(unedited because it was my birthday a few days ago! it's been a very busy time, but I will edit it more soon!)

Arlan's Point of View

Earlier In The Day

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

My leg bounced anxiously while my hands rigidly clasped the leather wheel of my car in the empty parking lot of my headquarters. It was seemingly impossible to slow my heart rate as it slammed belligerently against my chest. My breaths fell in scattered sessions. While I had been parked for fifteen minutes, I hadn't left my car. I eyed the time on the car clock, 10:33 AM.

It's not a big deal. Today is just any other day.

I could feel my brow twitching.

It's the beginning of a regular day. Don't think about it.

I exhaled audibly, trying to deflate my anxiety and the tightness in my chest. Releasing the wheel, I slumped against my body against the seat. I needed a smoke.

Jamming open the glove compartment, I yanked it open to pull out a carton of Marlboro. Seeing the familiar red little box already settled some comfort in me. I got to work opening the pack while pulling my lighter from my pocket. Situating the cig below my lower lip and angling the lighter, I flicked the wheel and a hissing sound appeared along with a glowing marigold flame.

Only, I immediately pulled the lighter away from the cig and as my veridian eyes perused the fire from the lighter. The soft little flame danced and bounced innocently, but I stared at it with sudden and absolute disdain, a white-hot volatile resentment filling me. I ripped the cigarette out.

The fire just reminded me you use lighters for birthday candles.

I threw my lighter across the passenger seat, stomped on the unused cigarette on my car floor and flew open the door, slamming it.

Everything reminded me that today was not just Monday, November 27. It was not just 10:33 in the morning, 63 degrees. It was my mother's birthday.

But I don't care. I don't care.

Opening my trunk, I pulled out a brown sack and securely hid it under my navy blazer before heading into work.

"Morning, fuckers," I sneered amusedly, grinning arrogantly as I entered my mafia headquarters.

Immediately I was met with a crowd of hollars and excitement from my men, making a smirk inch comfortably on my face. They were extra excited, as I had promised them I had finally had a way out of our debt. A solution to our money lost. Today was the big reveal. Drinks were already in hand, tobacco and whiskey filling the room from cigars. The rowdy motherfuckers couldn't wait.

"Sorry I'm a little late, I know you're all anxiously awaiting. But it's a little hard to carry all of these diamonds. Did I mention they're from Bel Air," I wiggled my brows and unveiled the brown sack from my blazer as their fists pounded into the air and glasses clinked, rowdily yelling. I chuckled heartily below the noise.

"Open the bag, boss man!' One called from behind.

And with no further hesitation, I began carefully taking out the riches I stole from Alice and Denver Blake, one by one: watches, necklaces, rings, and more, all pearly and incandescent. I watched my men go googly-eyed like ridiculous cartoons as they watched the riches unfold before them, which pleased me.

"Sweet, man! Arlan, I knew you'd have this!" One calls above the excited noise.

I smirk, my cockiness consumes me like a high from a drug, before folding my arms.

"Now, Demario here," I beckoned him with three fingers, and my right-hand man stood and approached me, "is able to weigh these in a scale that determines the price by the cut, color and carot weight. Dom, if you want to do the honors," I swung my hand around his shoulder and patted his shoulder, twice, with enthusiasm.

He nodded, placing the items in the sack and carrying them to his scale. I rubbed my growing beard between my ring-covered fingers, a giddy excitement growing in me.

I felt my confidence back in full swing. Not only was I able to convince the Blake's I was a gentleman and get the rush of stealing from them, but I was able to fix the mess of our debt as our leader. When they lost the business opportunity by me not attending, it crushed me. And now, I was singlehandedly solving our debt issue. Hell, we'd probably have even more money left over! Screw fixing the two million, we'd probably have four million, maybe five million right here! Images of an even more improved life started turning in my head; Maybe I'd buy an even bigger house, an even better car. Maybe I'd buy all the weapons in the world, maybe I'd be invincable, even more than before.

Dominic turned and I opened my mouth to gloat and uncrossed my arms, only his face didn't look ecstatic. He didn't say anything. The rowdiness of my men quieted to a hush before falling to a complete silence. They looked at each other with confusion, then at me. I was starting to feel concerned but put on my best poker face to not show it.

"Demario?" I question with slight demand, growing antsy.

He bit his lip, swallowing uncomfortably, his adams apple noticeably bobbing. My palms twitched.

"Sir...this only amounts to $331,200."

My lip twitched as my body stiffened.

"I...weighed everything. It's not even half of a million dollars," Dominic admits. "Are there any more diamonds you have?"

