It was an ordinary late winter evening where the darkness spread across the skies early and the age old stars shone throughout the night. The new moon peaked through the heavy grey clouds that were threatening to pour any minute. But in the Siddique household, nothing was ordinary tonight. In the luxuriously decorated spacious living room, Adil Siddique's tired bones were wearier at that moment as he gazed at the stressed faces of his family.

Ghazala and Seema both sat beside on either sides of Salman whose stern face showed no sign of mercy or compassion. Shabbir stood by the window with his hands behind his back, his shoulders hunched clearly indicating the burden that he was carrying for the happiness of his daughter. Muhammad quietly sat in the corner observing the events unfolding in front of him. Nawal was in the far end of the room curled on an arm chair. Her eyes lowered and tears continued to fall down her cheeks. She was abashed for what was revealed in front of her parents and Dada jaan.

"Salman beta, you are being irrational and you are very angry. I am sure you don't mean what you said earlier," Ghazala pressed as she gently touched Salman's arm to emphasize her point.

There was silence. No one spoke. Everyone held their breath waiting for Salman to react.

When Salman had proclaimed divorce, Muhammad and Seema both had been shocked. Seema tried to speak to Salman but he never even answered the quiet knocks and cries of his mother outside his room door. Muhammad had then decided to call Nawal's parents. Nawal had been paralysed, she had sat on the floor in front of her room in the hall the whole time. It was not until Ghazala had roughly shoved Nawal off the floor that Nawal had stood up. The physical abuse from her mother didn't hurt her as she was hauled down the stairs to the living room because the pain her heart was bearing had surpassed any pain her flesh could endure.

The lurid details of Nawal's meeting with Daud was revealed making Ghazala clench her jaw and deathly glare at Nawal. Shabbir was shocked at the secrets of his daughter. How could his princess commit such a sin? He wasn't able to meet anyone's eyes and instead had sauntered to the window trying hard to digest the information that was learnt.

Salman had been transfixed. He was numb to all the pain, shock and hurt. He had finally opened the door at his Khala's insistence but in the last hour not even a word was uttered from him. Now here his wife, their parents and his grandfather awaited his verdict.

When there was no response from Salman, Seema made an effort to fill the quietness and the awkwardness, "Of course he doesn't mean it. He is just angry. Such matters are not valid when one is angry."

That is when Salman shot up to his feet and without glancing at anyone in particular.

"I don't go back on my word. Nawal can go back to her parent's home. I have nothing to do with her." He spun around and his eyes darted at Nawal who was too ashamed to look up. "As far as I know she is my ex-wife now."

Salman was ready to run away from the suffocating presence of Nawal and her parents. He wanted to distant himself as much as possible from her. It hurt too much to look at her and be reminded of her betrayal but Dada jaan's words stopped him.

Adil deeply sighed, "It's not that easy to get rid of a wife in Islam, Salman. During her iddah she will stay here under your protection. If you change your mind and both of you reconcile during that time there will be no divorce."

"How long is the iddah?" Salman snapped impatiently. He couldn't stand her for mere minutes imagining her to stay longer for the next few days was troubling.

"Three months—" Adil started to explain but Seema interrupted him, "Actually Aba, Nawal is pregnant."

Ghazala gasped. Adil rose his grey busy eyebrows and Shabbir's hands fisted in alarm. Adil rubbed his temple in thought, "Well in that case, she will be living here until the baby is born."

"Why the charade? I am sure it's not even my baby. Let her just leave tonight." Salman bit out. No way, he was going to tolerate Nawal another 7-8 months.

Seema stood up and held up her hand in front of Salman, "Bas!! You have said enough. Do you even realize how sinful it is to slander a woman? You can't just kick her out of the house. These are the rules of Allah during Iddah the woman stays in the husband house."

Salman stepped towards the door and sniggered, "I would understand if I was slandering a pious woman. But it seemed I never married one." And then he strode out of the room leaving behind shattered hearts and extinguishing any glimmer of hope.

Ghazala was in tears, Seema rushed to her sister's side and rubbed her back to calm her loud sobs, "This girl ruined our izzat (honour). What will everyone say?" Ghazala vehemently pointed an accusing finger at Nawal, "First your brother drives his wife out of his apartment. Faraz has been living alone for last couple of weeks. Allah knows what conspired between Faraz and Samreen and now Nawal." Ghazala lightly slapped her heavy bosom, "Why do I have to see this day where my children can't even live with their spouse properly and with izzat!" Shaking her head as tears rolled down her face, Ghazala went on, "Hayeee I should have died before this day."

