(Trigger Warning: Drug use)

"You look like a sexy candy apple. I'd dip you in honey."

Skepticism fluoresces my glance as I cast my eyes to Hadley, and away from the mirror. My arms tug at the dress - more like a shirt- in an attempt to conceal my thighs.

Red velvet material coquettishly hugs my curves, surreptitiously pleasing to the eye but not to my skin. My body clenches in an anxious discomfort.

"I can't wear this Had..." Teeth sink to my bottom lip, chewing.

"Uh, yes you can!" Is her encouragement. "You look hot as Hell, literally," Her eyes narrow to my dress.

Dimming powder blue irises meet my reflection as I stare at myself, feeling self doubt. A tug on my arm pulls me from picking myself apart more.

"Come on, let me finish your makeup!"

Despite getting ready for tonight, guilt weighed laborously against my chest. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing Beck rip at the seams this morning. And when I cut him off for good, his acceptance wasn't a impetuous hurricane, just a smoky mist of air. The aftermath of disaster so you know it had been there. Acceptance. A rejection back to me.

Hadley came closer, a Sephora eyeliner in her fingers, concentration in her jade irises. As her hand rests on my collarbone to finish my winged liner and she leans forward, pain surges through my bruise. I jolt back in pain and whimper and Hadley gasps, pulling back.

An alarmed expression parades her face as she hesitates to speak. crimson flushing my cheeks with humiliation. I hang my head down, fingers finding each other. I absentmindedly scratch my nails against each other and release a low exhale. This was fucking embarrassing. Silence settles for a few beats more.

"Sorry," I instantly sputter.

"It's okay," Hadley amends, and I peer up meekly.

Is it though? Is it okay? Her pitiful green eyes search through mine. What do I do in a moment like this?

"It's not going to hurt, if that's what you're worried about," Hadley whispers some time. "It's just some eyeliner."

My lips part slightly ajar, my heart sinking to my stomach. She thought I was afraid of the eyeliner.

Finding the ground, my eyes fixate on her plush floors. Sputtering incoherently, I meet her gaze again.

"Uh, yeah, I-I just don't wear makeup a lot," I whisper, forcibly giggling through my breath. "I'm not used to it."

A gentle smile tugs the contours of her lips.

"I'll be careful, A. Don't worry."

I gulp, trying to ignore the stinging sensation at the tender bruise she pushed on.

Hadley leans forward once more and I instinctually tense in my collarbone and chest, breath halting. When she doesn't touch the bruise again, I exhale in relief, relaxing. My eyelids twitch slightly when she starts to draw the wing.

"Keep your eyes still," Hadley instructs in a whisper, and I giggle, telling her I'm trying. She carefully continues her artistry. "And...there. Now, how about some highlight?" She asks, capping the eyeliner.

I nod, not fully understanding what that is but going along. Picking up the small compact, she opens it and swirls a fluffy brush in it. Meanwhile, I anxiously peak behind Hadley's frame. When she notices, a sigh escapes her in exasperation.

"Aurora, Beck won't be home from work for another seven hours, you're fine," She explains. "You've been looking over my shoulder since you got here. He's not coming home anytime soon."

"I'm just nervous, okay?" I bit my lip and exhale anxiously. "I didn't really want to come over in the first place...I quite literally just broke him. I'm surprised he's even stable enough to make sandwiches right now. My fingers would be trembling..."

Hadley laughs in amusement, shaking her head.

"I'm serious, Had. What if he comes home early for some reason and I'm just here? I'm seriously not trying to hurt him anymore."

"He's not coming home anytime soon, Aurora. I promise. I know my brother - he'll want to throw himself into work and distract himself. Beck's a tough guy. He'll be okay. I think he can handle making his little sandwiches."

I flinch, not in fear, but uncomfortability as the powder sweeps across my cheeks. Even though Elise has done my makeup a few times, I'm still not fully used to the all the sticky tackiness on my face. It feels unnatural to my skin.

"Can I ask something?" I say softly.

"Hmm," Hadley hums, angling her hand to dust my cheekbones.

I nervously wring my hands together, shifting on my bare thighs. I force myself to speak though I feel uncomfortable asking this -

"Is Beck really all that tough? How long did it take for him to get over Sage?"

Hadley's arm pauses, she thinks. Did I hit a nerve?

Her sweeping continues on my right cheekbone.

"Smile," Is her instruction.