My men all turned at once to face me, the sound of their moving chairs echoing in the room. A chill ran down my spine and my face grew a scorching heat of humiliation. I eyed the long table of my men staring at me, unsure of what the fuck to do in that moment. This was humiliating. How could I have miscalculated!? Aren't diamond watches like a million dollars a piece?! I didn't think I'd have to have Nate or Dominic fucking research diamonds before I did this. I just wanted to do it on my own and surprise everyone.

I licked my lips, eyes falling to the floor, before looking back to him.

"Weight it again."

Dominic's puppy dog eyes widen as he swallows again.

"Arlan..."

"Weigh. It. Demario," I grunt, feeling my patience go paper thin.

Dominic sighed and shook his head.

"Arlan, the scale weighed,"-

"I SAID FUCKING WEIGH IT AGAIN!" I roared, reaching into my pocket for a weapon when my men gasped and were quick to tackle me.

"Arlan, Arlan!" They all called as they twisted my arms behind my back and Dominic screeched and I flailed around.

"LET ME GO! CLEARLY HE FAILED AT THIS! HE SHOULD DIE!"

"Boss, you CAN'T KILL HIM! HE's ONE OF US!"Someone tried to persuade me as I was wrestled to the floor.

"HE FAILED AT THIS!" I screamed.

No, I did. I failed at this.

I was able to shimmy my way out from my men and approached Dominic, crouched in the corner and holding his head, even whimpering. I stared at him as the room filled with cold tension and silence.

It's November 27, and it's too much.

As I paced away, I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Everyone just go home, okay? Just go home."

One bottle, and another bottle after that later, and I sat numb at my kitchen alone, belligerently wasted. I quickly looked at the time and realized it was almost getting close to 2. I had to pick up Aurora. That's when I get a text alert which makes me jump. I look down, and my screen is hazy and blurry, I squint to make out the text.

'Aurora has a lot of studying. Can she stay in the library'.

Well, I sure as fuck can't pick her up now.

'Fine', I jam my fingers sloppily onto my iPhone, heading up to bed and falling asleep immediately.

And when I wake, I see her stupid lamb across from me. I need her. I should've known I couldn't handle today. I should've forced her to stay home. And now I'm angry at her. I'm angry at Demario. I'm angry at everyone.

I light up a cig and drive on my way to Aurora. I'm coming down from my drunken state and just want to hold her, I just want her sweet comforting self.

When I roll up to the school in the dark, Aurora climbs in quietly, not saying anything. She doesn't even look at me, just looks down. I'm now ticked off, exhaling a cloud of smoke in front of her face deliberately. I hope she coughs. She doesn't. She doesn't even ask me how my day was. So I'm gonna start an argument.

"Do you take me for a fool, Dove?"

She, of course, sounds confused. She has no idea what I've been going through today, all the pain and all the trauma.

"What?" She whispered, her tone shaking and bewildered.

"Do you think your little studies are more important than me?" I beseech.

Instead of an apology, she sighs. She fucking sighs, while she's in my car picking her up from the college I pay for her to attend!

"I,"-

"DON'T FUCKING SIGH AT ME," My ring-covered hand flies to strike her cheek and her face flew to the left and she cried, her breaths skipping audibly in terror.

Horrified, she peered up through tear-leaking eyes, body vibrating.

I gripped at her hair and yanked her face closer to mine, she loudly whimpered.

"In your head, you should've had two options. Number one, decide against my kindness and come home like the sweet little girl you are and suck my dick after a long day. Number two, be a greedy little deceiving bitch and actually stay after. And you chose the latter."

"I'm sorry," She moaned in fear, her breaths skipping with sobs. "I-I had a test t-to study for,"-

"Stop your stuttering and crying unless you want to get hit again. You're avoiding me, I KNOW IT!" She whimpered and jumped at my screeching as my grip tightened on her hair.

"And why, Dove?" I tilted her head to the side with her hair in his hand and met her sideways face with his eyes up to hers, "Hm? Are you into pain just as much as I love inflicting it? You defy me on purpose to get pain, horny thing. I could just save that shit for the bedroom, you know how much I love pleasing you. But instead, you defy me so I have to hurt you outside the bedroom. You take advantage of my kindness. When I said yes to letting you stay, I was hoping you'd be a good girl, grateful for my kindness, and choose to come home instead. That was the right choice."

"O-okay, I-I didn't know,"-

"That's right, you didn't know, you know nothing, because you're stupid as hell. I had a hard day, what about me, Dove? Do you think about me? All I do is think about you, care for you, dote on you, protect you. I'm obsessed with you. You don't think of my needs at all. You disgust me, I don't even want to fuck you tonight. Take a bath and then get in our bed but don't even touch me, you hear me?"

She nodded.

