i don't have the ambition to find the correct words for how i am feeling, if you could call the state of absolute numbness a feeling.

perhaps it is because not feeling anything is still feeling something. i just wish something could get me out of bed in the morning. i wish something could cook me breakfast or make my lunch or possibly put dinner on the table, because i sure haven't been. i wish something didn't form itself to be a lump in my throat or sweat on my palms. i wish something would stop my heart and breath from becoming irregular, and i wish something would let me feel anything. anything other than this numbness that has consumed me.