My cheekbones lift as I smile widely, Hadley continuing her makeup.

"Beck didn't really have all that deep of feelings for Sage, A. It wasn't an emotional kind of thing. They had their fun, you know? Her sudden disappearance confused him, irked him - but it didn't hurt him."

I guess it made sense. If there wasn't that deep bond and emotional connection, it would be easier to get over. I just wondered why it seemed different with me.

Hell, Beck and I had never even dated. But for some reason, it felt deep and emotionally connecting like we had, even in our friendship.

I wondered what kind of pain it'd be to lose something you never had in the first place. It's a pain that takes and takes before you even had the chance to selfishly take some kind of real love for yourself. It's every map you see saying 'wrong place' and every clock you pass saying 'wrong time'. And what was more painful? Admitting your love like an open wound, then letting the rejection open you more deeply than ever before? Or keeping your clandestine affection and adoration to yourself, like I did?

A contained, muffled caccaphone of noise thudded from a nearby club as Hadley and I exited our taxi. She adjusts her sparkly black bralette and dark jeans, all of her stomach exposed. A chilling ghost of icy breeze ruffled our clothing and hair. I felt myself get panicked, pulse throbbing in my neck.

"Where the hell are we?" I asked of Hadley above the wind and noise, looking at the unfamiliar area in the dark.

"Who cares?" Hadley maddeningly retorts, snorting. With a wave of her hand, the taxi is off. She shuffles through her bag quickly, taking out her fake. "You got yours?"

Despite the already frigid temperatures, I feel an even icier feeling course through my blood. A nervous trepidation finds me in the form of a pacing heartbeat. I swallow my nervousness and reach into my bra, pulling it out.

"Yes." A light punch to my forearm has me gasping. "Hey!"

"You look way too fucking nervous, Mulven!" Hadley reprimanded. "Come on, ask me who I am."

"Okay..." I furrow my brow defensively, tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Who are you,"-

"Melaney Malladonskadorf."

A ridiculous laugh spat from my mouth, followed by peals of cackles. My stomach was hurting from chuckling so much. What kind of name was that?! With a catch of my breath, I questioned:

"Melaney...Mallan,"-

"...donskadorf," Hadley finishes confidently, hand on her hip. "I'm 23, a UCLA graduate with a bachelor of arts in sucking dick."

My brow furrowed once more, eyeing her strangely.

"That's not a major and Hadley, you're a lesbian,"-

"No no!" She brings a finger to my lips as my eyes widen, looking to her hand, then her eyes. "I'm Melaney tonight, not Hadley. And I absolutely love dick. Give me all the cock."

Her finger lifts from my mouth as she steps back and I raise my eyebrows.

"Now. Tell me who you are."

"Uh, I'm," I lift my fake ID, raising it to my eyes.

All the information looks weird and overwhelming, I don't even have my drivers liscense so this feels completely foreign. I study the name.

"I'm Aviva Blauman," I pause. "That sounds Jewish."

"All my cousins are. I took a little inspiration. Time to spin on table tops like a Dreidel, girly!"

And by the grace of God, we are let in.

"Holy shit," I murmur in awe as we enter.

"Act cool," Hadley murmurs back, smiling and taking my arm, "Aviva," She winks.

Contemptible is the obnoxious beat, I quickly cover my ears and the thuds of bass sound underwater. My body is roughly jostled among the shoulders and elbows of the club, atonal gaggles of conversation filling the atmosphere. Reeks of body sweat is pungent to the nose as I try to hold my breath. The bar stools are all filled so Hadley and I just stand at the front of the bar counter.

"What can I get for you?" A debonair bar tender asks with a charming smirk. He has honeycomb eyes and a squared jawline, bronzed and rippled against his black T-shirt. I slowly lower my hands from my ears, watching in awe of the model-esq man before me.

"Aperol Spritz," Hadley - or 'Melaney' - yells over the music. She whips around to face me, "Aviva?" She asks.

I choke up, mouth falling open. Aviva?

Oh yeah, that's me.

I now have to act like an experienced drinker. What had Arlan ordered that one time on my birthday..? I couldn't remember. I could only remember what I always see him drink.

"Bourbon," I blurt, nervously curling my hands into sweat coated fists.

The bartender and Hadley give me an incredulous look. I gulp. Fuck. That was probably the wrong thing to say.

