyes met hers. They stared at each other and then he said the three words that extinguished the blazing flame of hope that had been burning since morning.

"As you wish."

With that he left the room, leaving her alone once again.

Angry tears escaped her eyes as she slumped on the bed dejectedly.

He didn't forgive her after all and from the looks of it, he definitely didn't trust her. In fact, he was eager to get rid of her. There was always a glimmer of hope but today there was only desolation in her heart.

They maybe a married couple to the world but the reality was she was going to live a lonely life for the years to come.

She never expected him to profess his undying love for her. All she yearned was for marital companionship to find a friend in him. If not her best friend, at least a friend who she could learn to trust and be comfortable with. To be able to build marital harmony through friendship, honesty and camaraderie.

Her shoulders hunched forward, her hands tightening on the edge of the mattress, a painful groan left her mouth.

Ya Allah, will I ever find happiness? Will he ever really forgive me?

****

Nawal frivolously sat colouring the auburn hair of Princess Anna in a colouring book. Unaware of her surroundings, Nawal reflected over the past few days. It had been one week since she was living at her brother's home. She was loved by her niece and nephews and pampered by her brother Faraz and sister in law Samreen but she felt empty and lonely.

She sighed deeply and lifted a pink colour pencil to colour the dress of the princess. Liyaanah gazed over Nawal's shoulder and scrunched her nose disapprovingly.

"Phuphu, Princess Anna doesn't have pink dress." Liyaanah chided, her nose wrinkling further.

Startled, the pink colour pencil slipped from Nawal's fingers and dropped on the table. It took a minute for Nawal to gather what Liyaanah was pointing out.

The five year old took out deep purple colour pencil and handed it to her aunt, "Here," she pointed at the Princess flowy skirt, "The skirt is purple."

Nawal forced herself to smile and stroked the purple colour pencil on the princess's skirt. Liyaanah also decided to help her aunt, she grabbed a teal blue colour pencil and was neatly colouring the sleeves of the princess's dress.

"You know Phuphu you are my best friend." She beamed.

"Is that so?" Nawal smile spreading further.

"Uh-Uh" Liyaanah nodded, "You play dolls and you colour princess Anna."

Nawal pinched Liyaanah's chubby cheek, "And we will have tea party."

"Phuphu is it true you will bring a girl baby home." Liyaanah's eyes widened.

As if listening, the baby forcefully kicked the side of Nawal's stomach, "Yes I think your friend will be coming very soon." Her eyes sparkled thinking of the baby. Time was approaching fast and soon she would have her bundle joy in her arms.

"You know girl babies are nice than boy babies." Liyaanah pouted. She thought for a minute and then wishfully said, "I think my Mommy will bring a girl baby too."

Samreen was listening to the conversation as she entered the room with an armful of folded washed and dried clothes ready to be set in the children's wardrobe. Her eyes widened at her daughter's prediction.

"No sweetie, I am not bringing any girl babies home." Samreen hurriedly clarified Liyaanah's assumption.

"But Mommy girl baby are nice." Her lips curled in displeasure.

"Yes Phuphu is getting one inshaa Allah. You can play with her." Samreen said, winking at Nawal.

"Will Phuphu live with us when the baby comes?" Liyaanah asked.

It was an innocent question but it turned Nawal pale. Her eyelids lowered concealing her worrisome emotions in her eyes. Salman only called once during this whole week. With each passing day, her foreboding was increasing. He still didn't accept her as his wife. It was all for namesake.

This is why, words slipped from Nawal's lips even before she realized, "I don't know."

Hearing upon those words, Samreen stilled in the act of setting Daniyal's jumper on the shelf in his wardrobe. She glanced at Nawal and frowned seeing she was spacing out again. She had been doing that a lot lately. It was apparent that there was still tension between her and Salman even though he had accepted her as his wife.

This is why, that night when the children were asleep and so was Nawal, Samreen softly spoke to Faraz about the matter.

"Did she tell you anything?" Samreen asked in darkness, only the light from the night lamp beside Salim's cot glowed.

Faraz had his arm under his head over the pillow, "No nothing."

"I think you should talk to Salman. She isn't happy. I have seen more than once she is absent minded. And when I mention about the baby, there is always sadness on her face." She scooted closer so that she could speak softly as she was worried their conversation might stir the toddler in his sleep.

"You are right. I will talk to Salman then." Faraz said, gazing up the ceiling.

Samreen's arm encircled around his waist and she rested her head on his shoulder, "I pray inshaa Allah she finds contentment and peace in her marriage. It's an awful feeling to be separated from your spouse."

He ran his fingers down her arm, "You are right. I nearly went insane without you."

She smiled and playfully squeezed his torso with her arm, "You can't live without me." she teased.

"Of course I can't" he replied solemnly.

He kissed her temple, "Sammy girl I am tired. Now go to sleep," he yawned.

She chuckled and closed her eyes, knowing well the boys had kept Faraz busy all evening.

Marital bliss could be achieved after going through tough times.

Tough times eventually brought the spouses together.

Indeed that was true in Samreen's case and she prayed same would be for Nawal.

****

Across the city, Salman dropped the car keys on the bedside drawers. He collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. Stretching his arms above his head, he rubbed his eyes with the crook of his index fingers. How much longer will he torture himself this way?

For the last one week, he had been working for agonizing timings. He did everything possible just so not to come back home. No corrections to an empty home. His parents and grandfather were like ghosts hardly seen in the house. Her presence was the luminous energy vibrant enough to bring warmth and joy in the house. But now she was not there anymore.

He drove her away.

How did he live prior to his marriage in this same house? Why did he now delay every possible minute to go back home? He had hit the gym like a mad man, spending at times four hours exercising just to get his mind off her.

But nothing worked.

Absolutely nothing.

How many times he clicked on her number to call but then quietly placed the phone away. That one time he did end up calling her was a conversation that lasted couple of minutes. There was so much more he ached to talk to her about. But his mind rebelled once again.

If this continued he would go crazy soon. How could he possibly get his life back? Peace, tranquillity and most importantly her.

When would these doubts leave him? Would he ever stop doubting her? There were times, he just longed to forget what he witnessed and what she confessed. But it wasn't easy.

Amidst his troublesome thoughts, there was a soft knock on the door.

Scowling Salman called out, "Come in."

Seema peeked through the door, "Do you have a minute?"

He sat and stress replaced by anxiousness, "Ammi it's late. Why are you awake?"

Seema sat beside him on the bed. Fidgeting with the diamond ring she always wore, she confessed, "There is something I need to tell you Salman."

"Jee?"

"Perhaps, listening to this would make you realize mistakes do happen and we do repent. All one asks for is sincere forgiveness, to be able to trust again and rebuild the relationship."

"I don't understand," his voice tone low.

"There was once a time your mother had sinned. The world had turned against me but it was your father who stood by me as my strength. I expected the same from you Salman."

Muddled, Salman further asked, "What are you talking about?"

Seema stared at the wall, a faraway look in her eyes, "It all started 35 years ago..."

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