did you attend the thing for Kyle?

dan..

hm?

it's today

oh....

I was just time traveling and stuff

my times are a bit off..

it's already over if we were in London

we're not in London, though

SHUT UP SKY

rude

SO R U GOING OR NAH

probably

I thought..

we forgive him..

why?

he was sick

besides, everyone's going so

you got a new phone so who da hell cares?

not quite tht rude

tbh I'm gonna be at home thanking satan for taking Kyle

I know he was reluctant to take that loser

He made a brave sacrifice for us

we're so fucked up Sky

I know. I judge us

how are you about the whole Scarlett thing?

TBH IDGAF. The last two days they've just been like "oh you're so cute" "oh no you're cuter"

SRSLY STAB ME WITH A SPOON FR

I'MMMA KILL YOU WITH A MACHETE

ALEX WOULD'VE UNDERSTOOD :(

oh god

jealousy is a bitch

just like I'm sure he was jealous when you gave Kyle all of your attention and Nate... That date? Yeah.

what about when he was running back to Taylor?!

you were with Kyle

WHY ARE YOU STILL TAKING HIS SIDE?

I'm not taking either side. Tbh you both fucked up. And if he's gonna move on, you should too

tru

I'll just pick from this long list of boys begging for me *hand gesture in the form of a line*

well.. THEN BUY A CAT BISH

LOTS OF THEM CAUSE UR FUCKED UP

maybe we should date

maybe we should..

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLLLLLL nah

I have Hayley anyways

good

Great

should I try and apologize again?

he seems happy with Scarlett tho

but I miss him so much

you can try, Sky

If he wants to fix this, he will

don't just sit around waiting for him though

okay. I'm gonna go to that vigil thing. Or whatever they call it

a funeral, dumbass

oh yeah that

**

I sigh and lock the door on my car. I shouldn't be here. I didn't even like him. Why am I at a stupid funeral? They don't even have a body, just some teeth and bones.

"Hi Sky!" Scarlett waves. Alex got his arm locked around her. He's smiling at her and looks so happy

He looks at me and his expression goes flat. "Hi, Scarlett." Alex grabs her hand and turns towards the church.

He hates me. He really hates me for some texts I didn't even send! I can't believe he blames me for those. I didn't even have my phone. I would never in my lifetime tell somebody that the world would be better off without them. I know what it's like to be told to kill yourself. I would never wish that on Alex's friends and family. I would never wish that on Alex. He should know me better than that.

Maybe it was a matter of time. I knew he was getting tired of me. He was getting tired of the drama and constant round and round. I could feel is drifting. It was a matter of time before he'd leave.

And why should I interject? He looks so happy with Scarlett. She's such a nice person. She'll make things easy for Alex. She'll treat Alex like a prince and always be there for him. They'll have such a good time at Carnegie together. They'll make lots of money and get married. Have three kids and love each other to the end. She's so perfect and I know why he likes her. She's everything he wants. She's everything I'm not. I'm just a mean girl who doesn't know how to appreciate someone who loved me. I'm not worth to be loved at all.

We were meant to be, supposed to be together but we lost it just like that.

If he's happy, then I should be happy, right? Because that's what love is about. Love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. And I realize I love Alex. I love him since the first time I saw him on the first day of my high school life begins even though I was so mad about the milkshake thing. But I'm glad I met him. So if he's happy with Scarlett, I'll leave him alone because he's probably don't love me anymore.

So much for my happy ending.

Ugh, emotions are so fucking gross.

I take a seat on the bench and I feel my phone buzz. I pull the phone out of my bag and slide it open.

I'm quite excited how long you'd go

huh?

you try to act like you don't like Alex and you're cool with Scarlett but it's load of bullshit

you're so in love with him

your shoulder sunk so far when you saw him with Scarlett

you literally stared at him for five minutes as they walked away

"Just admit it you love him," Dan whisper, sitting beside me.

"You came?" He nods.

"I thought you could use a friend."

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I just nod. "I'm in love with him ever since before he'd ever notice me and I don't know what to do, Dan. I'm so stupid."

Dan puts his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head on his chest.

"Tell him how you feel, Sky, before it's too late."

"It's already too late, Dan."