"A verbal response would be appreciated, Dove," I snarled.

"I hear you, I-I won't touch you," She agreed breathlessly.

In blind rage, I drove us home in silence, gripping the wheel with white knuckles and inhaling as much smoke as much as I possibly could.

And here I am in the dark, in my bed now, tossing and turning. Elise's bath with Aurora is taking unusually long, what's going on?

Noticing the emptiness in my bed, I grimaced in aggrivation and tore the covers off. Trudging down the winding staircase, I took notice of a small, bundled figure on the living room couch, a tiny head poking out of a thin, cobalt blanket.

Approaching Aurora, I ripped it off and Aurora did not even flinch. Her hair was still wet, why hadn't Elise dried it? Aurora was probably freezing, and she smelled so damn good, like blueberry sugar and lavender and sweet vanilla. She was so fucking seductive, even with no makeup and wet shower hair, her freckled, bare face so pure and smooth, in just my T-shirt. Her beauty always instantly dissolved my rage. I pushed her shoulder over so she'd face me.

"What the fuck are you doing down here? You should be in my bed with me," I snarled arrogantly.

I waited for the satisfaction of seeing her eyes widen, but they remained the same, sleepy and neutral. It irked me.

"I'm sleeping here," She replied, turning away.

"Like hell you are," I groaned, turning over her shoulder. "Get the fuck up now and come upstairs, Aurora. What did I tell you in the car? Take a bath, then get in my bed.

"I'm not going to. You told me not to touch you so I'm staying away."

What was her fucking issue???

I turned her over and struck her ass twice, her ass just barely covered in lacy blue panties, so the exposed skin turned red. Her body only tensed slightly but no sounds of whimpers emerged and she was quickly relaxed. What was going on?!

I flipped her over and grabbed her neck, my 'fucker' tattoo encased around my neck, already turning me on. I waited for my favorite sight, my tattooed hand around her neck while her wide, blue eyes grew fearful. Yet, her eyes were neutral.

"Oh, was that not enough? Should I get my belt like last time? Maybe Elise'll want to watch, hm Dove?"

And even with that, her eyes did not widen. She was expressionless. No desperate pleas or apologizes.

I threw her head back and released her, her hair falling in front of her heart shaped face.

"Fine, then sleep here and freeze, I don't give a fuck. Maybe you'll catch Pneumonia, and who will care for you? Not me. I'll laugh. It'll be funny."

She did not turn over, and I found myself silently sighing in exasperation.

Was she really not going to come to bed with me?

God damn it, I needed her, I couldn't sleep without her. It makes me too anxious, my thoughts run rampant, I get panicky and overthink.

She calms me down, playing with the soft texture of her hair as she sleeps. touching her skin, hearing her sweet little melodic breaths. Having her in my bed every night is affirming. Seeing her in my shirt is reassuring that she's mine, that she won't leave. If she's not in my bed, I'm just reminded of everyone who ever did.

I shake my head. I'm trying to intimidate her and threaten her, but I'm failing.

"Aurora...you should sleep upstairs where it's warm."

She does not turn.

"Plus, you forgot your lamb," I stubbornly and hesitantly mumble quietly, quite frankly humiliated that I'm becoming soft all the sudden.

Nothing. No tears, no screams, no agreement, just...nothing.

"Hm, I can sleep without it."

I know she can't.

I pick her up softly and hold her to me before heading up to the stairs, expecting petulant whines and kicks of protest. But nothing. Absolutely no fight against me at all. I frown.

I place her softly on the mattress and wait in anticipation for any last minute remark under her breath. But she simply turns her head to the side and closes her eyes, hair hair fanning her face on the silk pillowcase. I notice her hair has gotten much longer since I first met her, it's now past her shoulder blades. I caress the hair in my hand softly and release a breath of relief quietly. I softly smooth the hair away from her cheek to see it bruised a yellowish purple. I swallow harshly and quickly cover her hair over it, not able to look as my breath catches in my throat. I hand her the lamb and quickly turn away, sighing in aggravation. Why did I insist she not touch me, I needed to touch her.

I shouldn't have hit her.

The truth is, I wanted to act all day like today was fine. I kept my cool at work, Until I just couldn't.

It was my mother's birthday. And it was painful.

I wanted Aurora with me all day to distract myself. That way I could act like I didn't care.

But I did.

And sitting in isolation, in the pain all day, made me want Aurora with me so fucking bad. But she was studying, she has interests and a life outside of me. I need her. I shouldn't have hit her.

l need her.

What's wrong with me?

I pinch the inner corners of my eyes to get the tears away.

I wish my mother chose me. I wish she had chose me instead of my father. Then she'd be here.

Happy birthday, mama. I miss you.