Just a step away from her, Salman wasn't able to tear his eyes off her. In the deep navy blue abaya that flowed around her like an elegant dress, she looked adorable. Had it been few months ago, he would have taken her hand in his and complimented her, regardless of being in the family room. But times had changed. Her theatrical steps to change his heart were not effective. It was too late now.

It was at the tip of his tongue to bluntly tell her there was no use of wearing an abaya now. Instead, he remained silent, thinking of her health. In the last couple of days, she finally had no vomiting and was now going to university freely. He didn't feel it was right to say anything. It was better to keep his thoughts to himself. Why hurt her?

He stepped back, their eyes still locked. His heart pounding as he distanced himself from her. He shut his eyes, spun around and hurriedly left the room. Pain searing in his blood. Taking two steps at a time up the stairs, he went straight to his room and closed the door behind him. Slumping on the bed, he buried his hands in his hair and gave it a light tug to get rid of the sudden headache.

This was getting torturous day by day.

How will he survive another seven months?

He was in a constant internal battle. His mind persisting on being strong whereas his heart was slowly yielding and almost giving in.

He rubbed his face.

Ya Allah, let me make the best decision where I can find peace.

****

Nawal stared numbly at the space where he was standing. Her shoulders sagged in disappointment and her eyes blinked several times.

Just as I expected.

Muhammad was curiously watching her. For the sake of her father in law, Nawal smiled civilly. Her face devoid of any emotions.

"I presume you asked Salman about joining university this semester?" Muhammad probed.

Nawal slowly nodded, "Yes I had told Khala and she said he has no problem with it."

Muhammad still wasn't satisfied although he opted to keep quiet.

Just then, Seema entered the room and she exclaimed delightfully, "Nawal look at you. Mashaa Allah."

Before Nawal could react, she was engulfed in a warm hug. Nawal had lost count of the number of times her Khala had hugged her and comforted in the past month. In her maternal embrace, Nawal found warmth and love. Feelings and emotions that were missing in her life. Even now, as Seema rubbed her back, tears filled her eyes.

At least someone was there to express her love. She wasn't alone.

Seema pulled back and smiled, "I have good news for you." She hurried to the living room table and picked an envelope.

"What is it?" Nawal eyed it when Seema handed it.

"Look" Seema encouraged.

Nawal's eyes landed on the envelope and then a pleasing smile touched her lips after seeing the logo at the envelope.

It was the letter of appointment from the maternity hospital.

Her first antenatal check-up!

****

"Tomorrow is Nawal's first check-up. You should be there," Seema spoke softly in the quiet study room as she placed the coffee mug on the desk.

Late night, Salman was working late hours so that they can come up with a new marketing campaign. Distractedly, he glanced at the coffee mug that's when his mother's words registered him. His forehead creased.

Seema stood beside his swivel chair awaiting his response. When he didn't say anything and was in deep thought staring at the coffee, Seema again instigated him, "Salman?"

Startled, Salman reverted his attention back to the laptop. Hands on the keyboard, he mumbled, "You go with her Ammi."

Seema gently touched his shoulder, "Beta she needs you not me at that moment. It would be a special moment for both of you."

His hands curled into fists over the keyboard, "No Ammi please. I don't want anything to do with her."

"How long will this go on? Forgive Salman. Allah loves those who are forgiving." Seema again reminded him.

He looked the other way, "Ammi please."

"Fine," she muttered and was walking out of the room when Salman's voice stopped her, "Ammi give her this."

Grabbing his wallet he took out all the Euro bills he had and placed them on her hand.

Seema raised a single eyebrow inquisitively.

"She doesn't have any money. I was worrying how she is managing going and coming back from classes."

Seema folded her arms in front of her, "Why don't you give her yourself?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, although he was at unease, "It's the same thing, whether you give her or I do."

Her eyes narrowed, "Did you even speak to her since all this divorce?"

His jaw clenched, "I ... I ..."

"Just as I thought." Shaking her head in disappointment, Seema pressed, "Salman I expect much more than what you are doing."

