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Daud hadn't been to work for the last two days. He had been ignoring calls, text messages and emails. All he did was stare out his bedroom window for hours smoking one cigarette after the other.

How long could he ignore his life?

He had to move on. But not before he took his sweet revenge. He will have to calm down and focus on his work until he found the right moment to strike back. This time, he was not backing away at all.

A message alert on his phone distracted him. Finally, for the first time in days, he unlocked his phone and went through his emails, texts and missed calls. It took him hours to reply to all the vital messages. He was going through the various transactions on his business bank account when he noticed the bank balance of the joint account he had with Susan. He frowned, the balance hadn't changed in the last few days. He clicked on the bank statement summary and his eyebrows furrowed further. Susan always took out money every now and then. Why wasn't she withdrawing?

Anxiously, he clicked her number and waited for the ring. But instead, the voice mail greeted him indicating the phone was switched off.

What was going on?

Her phone was never switched off. Even when he called her late night or early morning. Rubbing his temple, he decided he will go and check her out at the apartment. Besides, he had been feeling guilty for what he said to her the other day and would apologize. In madness, he wasn't able to think and ended up lashing out at her. Just when he was locking his phone, a text message popped up.

Aer Lingus reminder of your flight to Athens in 24 hours.

His heart slashed in two parts. He had booked a honeymoon trip to Greece for Nawal and himself.

If only...

If only...

Throwing his phone on the bed, he pulled out another cigarette from the pack.

His life had become a bloody joke.

He didn't trust anyone. Everyone had backstabbed him. No one understood his anguish. Closing his eyes he puffed in the smoke.

He will never love again.

Never.

****

"Khala can I help you in cooking?" Nawal asked standing behind her aunt who was washing vegetables.

Seema glanced over her shoulder and smiled, "No my dear, you are still a bride. But you know what you can sit and give me company."

Nawal smiled back, and gingerly sat on a chair near the kitchen table. She watched as Seema cut the spinach leaves finely, "We have decided the valima this weekend." Seema announced.

Nawal nodded.

"Did Salman tell you where he went?" Seema asked as she continued to chop the spinach leaves.

"No."

Seema scowled, "Well he is gone with his father to make the arrangements for the valima. I reckon it'll take them some time before they come back."

Nawal eyes lowered to her hands. They never spoke to each other in the morning. The words he had uttered last night were like a knife hanging on top of her head. She had no choice but concede to his wishes. Just the thought of it distraught her. She didn't want to think about it.

Seema gauged her niece's desolate mood, "Nawal," Her eyes lifted to her aunt, "Jee"

"I want you to remember one thing. I may be Salman's mother but I am a woman first. You can come to me about any distress you have with Salman. I will always be by your side."

Nawal's lower lip trembled and she looked away. Blinking several times, so that she didn't cry in front of Seema.

Seema's heart broke seeing how Nawal was struggling, dropping the vegetable knife on the chopping board, she took Nawal's hand in hers.

"I know what you are going through." Nawal's troubled eyes met hers, "It's not easy to forget someone who you had your heart and mind set to marry."

She gulped and licked her lower lip. How could her Khala understand her but not her mother?

"No one is expecting you to become Salman's perfect wife. It will take time. inshaa Allah both of you will find happiness, companionship and love with each other." Seema squeezed her hand.

"Salman has to be patient and I have told him that. If he does something that upsets you, come and tell me. I will make him understand. He can be stubborn sometimes."

She wanted to reveal how he had threatened her last night. But she didn't want to create a ridge between herself and her khala. Instead, she pressed her lips, "It's just khala..." she wasn't able to complete what she wanted to say.

But Seema understood, "I will remind him again. And if he is being irrational to my daughter, do not fear I am here for you."

She wasn't able to control her tears this time. She pushed forward and hugged her astonished khala tightly, "Thank you, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."

Seema smiled and embraced her. Rubbing her back soothingly, "I am not your khala anymore. I am your mother."

This was a start of a new bonding. A unique relationship which was to face all kinds of adversity but still stay strong and firm.

****

It was late afternoon when Daud pressed Susan's apartment doorbell. There was no response. He rang the bell again. Nothing. His forehead creased and he took out the spare key he always had in his car key ring.

Unlocking the door, he stepped in the eerie silent apartments.

"Susan" he called out.

Nothing.

He rushed to the bedroom and peered inside and then the bathroom. There was no one home. He hurriedly opened the wardrobes, they were intact with Susan and Yousef clothes.

Where did she go?

He was going to sit on the living room sofa and wait for her when a note on the living room centre table caught his eye. Perplexed, he clutched the small note and his eye roved over its content.

What have I done?

