The cafe date yesterday was a disaster, it mostly consisted of Dylan trying to engage me in a conversation while I spaced out every few minutes. I couldn't help but think back to the brief moment I had see Holden, replaying it multiple times to identify the fleeting emotion that had seeped into his eyes.

Before long I was excusing myself, putting an end to Dylan's torture. I rightfully apologized for my uncharacteristic inattentive behavior, my chest feeling heavier when he accepted it good naturedly.

I still couldn't shake off the disappointment I had seen splayed on Holden's face earlier even as I lay on my back, staring at the blank ceiling once I had gotten back to my dorm room. I had retrieved the hoodie again, this time deliberately. I let my fingers wander over the material tentatively, urging the unsettling feeling I had to go away.

It wasn't until the wee hours of the night that it finally struck me. My hand randomly patted the space beside my pillow, searching for the smoothness of my phone. I blinked rapidly at the screen, squinting my eyes in order to get accustomed with the blinding light.

My pupils purposefully alined with the top of my screen, the current date giving me the final push I needed to go through with the ludicrous idea I had committed to. After much deliberation I decided to come clean to Holden, I wanted to tell him everything.

I should have probably waited from the sun to rise. After all, it was after midnight. Nothing good ever happens after midnight.

Driven by faux confidence, desperation and longing; I had slipped on a my shoes before tiptoeing out of the room. My freezing fingers hugged the light sweater tighter against me body as I walked down the dark streets, lengthening my strides .

I pressed my phone to my ear as I waited anxiously for him to answer. My legs twitched to make a run for it but it was too late, I had already dialed his number.

"Hello?" Holden's sleep ridden voice came through the speaker. The drumming in my chest picked up immediately, my throat suddenly drying up as I cursed myself in my head.

"H -hi" I said nervously.

He was silent for a while, the sound of shuffling sheets confirming that I had indeed woken him up from his sleep.

"Savannah?" He sounded more alert, the edge of his strong voice rising in astonishment.

"Yeah" I gulped a gust of cold air as I screwed my eyes closed. What was I thinking by coming here?

"Is something wrong?" He said in distress as more shuffling cracked through the phone.

"...no. I'm -I'm outside. Could you...could you open the door" I held my breath as I waited for his response, my eyes jumping to the rattling bush beside me.

"Fuck!" He said under his breath.

The door let out a sharp, harsh sound as it was pushed open. A barefooted, shirtless Holden sanding on the other side. He looked at me, his eyebrows knitting together. I held his eyes, resisting the urge to shudder at their intensity.

The muscles of his arms jumped as he pushed the heavy door open, silently stepping aside to let me walk past him. He followed behind me as I walked up the stairs whilst I struggled to tame the flock of butterflies in my stomach.

He closed the door to his room and turned to face me, his blank face not portraying any emotion. I bit my lip as several seconds passed in silence, his eyes watching me to gauge my motive. There was so much to sort out between us and I didn't know where to start.

"Happy birthday" I couldn't help but notice how meek my voice was, my words sounding more like a question than a statement.

"Its past midnight" he grumbled.

"I know" I said while my eyes fell to the tiled floor. I wasn't exactly thinking straight when I made up my mind to come here.

"Why did your really come here?" He observed my face with great caution, reading every feature like he could pick my brain with his stare.

"I -I want it back" my windpipe felt like it was narrowing and I was sure there was a boulder lodged in my throat.

"You want what back?" I could tell I was confusing him by the way his jaw ticked up and down.

"I want it all back...I want to seat under the stars and hear you talk none stop about constellations even though I won't understand a- anything" deep fleshed emotions clogged my throat, forcing my voice to crock unattractively "Heck, I even want to watch you make that disgusted face when you pick the tomatoes off your burger. I want you back and I want you to know everything." I said while taking a step closer to his unmoving body.

Due to the fact I was two thirds his height, I had to rise to the tip of my toes in order to reach his eye level. I placed both of my hands on either side of his strong jaw, forcing his grey eyes to my glassy ones.

"I don't want to pretend that you don't exist...I can't."

His eyes flickered to my lips before lifting back to my eyes. A nervous shiver ran through me while I slowly edged my lips closer to his. The pressure of my lips against his had my breath hitching, my knees quivering as I pressed further into his bare chest.

Holden didn't flatter, swiftly backing me against the wall before draping his arm around my waist. Everything around me disappeared as I focused solely on the softness of his lips on mine.

The kiss intensified quickly when his teeth lightly grazed my bottom lip, seeking permission. I granted him immediate access, his sleek tongue gliding against mine. My hand slipped into his hair as I used my fingers to comb through his thick locks. His moan vibrated against my mouth, encouraging me to tug on it harder.

Placing his hands on my hips, hoisting me up whilst my legs quickly circled around his trimmed waist. I could feel my back ease off of the cold wall as he walked deeper into the room. He broke the kiss long enough to gently lay me on the bed, his intoxicating scent overpowering me.

His eyes surveyed me briefly before he climbed between my parted legs, hovering above me. When his lips descended on mine again it was hard and demanding, my toes curling at the rising sparks. He began to kiss down my neck, sucking on the extremely sensitive skin. I whimpered.

Holden's hard muscles rubbed against me as he stabled himself to zip down my sweater, I shrugged out of it. I grew self-conscious at the way his eyes sensuously caressed my sports bra clad chest, trailing down to the band of my sweatpants.

