I woke up to an expected tenderness between my legs, cold air blowing nicely on my exposed back. The early morning sun peeked through the translucent blinds, illuminating the room. My stomach clenched at the memories of the earth shattering experience, heat crawling up my cheeks.

The systematic rising and falling of Holden's chest drew my attention to his sleeping form under my head. Surreptitiously, I lifted my head off his chest as I took him in. My eyes traveled along his resting features, studying the way his thick lashes brushed against his cheekbones.

Using a single finger, I hovered it above the scattered branches of the weeping willow on his lower chest. Feather lightly, I dragged the tip of my nail along the trunk of the tree. My trail was cut short by the navy sheets that rested low on his hips, concealing the rest of the him.

Unthinking, I stretched my head to brush my lips on his cheek.

"I...I love you" I whispered.

It felt like a load had been lifted off my chest and suddenly, I wasn't being weighed down. The fact that I loved him was another thing I had concluded in the dead of last night. Come to think of it; I had known it for a while, I just confirmed it to myself. It was however, one thing to tell him when I knew he wasn't listening and another to actually tell him.

Startled, my heart jumped as I quickly flung my eyes shut. I held my breath, stilling complete when he stirred slightly. His hand clamped over mine, flattening my palm against his skin. I felt him edge closer to me, his warm breath fanning the side of my face.

"Are you going to keep pretending your asleep?" he asked in my ear.

"...good morning" I said awkwardly as I cleared the sleep out of my voice. He stroked my knuckles sensuously, awakening goosebumps along my arm. The plumpness of his lips settled on the side of my head, pressing briefly.

"Do you mean it?" He donned a serious tone, his eyes fixing on mine. I knew he heard it and I wasn't ready for him to. I didn't regret saying it though, it felt nice to get it off my chest. I just wish I wasn't naked and clanging on to a thin sheet.

"I-I do"

If he wasn't so close to me, he probably wouldn't have heard my quiet answer. My skin grew even hotter at my open revelation as I stared everywhere but at him. Using his forefinger, he lifted my chin towards him. His lips brushing over mine before deepening the kiss, caressing my tongue with his.

"Good" he rasped against my mouth. He was an utter enigma to me, I could never anticipate his responses. He didn't strick me the a commitment type and I had nothing against it, but I'd expected him to be indifferent about my admission. He wasn't.

"I have to get to practice, but you should go back to bed. Its still too early" he pecked my lips before sliding out of the bed while tugging on his boxers.

A gasp tore through my throat at the sight of his back, my hand flying to my mouth. Holden craned his head towards me in confusion as the lines on his forehead creased.

"Your back" I said, pointing at the red lines littering his tan skin. I unconsciously curled my fingers into my palms, making a mental note to clip them.

"I like them" he winked while walking towards a large duffel bag across the room. He got into the bathroom, emerging minutes later in black sweatpants and a white shirt. His wet hair fell leisurely in his eye as he walked past the threshold.

I had just straightened on the bed, my legs making contact with the cold floor as I reached for my sports bra. My grip on the sheet tightened as I willed it to stay in place. It didn't matter that he had see all of me last night, I was still self-conscious.

"What are you doing?" Holden asked from his position across the room.

"My clothes" I tightened my hold on the sheet, paranoid that it would fall.

"Here" Holden said, handed me one of his plain white shirts. I was momentarily confused before he motioned for me to slip it on.

"Why can't I wear my own clothes?" I arched an eyebrow, or at least I tried.

"Because you can wear mine" I slipped the clothe over my head once he placed it in my hand again "go back to bed, I'll be back soon. We'll talk then" he brushed his thumb on the cheek, kissing it before disappearing through the door.

Thinking about what I would tell him proved to be exhausting as I sipped in and out of consciousness. I finally decided to give into sleep, resting my head back on the pillow as cinnamon and mint lured my eyelids shut. I felt oddly calm, all the tiredness from my many sleepless nights crushing on me.

