I wake up screaming.

Someone wraps their arms around my body, and after fighting them for a while, I slowly begin to calm down.

When I am fully aware of my surroundings, I open my eyes.

Daria's dark eyes stare at me, the bags under them instantly makes my stomach twist with guilt.

"Are you good for me to let you go?" She sounds tired, but I know that she's trying to hide it.

"Yes."

She let's me go slowly, and I sit up on the queen sized bed.

"I'm sorry Dar."

She shakes her head and gives me a tired, but genuine, smile. "El, you don't have to keep saying that, I'm fine."

Feelings of worthlessness begin to creep into the recesses of my mind, but I'm kind of used to it by now, so I try to just clamp it down.

I look at Daria again and notice that she's dressed in her school uniform and her hair is perfectly done in a slick, low bun.

"Oh, crap! First day of school! I'll be ready in 5 minutes, okay D? We won't be late, I promise."

She waves me off, and I already know that she's not thrilled to be attending a private school, but I want the best for her. "Take your time, I insist." She takes a seat on her own queen sized bed while I frantically run into the hotel bathroom.

I don't spare myself a glance because I already know that Daria's dark eyebags match my own. Apparently, I wear the haggard grieving widow look like a glove. I pull my growing hair back and quickly brush my teeth.

I'm done in ten minutes and get dressed, in baggy sweatpants and a loose tshirt, in five. Not the most glamorous look, but I want Daria to be on time for her first day.

"Alright let's go."

Begrudgingly, she drags herself off the bed and follows me to the door.

Before we leave, I make sure that I have the hotel room key, force an apple on Dar, and then we're on our way.

I'm not that familiar with Victoria, Canada but I remember how to get to the school from the hotel we've been staying at. As we walk to the car, I try to shake off the grogginess from that harrowing nightmare.

After the funeral, I've been having nightmares every night. They're all the same, with few changes here and there, but I always wake up screaming.

A week after the funeral, his lawyers wanted us all there for the reading of his will. I didn't want to go at first, but Liam promised me that he would be by my side the whole time.

The lawyers weren't exactly... on the legal side of things, so they were aware about the gang and about the millions that he possessed.

Everything was left to me. Every. Fucking. Thing. All of his finances, his multiple bank accounts, his life insurance, cars, houses, and even his fucking gang was left to me.

Well the gang wasn't exactly left to me per say, but I had to be the one to choose who would be his successor.

I wanted to choose Zayn, but he has his twins and Josie to think about, so I chose Niall. That might seem selfish, and it probably is, but I just couldn't do that to them.

I still don't know if it was the right decision, but I just wanted to get it over and done with.

After the reading was over, that night I decided to leave. Daria caught me packing my things and immediately demanded to come with me. I tried to convince her to stay, and we seriously argued about it, but in the end she convinced me.

It's not like I didn't want to take her with me, because I did. It's just, I am not the same person I once was, and I don't want Daria to witness that side of me. In the end, I couldn't bear to leave her behind.

Another selfish action.

Obviously everyone else thought that I was crazy, and that I wasn't mentally stable to go off on my own. It was kind of insulting, but I understood where they were coming from.

Thankfully, Liam stood up for me and convinced everyone to let us go.

For a while, I wasn't sure where exactly I wanted to go. All I knew was that it had to be far, far away.

I chose Canada because it's pretty freaking far away and both Daria and I enjoy cold weather, so we went. Liam picked up the car at the airport, and hugged us tightly. He told me that once we got settled that he was going to come to visit weekly.

I think it's sweet, but I also think it's so he can check my mental wellbeing, Daria... and to check on the baby.

The baby.

His baby.

I haven't told anyone else about the baby, not even Daria. I can't even bring myself to make a doctor's appointment, because then that would make it real. And I don't know how I feel about it yet.

I'm not heartless though, I have been taking over the counter prenatal medication. Although... I can't help but to feel guilty, no matter what I do.

Shaking off the multiplying thoughts, I focus on driving the rental car we picked up a few days ago.

The drive is quiet, except for low r&b playing in the background. I don't want Daria's day to start off horrible, so I try to make light conversation.

"So, when I come to get you this afternoon, we'll be going to our new house."

She turns, from staring out the window, to face me. "What? Is it that house we looked at?"

