i imagine it will feel like that moment in the movies, when the world freezes and everything seems to move in slow motion.

we'll meet eyes from across the room, and the planet will stop turning beneath our feet.

i will feel my stomach twist and my heart drop. maybe you will feel something like that, too. and for a second, neither of us will do a thing. we'll just watch. waiting for the other to make the first move.

and then you will take a step towards me, because that's what you always do. it's always you who decides what will happen.

so you will take a step towards me, and i will stand there as you move through the crowd, your eyes never unlocking from mine. frozen and obedient, snapping right back into the place i once held with you.

but somewhere along the line, somewhere along your path towards me, something inside me will melt through the ice, and grind back into motion. something inside me will say no. not this time. you've come so far. don't step backwards now.

you will be a mere yard away from me when i shake my head. you will freeze mid-step, and your eyes will go wide with surprise and confusion.

"no." the word will stumble from my mouth as if it was an accident. but i will prove that it isn't by turning away from you.

you will say, "wait, can't you just talk to me?"

there will be a plea in your voice that will make me stop for a moment. it will almost make me turn back to you. it will wrap a fist around my heart and squeeze.

but despite the pain, despite the pull i will always feel to you, i will look over my shoulder, and i will meet your gaze with mine one last time. and i will make sure you can feel the fire in me, burning. i will make sure you know that no matter how cold you made me, you never managed to put that fire out.

"no," i will say, "but it was good to see you."

-c.h.

~