Rhythmic knocking on the door had me groaning and digging my head further into my pillow, wanting to remain in my dreamless slumber. Another loud set of knocks resonated the room succeeding in ripping me out of sleeping state, I huffed in frustration while roughly tugging off the warm blanket and glaring daggers at the door.

I didn't bother covering up, assuming it was probably Avery, who had forgotten her keys before stomping my way to the door. I jerked the door open, blinking my eyes severally to clear their haziness, when my vision gained focus I was met with a grey wall.

It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured over my head, knocking me flat out of my sleepy haze. I tilted my head up meeting hooded grey ones, the frown back on his lips. He looked more awake than I did, having changed out of last night clothes, donning black track pants and grey shirt, his dark hair glistered with water giving me the impression he had just had a shower.

"H- Holden?" I said shifting my weight from one foot to another awkwardly. His eyes slowly took in my appearance, noticeably lingering on my exposed legs. I slapped myself mentally, regretting my decision not to change before answering the door as my cheeks burnt in mortification.

How many more times was I going to embarrass myself in front of this guy?

"You left" the deepness in his voice was down right sexy as he cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck, clearly feeling as awkward as I did about the oncoming conversation.

"Yeah"

"How...are you okay?" His eyes hardened with seriousness as they stared intently into my own. I had been asked the same question so many times in the last four years, I would always shrug it off saying I was fine. I wasn't, I haven't been for the past years.

"I'm fine" it was a rehearsed answer a safe one; he wouldn't prod if I told him I was okay, maybe he might just let this go and forget about last night.

"How did you get back here?" I knew somehow he didn't believe me but I was grateful he choose to ignore my lie and change the subject. I blushed in embarrassment at my juvenile response to the situation, sneaking out of his room wasn't one of my finest moments.

"I w- walked" I said looking down at my bare feet.

He was about to say something when the shrill ringing of his phone filled the desolate hall. He sighed, the frown lines between his eyebrows making an appearance. He pulled his phone frowning as he read something, he roughly shoved the phone back into his pocket exhaling through his nose before meeting his eyes to mine.

"I have practice right now but I still want to talk later" he demanded leaving no room for argument, I nodded rather hesitantly receiving a sharp nod before he swiftly turn around walking down the hall.

Great all that hard work I put into running away from that conversation was all for nothing. All I really wanted to do was pretend last night never happened, that I was finally a normal person and that I could be happy without looking over her shoulder every minute. I wanted to believe I wasn't a shattered mess of a person, why couldn't he just let me.

Its not his fault though, it's mine, I let myself be hopeful things would be better, I set myself up for disappointment.

Feeling the onset of tears begin to well up in my eyes, I reentered the room before crawling into my sheets hiding inside my blanket. My trembling fingers fidgeted with my brothers silver chain around my neck, tying my hardest to forget.

After a while I had calmed down enough and grabbed my sketch book, I flipped the pages looking for a particular one that held piercing steel grey eyes. I knew it was a bad idea even before I started to fill them out, giving them life but my hands had a mind of their own as they stroked the pencil meticulously.

I noticed how the sketch didn't hold a candle to the real thing. While the sketch was good, it didn't even come close to mimicking his sharp cold eyes. I shut the note book immediately, not wanting to see physical evidence of my inclination towards him.

Great now am becoming obsessed with him.

The door suddenly flew open, startling me as it revealing a frantic looking Avery. Her make up was slightly smudged, her hair poking out in every direction as her eyes frantically searched the room. She strode towards me in a flush of blonde as her blue eyes ran over my confused figure by my bed.

"Oh my god what happened?!" she exclaimed as her manicured nails curled on my shoulders moving me from side to side her eyes searching for possible injuries "Holden called me to come check on you. Who the fuck even wakes up at seven in the morning?!"

"What happened, I didn't hear from you again after you left" her face morphed into a worried expression, her eyes looking into my own. I would have liked to have the type of friendship that I could tell her everything; but I couldn't, I had kept it bottled up for so long, I didn't know how to share it anymore.

"Um...someone cornered me. Holden helped me though, it was nothing really" I said my eyes down cast, I didn't want to flat out lie to her face. Avery was a caring person and somehow I knew I could trust her but the psychological barrier my heart had place around me wouldn't allow me. It was inevitable though, one day she would find out and I just pray she wouldn't run after knowing what a mess I am.

I was slightly awed that Holden would actually call someone to cheek up on me. It was a sweet gesture, so unlike what I thought of him but so was everything he did yesterday night.

"Okay if you say so" Avery said her shoulders relaxing slightly.

"So you and Holden? Don't think I didn't see you two ogling each other at the cafe. Oh and don't forget him waking me up at goddamn seven o'clock to come and cheek on you. I totally ship it!" she let out a squeal while wiggling her eyebrows exaggeratedly.

"There's nothing going on between us and there was defiantly no ogling" at least the first part of the sentence was true.

"Yeah and I shit gold. If you want to lie to yourself fine, but I secretly think you two would have the cutest babies" this almost had me choking on my own spit. Does she always speak her mind? I would never be comfortable enough to do that.

"I'm serious there is nothing between us. He seems too closed off and cold" He really did, every time I saw him he had a certain coldness in his eyes and his lips were always set in a hard line, he looked angry but I had no idea at what exactly.

"You know he wasn't always like this. He was broody sure but never this closed off " did she know him before? She must have seen the confusion dusted on my face because she immediately answered my unasked question "him and Archer have been best friends since middle school. I think I had a crush on him when I was thirteen" my stomach immediately dropped at the thought of Avery and Holden. I didn't have the right to feel anything towards this information, I barely knew him and he wasn't mine.

"Don't worry, it was just a middle school crush and only lasted a week. Besides mysterious brooding isn't really my type, he all yours" the instant relief I felt was almost embarrassing.

"You know his really a very good person past his cold attitude, his just been through so much. He deserves someone to be there for him" she had a distant look on her face as a sad frown littered her lips. Somehow I knew he had been through something before, his eyes showed how guarded he was and I knew the most guarded people where the ones that had been scarred by the world.

"Yeah but am probably not that person" we would just be two broken people. I said leaving the last part out. If Holden and I would ever venture into a relationship it would probably be a disaster. I was too broken mentally I couldn't give him happiness, I could barely keep up with my own problems I couldn't possible be there for him.

We were probably too similar, two damaged souls yet different in the sense that while I wore my emotions on my sleeves, he was an expert at concealing his own behind cold steel eyes and a hard frown.