**

Is she really crying over Kyle's death? I can't believe Dan came to a funeral. Why on earth do I care? They're both out of my life now. I'm fine and I'm better without them. Scarlett is so nice and she makes me feel good about myself. She doesn't treat me like I'm a bad person like Sky did. Scarlett tells me that I'm doing fine, even when I know I'm messing up. She encourages me and I appreciate it every time. We're going to Carnegie Mellon for Psychology together. We're going on that campus tour next week.

Scarlett is so nice and sweet and she makes me happy. Sky constantly put me down and implied that I was somehow not deserving because of things that had happened in the past. Those things weren't even my fault, though. I have no control over my "friends" and their actions. And if I had known better, I would've said something.

I drew the line when I got those texts. I know Dan said they were fake, but I just can't bring myself to think that maybe he was right. That night I got those texts- I fell apart. I complete collapsed under the pain of having someone, whether Sky or not, say those things to me. About me. I want to believe that Sky didn't do something like that, but I can't bring myself to just fall back into this pattern where I just forgive and forget. Sky will never be different. Sky will always second-guess my intentions and my feelings for her. She'll never see me as a nice guy, but nothing than this distorted image she's created throughout the years.

Scarlett is different, though. She doesn't see this image that everyone has of me. She doesn't judge me despite my constant self-judgements. Scarlett is what I need right now. Scarlett is what I need to move on from Sky and find somebody who appreciates me for me.

Besides, I'll be gone in for few months. I move out of my mom's house in June and I'm spending the summer in Pittsburgh finding a job and such forth. I'll be preparing myself for college in the fall. I don't think I told Sky that, to be honest. I guess I was just holding off and hoping that things would go slow, time wise. I thought that maybe time would soften the blow of finding out I'm leaving as soon as I graduate.

It doesn't matter now. Sky isn't part of my life anymore. She has no control over whether I stay or go. I almost, briefly, thought that if under some weird circumstance she had begged me not to leave, I would've stayed. I am.. I was so in love with her. I guess I still am. I miss her, to be honest. But I don't know anymore. I don't know where I stand with my feelings for Sky.

"Psst, Alex," Scarlett whispers.

"Hm?"

"You look lost," She frowns.

"I'm just thinking about the future," I sigh. It's true, I am. I'm thinking about so much, to be honest. Sky was going to be part of my future. I always told myself that eventually there would be this huge revelation and she'd run into my arms and everything would be alright and I won't let her go. I still believe, deep down, if she did that right here, I'd cave in. I would kiss her and hug her and everything would be okay. But her and I both know it won't happen. I mean, come on, she's crying over Kyle.

"Don't worry about it," Scarlett rubs my back. "We have four months of right now to enjoy."

"I guess you're right." I pull my phone out and open up my message. I would be foolish to text her and ask her if she's okay. I would be just ridiculously stupid.

hey sky

are you okay?

I glance over at Sky, but I don't see a response. She continues to rest her head on Dan's chest. Maybe she has her phone turned off. It would be polite to just walk over there and ask.

Nah, whatever. This was just a stupid idea. You're trying to move on, Alex.

"So are you going to tell him?"

"No," I shrug. "I'm just going to move on."

"Good for you, Sky." Dan pats my knee.

"Did you just at my knee you asshole?"

"Oops."

"Pipe down fucktard, we're in a church."

"You need to learn to not give a damn, Sky"

"I'll start tomorrow poop face."

Should I text him? I shouldn't text him. I shouldn't text him. I shouldn't be the one who apologizes. He's the one who refuses to believe me. I mean, seriously, how could you not believe Dan either? Dan doesn't lie. In fact, Dan should learn to shut up sometimes when it comes to telling the truth.

He's happy with Scarlett. He's so freaking happy with Scarlett. I should be happy that he's happy. I should be happy for his happiness. If I say everything twice, it'll sound more believable, right? I keep hoping, honestly.

I'm going to regret this so much, aren't I?

hey alex

are you okay?

I just wanted to say I was sorry for everything

I hope you're happy

Scarlett and you seem pretty chill

anyways, yeah sorry

text me

or don't

maybe

you don't have to

It's just

If you want to

Okay I'll go now

Smooth, Sky. Smooth as hell. This is why we don't get laid.