I had been asleep for awhile when I woke to the clicking of the door, Holden soon appearing from behind it. Rubbing my eyes, I used my elbows to push myself to a seating position. I watched him as dumped his bag beside the door, making his way towards me.

My legs crossed beneath me as I rested my back against the headboard, gulping a mouthful of air to tame my nerves. Holden took a seat in front of me, occupying the space my legs had earlier stretched on.

"You don't have to tell me" he was right, I didn't have to tell him but I wanted to. I hardened my heart, swallowing dryly as I smiled up at him in reassurance.

"I want to" I said, opening my mouth more freely than this morning. I had used the mouthwash I found in his bathroom, not wanting my morning breath to burn off his nose. My underwear was also in place, rightfully making me feel less naked.

"My father...he left abruptly after I turned five" he placed his hand over mine, squeezing it in encouragement "He said he'd fallen out of love with my mother. At the time, I didn't understand that. I thought he didn't want me, I still don't" I sighed as I watched his fingers lace with mine.

"It was only normal that I'd get separation anxiety. So, I created my own happy place where it was just my mother, Blake and I. Until it wasn't" I had almost gotten used to the familiar boulder that would always lodge in my throat when I thought about Blake "he -he died and I w -watched" I strained to get the words out.

"You don't have to do this," Holden said calmly as he caressed my hand with his thumb.

"I-I do" my voice crocked.

"He...he didn't want to but I-I just had to got to the stupid sleepover" I blinked away the telltale signs of tears "I didn't know it was going to happen, I couldn't know...Blake was my brother, he -he died in a car crash. I tried, I swear I tried but I could...I couldn't get him out. It was just too hot. I c- couldn't stop the flames, they took him" I pulled my hand from between his, roughly wiping my tear stricken face.

"I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong for Blake and neither was I for myself" I kept my hands at my sides, needing a clear head "two years after the accident, I met Xander. He was new at my highschool, two grades above me. He'd always been around me; in the halls, at lunch. At the time I didn't think it was suspicious, how he was always there" I watched Holdens sturdy jaw flex as he stared past me.

"I was angry and rebelling against everything. So when my mother warned me against him, I didn't listen. I-I continued to see him, I thought he understood my pain. He'd always tell me about a girl he lost, he said he loved her but she was ripped away from him. Like Blake was from me..." Holden placed a hand on my knee, shaking his head for me to stop.

"P -please just let me finish. We began to date in secret but he was changing me. He wanted me to dress a certain way, straighten my hair. He wanted me to become her. I should...I should have listened to my mother, she -she tried to warn me" I breathed in deeply before speaking again "that night, I snuck out to meet him at a party. I disregarded the fact that he was high and followed him up the stairs. It was my fault really, it always is"

"It wasn't your fault, none of it was" Holden tried to edge closer to me but I shrugged him off.

"You weren't there, you don't know. He -he was going to do it and I was helplessly paralyzed against the wall. In my sleep I can still here him shout those God awful things at me, I can feel him everywhere. If -if that girl hadn't come he would have raped me and -and I would still be too weak" a convulsive sob wrecked through me as I struggled to keep my emotions at bay.

"When he took me, I-I thought he was going to finally kill me. I d -didn't..." I was too choked up to speak, heaving as I allowed myself to fall limply on Holden's chest. He ran his fingers through my hair in a calming manner, whispering soothingly in my ear.

"Thanks for asking your uncle to look for me" I said once I had significantly settled down.

"I'd do anything for you" he said meaningfully, rubbing the pad of his thumb along the creases of my eyes.

"Do -do you think differently of me?" I restricted air from my lungs, nervously anticipating his response.

"I don't. I still think your incredibly beautiful and would still follow you blindly to the bathroom that day"

"I love you" I whispered hoarsely.

"Say it again" and so I did, I said it again before his lips crashed heatedly on mine. Stealing the breath from my cramped lungs.