Saying that she left the room.

He leaned back in his chair, his head resting against it.

Life had become so difficult. Until recently, he was so sure of everything but now he wasn't anymore...

****

"Nawal Ahmed," the midwife called.

Nawal head rose from the pregnant women magazine she was reading. Handing the magazine to Seema, she stood up to follow the midwife.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Seema asked.

Nawal shook her head, "I will be fine."

The midwife smiled pleasantly, "Hello Nawal, I am Caroline. I will be your midwife for today. Why don't we go in the room?"

"Hi." Nawal followed the midwife into the room.

"Your first check-up looks into the medical history, family history and so on. But before we go into that part why don't I check your weight and blood pressure." Caroline instructed.

And so began the check-up. It was during the questions Caroline asked that Nawal stumbled on one of them.

"You are married, right?" Caroline asked as she typed the information.

Nawal was quiet for a moment. Would she be married after a few months? She didn't know. If only her arrogant husband listened to her once. There weren't many opportunities to talk. In fact none. She had given up completely. Now all her matters lied with Allah. She depended solely on her Creator. She didn't have any hopes, expectations. She was prepared for the worst.

"Yes," she whispered and added silently, for now at least.

Caroline nodded, "Was this a planned pregnancy?"

"No not really."

"Hmm... okay now about your medical history."

The questions came one after the other until it was time for the scan. "Today we will do just a date scan to determine exactly when the baby is due. You can go to the Ultrasound unit and the midwife will call you out. Good Luck with your pregnancy"

"Thank you," smiled Nawal clutching the pink file that recorded all her details, she went to the waiting room, "C'mon Khala we have to go to the ultrasound department."

The women made their way to the ultrasound. After waiting for a few minutes, when Nawal was called, she could feel fluttering in her stomach. This was the first time she would be seeing her baby. It was difficult to explain her emotions. She was excited and nervous. This time she wasn't alone, Seema was accompanying her. She was eagerly waiting to see the first glimpse of her grandchild.

"Now my dear, take off your outer wear, lie down on that" she pointed on the patient bed, "I want you to lower your jeans and pull up your top so we can look at this baby." The midwife instructed.

Nawal did as she was told. The midwife squeezed the cold gel on her stomach, she gasped and her stomach muscles involuntarily convulsed.

"Sorry this can be a bit cold." Mumbled the midwife as she pressed the ultrasound hand device right below Nawal's navel. "Now let's see here."

The screen in front of Nawal displayed a black and white image. It was unclear. All she could see was a head and a body.

"Now that's the head there." the midwife pointed at the screen.

As the midwife continued to speak and point out different parts of the baby, Nawal was in her own world gazing at the baby. The realization hit her hard now. It was real now. There really was a baby. All this time it seemed unbelievable but now she was a grown woman and soon to be a mother. It was an overwhelming experience.

She pursed her quivering lips and her eyes filled with tears. If only Salman would have been there to share this beautiful moment. At that moment, Seema patted Nawal's cheek, "Be happy beta. Alhumdulilah Allah has blessed you with a blessing."

"I see here that you are 10 weeks pregnant. And..." the midwife clicked several times on the keyboard, "The due date I see here is in August."

In just six and a half months!

Nawal's eyes widened and she swallowed hard. Time was running fast.

"Would you like some pictures of the baby?" The midwife asked.

"Yes please."

The midwife handed Seema the pictures and then gave Nawal tissue to clean the gel from her stomach. Once she was cleaned, she fixed her clothes and sat up.

For the rest of the day, she was in a daze.

Her baby was growing up fast.

Not long, before she will have her bundle of joy in her arms.

****

That evening when Salman came from work, he clandestinely kept glancing at Nawal waiting perhaps she would tell him about the appointment. When she remained silent, in agitation, he retired to his bedroom right after dinner. His pride stopped him from probing.

He was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling when there was a soft knock at the door.

Closing his eyes, Salman said, "Come in."

"I thought you may want to look at this." Seema put the black and white pictures on the bedside drawers.

