After I finished my book "Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka I got a little bit bored, and reading the book didn't help at all. I mean it was a great book, but it made me think again and become pessimistic. More than I actually am. So I decided to go outside, in the garden, to see the flowers and take my mind off things.

I wore my Gucci white top, a black leather pencil skirt that went a little bit above my ankles and my sandals. Since it seemed to be a little chilly I wore my grey coat.

I went downstairs and told the maid to bring me a cup of coffee in the garden and with that I got outside.

I entered the garden. The only place that hasn't changed. I haven't seen this in a long time. I didn't had the opportunity to. Probably what happens when you are locked in your room all day.

I shake off the bad thoughts and admire the view in front of me. White roses, beautiful red roses, orchids and my favorite: peonies. I love this. I've missed it. The last time I have seen the garden it was two years ago when I came for spring break. I loved this garden my father used to tell me how my mother also loved this garden. How she took care of the flowers, stayed there for hours and hours. My father wanted to hire people to take care of the garden, but my mother disagreed. She always took care of her flowers by herself and didn't want anyone come near them. She would make big bouquets for events or when we had guests even though she felt bad picking them.

It was so beautiful. My little piece of heaven in these moments. I finally could find peace, finally calm down and.... Breathe. Take a deep breath and forget everything.

The maid brings me my cup of coffee and leaves. I take the cup and I could feel the warmth of it slowly spreading on my body. The coffee, the sweet smell of the flowers..so beautiful, so peaceful. I stay for more than an hour calming myself and admiring the flowers. It's a good thing Domenico didn't change this. Domenico.. Why would I think of him in a moment like this? Why does that man appears like this in my mind? Isn't my life enough already? Why would I think of this?

Than it hits me. I see far away at the end of the garden some man dressed in a suit guarding the estate. And I am back in reality, back in the real world where I can't be free and in peace like in the garden, where my every move is being watched. Where I am a prisoner in my own house.

Sad for my reality I get out of the garden and go on my way back to the house. On that way I see Alessandro coming. The only man loyal to Domenico that I actually have a good impression of. He always seems calm, nice and very wise for his age.

"Signora how are you doing?"-he asks smiling.

"Good thank you. The garden always makes me feel better."-I say.-"You don't think Domenico is going to be mad right?"

"No, of course not. You are not a prisoner and you did good coming out of the house."

"Maybe not a prisoner, but I sure feel like one."-I say to him.

"Don't say that. It's true that Domenico is a little bit harsh and non tolerable, but sometimes that's how you must be to protect the people you care for."-he calmly says.

"That's the point. Domenico doesn't care about me and the only person he needs to protect me from is himself. He is the only thing that is hurting me."-I say waiting for his response.

Alessandro takes a deep breath and starts thinking. Probably wondering if he should answer or not. Than he speaks:

"Signora Rossi have you ever thought that maybe he cares? And well this is his way of showing it? Now I won't question Domenico's ways, first because he is my boss, but most of all because he is my family. And I know him like nobody else does. He wasn't like this,life made him this way. You think only he is bad? We all are. And out there are maybe worst than us, but today, right now we are the powerful ones. The ones they fear."-says Alessandro leaving me speechless.

"You are a wise young man, a very thoughtful person and I can't help but think. What made you this way? If I may."-I say.

"Well we are part of this business. My entire family was and I have lost them because of this. One day me, Domenico and our cousins were out for a job and when we got back they weren't there anymore .. Alive. They died in a fire. An intentional fire that another gang did. At that time we weren't that powerful, now we're here all because of Domenico. He helped me avenge my family. I have seen most of my cousins die one by one, but there was one particular death that changed me forever. The woman I loved. She knew I was part of a gang, but not exactly what I did, and I didn't want to tell her anything in order to keep her safe. So one day she followed me. That day a fire exchange happened and she was shot. She died in my arms, her last words telling me she loved me. I couldn't forgive myself."-he says and I could tell he was in pain.

"I am so sorry."-I say-"If I knew you were hurt so much I never would have asked."-my eyes filled with tears.

"It's alright signora. I got used to this. It hurts, but I got used to it."-he says.

"I know how you feel. I have lost everybody too and it hurts just like you say. It hurts knowing you are alone, that you have lost the people you care most. The people you would give everything to. But you are not alone. You have Domenico and you are young and thoughtful. You will find someone to protect, to love. And that person will love you too. To heal your scars. Think of these battles as a preparation. Talking to you made me realize something: yes we are bad and it's time to accept that. Everyone is bad, it just takes that one bad situation to trigger it. But We, We aren't ordinary. People like us are special. Most people break through things like this, die. We DON'T. We walk and walk and we don't give up. Trust me Alessandro you will find your savior. You just have to wait. Think yourself as lucky, mine probably doesn't exist."-I say.

"I think you have found it."-Alessandro says.-"And thank you signora, thank you for this." After that he leaves and I get inside the house.

Walking in the hallway I think: Everyone feels pain. And I am still alive. I have strength and memories and I won't give up. What left me a little bit confused was what Alessandro said in the end. Why did he said that I have found my savior?

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😍

badgal