one moment i don't feel a thing

and the next im playing sad folk songs

trying to drown it all out.

crying tears for someone that would

never cry for me.

i forget how to breathe.

my gut and my throat tighten.

i feel as if i could rip off my skin.

i want to tell someone but i fear

bothering them.

i want to lay out in the middle

of the road,

walk into a snow covered field,

and submerge into the pacific ocean.

all these feelings are caused by the men

that took my innocence from me

younger than the age of nine.

the first boy i let into my heart

at the age of sixteen is now

apart of the group.

but all he had was good intentions.

my trust was stolen from me

at the age of three,

and ill never get it back.

it's lying within the rubble of

the bricks that have fall,

within the ashes of the fires that ive started, within the rivers of tears that ive cried.

and amongst it all, are the grinning

faces of the men i can't tune out,

even with mumford and his sons.