Immediately, Salman opened his eyes and gazed at his mother in confusion.

"The baby is coming in August inshaa Allah." Her eyes pleaded, "Please Salman let go of your anger now. Think of your baby. You will regret being angry for so long. Don't let this fury completely destruct your relationship with Nawal. She is a soft hearted person but even she won't be waiting all her life for you. She has self-respect too. Don't take advantage of her."

Salman abruptly sat up, "Ammi please. I was faithful she was the one who betrayed."

"You didn't even give her a chance to speak. Salman learn to give others a chance. I don't know how many times I have been trying to make you understand. But you have grown a thick skull when it comes to forgiving."

"I don't forgive."

"There is always a first time." Seema challenged.

"Not for me."

"You are worse than your father. At least, he wasn't this dense at his youth."

Salman tilted his head, "What does that mean?"

Seema whirled around, darkness looming in her eyes, afraid he would see the depth of her sorrow, "Someday I will tell you."

It was many minutes in solitude, Salman contemplated at his mother's words. He rubbed his forehead, he was going back to laying down when his gaze landed on the black and white picture. With trembling hands, he touched the picture. His eyes narrowed in concentration as he tried to understand the picture until he was able to make out the head of the baby and the body. He ran his thumb over the image.

Baby.

Their baby.

It hurt too much.

****

Laying on the bed with her hands on her stomach, Nawal had tears in her eyes. Today was a big day when Salman must have seen the pictures but there was no reaction from him. Instead, as usual there was silence.

Did he even look at the pictures?

He was taking care of all her needs. He had given her a rather big amount of money through Seema. In fact, she was very surprised. She didn't want his money. Although, she had been managing on the meagre means for the last few weeks as she went to university because she only had some money saved. She was hesitant to ask Seema for money. Instead, she had decided not to indulge in eating anything when she was out. However, Salman had easily taken care of this problem by giving her enough for the next three months.

He must have seen how happily she was eating fruits these days. She craved all kinds of fruits and so he brought many every few days. He never spoke ill of her to his parents. In fact, he never spoke of her. There was no attempt in communicating with her. Although, there were times she felt his eyes on her. And when their eyes would meet for that mere seconds the world would come to a standstill. He may not be aware of but she read his eyes. His anger had been replaced by compassion. His hate turned to care. Then why still this silence?

Most of all, for how long?

I hope your father's heart melt after seeing you, she thought as her hand curled over her stomach.

The truth was the ice wall that built between them was getting thicker day by day.

But ice can melt with warmth easily...

****

Nawal was arranging Salman's washed clothes in his wardrobe when he came back from his work. He was early today. She froze in the act of hanging his shirts. Seeing her in the room, Salman halted in his mid-step.

"I was just putting your clothes." She hastily explained.

Her presence had brightened his gloomy room. He was tired of fighting with himself. For once, he desired to just feel. Feel her presence near him again. He exhaled, "It's okay." He sat on the bed. His back facing her. It was better not to see her in this room. A flood of memories cascaded. The blessing time they spent together. Her giggles. Their teasing. Their bantering. They were always on constant verbal battle but now they had forgotten how to speak to each other.

He couldn't stop himself, he turned and looked at her. Her slender long back emphasizing in her curvaceous cut of her kurta. She tiptoed to put a stack of towels on the top shelf. Her slender shapely legs teased him. His eyes flickered to the sole of her feet, his mind wandering to her late night habit. Her one foot tapped on the mattress before she went to sleep. The first few nights after their wedding, he found it odd that the mattress slightly bounced but he quickly learned it was her habit when she was about to go to sleep to tap her foot. And when the movement stopped during the night, he knew she had fallen asleep. She wasn't even aware of her habit until he pointed it out.

She turned to put the stack of washed t-shirts but was alarmed to see him standing right behind her. She licked her lower lip. Her heartbeat suddenly picking up speed.

"I will put these," he lifted the t-shirts stack.

"It's okay I was about to."

