I decided to try and take Jen's advice. It was time to start living and I needed to be living for me this time. I couldn't hide away in my apartment, scared of heckling if I went out in public, but scared that Connor would let himself into my safe space like he always did. Of course, I didn't have the confidence or the beauty that my sister had so it was quite difficult, but she was with me every step of the way.

So, I started by making a dating profile. Jen hovered over my shoulder like she always did, telling me which photo I should use. She told me I needed to be sexy and desirable, but not so much that men would think I was only putting myself out there just for sex, though we did discuss the potential benefits of a one night stand. I needed to write a bio that would be brief enough to catch and hold attention while still being smart enough to chase away men who wouldn't be compatible with me. In the end I got tired of feeling her breath move my hair and just handed her the phone and let her take the reins.

Then we started looking for an apartment. With Hudson's little excursion I finally had enough money to hire a moving company for the heavy bits, put down a month's rent and a damage deposit.

Jen and I scrolled through listings until we found a small apartment on the edge of the city, closer to the mountains. It wasn't much, but not having to weave through the city would reduce my drive time to the mountain resort by about twenty minutes, but still leave me close to the center for my other jobs. That would help me save on gas and maybe a new set of winter tires would be rolling my way soon enough.

Three days after I created my profile online I started chatting with a man who seemed like a perfect gentleman. I tried to drag my feet, but Jen was having none of it. she insisted that I take him on a date. She told me if I hated it or him that I would never have to do it but at least I tried putting myself out there.

Now, I regretted following my sister's advice more than ever. After a late night of photographing beauty queens and listening to their intense coaches a bowling alley was the last place I wanted to be.

Still, I plastered on the best smile I could when I saw a young man glancing around, looking a little lost. He wasn't like Connor with the make-you-stop-and-stare handsome face nor was he Hudson with his easy smiles and sparkling eyes. He was utterly average.

"Are you Mike?" I asked.

"Yes, I am. You must be Penelope." When I extended my hand towards him he scoffed at it and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. At the bone crushing embrace I felt my anxiety flare up beyond what it was at already. Thankfully, he released me very quickly after.

I gave him another smile that made my lips feel tight then excused myself to get a pair of bowling shoes. It let me catch my breath and ground myself. Just because I had been out of the game for a while and it ended badly last time didn't mean that this couldn't be good. When I returned we had our lane set up and I was taking deep breaths to slow my heaving chest down to a regular rate.

"I haven't been bowling in years," I admitted. I also hadn't been dating in that time and I hadn't been on a first date in eons. Connor was my first and my last until now. But that was a ton of baggage to toss around so soon so I just forced another smile.

"I don't think bowling is a super normal activity when you've passed twenty five and aren't a part of a league," he agreed.

For a little while I felt like I was back in high school. We bowled which alleviated time for heavy silences and it also gave us something to talk about during our down time. The nerves of being around a man that I might date were the same as they had been all those years ago. With a handful of strikes Mike won and I was just thankful when I only got a couple gutter balls.

Everything was going fine until we sat down to have cheap pizza and watered down fountain drinks when it all turned south on me.

"Hey, I can't get away from the notion that I know your face from somewhere," Mike said while chewing on a piece of pizza. I tried not to judge him too harshly on the fact that he spoke with a full mouth.

"Oh?"

"What did you say you do again?" he pressed, not sensing my sudden discomfort.

"Photography. Right now mostly snowboarding and pageant stuff," I answered.

"Oh, that's right," he said, clapping his hands together. "You're engaged to the hockey player. My God, you're engaged to the forward from the Flames aren't you?"

"Um-"

"I'm such a huge fan!" Mike gushed, throwing his hands in the air like he couldn't believe what was happening. And I couldn't believe that he thought I was engaged while I was on a date with him.

"I'm glad to hear it," I ground out, dropping the slice of pizza that I had been holding on to. My appetite was gone.

"When he took that hit from one of the Boston's defencemen I thought he was done for the season, but he just kept going. He's a goddamn tank. A bloody fucking legend," he ranted.

"Lovely."

"Do you think that you could get an autograph for me? It would mean the world to me."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that that's going to happen, seeing as Connor and I are no longer together. And I also don't think a second date is going to happen either," I explained, scooting my worn out chair back on the dingy carpet. "I'd say it was nice to meet you but I'm not in the habit of lying."

With that I tossed my napkin on the pizza box and hustled out of the bowling alley.

Would Connor ever stop haunting me?

~~~Question of the Day~~~

If you were a doughnut, what kind would you be?