My discomfort was immediately disregarded when his hard chest indented on my warm skin, increasing the ache between my legs. He followed the same path down my neck, kissing the top of my chest hotly before lightly sucking on the exposed bump of my breast. I moaned embarrassingly loud, arching my back off the bed.

"You like that?" Holden murmured reciting the action as I let loose yet another moan.

I hummed, unable to speak coherently. Closing my eyes as I allowed the wave of pleasure to course through my veins.

His moist tongue ran down my cleavage as I felt his hand slip between our flushed bodies. He pinched at the elastic band of my pants, my hips lifting off the bed to help him discard them. For a moment, I stiffened. My arms drowning to my chest to conceal my nakedness.

"Don't. Your perfect" he said while gently pushing my hand away, his thumb sliding inside the hem of my bra.

"I've -I've never done this before" I whispered. He stilled completely, his eyes drilling into mine. An emotion I couldn't pinpoint painted over his face as he retracted his thumb.

"You're a virgin?" He asked slowly, unmoving from above me. I shyly nodded, my eyes bouncing around the room to avoid his.

"Really?" I could pick out the undercoated relief from his words, confusion swirling in my head. I fully expected him to be turned off, he wasn't. In fact I could swear I felt the flesh between his legs twitch against my thigh.

"We don't have to do this" he looked me straight into my eyes, ensuring me he would stop if I said so. I didn't want him to stop, I needed him.

"I...I want to" I meant it. I wasn't saving it for the right guy or waiting until marriage. I wanted him to take it.

I could see his feature brighten up slightly before he dipped his head towards me, meeting our lips in a chaste kiss. His muscles moulding back into me, the heat of his body erasing any hesitation that I had.

"Any time your not comfortable with something, all you have to tell me is stop and I will" he whispered huskily in my ear, his hot breath fanning the side of my face.

I only nodded, my throat clogging up with need when he tugged the bra off. slowly brushing his thumb over the swell of my breast, a jolt of pleasure shooting to my toes. The tidal wave of emotions that consumed my whole body was almost unbearable when his hot mouth clasped over my nipple, sucking gently.

I was grasping uncontrollably by the time he moved to the other nipple, his expert mouth paired with his tongue taking me to heights I never knew possible. He placed open mouth kisses down my chest and by the time he had reached the lining of my underwear I was gripping the sheets so tight, my knuckles had turned white.

"It your uncomfortable, tell me and I'll stop" he murmured while placing kisses along the flimsy material.

"O -okay"

He placed a kiss on the inside of each of my thighs, spreading them further. He hooked his thumb on the edge of my underwear, easing it down my legs. I was naked and I had never felt more vulnerable in my life.

His tongue licked over my sensitive core, my hips reeling forward at the sudden jolt. He anchored me firmly on the bed, restraining my fidgety movements. Using a single finger and his tongue, he built me up. I bit my lip, failing at containing the moan that spilled from my mouth as I came to my release.

Even in my satisfied haze I could still respond to Holden's hard need for me against my core. I ground against him, locking my ankles behind him as I pressed him closer to me. More than anything, I needed him inside me. He moved to stretch his hand to the nightstand, stiffening suddenly.

"Um...I don't have a condom" his extremely dilated eyes focused on mine, a pained expression washing over his face.

When it past midnight, just go to bed.

"I'm on both control" I blurted out. I was too built up too stop and I doubt the large bulge in his pants would agree. I was in fact on birth control but I had promised myself never to have unprotected sex.

"Are you sure?"

I was getting impatient, grinding my pelvis to his in response. Taking that as my confirmation, he got up and dropped his boxers. My eyes took in the detailed lines of the weeping willow inked on his skin, following the delicate design to the tip of his hip. I couldn't help but gasp at the impressive size of his member, anxiety rising in my chest.

Swallowing, I tried to get rid of my nerves as he climbed back on the bed. He kissed me softly as he positioned himself between my thighs, the unevenness of his hardness igniting unforseen pleasure within me.

"I'll go slow so it won't hurt too much" he said, kissing the corner of my mouth. He nudged his veiny tip at my entrance, covering my mouth with his as he inched deeper into my folds before stopping. His fullness was overwhelming, my eyes tightly shutting as I grabbed his shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

"I'm fine" I drew a deep breath, realising it through my nose. I expected the pain, I just didn't prepare for it.

He took my hand in his, holding them above my head as he slowly moved out of me. My stomach clenched when he began to pick up his pace, the headboard slamming loudly against the wall. Restraining my moans was useless, the loud sounds from the back of my throat expressing how much pleasures Holden was giving me.

Friction built up against my walls, driving me to my second orgasm. Holden thrust into me a few more times before he released inside me, his body trembling as he came. Still inside of me, he leaned his forehead on mine.

"You were amazing" he whispered, kissing my lips briefly.

"Thank you?" the awkward response tumbled from my mouth. He chuckled, rolling off of me as he walked to bathroom. He came back holding a white clothe, walking to my side.

"I'm going to clean you up"

He did just that, he cleaned up all the residual from the passion filled exchange. He later climbed into the bed, moulding my back into his chest. He pulled the cover over us and kissed the back of my neck.

I wouldn't change anything from tonight. I'd still wouldn't tell him to wear a condom and I'd still give myself to him, but maybe I'd wait just a little bit longer.