The rest of the day was rather uneventful once Holden left, Avery reentered the room few minutes later, a face splitting grin taking over her lips. Thankfully she kept her thoughts to herself and didn't comment on Holden's visit nor ask any followup questions, if she noticed how detached I was she choose to ignore it too.

Consequently, I didn't sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning between my sheets, too afraid of what my mind would conjure. The thought of Avery witnessing one of my nightmares fits motivated me to stay wide awake. I didn't want her to view me differently or to see how messed up I was.

I spent the whole night thinking about my unusual infatuation towards Holden. I wasn't naive I knew I was attracted to him, who wouldn't be? He was insanely attractive and his grey eyes alone had enough power to yield me to his will. He was however quite cold and awfully detached.

I knew that I couldn't feed my attraction towards him, he would probably only end up breaking my heart. When he would, I didn't think I could be strong enough to handle the it, I would probably never recover.

I wasn't strong, I've never been.

The next day, I was practically a walking corps. My head was pounding against my skull furiously and I had abnormally large bags under my eyes but it wasn't something out of the norm for me. I could count on one hand how many times I had slept for more than four hours in the last three months.

Avery was still sleeping soundly as I sat atop my bed watching the sun spread its warmth over the tall campus buildings. I tied my light brown curls into a messy ponytail before donning my dark rimmed glasses, I usually had an okay vision, I could see everything around me but not things that were too far away. However with the insistent headache I had, my vision was down right terrible, everything looked hazy and it was immensely irritating.

I put on a large hoodie and my worn converse before lazily making my way to the cafe, needing a bucket of caffeine to ease my headache. I had just made my way back to our dorm room when the door burst open, revealing an overly happy Avery who was beaming brightly. She was practically bouncing on her toes when she pulled me into the room.

"Remember that guy that asked me to dance at the party Friday?" She squealed, her eyes sparkling at the memory of the ginger haired guy she had been eyeing. The level of her excitement was palpable, immediately over shadowing the dark cloud above my head. So, even though I didn't want to remember anything from the party I strained a smiled and nodded, trying and failing miserably at matching her excitement.

"He asked me if we could get coffee today!" shrieked Avery just few seconds away from jumping in delight. For such a small person she sure had a lot of energy, I thought as she darted towards the door, quickly informed me she was heading for the shower, over her shoulder.

I hiked up my glasses, seating on my bed and sighing softly as I sipped my coffee. The sweet taste of caffeine simmered the aggressive pounding in my head into a dull lull. I had just finished my cup of coffee when Avery reentered the room, looking fresh as her blonde hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She had changed out of her pajamas into some dark jeans and a tight white halter top.

"Dose this say casual coffee date or is it to much?" She scrunched her face up as she stood in front of the full length mirror beside the door, turning her body from side to side. "It's too much isn't it, I should change" her sky like blue eyes stared at me waiting for my opinion but I was completely lost. I had never had a close enough friend to talk about clothes and I barely cared what I was dressed in.

"I- um- you look great" even to my own ears I sounded unsure. Avery did in fact look good, she would probably look good in anything she wore due to her all american beauty. Her shinny blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes could surely turn many eyes.

"You don't sound so sure"

god now am making her doubt how good she looks. I was being such horrible friend already.

"No you look amazing, really " I tried to sound like I actually meant it this time. Her crestfallen expression lifted up into her usually bright smile as we made light conversation while she did her hair and make up.

"Okay, I have to go snatch myself a fine piece of ass now!" she said loudly once she had opened the door and I'm pretty sure the ever student littering the hall heard her.

The insistent vibration of my phone on the nightstand reminded me of the inevitable call I had been procrastinating. My Mother's name flashed brightly across my phone screen as I contemplated whether to answer or ignore it. I knew if I didn't pick it up she would drive up to campus conjuring up the worst possible outcome.

"Hello?" I muttered breathing deeply while trying to compose myself, not wanting her to pick up on anything in my voice.

"Why didn't you pick my call yesterday Savannah! I was so worried" her voice started off strong at the beginning but I could distinctly hear it breaking, she sniffed lightly making me fill like an absolute asshole for not considering how she must have taken me not answering my phone when I had promised to call her.

"You can't do that Sav, y- your all I have left you know. I need to know if your okay" at this point tears had already welled up in my eyes freely flowing down my cheeks as regret washing over me "I got a call from Margret, th- they lifted the restraining order. Baby am afraid he'll try something" the clear distress in her voice shattered my heart. I knew I couldn't worry her more, for all I know the incident at the party could have just been someone playing a prank on their friend.

So when she asked if I had noticed anything out of the ordinary recently, I answered with a clipped "No". Technically I wasn't lying I was at a party and I was scantly dressed, if anything it was my fault.

You can't continue lying to yourself, the rational side of me though.

"Do you want to come back home yet, its been pretty lonely without you?" In other words she wanted me to come back home so she could make sure I was really fine. My mother had caught up to my tactful ways of down playing a situation or my unhealthy lying habits. I could lie to her through the phone but I would surely crumble if I was staring at her expressive blue eyes.

"Really? I'm sure Mark has been giving you enough attention" I teased, I could clearly see her cheeks turn crimson at the mere thought of her boyfriend.

I knew for a fact Mark was completely taken by her even if the had only been dating for some months. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he asked her to marry him any time soon. He is a finance adviser mostly working with high end celebrities while my mother was a nurse at the hospital close to his firm. I had always loved the way he never pitted our situation but empathised with us.

I would rest slightly better knowing my mother wasn't alone and completely vulnerable to any danger. I barely listened as she talked about her day, my mind in a far away place, I was still hung up on the fact that the restraining order had been lifted.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself and please call me every day" she said this just as the light conversation came to an end. I couldn't fault her of being over bearing because I could understand her. We only had each other and the thought of something bad happening to her tore me to pieces.

"I promise" I said gravely. I would tell her if anything big happened because I knew I would want to know if anything happened to her.