"Baji no, no, no don't say that." Seema slid her arm around Ghazala's shoulders, "I will talk to Salman once his anger dissipates he will take his words back. You will see all will be well. Nawal is my daughter and I will do everything possible to regain her happiness."

"It's all Shabbir Sahab's fault. How many times I warned him not to pamper our daughter. But he never gave a heed. Look where she landed herself and most of all how she never gave a damn about our izzat." Ghazala shot to her feet and leashed out her anger at her distressed husband. He quietly let his wife continue her verbal attack.

"This girl will never learn. Never." Ghazala strode to Nawal, "How can I blame Salman when my own daughter's character is tarnished." Looking with contempt and disgust at Nawal, Ghazala said to her sister, "once the iddah period is over just throw her out of the house." Through her gritted teeth Ghazala declared, "Our door is closed for her from now on." She then marched out of the room without any courteous farewell to anyone.

Shabbier exhaled deeply, his shoulders sagged and he walked sluggishly to the door. But as he left, one last time his eyes met his daughters. He never verbally accused her or derogated her like Ghazala but his eyes spoke far more chilling Nawal's blood. There was disappointment in them. In that one glance, Nawal knew she had lost all support she had of her dear Daddy. She wanted to speak out to him, cry in his arms and tell him this was all lies. But she couldn't knowing she was partly to blame of what happened today.

As Shabbir stepped out of the living room, panic rose in Nawal's chest. She had no one. No one at all. Her parents were disgusted by her. Her husband despised her. Her loving brother Faraz was distressed in his own life. Her other two brothers would never understand her. She was all alone. ALONE. That is when her stomach churned protesting in hunger and a whimper escaped her lips, only her baby was with her. Her arm curled around her stomach in fierce protection.

This is mine. Someone who would love me despite everything.

"Nawal beta, C'mon lets go. You better rest." Seema took Nawal's hand in hers and gently pulled her out of the arm chair. Blindly, Nawal followed her until they came to the downstairs guest room.

"Why don't you sleep here until everything resolves?" Seema quietly suggested as she switched on the light of the room.

Seeing Nawal's face grew paler, Seema cradled Nawal's face in her hands, "Chanda, its only for a few days until Salman's anger vanishes and then you will see you will be back in your room beside him."

Even though, Seema said with strong conviction, for some reason Nawal doubt so. She had a dreaded feeling this was the start of an end. End of happiness or any normalcy in her life.

"Chalo (C'mon) sit down." Seema beckoned her to the bed. When Nawal didn't speak and quietly moved to the bed, Seema sat beside her and said, "I believe you Nawal. I will stand by you." Gathering the broken younger woman in her arms, Seema softly reassured, "I will work on changing Salman's mind. He loves you a lot and he is deeply hurt. I am sure once he cools down he will realize what he has done and he will never abandon you and the baby."

Bloodshot eyes raised to Seema, "Khala believe me Daud has been after me for the last couple of weeks. I tried my best to get rid of him. I tried everything possible but he would follow me and find ways to talk to me and.. and..." she swallowed, closing her eyes Nawal revealed the bitter truth, "and touch me. At first I got swayed by his charm," she lowered her eyelids, "as I had feelings for him in the past but I soon realized it was wrong. I tried everything to ignore him but he persisted. I know my happiness lies with my husband. And last few weeks, we had grown closer. I wanted to tell him about Daud but I was worried how he will react. And I let it be."

"Maybe that's where you went wrong. If you would have confided in Salman instead of him accusing you, he would have protected you."

Pursing her lips together, Nawal mumbled, "I know I realize my mistake now."

Seema kissed her forehead, "Now my dear. I want you to sleep. Don't think anymore. I am here for you. I don't want you stressed, think of the baby ok?"

Nawal nodded slowly and desolately watched Seema leaving the room.

Leaving behind emptiness, despair and bleakness.

All was lost. But was it forever?

***

He was numb. Completely numb. His chest was hollow devoid of a heart beating with feelings and emotions. Alone in his room, Salman stared recklessly at the surroundings that were mocking him. Her hijab on her pillow, her perfumes on the dresser, her jewellery on the night table. Every where he turned was her presence. He stepped away from his bed, stumbling backwards. He didn't want her here. He didn't. She was the evidence of his lacking. He was a proud man. A very proud man. Daud's words had played like poison and they were still running on his head.

"What did I tell you? You may marry her but she will never be yours."

In anguish, he closed his eyes and his head fell back. She was really never his. Never. He had tried everything possible. His marriage was a sham. All those months, she had been seeing another man. She ... she... was in another man's arms. Kissing, touching and perhaps even sleeping with him. He shook his head to get rid of the images that were playing on his mind. Nawal pressed against the wall. Nawal in Daud's arms. His Nawal. His wife. But she was his wife only by name. Her body had been present here but her mind and heart wasn't.