A few days ago, we looked at this two story modern cottage that we both fell in love with. I felt dirty doing it, but I used my inherited money to purchase it.

Yet another selfish action.

"Yes. I closed the deal on it last night, so it's officially ours."

"El, that's amazing! You're amazing! I love that house, how did you manage to get it? That lady seemed to be having second thoughts."

"I know, but I assured her that the house would be well taken care of and that she had nothing to worry about." Also a little extra money thrown in didn't hurt.

I can practically feel Daria beaming like a ray of sunshine. It makes tears pool on my eyes, because she hasn't been this happy since... everything happened.

Her happiness lifts my own underlying dark mood, but I know that it won't last long.

"I'm sooo glad we're getting out of that hotel! I mean, I loved it, but it's not the same, ya know?"

I smile at her musings. "Yeah I know."

For the rest of the drive, Daria is rambling about different things, but I let her because it makes me happy to see that she is slowly beginning to heal.

Seeing her this happy makes me decide that I might tell her about the baby. I'm sure she'll be happy about it, and it might help with my own conflicting feelings.

Eventually we reach the massive school,

.

Prior to contrary belief, it is a private high school, though it looks like an actual college university. I basically paid my way into getting Dar enrolled, but she also has the smarts to back it up. One thing about Roxy is that she really made sure that Daria was successful in school.

Instead of pulling up to the registration building, where most kids are being dropped off, I pull into the parking lot.

"Okay Dar, this is it."

She takes a deep breath and straightens out her uniform. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, okay? If someone messes with you, call me, I still have my gun. If you need extra lunch money, call me. If you're feeling sick, call me. If-"

"Okay, okay! I'll call you if I need to, El. You're going all momma bear mode on me."

My heart freezes.

"I'm sorry D. I know I'm not your mother and I promise I'm not trying to force that onto you."

She shakes her head. "I didn't mean it like that, El. Of course you can't be my mom because you're my sister."

My iced heart warms to her words.

In the distance, we hear a bell ring.

"Oh, shit! Gotta go"

"Language!"

She opens the door and practically falls out of the car. "Love you!"

I smile as she runs to the registration office. "Love you too D."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Back at the hotel, I'm slowly packing our suitcases in silence.

I have to meet Mrs. Prince at the house for some last minute things, but I want to get our things cleared out first so we can immediately move in.

I finish rather quickly and make my way to the front desk to return the key cards. As I'm rushing towards the front desk, I accidentally bump into a man.

"Sorry-"

"Oh, sorry-"

We both speak at the same time and I feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

I turn to the man then, fully paying attention.

He's a rather tall oldish man with a hat and trenchcoat on. It's hard to make out his face since the collar of his coat is so high.

"I'm really sorry about that, sir."

"No problem. Have a good day."

Before I can say anything else, he quickly walks out the door and disappears.

Shaking off the strange encounter, I return my keys to the receptionist behind the desk.

"Thank you for staying with us, Mrs. Styles. I hope you come again soon." As I hear the name out loud, a jolt of pain goes through me. All I can manage is a strained smile before practically running out of there.

After I get the bags into the car, I just sit in the driver's seat, breathing slowly, trying to stop the tears.

Not now. Not now. Not now.

"Damnit, pull it together Ellie." I'm already running late.

I give myself another minute, and then I'm on my way.

The house is only a couple miles away, so with a tiny bit of speeding I get there, only being 6 minutes late.

As I pull into the blacktop driveway, I can't help but to admire the house once again.

I snap out of my reverie when I see Mrs. Prince walk out of the house and towards me. Quickly, I get out and greet her with a sheepish wave.

"Good morning, Mrs. Prince! Sorry, I'm late."

The brown skin middle age woman shakes her head. "No problem Mrs. Styles, no problem at all." I try not to flinch at hearing it again.

"So, here are the keys, it's all yours! Oh and by the way, my son will be over in a few days to do those repairs for you, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am, thank you very much Mrs. Prince."

She smiles. "No problem, hun! Now, I've got to go and meet my husband at the airport, so enjoy your new home! And oh, tell that cute little sister of yours that I said hello, alright?"

"Will do!"

We exchange goodbyes, and then I'm alone again.

Sighing out, I let the smile fall from my face and I lightly massage my temples.

