On my way back home that day I thought I was going to crash my car. I was so upset I had to pull over to calm myself down. When I got back home I changed into some sweatpants and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. God I hate those. I open my phone to see messages from Colin. He asked me if she's feeling better and stuff. I told him I got her to eat and to drink. I didn't want to tell the reason behind her silence because I believe that is her right and her right only. If she wants to share, she can. I sent a voice message to Chris about what happened but he hasn't replied yet.

I am so disappointed in myself. I thought I had more self control than this. Obviously I was wrong. She broke me. She broke all of my rules and reset me. I hate to say it but she made me better. I feel guilty for using the opportunity to almost sleep with her. I feel like a monster. I book a flight to London and I go to pack my bag again. I'm leaving again. I can't stay here. I can't risk seeing her or Colin. Those two need their own space and time. Besides, I don't think I could look at Colin without seeing Scarlett almost naked flash through my mind.

I pack my bags and I see the sunrise. I hear my phone ring and see it is her. Why would she call me now?

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey did I wake you?" She asks

"No I got up hours ago."

"Oh I just wanted to talk with you. Could we talk today?" She asks

"I can't. I have a thing today." I say

"You bought airplane tickets didn't you?" She asks

"Yeah, I did." i say. I don't want to lie to her. Not again at least.

"Where to now?" She asks

"home." I say

"I thought your home is here." She says

"The home I chose is here but the home I grew up in is back in the UK." I say

"So you're going to England."

"Yeah."

"Is it because of me or because you have work to attend to?" She asks

"Would it be rude if I said both?" I ask back

"You brits and your manners." she says.

"Can I come see you before you leave?" She asks

"My flight takes off at around 10am." I say

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes." I say.

"Okay I'll see you at your place at 9." she says

"Okay. Bye." I say and hang up.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I should give space and time for the both of us. But the truth is. I don't know when I'll see her next. I don't know when I'll return to New York. I'm not sure of anything. All I know is I don't want that encounter to be our last when I remember it.

9 am rolls around faster than I enticipated. She should be here any time now. My god what am I doing? I am torturing myself. She is the one I want, but she's taken. She is not mine to have and certainly not mine to kiss. She doesn't love you Lena. She doesn't love you. Just try to remember it.

I hear knocking on my front door so I go to open it. It's Chris.

"Oh my God I'm so happy I made it here in time." he says out of breath.

"Hi what's going on?" I ask him after hugging him.

"I just listened to your audio message. I just wanted to see you before you go back home again." He says

"Hey, you can always call me. You know that." I say.

"Can I use your bathroom quickly?" He asks

"Sure go." I say giggling.

The doorbell rings and she arrives. As soon as I open the door she launches herself at me. She holds me tight and I close the door behind us. She buries her

head in my neck and I draw circles on her back with one of my hands. I love her scent. Vanilla fills my nose and leaves as soon as she separates from me.

"Hey, when did you get here?" Chris asks from the doorway.

"Just now." She says

"Oh, I didn't know you were coming." He says looking at me now.

"She called before, she wanted to see me before I leave for the airport." I say

"You mean before you go to London?" He asks

"Pretty much." I say sitting down on the couch in the living room.

"Do you need a ride to the aieport?" She asks

"No, I'll drive her." Chris says throwing daggers Scarlett's way.

"No need I'll call an uber." I say grabbing my phone from my pocket.

"I'm not letting you do that." Chris says snatching my phone from my hands.

"Chris give it back." I say trying to get my phone from his hands.

"Stop acting like a baby." He says putting it in his pocket.

"Alright big guy, can you give me and Scarlett a minute to talk? You can go to my bedroom and make sure I have everything ready." I say to him

"Sure, I'll go steal one of your watches." He says

"There are 34 in that drawer, I'll know if you take one." I say

"psycho, who counts their watches?" He mutters and heads to my room.

"You told him?" She asks

"Yeah, he's my best friend." I say and she nods

"When will you be back?" she asks

"I'll be here for Lucy's wedding. I don't know if I'll be here sooner." I say

"That wedding is in September." She says

"Yeah and?"

"It's only about to be June." She says figgeting with her sleeves.

"It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know I won't be here. You'll forget about everything that has happened in the last 24 hours and you'll find a way to move on." I say sitting closer to her.

"What if I don't want to forget about it?" She asks

"Then you'll remember it." I say plain and simple.

"Colin and I have already started planning the wedding." She says looking ahead.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't give a shit.

"That's great." I force out of myself.

"We wanted to have it in October." She says looking away from me

"Thats wonderful. I'm happy for you." I say

"Are you really?" she asks turning her head towards me

"As long as you're happy I'm happy." I say

"Then why are you crying Lena?"

I wipe my eyes and there they were, tears. She's right I am crying.

"No I'm not." I stand up.

"Will you be okay?" She asks getting up too.

"Yes, I'll be fine." I say sniffling.

"promise me you'll be okay after this." she says offering me a pinky.

"I promise." I lie.

She hugs me again and I fall into her. I can't get enough of her. She stands on her tippy toes to hug me so I do one better and pick her up. She swings her legs over my hips and we stand there like this in the middle of my living room. She moves her head and I put her down.

"I should get going." She says grabbing her bag.

"Right. I should too." I say

"Goodbye Scarlett." I say and open the door for her.

She turns around and grabs my face. I feel her soft lips on my cheek. She kisses it and smiles at me. Still holding my face.

"Goodbye Lena." She says and leaves.

I close the door and go to my room. I find Chris sitting there on his phone.

"Is she gone?" He asks

"Yeah, she's gone." I say sitting next to him

"Are you okay?" He asks

"No, but I will be."

"Let me drive you to the airport." He says and grabs my hand.

We go to his car and he puts my luggage inside. This time I brought lot of things with me.

"Did something exciting happen in England the last time you were there?" He asks

"I got invited to an even in the Buckingham palace. The royal family wants to meet me." I say

"Seriously?! That's amazing! I'm proud of you." He says excitedly

"Thank you" I say shyly

"I'm going to be in England in two weeks, how about I call you while I'm there? We can go out for lunch." He offers.

"I'd like that." I say

"When do you plan on coming back?" He asks

"September probably." I say

"I'm here for you." He says putting a hand to my knee.

"Thanks. I don't deserve you." I say looking away

"Hey, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened between Scarlett and you."

"How can I not?"

"Did she come onto you first?"

"Yea"

"And did you give back the same energy?"

"Yes I did." I say

"Did you stop once you remembered Colin and their engagement?" He asks me.

"Yes I got up to get dressed the minute her ring scratched me." I say

"Lena. I need for you to know this. It is not your fault. You are in love with Scarlett. You couldn't resist. She came onto you. She wanted to do it." He says pulling into the parking lot of the airport.

"I know she wanted it I just-"

"No it ends there! It happened you can't make it dissappear. What I'm saying is you can't blame yourself. Just be patient. You'll get over her sooner or later." He says

"I sure hope so." I say

"I do too. She's one of my good friends, but she should pick herself up. No matter what I think of her fiancé, of Colin. She is with him. She chose him and there is nothing we can do about it." He says

We exit the car and go inside. I have about 15 minutes until my plane takes off.

"I'll miss you bud." he says hugging me.

"I'll miss you too." I say and hug him back tighter.

I enter the plane and find my seat. I booked a first class ticket so I can be comfortable. This is a longer flight. I grabbed a book and read it by the time I arrived. The plane landed and I am back home. It's funny. I keep running away without knowing what I'm actually running away from...