He staggered back until he fell on the sofa. His face buried in his hands. He never meant her to leave. She was wrong. So wrong. He was indeed angry with her but not Yousef. His son. He could never want to separate his son from himself. His eyes landed on a small rubber ball under the coffee table.

He knelt down and gripped the small ball in his hand. It had been few months back when he had played ball with Yousef. Yousef's giggles and his clapping whenever he had thrown the ball had appeased his heart.

Pocketing the ball in his pants pocket, he stood up.

He will bring them back. Dublin wasn't this big that it will take long for him to find them.

But he was wrong... it will take months before he would be able to locate them.

****

It was yet another beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining brightly spreading its warmth all around them. Seema had decided to have a family BBQ on the backyard. It would be a fun time and for everyone to bond with Nawal.

Muhammad and Salman were busy at the BBQ grill preparing an assortment of kebabs and tandoori chicken while Manal had been cutting out vegetables for a salad. Seema had prepared all kinds of the side dishes including different chutneys, paratha (flat bread) and chips. Adil had been sitting on his garden chair contentedly watching his family.

Now they all sat under the sun and enjoyed the lovely food and the weather.

"It's been long Khala since we had BBQ." Nawal mused as she popped a cherry tomato in her mouth. They were still waiting for the meat to be prepared at the BBQ that the men were busy in.

"Oh yes, last summer was so dreadful, we hardly had good sunny days," Manal replied forking the cucumber on her plate.

"Well this summer does look good. May be we should plan a day out to the beach," Seema winked at the girls.

Manal and Nawal squealed in happiness, "Khala that would be wonderful. I just love beaches."

Salman sauntered towards them with a platter full of Seekh kebabs. He placed it at the centre of the garden table and then picked two seekh kebab skewers and set them on Nawal's plate, "You will enjoy this," he murmured.

Nawal cheeks warmed. Seema beamed and Manal nudged Nawal, "Oooo it seems someone wants his wife to be nicely fed."

Nawal gave Manal a dirty look but Manal in return started chuckling. Her hand hovered over Nawal's plate, "If you don't want to eat, I don't mind eating it for you."

But when Manal was about to pick a skewer, Salman lightly smacked her hand, "It's not for you. It's for my wife. You want kebabs go get them yourself."

Manal rolled her eyes, "Fine fine we will let your precious wife eat the special kebabs."

Nawal giggled at their light banter. She had always been amused by it, reminding her how she was with her brothers especially with Arbaaz.

A pleasant smile spread on Salman's face seeing how relaxed and happy Nawal seemed. If only, she would always stay like this.

****

It was late in the evening, Manal and Nawal were curled on the sofa sharing a throw as they watched one of the reruns of the 1990s comedy sitcom Friends episodes on RTE channel. They always enjoyed watching the episodes even though there were other recent comedy shows that were interesting. Both of them were laughing hard when Salman easily slipped beside Nawal on the large three seater sofa. His arms wounded around her waist. She stiffened immediately.

Manal hadn't realized Salman was in the room as well, "Do you remember how you used to find Ross cute?"

Nawal wasn't able to respond. Instead, Salman replied, "Really? I never knew."

Startled, Manal looked at her brother and she could easily see Nawal felt embarrassed. She easily tried to cover up, "It was long time back when we were young girls."

Nawal pried his arms off her and stood up, "I am in a mood for some cool drink, let's make milkshake."

It was an excuse, his eyes narrowed eyeing her. She wanted to get away from him. But for how long? Tonight, he planned to make her his wife in the literal sense.

****

Nawal had been dreading this moment all day long. She had been thinking of many excuses but there was nothing she could say to him that would stop him. She thought of telling him that she was on her period that would hold him off for a few days. Looking at her pale reflection in the bathroom mirror, she wondered she shouldn't be saying no. She rolled her eyes thinking of her mother's stern voice "Never refuse your husband anything". Well, she wasn't going to refuse, rather she would see where things go tonight.

She took deep breaths for many minutes gaining courage. With a trembling hand, she twisted the door knob and stepped in the bedroom. He was standing by the wardrobe taking out his pyjamas. She wasn't able to look at him and scurried to the bed. Laying down, she closed her eyes and her lips moved in seeking Allah's help.

Perhaps, Salman was tired. Maybe, he will not demand as he did last night. She kept hoping but it went in vain when the mattress depressed with his weight and she sensed the waft of his cologne. Her heart fluttered crazily. He was close. Too close. His hand lightly rested on her stomach. She deeply inhaled contracting her stomach muscles.

"You remember what I said last night?" he breathed in her ear.

She swallowed and nodded. Her eyes remained closed.

"Any reservations?" he probed, his fingers teasing under her shirt feeling her navel.