Hearing that name twice in one day is really getting to me. Although it's probably my own fault, since I didn't change it. I haven't taken my wedding ring off either. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Mrs. Prince thinks that my husband is alive and well, and that he's just always away on business.

If anyone knew, I'd probably get lectured about how it's unhealthy and how I'm in denial, but I'm honestly not. I know he's dead just like I know the sky is blue. I just don't think I can admit that to others.

Sighing again, I take our bags and enter the- our house.

Suddenly feeling tired, I place the bags on the couch and trudge upstairs to the master bedroom.

Thank God Mrs. Prince already had the place furnished with new furniture. I'm just glad that it's all to my taste. That's one of the main reasons why I bought this house. Another reason is that there are no close neighbouring houses, so we can have our privacy.

Plopping down on the soft king sized bed, my body sinks into the thick memory foam, and I'm out like a light.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

I wake up abruptly. My body is awake, but my eyes are still closed. I don't move.

Something isn't right.

You know that feeling when someone is watching you but you can't see them? You can just feel their eyes on you?

That's what I'm feeling right now.

I stay perfectly still, and keep my breathing slow and steady to seem like I'm still asleep.

I haven't stashed weapons around the house yet, so the only available weapon I have near me is my handgun in my purse. Thankfully, my purse is on the side table by the bed.

If I move quickly enough, I think I will be able to get to it and aim in time.

I ready myself to move.

I just need to-

What the fuck?

Unable to control myself, I jolt at the loud ass ringtone. I open my eyes and sit up slowly as Nicki Minaj still raps in the background.

Ignoring my phone, I survey the room slowly, only to come up empty. The feeling is also gone.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Pregnancy brain, right?

"Ugh!" My phone still hasn't stopped ringing, so I snatch it out of my purse and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey El, are you on your way?"

"What? Daria, what do you mean?"

"Uh, it's 1 o'clock El, school let out early today since it's the first day. Remember?"

My eyes pop as I finally take notice of the clock on the wall to see that it is indeed time to get Daria.

"Crap, D, I'm on my way, okay? I'm so sorry, I was asleep, but I'm coming right now!"

"It's okay El, I'll see you in a bit."

"Alright I'll see you in 10 minutes."

As soon as we hang up, I run to change my clothes, a loose black tshirt dress with boots, and I put my hair down. I finger comb it as I'm running down the staircase.

After locking up the house, I run to the car and speed away.

I can't believe I slept for 5 freaking hours! I've never napped that long before. I didn't even unpack or anything!

Then again, I've never been pregnant before either.

Damn... I really can't think about that right now. The more this pregnancy is beginning to affect my body, the more guilt and pain I feel.

I put my mind to rest on the subject as I'm almost to the school. In less than 10 minutes, thanks to my excessive speeding.

As I pull in, I see Daria waiting by the registration office, talking to a pretty Native American girl. As soon as she sees me, she hugs the girl and makes her way over to the car.

"Hey Ellie!"

Daria's smile is bright, and she seems enthusiastic.

"Hey! I see you have much more pep in your step then you did this morning! How was school?"

As I pull off, Daria waves at the girl and she waves back. "Well as you can see I've made a new friend, well a couple of friends actually, but the other two had to leave. Winona boards here, so she waited with me."

"Aw, that was nice of her."

"Yeah. Private school is very different from public school. I expected that, but it just surprised me."

"In what ways?"

"Well, the teachers are extremely laid back, the halls are less rowdy, and everyone is more mature. It's actually really cool. I didn't expect to like it as much as I do."

I smile a real smile, happy that she ended up enjoying herself. "That's good to hear, D. So what are your classes?"

"Well, I got my schedule today, so first period is AP Literature, second period is Advanced Calculus, third period is AP psychology, fourth period is French ll, lunch, fifth period is Black History, sixth period is Liberal Arts, and seventh period is AP Biology."

My eyes are big as I look at her briefly before turning my eyed back to the road. "Dude, I forgot how smart you are! That is a lot of AP classes, can you handle that?"

She rolls her eyes playfully. "Handle it? Look who you're talking too! I'm practically Jimmy Neutron with this big ass forehead."

We both laugh and all of my problems seem to fade away.

"Hey, are you hungry?"

Daria's eyes light up. "You know how much I love food, do I even have to answer that?"

I grin. "Same. I know just the place."