His shoulders drooped in defeat and when he finally opened his eyes, there were tears brimming in them. His emotions concealed behind the tears. He loved her. He loved her with so much passion and intensity. Since young, he had this obsession to make her his. But it was futile. Even marrying her didn't melt her heart towards him.

For the first time in his life, Salman doubted himself. What was he lacking? Why was she unfaithful? Was it because he forced her to marry him or was it because she never liked him? He had become so used to her in the last few months. He never imagined life without her. But it seemed he never mattered to her.

He sank on the bed as tears made their way down his roughened cheeks. It was the cruel reality that he had lost the biggest battle of his life to his archenemy. The greatest prize of his life was snatched away from him or perhaps he was never able to take care of her. No, he had given her everything that would make her happy. But she was never happy at all.

As his gaze lingered on the items that belonged to her, he resolved tomorrow he will tell Ammi to clean the room and tell her to take her things away. His eyes followed around the empty cold room when his eyes settled on a photo frame where it was her picture smiling at the camera on their valima day.

"You are not a man enough to satisfy her. She needs a real man."

His hand on the frame tightened. The photograph radiated happiness. She was laughing at his gullibility.

"...not a man enough to satisfy her. She needs a real man."

Daud had touched those eyes, cheeks and ... and ... her lips. It was his right only. But she let that man touch her. Not once she thought of his feelings. His love. She made him into a laughing stock in front of the world.

"She needs a real man."

Fingers turned white as his grip grew stronger. The edge of the photo frame bit into his palm, bruising him. But the physical pain was his antidote. Maybe that would distract him from the hollowness in his chest.

"...a real man."

No no no he couldn't accept. His wife with another man. Another man knowing her intimately. How many days, nights and hours she spent in his arms after their wedding? Angry tears rushed down his cheeks as he threw the photo frame across the room. The frame hit the wall and broke into pieces. Just as how his heart was in pieces.

But that wasn't enough. He groaned loudly to relief the pain that was escalating by the second and then kicked hard the bedside drawers. The drawers toppled on the side and the last drawer opened spilling the pictures. Those secretive and forbidden pictures of her with him on the day at the stables.

Nawal and Daud.

Daud and Nawal.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He grabbed the lighter from one of the drawers and took out the pictures. One by one, he lit them on fire. As the flames grew and the embers dusted on the floor, Salman realised not only the picture burned but so did his soul. In this race for victory, he was scorched. And his soul turned into cinders. Never to be restored again.

But time was a great healer of all damages...

****

Nawal was frozen in her place. In the darkened lonely room, she felt alien. This wasn't her room. This wasn't where she belonged. She was scared. She didn't want to sleep alone. The demon that she feared and had nightmares of had finally attacked her viciously. Sullying her name, honour and her future. She alone now. No one except this tiny life within her to support her. And perhaps, it was because of the little being she had the strength to stay focused. But the events of last few hours were taking their toll on her.

Her body ached.

Her stomach coiled in fear.

Her heart beat rose with anxiety.

And her tears never ceased.

She raised her knees on the bed and wrapped her arms around her legs. All she ever craved in life was happiness. Today, the harsh reality had hit her on the face.

No one trusted her.

No one loved her for who she was.

She made a mistake. A grave mistake. Now she was being punished. She rubbed her tear stained cheek on her knee. Why had she continued to meet Daud? Why wasn't she able to stop herself? Why wasn't she able to see through his deception? Her mother was right, she was stupid. Completely stupid. She wasn't able to determine a man's wrong intentions.

Her trust on love had vanished. He was a liar. A big deceiver. She should have never trusted Daud. It was indeed wrong that she met him again and worse she never told Salman. But she never had the courage to tell him.

Her lips quivered as she opened her eyes, she saw her reflection on the mirror that was hanging on the opposite wall.

"Beautiful..."

How many times Daud called her beautiful? But the woman she saw on the mirror wasn't beautiful. She was scarred. She was ugly.

No she wasn't beautiful. She hated that word. Never she wanted to hear that word again.

She was ugly.

She opened the zipper of her handbag and took out a black kajal pencil and smeared it on cheeks. She was ugly.

No one loved her.

Black lines were drawn on her face.

No one trusted her.

She took out the pink lipstick and applied it on her face.

She wasn't worth loving. She wasn't worth calling beautiful. Tears mixed with lipstick and kajal coloured cheeks.

No ... love...

No ... trust...

She slid on the bed, her head resting against the pillow as tears flooded with last two thoughts in her mind, she went into the oblivion of more nightmares to come.

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