you ask me

if i can just forgive you

for the bruises

and the scars

and the wounds that still bleed sometimes

that are bleeding now

you tell me

you're sorry

and look the other way

as you say it

i narrow my eyes

and i respond

here's the thing

i don't owe you forgiveness

i don't owe you acceptance

of an apology that i know

doesn't mean a fucking thing

i don't have to forgive you

when i know my forgiveness

is not what you really want

you just want the poems to stop

you just want me to forget about you

but i can't just forget two years of my life

i can't just forget somebody who's left their mark

all over me like a tattoo

so i will write the poetry

and i will write entire books about you

until one day i will be able to forgive and forget you

because i'm healed enough

and not because

you begged me to

-c.h.

~