Instead, he stepped closer. Their arms brushed, eyes locked. They were so close. His breath fanned her face. At this distance, she easily noticed that his cropped beard was much more grown than before. His eyes feasted on her. How long it had been since he had taken her in his arms. The armload of clothes reminded him of the task at the moment. He placed the clothes on the middle rack. Awkwardly, she stepped back, the spell broken.

He couldn't take it anymore. Distances were better than being near. He turned to leave but her hand touched his back. Even though her hand was cold, it made him warm.

"I wanted to thank you for the money. You have given me too much."

"Keep it. It's yours." He said over his shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered back. He remained still and she walked around him to leave the room.

Her chiffon dupatta flirted with his arm. He tentatively touched it as she stepped further and further away. He longed for the contact to last. But in few seconds she was gone. His hand to his side again. As he rubbed his face, he sensed her fragrance from his hand.

The fragrance that drove him crazy.

He was on the verge of going after her.

He even took a step further.

But his stubborn mind stopped him.

Instead, he fell on his knees in loneliness.

This is such a big test Allah. I am not strong enough for this.

*****

On Saturday evening, after a long time, the Siddiqui household was very lively. Guests were invited for dinner. A very special Mr Yahyah, his wife, and daughter Zara were coming for a visit. A multitude of dishes was prepared in their honour. The kitchen was full of aromas of many spices and eastern delicacies. The house had been cleaned, swept and dusted well. It was a meeting that would confirm the business contract between Mr. Yahyah's company and Siddique family business. The two families had known each other for a very long time. They were not only business associates but also friends.

Once the cooking was done and the table was set, Seema turned to Nawal, "Go change my dear. Wear something nice. The last time they saw you was on your Valima."

Nawal's shoulders drooped, "Khala can I just stay in my room. You can just tell them I am tired."

"Nawal, Salman will need you to support him at a time like this. He may not say it but his eyes always look for you when you are not there for dinner."

Anguish wrapped around Nawal's heart that was the problem he never said anything.

She didn't feel like dressing up but for Seema's sake she obliged. After all, Seema had been there for her no matter what. It was after an hour, Nawal examined her reflection in the mirror. She was dressed in a light teal lace Kameez and slim pants. There was light teal thread embroidery on the bodice, pink floral embroidery on the hem of the Kameez and the sleeves. She pinned her matching hijab securely. Eyes adorned with kohl and baby pink lipstick touching her lips. She was adequately dressed. It was time to play a façade of an executive wife.

"Aunty!! It has been so long." Zara exclaimed as she enveloped Seema in a warm hug.

Startled, Seema hugged the over-enthusiastic girl. Zara had never shown such affections before.

Curiously, Nawal eyed the girl dressed in skinny black leggings, pastel pink short dress that had a big black bow belt on the waist emphasizing the curve of her waist. A matching tweed bolero jacket complimented the outfit, her wavy hair falling down her back and black pencil heel sandals giving her a seductive look.

Before Nawal greeted her and her parents, she spun around and her eyes brightened looking at someone behind Nawal.

"Sallu!!! It's been so long." Completely, ignoring Nawal, she stepped closer to Salman, touching his arm, she shook hands with him.

"Yeah. It has. How are you Zara?" spoke in a crisp tone.

She slapped his chest lightly, "You have forgotten your old tennis partner so quickly after your marriage."

"No of course not." He forced himself to smile.

Rubbing his arm again, she suggested, "We should play a game one of these days then."

He stepped back uncomfortably, his eyes darted at Nawal whose face was turning white. She was astonished to see how friendly this woman was with Salman. Never in one year of their marriage had she met any woman who was this friendly with her husband. Prior to their marriage, she had never noticed who Salman's friends were. But now, who was this woman? And how close was she to Salman?

Her heart plummeted at how good Salman looked today. Dressed in a khaki pair of pants, blue and white checked shirt and Monaco blue blazer that emphasized his broad shoulders, muscular arms and sculpted back. Of course, the woman wasn't able to keep her hands off him.