"You know what," Hadley turns to face the bar tender, " we'll both take two shots of tequila."

"Gotcha," Bar tender winks, getting to it.

I smile kindly at the bar tender, trying to relax and seem casual now that Had has repaired the situation. Hadley quickly approaches me, squeezing my elbow.

"Bourbon, A?" She hisses, giggling to herself. "Come on, we're trying to look cool, here."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, laughing. "I got flustered, I didn't know what to say," I shrugged.

The glasses clinked to the counter as he produced our shots.

"Two tequila. Should I open up a tab?"

Hadley smirked, adjusting her bralette so it just 'happened' to fall down a bit.

"Well...I was thinking maybe you could just do us this one little favor?" She bit her lip, giggling.

Within seconds, the bar tender looked like a panting dog on a hot day.

"Okay," He blushed a bit. "I'll see you girls later. But you'll have to pay next time you're here."

Hadley grinned and wiggled her fingers goodbye, taking our shots. I smiled gently at the bar tender, walking away with Hadley.

"God, men are so easy," She took her shot back and I cackled and took mine back too.

Then, I stopped in my tracts among the crowd, shot glass in hand.

"Had,"-

"It's Melaney," She murmured from the side of her mouth urgently.

"No," I pointed, gut pooling with terror, "My tutors here..."

She looked at me with confusion before peering beyond the crowd.

"The really tall one in the purple shirt?" I clarified. "That's my tutor."

"So what? He won't rat. I'm sure he'll be cool."

"No, no," I shook my head quickly, trying to leave. "Come on, we have to go- he can't see me here!" A cold sweat met my neck.

"Aviva!" Hadley reprimanded, taking my wrist and pulling me back.

"I'm not Aviva, I'm not twenty one. Hadley, this is all just wrong. I shouldn't be in this dress at a club taking tequila shots," I hissed urgently.

"For the love of Christ, can't you let yourself have some fun? Loosen up, Aurora! Listen to me - he won't say anything, he probably won't even approach you!"

I glance once more to the crowd, feeling unsure, and in that moment - Santiago's eyes lock with mine.

Fuck.

Sweat soaks my limbs as my breathing rapidly increases- and in that moment, Santiago advances towards us.

Double Fuck.

I start to feel overheated, breathing shallow, I'm shaking. I go to turn quickly, when Hadley stops me yet again.

"He already saw us, A. No point. And I'm sure he's just getting another drink," Had insists.

I twist in her grip.

"Aurora, you're safe," She ensures me, eyes wide. "I promise."

I still in my best friend's grip.

As Santiago passes through the crowd, it isn't clear whether he's headed towards me or not. Maybe Hadley (Melaney) is right, maybe he's just heading for the bar. Hell, maybe we didn't even lock eyes, I just imagined it. I'm way too nervous and overreactive right now, I just need to pretend I fit in here. Fake it til I make it - or I'll pass out on this sweaty, drink covered dance floor.

"Sorry, A, we're in West Hollywood - I didn't think we'd see anybody from school here," Hadley apologizes.

"Hollywood?!" I echo, releasing a breath.

I look all around - the incandescent chandeliers, haute couture of everyone's outfits, the luxury VIP areas; That made a lot of sense we were i. Hollywood, given the allure and busyness on a Monday night.

"Aurora," Santiago grins smugly, and I snap my head up. So I was right - he found me. And here he is.

Being in a club with my tutor is the last uncomfortable circumstance I wanted to be in. I force a smile, rubbing my arm. My dress is so tiny and short I can't help but feel all-exposed. I might as well be naked.

Santiago holds some dark liquor in his glass, long is his hair and beard which have grown out slightly since I've last seen him. There's something to be said about seeing someone professional in a rowdy setting. It's weird. Fucking weird. And my body is overly exposed. What if he thinks this is really the kind of girl I am? His familiar dimples indent.

"Shh," I urge to him, "I'm Aviva," I say sheepishly.

He raises his eyebrows and his mouth falls open.

"Ah..." He nods, getting the memo, smirking. "I've been there a couple times when I was your age. Think I was a Stephen, Damiano, an Alec..." A smirk twitches onto his features. "I won't tell, don't worry. One day you'll be old enough to just be you here."

I awkwardly smile and shrug, wanting him to leave. Not only because he knew I was underage, but because I was forbidden to talk to or socialize with boys.