Time ceased, her mind was racing to come up with some excuse. But nothing. There was nothing she could say to him. Her heartbeat accelerated in fear as to what was coming next.

With one word she gave her consent.

"No."

His lips crushed hers in a vicious kiss. She winced, her hands on her sides curling in fists as she braced it. Hands went under her shirt, skimming up her stomach, her ribs and moving up. Groping her breast, she whimpered and broke off the brutal kiss, "You are going too fast." She tried to get his hand out of under her shirt but instead his lips nibbled the side of her neck, his hand snaked under her back and trying to undone the bra hook.

This was nothing like how she had experienced kissing Daud. She shut her eyes tightly. Why was she even thinking of him now? "Wait...wait.." she said breathlessly as her hands soothingly ran over his toughen pectoral muscles. But he paid no heed as his fingers tried again to loosen the bra, "Listen to me." She was panicking now.

Finally, his fingers stilled on her back, "Don't stop me now."

She gulped, "You are scaring me. This is too fast."

Salman's eyebrows knotted in confusion. Too fast? Did she realize how long he waited for this moment?

His hooded darkened eyes penetrated hers and what he saw there he didn't like at all. Her eyes had widened with fear. He never wanted Nawal to fear him. With great strength, he pushed away from her and sat at the edge of the mattress. His shoulders hunched and he was facing the other way.

Closing his eyes, his hands gripped the edge of the mattress tightly. He was gaining self-restraint.

Nawal's eyebrows drew together, Why did he stop?

Many minutes passed, no one spoke. He was breathing heavily. He didn't know what to say to her. For as long as he remembered he liked her and had been attracted to her. And today, he truly believed he loved her. But now that she was his wife, he didn't want to wait any longer. But he didn't want to force either. Instead he was gripping a hold of his wild emotions.

She slightly shifted on the bed and whispered, "What happened?"

"Nothing. Just go to sleep Nawal." he muttered.

Her frown deepened, she scooted closer but his voice made her hesitate, "If you come closer then I won't stop."

She swallowed hard. He was giving her space. She bit her lip as she thought, it was so difficult to know what he was thinking. If only he would speak and tell her. This was her chance to finally get the time she needed to get a hang of this marriage business. She was undecided, a myriad of thoughts running through her mind. Her mother's warning of never refuse a husband. The saying that angels curse the woman all night if she stops her husband. It was his right after all. But most of all, the guilt that the time when he was kissing, she had been thinking of another man.

The mattress bounced and Salman exhaled deeply. She was going to sleep. He never expected her to understand him. His heart plummeted but his heartbeat rose when she came and sat beside him. Slowly he turned to face her, his eyes carefully roving over her face, gauging her reaction.

"I told you I won't stop." His voice thickened with emotions.

She lowered her eyes and whispered back, "I know."

That night, Salman was able to fulfil his desire of finally making her his wife in every sense.

*****

It was minutes later, when Nawal lay on her side of the bed and Salman's soft snores could be heard, she lay thinking of what just conspired. What was that? In few minutes, her body had gone through so much. She had heard that it hurts. But all she felt was discomfort and pain. She was utterly exhausted. So much for reading or hearing about intimacy being out of the world experience. She had never thought it would be something so ... so... rushed and well she didn't know what to think. Lying to her side, tears flowed down her eyes to the pillow. A memory of another man's kisses and touches rushed back. How gentle he had been? She never envisioned her first time would be as miserable as this. She imagined Daud would have kissed her softly, touch her lightly and ignite the fire of passion. But this experience had revolted her completely.

This was going to be a very unpleasant part of her married life.

Worse than any nightmare could have conjured up.

****

The alarm had chimed for fajr. Shutting it off, she had forced herself to stand up. She was exhausted after what happened last night. In the bathroom, she got prepared for her ghusl and then prayer. Taking off her clothes, she shuddered as the memories of last night flooded back. She shut her eyes and stepped under the hot shower. She didn't want to think of it at all.

Few minutes later, standing in front of the qiblah (direction of Kabaah) she stood on the prayer mat and prayed the predawn salah – fajr. During this time, Salman was awake and was taking his shower before the salah.

Nawal had been reciting the adhkaar of after the salah (recitations of supplication after prayer) when Salman joined her for prayer. She moved away from the mat so Salman could pray. Sitting next to him, she completed her adhkaar and stood up to go back to bed. But his words stilled her.

"You slept with him didn't you?"

She whirled around, "What?"

Salman was folding the prayer mat. He nonchalantly put it on the night stand and then emphasized, "Let me be more precise, Daud fucked you."

Her eyes rounded and her heart raced, "Have you gone mad?" she exclaimed.

Crossing his arms over his chest, his chin tilted high, "Then explain me why the hell you didn't bleed. Where is the proof of your virginity?"