I can admit to crying a little. I can also admit to eating a whole container of ice cream and cussing out Hudson and Tyson and anyone else who could have known about their stupid game. There was no denying that it stung. Part of me wanted to curl up and never show my face again. 

But this time I didn't have to scuttle away with my tail between my legs. I didn't have to hunch over accounting documents and tax statements and figure out just how much money I had "taken" from someone else through shared vacations and housing expenses. I didn't have to think of where I was going to live or how I was going to support myself. 

I just got to be hurt, then I got to be angry. 

Jen was right beside me, like she promised. And Richard didn't utter a single complaint when we both downed our bottles of wine and pleaded with him to get us more. He didn't even bother to tell us that it wasn't a healthy coping mechanism. Then it was just me and my sister drinking wine with both of our phones shut off and trashy reality tv playing in the background.

The next day, I continued to ignore my phone. I was supposed to be meeting up with Hudson today to discuss our new relationship and what it meant for each of us. Obviously, that was not going to happen. I had built my world with a liar before and wasn't particularly inclined to do it again.

"You're seeming alright," my sister ventured carefully when we got into her car for brunch.

"I'm alright," I agreed.

She drove carefully, but drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "You're taking this a lot better than you did with Connor."

I snorted. "Hudson is not Connor. I gave up my own life to follow Connor. I was more than happy to sit behind the scenes and get dragged along to whatever he wanted. I based my life around him. Hudson just came into my life. I haven't had time to tie everything to him. And, thanks to Richard, I'm fully aware that being completely dependent on another person is not okay or healthy."

"Well I'm glad that you're taking it so well, but I do want you to remember that it's okay to not be okay. I'm always going to be here for you and so is Richard."

I gave her a mild smile. "Thanks, but right now I just want breakfast drinks and hot waffles."

I was delighted to get just what I asked for at my favorite brunch spot, barely having a chance to inhale the scent of maple syrup before I was forking fluffy waffle chunks into my mouth. Jen did her best to create small talk that had nothing to do with the boys, but I could see her eyeing me occasionally, like she thought I was suddenly going to burst out in tears.

The reality was that I was upset. And I was hurt. It was nothing compared to what Connor had done, but that didn't mean that I walked away without a scratch. Even before the romantic and sexual pursuit began, I had enjoyed Hudson's company. I could recall the first time I saw a photo of him and was stricken by his carefree smile and sparkling eyes. He was the kind of person who looked like he was always having more fun than everyone else. How could I not want to be around him? I was certain that once the anger subsided I would mourn our brief friendship. But, the consequences would come whether I fretted about it or not. I decided to enjoy my mimosa while I could.

Unfortunately, reality was never far away and I was jumping into my first public backlash just two days later. 

The day was going to be hard no matter what. It was my first time facing Hudson and Tyson after I had seen the interview. I hadn't bothered to return any of the phone calls that I received from Hudson and I blatantly ignored the text message that I got from Tyson. 

I just wanted to get this photo session over with as soon as possible. I arrived early, hoping that if I settle up before everyone showed up, I could shave off a few seconds. Any time away from them was good.

But, as I crested the snowy hill and parked my SUV, I saw the unmistakable orange cross over. 

I could have baled out then. I could have turned around and called Rush, told them I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. Maybe I would have done just that if I was a different person, before I had made my own life. Now, I just groaned inwardly and got out of my car. 

I barely had time to toss my camera bag over my shoulder before I saw Hudson.

"Princess-"

"Hudson," I greeted coldly.

"I'm so sorr-"

"I forgive you," I blurted without a thought. But, it was true. I could have stayed mad. I could have sworn at him, told him that he was a disgusting pig and that he was making me hate dating and men in sports even more. That would have been true. But it was also true that it wasn't worth clinging to.

It was time to move on. It was time to let the pain go, no matter who caused it.

"Really?" Hudson gasped.

"Yes, really."

He said nothing, but kept up with me as we walked to the lodge to wait for the rest of my talent.

"So, maybe we can go out after the shoot? There's a local distillery in town that has really good food and serves the liquor they make," he suggested.

"Oh," I murmured, my voice almost sympathetic. I paused to turn and stare at him, my head cocked to one side. "Hudson, that doesn't mean I want to be with you. It just means that I'm not going to want to scream every time I see you."

He crumpled right there. The smile that he always carried with him drifted away in the winter wind. A mitten came towards me, making a grab for my wrist that I carefully stepped away from.

"Penelope, let me explain. I'm sure that if we talked about it, we could move passed everything together. I wasn't lying to you when I said that I wanted to try."

"You don't have to lie to be deceitful," I sighed. "I told you things that I shouldn't have and you betrayed that trust, one way or another. Besides, I wasn't lying either when I said that I need to focus on myself and that I don't date clients. It's time for me to get back to what's important."

Hudson opened his mouth to say something, but Graydon crested the hill, waving a hand. Behind him, Jackson was carrying two snowboards and Tyson was lugging up his own gear.

I was half worried that Tyson would confront me too. He had sent a half hearted text, saying something like: You should call Hudson. It was clear that he wasn't faultless and that Hudson might be holding him partially accountable. Thankfully, the guys didn't seem concerned with the tension between Hudson and I. They just started prepping for the day. 

And I was foolish enough to think that the worst of it was over.

It was only when I saw Shawna, the ice queen from Rush, approaching with a camera-covered young man that I knew that it was over. 

I stepped away from the group of boys that I had spent months with now. I was certain that they all knew what was going on, but I didn't want them to see me like this. I didn't want to give Hudson and Tyson the satisfaction of knowing that they had broken me or even taken a chip out of me.

"Hey," I greeted. My voice was anything but polite. What was the point of trying to save face if it was all over for me anyway? I had bowed down to Shawna, knowing that she could snap her fingers and send me back to the gutter I came from. Now, I didn't feel like letting that happen. 

"Hello, Penelope," Shawna said, ticking her chin up. "Do you mind if we have a little chat?"

After I agreed, we began walking away from the crowded areas. The young man she brought with her looked horrified, but wasn't bold enough to approach his new talent. He just followed us with a few paces to give us the illusion of privacy. 

"Since the last time we spoke, some things came out in an interview, things could come impede your work. Now, I'm not saying that it's you, but you do have to understand that we have to temporarily suspend, right? We can't have any romantic relation between our athletes and their support staff. It would be unethical on our part."

"You're letting me go," I said dryly.

"Just for the time being. If we investigate and it turns out that you had nothing to do with it, then you'll be right back here with our snowboarders in no time." Was she trying to sound soothing, because it wasn't working.

"So, I can't even finish today's session?" I asked, a certain numbness creeping over me.

"I'm afraid not."

Something inside of me wanted to scream out, but instead, I just rolled my eyes. "I feel like this could have been a conversation over email. And I really feel like we could have sorted everything out before I drove two hours and got all of my gear set up," I grunted.

"I hope that you understand-"

"Oh, trust me, I do. Well, thank you for letting me build my portfolio with your beloved athletes. I hope your next photographer is up to the task because I certainly wasn't."

With that, I stomped off, collected all of my expensive equipment, and piled into my car. Looks like I wasn't going to be needing winter tires after all.

I left without glancing back at the four snowboarders I had come to love.

~~~Distraction Section~~~

Is Penelope being fair? What's your take? Hope you are all safe and well.

Question of the Day: If you woke up and you were famous, what would you assume you were famous for?