"SC," Hadley notices Santiago's tattoo on his upper left forearm, as his shirt sleeve is slightly rolled up.

He looks down and quickly adjusts the sleeve, crinkling his nose and adjusting his mouth.

"With an arrow. My parents have that tattoo," Hadley notices, cocking her head.

"Yeah," Santiago smiles at her. "I'm from Santa Cruz, that's why. My high school mascot was the warriors. Anyway, Aurora," He turns to me. "I imagine you did well on your exam?"

I'm growing despondent that he won't leave me alone.

Really, Santiago? School talk, here, in a club? While I'm trying to get fucked up??

I anxiously grip my cup tighter.

"Yeah, uh, actually, I got the highest in the class," I smiled sheepishly.

He gasped with a proud grin.

"No way! Well, that certainly calls for celebration," He lifts his glass up high.

"Uh, yeah, I gotta pee," I quickly say, tugging Hadley's arm. I just desperately wanted to get away, and I'm charging off.

"Oh, I don't mind holding your drink while you're gone," Santiago takes my elbow and my body shivers at his touch. "You don't want to take it to the bathroom."

"Sure, yeah, whatever," I mumble, starting to hand it to him. Only, Hadley blocks my arm.

"She's fine," Hadley interjects, narrowing her eyes at him.

"No really, I don't mind," Santiago shrugs.

"Melaney, it's fine," I say, giving her a look. I trust Santiago, I know he has no bad intentions. And I just want to get away from him, lose him in the crowd. I hand Santiago my glass and a smirk engulfs his features. With that, I'm off to quickly follow Hadley to the bathroom. Hadley narrows her eyes at Santiago from behind her shoulder before following me.

We push open the bathroom door open and I gasp to see one of the stalls open; A girl in a green, strapless dress sits, sobbing on the toilet, panties around her ankles as she pees. My face blushes bright red as I look to Hadley, startled. We pause at the front of the door, unsure what to do as toilet girl sobs.

Toilet girl has a friend across from her who leans into the bathroom counter. She's sniffing. Maybe she's looking for an earring.

"It's like, FUCK TOBY!" Girl on the toilet slurs, yanking toilet paper off and ripping it to dot her eyes. Her heaved breaths skip as she hyperventilates. "He fucking bailed, he bailed, after I fucking paid his rent, car insurance..." She sobbed hysterically.

Her friend leans up, sniffing again, wiping her nose as a line of cocaine is under her.

Uncomfortably, I take a step back, looking to Hadley again who's face is equally awkward.

"I know baby, I know," Her friend monotonely cooes, lifting a cigarette to her mouth.

Hadley and I exchange looks, and awkwardly we go to the mirror. Hadley leans in and fixes her lipstick while I decide to fake-fix my hair, awkwardly toying with it.

"A, you should never give your drink to a guy you barely know. You know better," She warns me softly.

"Do I? I've never been to a club, Especially one with," I look down at the coke below me, than to my friend.

This was a bad idea. I'm not over Beck, I'm still distraught, I don't want to be here. And I'm frustrated that I went all the way here for Hadley and she doesn't trust my judgement with my tutor. "I trust Santiago, he's my tutor."

"YOU CAN'T TRUST ANY MAN!" Toilet girl sobs, making me jump.

She pulls more toilet paper out until rolls and rolls are cascaded around her body; She is a sobbing, pissing, drunk mummy.

Hadley and I look to her friend, who looks beyond annoyed as she rolls her eyes. We give her a sympathetic look before heading towards the door.

"Let's just forget about Santiago and get new shots," Hadley yells above the music.

"Okay," I yell back, following her lead.

After Hadley collects her shots, she spots a group of people who look our age at a booth, playing some game.

"Hey, can we sit with you guys?" She bats her eyelashes.

The men smirk and gawk at her, inviting her over. She winks at me over her shoulder and I giggle slightly.

"What's your name?" One guy asks me with a smirk. "I'm really liking that dress on you."

He's unbelievably attractive and well-built, probably a student athlete. I can't believe he's talking to me. I suddenly gain this new found confidence, straightening my shoulders and grinning.

"I'm Aviva," I purr, extending my hand trying to be 'sexy'. "It's Hawaiian."

Hadley kicks my foot next to me and I gasp, startled.

"U-uh, Hebrew, it's Hebrew..." I correct, smirking again at him. He sent me a smirk right back.

And after that, we got severely fucked up.

First, it was water fall: