"What?!"

"Your date with Holden, how was it?" Avery sang, prancing across the room before linking her hand through mine.

"It- it wasn't a date" I stammered, tugging my hand out of hers as I flickered my eyes around the room, not meeting her stare.

"Of course it wasn't!" She said solemnly, encouraging my shoulders to sag in relief as I smiled sightly "it was a first date!"

My smile dropped immediately.

"It wasn't a first date either" I muttered exasperatedly, not wanting to label the events of today, that would only encourage my mind into believing it was more than it actually was. Holden simply took me to visit a sick child who happened to share a love for art with me.

"Oh trust me girl, it was definitely a date. A date usually ends with a kiss and what you and Holden did was more than kiss" she made a show of pointing at the open window above my bed, where I was sure someone could clearly see the spot Holden and I had earlier stood.

"You saw that?" I whispered, my face turning a deeper shade of crimson.

"Everyone saw that. I have to say, I didn't think you had it in you, that kiss was hot!" a splitting grin spread on her lips as she fanned herself dramatically.

"Oh god!" I groaned, my hands flying to my face in uncountable embarrassment.

"Holsa has sailed!" Avery whooped loudly plopping on her bed.

"What is that?"

"Its the ship name for yours and Holden's relationship" she said over excitedly, wiggling her clipped eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"There's no relationship between us!" This conversion was becoming hazardous for my heart, it was thudding uncontrollably against my ribs and I was practically sweating a bucket under her stare.

"Yet" Avery attempted to whisper, failing miserably "do you know how red your face is?" She asked while chuckling behind her palm.

Groaning I flopped on my bed burring my face deep inside my pillow, needing any sort of destruction from the topic as I willed my cheeks to cool down.

I was completely exhausted and after not getting any sleep yesterday, I wanted nothing more than to sink into my sheets. Avery's faint chuckles could still be heard as it bounced off the walls, I toed off my shoes making the sleep driven decision to sleep in my jeans. I knew I would regret it tomorrow but at the moment it was the last thing I could think about.

I let slumber consume, thoughts of the day and Avery's taunting at the back of my head.

It's hot, too hot. Irritating heat washed over my face, glaring behind my closed lids, I tried turning my head away from the nuisance but it only became worse. Whimpering, I pried my extremely heavy eyes open, hissing in pain at the bright sun shinning directly at me.

I scrunched up my nose at the lack of opaque navy clouds, wanting to remain a sleep a while longer. I could be justified though, it wasn't everyday I got a full nights sleep.

"Well good morning to you too grumpy?" Avery's peppy voice rang through my sleepy haze. My eyes traced to her figure by her dresser, she was dressed in black ripped jeans and a beautiful turquoise top, which was a drastic change from her usual lazy Sunday clothes.

"Are you going somewhere?" I yawned while seating up, squinting my eyes at the time on my phone.

"Yeah, I'm going out with Jeremy" she said whole sliding on her shoes. Jeremy was the ginger head she had met at our first party, they had been going out a lot since then but still weren't dating. She made her way to the door waving at me before walking towards the hall.

I blew a breath through my nose, tugging my hair out of my flushed cheeks before grabbing my toiletries and making my way to the bathroom. My eyes subconsciously settled on the spot I had bumped into Holden before, the image involuntarily forming at the back of my eyes as I shuddered. It seemed like it was such a long time ago, yet it wasn't

Was I being stupid by letting yet another guy into my head? The answer, yes. I would like to think that I was older and smarter, but I knew I wasn't. I was still the fragile girl that was stupid enough to hand out her heart to be crushed in the end.

I could say him and Holden weren't the same, but I don't know Holden and yet I choose to give him control over my head.

Sighing I forced the image out of my head, carrying on with my morning routine.

I had just gotten off the phone with my enquiring mother when my stomach groaned loudly, my mouth suddenly drying in hunger. The phone call had been really tiring, it consisted of my mother asking if I was okay in a hundred different way and me trying to convince her I was. I didn't blame her; not in the least, I had done some things in the past that drove her to ensure I was stable every few minutes.

The horrid memory rose a log into my throat, a painful constriction in my chest forcing a fat tear down my cheek. I hastily swept my hands over my damp skin while shaking my head as if to physical shake off the onslaught of emotions.

Deciding to grab a coffee, I slipped on my shoes before heading out of the door and further out of the building. I dragged the fresh air into my lungs, forcing them open while relishing in the soft glow of the sun. The streets were less crowded than usual today, most people probably hidden inside their rooms nursing a hangover.

The delicious aroma of warm cinnamon hit me the second I walked through the cafe doors, my stomach groaning in protest once again. I walked up to the unfamiliar smiling girl behind the counter, hastily resiting my order while trying to restrain my stomach from resonating the embarrassing sound yet again.

"Thank you" I muttered grabbing my coffee and scone before practically flying to the window table, sighing upon taking my first bite.

My delight was however short lived when an ominous feeling overcame me, my skin prickled as I felt the heat of someone's stare at the side of my face. I tried casting a inconspicuous glance outside the window meeting with empty streets.

My appetite immediately dissolved into thin air, my coffee suddenly tasting like murky water instead of brewed richness. I could barely gain control of my trembling hands as my eyes flew rapidly across the streets trying to spot the intrusive set of eyes to no avail.

I was numb to everything around me, the ding of the bell above my head as I exited the cafe, nothing but white noise. I hardly registering the confused look on the employees face as I left my barely eaten food on the table, her furrowed eyes following me past the door.

It was more than paranoia, I felt like a ghost hand was choking me, forcing my lungs to compress painfully. I could still feel the heat of a stare at the back of my head, molten brown eyes flashing at the back of my lids, encouraging me to pound my legs faster on the concrete road as I sprinted towards my room.

Curious eyes followed my frantic figure all the way down the hall; I didn't care, they didn't matter because what I was running from was much bigger than them. It was a psychotic, grieving ex with a ragging bank account and an itch to destroy me.

I slammed the door shut, bolting it together with the window before drowning the curtains. My heart was still slamming against my rib cage as I sat on my bed my trying to even my breathing. My trembling hands held my phone tightly, my mothers name flashing brightly on the screen, I wanted to call her but I couldn't get my stiff hands to do it, they wouldn't let me destroy her peace.

While still in my turmoil, the phone suddenly vibrated, an unknown numbers blinking at me. It was like I was begging for more pain, I must have a sadistic head really, with how fast I answered the unknown caller compered to how hesitant I was to calling my own mother.

I shakily placed the phone close to my ear, my breath hitching when I was meat with rhythmic breathing.

"Hello?" I quivered. The line suddenly went dead, deafening silence taking over the small space. I shouldn't be this shocked, but I was. He said he'd be back.

That night I cried for the recurrent anguish life kept throwing my way, I cried for my brother, I cried for my mother and even for Avery for she had no idea of what might be thrown her way for being associated with me. I stayed up all night wishing for a different reality that I would never have.

Where I would be happy and carefree. Where I could talk to my friend about anything and where my mother wasn't scared I would kill myself every damn day.