"To achieve redemption is no simple ordeal. Especially for those who believe that they are in need of it, when in actuality, they are not."

"Zixin, why are you always talking nonsense? Seriously... I can never understand a word you say." Mona sighed as she placed her book down, shifting her gaze to the boy in front of her. "It's so difficult studying with you," she mumbled as she leaned her head on her hand.

Zixin's attention remained on his book as he smiled. "Ha, I don't expect you to understand what I'm saying. Besides, I'm not saying it to you."

"Then who else are you talking to?" She raised a brow at the black headed male, who finally averted his eyes to her. "Myself."

Mona wasn't even surprised at this point. "You're so weird," she shook her head.

Zixin chose not to respond to her remark but instead, got up from his chair and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked him, picking up her book again.

"I would like to get some fresh air. I'll come back later," he said, before walking out the door.

"You could've at least said goodbye, y'know?" Mona sighed as she went back to her studies.

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Nov 8

7:15pm

"y.... n.... y/n.... y/N.... Y/N."

You heard someone yelling out your name before something roughly pushed against you, but it wasn't the car. More so, it felt like a person.

Panic spread within you while your eyes remained shut as you were pressed down harshly onto the cemented sidewalk. You heard the car swishing past you, before coming to a full stop.

Your heart pumped rapidly and you could feel your entire body shaking. As you slowly began opening your eyes again, you saw Xiao hovered over you. And his expression was one of pure fear, he was terrified.

But not because he could've gotten hit by the car instead, but rather by the possibility of losing you.

You remained quiet as your gaze stayed on him. Xiao quickly shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts and immediately shot you a frustrated look.

"What were you thinking? Are you dumb? Why weren't you being careful? You could've been hit, you idiot!" He shouted, causing you to tense up. You held back the tears that were undoubtedly forming in your eyes.

"I'm... sorry," were the only words that left your mouth.

"I—" Xiao sighed as he quickly got off of you, averting his eyes elsewhere. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "It's fine. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry."

You stayed silent after that. He shifted his eyes to you again and offered his hand to help you up. You quickly grabbed it as he pulled you upwards.

"Are you kids alright? Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't notice you were there..." The driver came running to the two of you, causing you both to avert your attention to him.

Xiao turned towards the driver and crossed his arms. "We are fine. Next time, keep your eyes on the road," he said while glaring at him.

"Aha— my bad... I'll make sure to do that! But, are you sure you're both fine? You're not hurt or anything, right?" The driver asked again. But this time, he looked directly at you.

Your eyes widened a bit after realizing he was talking to you. "I- I'm fine. Thank you," you quickly replied, still feeling unsettled.

"Ah, that's a relief... sorry again, you two!" He apologized once more before turning around to head back to his car.

Xiao looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. "Are certain you're alright? That push was rather aggressive."

"Don't worry, I'm fine," you reassured him. He nodded his head, but his face remained tense. "Let's go back to your home. I think we've spent enough time out here," he suggested, to which you simply nodded at.

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After Xiao dropped you off at your home, he decided to take a walk alone before going home to Zhongli.

He needed time to compose himself. But perhaps, it would have been better if he had gone to Zhongli instead.

Nonetheless, he ended up standing on a cliff near a highway. He looked down at all of the cars passing by.

His heart was still aching from what had just happened. And he couldn't stop thinking of what could've happened if you had gotten hit by the car. It would've been a complete repeat of history.

A black cat rubbed against his leg once more and he wondered if it was the same one from earlier. However this time, he didn't lean down to pet it.

His attention remained on the highway. "I seem to carry trouble all around me, don't I?" he spoke to the cat as if it could understand what he was saying.

The cat only blankly stared at him, and a small smile appeared on his face. "I only hurt others, don't I?"

An exasperated sigh escaped Xiao's lips as he ruffled his hair in frustration. "I shouldn't have yelled at Y/n. It must've upset them. I probably made them feel worse."

He took a step forward, leaning in towards the edge of the cliff. "Why do I only cause pain to others?"

The cat tried pushing against his leg to force him away from the edge but he remained still.

A familiar voice had returned.

You only hurt others.

Take another step forward.

End their suffering.

You even hurt Y/n.

Didn't I already tell you? You don't deserve happiness.

"You must be right," he spoke softly. "I'm tired."

Then take a step forward.

And rest forever.

He felt as if something was pushing him forward, urging him to fall. The swishing noises of the cars passing by made everything go blurry, causing Xiao to slowly close his eyes.

He began taking another step forward. That was until he had been interrupted by the sound of someone approaching him from behind.

"What are you doing?"

Everything went silent.

Xiao's eyes widened as he quickly stopped himself from going any further. After turning his head to see who it was, he was shocked to meet the gaze of a familiar black headed male who looked at him in disappointment.

Though, all Xiao could do was blankly stare at him while the bitter silence grew around them.

Zixin took in a deep breath before speaking again. "I asked you something, y'know."

Xiao turned around, facing away from him. "What are you doing here?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Zixin exhaled, he wasn't pleased having his question avoided.

"I usually come here to clear my mind, it helps me calm myself. Now, answer my question. What were you doing just now?" He repeated himself, determined to get an answer out of him.

Xiao sat down on the grass, having his arm on one leg while the other leg was hanging down the cliff.

"I don't know," he responded quietly, feeling guilty about the true answer.

But those three words were more than enough for the other boy to understand.

"Do you believe ending your life would have been worth it?" He asked Xiao, to which Xiao winced at.

There was a slight pause before Xiao was able to answer him.

"Would it have changed anything?" He asked in return, looking back at the other male. "If I did do it, would it have changed anything at all?"

Zixin walked to where Xiao was, now looking down at the highway as well. "No. All it would've done is transferred your burden onto someone else," he answered sternly, having his attention fixated on the moving cars.

Xiao remained quiet. "However, I must say I'm surprised. I didn't know you were a coward," the taller male continued, causing Xiao to shift his gaze towards him. He wasn't expecting Zixin to say that.

"You didn't seem like the type to run away from your problems. Or to admit defeat. But I guess I was wrong."

Xiao clicked his tongue in frustration but still kept quiet. He didn't feel as if he was in the position to retaliate.

"That's not how redemption is granted, after all." He smiled, finally earning a reaction from Xiao.

"What the hell do you know about redemption? Have you been the cause of someone else's suffering? Have you hurt others?" He glared at Zixin, but the black headed male kept his calm demeanor.

"Indeed I have," he said. Xiao was slightly taken aback by his response, but continued regardless. "Then, you should know. You should realize how exhausting it is. If I didn't react in time, Y/n could've been hit by the car as well. Then, I would've allowed two people to get hurt. All because of my foolishness."

Xiao's sudden rant had surprised Zixin, but the black headed male managed to stay unbothered. "So, you managed to save Y/n then?"

"I did, but—"

"You saved one life, after almost losing another. Why do you continue to blame yourself?"

Xiao bit his lip and looked the other way, growing more frustrated.

The atmosphere went silent once more.

Zixin noticed there was nothing more to say, so he decided to turn around and take his leave. "You'll never move on if you don't stop blaming yourself, you know," he finished off, before finally walking away.

Xiao sighed as he leaned backwards, laying down on the soft green grass of the cliff. "Idiot," he said to himself.

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