"...making something a priority doesn't mean

the other things are not important. It means that some things are more important than others..."

There are people I can disappoint and not be bothered. My grandfather is not one of those people.

They have moved into my house. Only Helena decided to stay in a hotel. She likes her personal spaces. But Gio, my father and mother have made themselves at home. I haven't had a drink for a few days. I can't with my father around.

"Nonno." I approached him with a little t of hesitance. He stared at me with a cold expression on his face. His warm brown eyes have lost that warmth that endears even strangers to him. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

He pointed to the spot next to him. He switched off the TV.

"At least you don't smell like a whiskey bottle."

"There's no alcohol in the house and the Admiral won't let me leave."

"Nathan runs a tight family. He needs to be firm with a wayward woman like Marianna and a devious son like you."

"How upset with me are you?"

"Very. But also equally disappointed bambino. The alcohol will ruin your life. There are no answers at the bottom of the bottle. You get high, it wears off, you wake up and the problems are waiting for you. Why are you drinking like this?"

"I don't know what to say to you. The alcohol makes me feel better. I'm not able to think when I'm high."

"Is this because Helena fired you?"

"Ever since I was old enough she started grooming me to take over from her. She took me to board meetings. She have me reports to read. She took me to oil rigs and eventually when she trusted me enough she let me run the company. While my friends partied all summer, I was bursting my ass at Bale Industries. I worked hard and she put me out like trash. So yeah. I haven't gotten over it. I don't think it will."

"You worked hard. That's true. But the key word is that she trusted you. Trust figlio mio. Do you really grasp the meaning of that part? How do you think the company would be fairing if she didn't fire you? You're name is being thrown around a murder investigation. How would that affect the company?"

"I see your point."

"Good. Then you understand she's a woman with foresight. She anticipates her moves several steps ahead and she saw some version of this. She did the right thing for her company. She was not emotional about it. What you are doing however, is being emotional about this!"

"You're right."

He rubbed his chin. "Maddie is a little sad. She asked me what the news mean. She wanted to understand. It seems she had a soft spot for Keira. Even I pity the woman. I dint think she can harm anyone. But the reality is that you two had an affair and it became public. It marred both of your reputations. This situation paints you in a bad light Nicko. You need to remember that you are a father above everything else. Your child comes before your personal needs."

"Where is this going?"

"You need to cut Keira off."

I am trying to do that but I keep getting drawn back to her.

"I already told her we need space from each other."

"You need to tell her it's over. Not space Nicko, end it. End it completely and focus on rehabilitating yourself to get better and be a father to your daughter. Sobriety and fatherhood should be the only things on your plate. When you are stable, only then can you indulge in a woman. Do you understand?"

I pressed my eyes shut and covered my face.

Keira... my sweet Keira. From the first day I set my eyes on her, to the first time I heard her soft voice, to the first time our lips met, to the first time we made love and now it culminates to this. I haven't forgotten her face when I told her we need space from each other. I broke her heart. I could see it and I still walked away. How is this any different? She's already hurt. It can't be worse.

"I love her. It's been a few months but I have never loved like this. Never. I'm just as scared to hurt her as I am dying to love her. We shouldn't have to separate at a time like this but I'm not getting man y options, am I?"

"Not in this situation. If your love is true, then you will find a way to be together again. But for now, sobriety and fatherhood take first place in your life. Keira is no longer a priority."

"And it feels like I used her and now I'm dumping her when she needs me the most!"

"I hope you learned your lesson then. You don't make promises you can't keep." He told me in a stern voice. "It breaks my heart to watch you on this decline. You know what figlio mio, I won't tell you what to do. Maintain your relationship with Keira. Screw everything else! When your daughter is a grown woman and messed up because she was raised by Margaux, I hope you can live with it."

He got up and walked away.

I know I told Kei we need space. Space meant we are still together but with less seeing each other. Ending things is permanent. Too permanent. It does not help that I fear Sinclair is already replacing me.

"Daddy?"

"Yes piccola?" She came to me and climbed on my lap. She hugged me and she didn't say anything else. I sank into the embrace of my daughter with a heavy heart. How can I not choose her? Gio is right. I won't forgive myself if Margaux raises my daughter. I will lose Maddie to her if I am dragged into this mess. I cannot be dragged into this. I understand where Gio is coming from. I completely understand.

"I love you." She whispered.

I kissed her cheek. "I love you to the moon and back. "Will you please excuse me? I have to talk to your grandfather. I'll be right back."

My father and the police chief know each other from way back. They have a mutual friend, Chris. "Hey dad, do you have a second?"

"It's not like there's much to do than play warden." He looked at me. "What is it Nickolas?"

"I want to see Keira."

"Bad idea."

"I know it sounds crazy but I have to say goodbye in a proper way. I dint want to just walk out on her. She needs to understand why I am making this decision."

"So what do you need me for?"

"Talk to the chief. Ask him to let me see her privately."

"I wouldn't recommend a conjugal visit."

"It's not conjugal. Just a decent good-bye."

"Nothing else?"

"No."

"After this you're done with her, right?"

"Right."

"I'll drive."

*

I have been standing in the hallway with cells for a moment. I'm trying to arrange my thoughts and pick my words. What will I say to Keira? How will I say it?

I took the steps forward to the end where she is all alone. At least she's alone. The officer opened the door. He locked us both in. She's asleep on the bench, completely out of it.

I went down on one knee and touched her cheek. Her eyes shot open. I had almost forgotten how beautiful her eyes are. They are perfect. But also, sad.

"Nick!"

"Hey." She threw her arms around me. I pulled her close to me. We refused to let go for a moment. "Are you okay?" She nodded. "Are they treating you right?"

The last time I saw her was four days ago.

"I'm all right."

We sat on the bench, beside each other with our hands held together.

"I'm so sorry about this. I'm sorry about what you're going through."

"I would say it's okay but it's not." She responded. "I'm uh... scared. I feel so alone in this. I dint know what will happen to me. I have a bail hearing in an hour and then I'll know what happens to me."

"I hear Rose Anderson is a great lawyer. I'm sure you'll be granted bail. If you need help with paying it off-"

"I owe too much. 40 million reasons, remember?"

"You don't have to pay anything back. If you need bail money,. I'll be happy to pay it."

"Theo will take care of it. He said he will."

"About Sinclair, what is going on between you two?"

"Nothing. He's just helping me out." She dropped my hand to press her palms together.

I reached out to push her hair aside. "Kei, I love you. I love so much cara mia. I am so sorry for messing up your life. But I don't think Sinclair is the right man for you."

"You can't do that. You can't do this to me. Am I not allowed to accept help if it's not coming from you? Nick I called you first! When the cops came to my house, I called you first! It's you I was counting on for help. You did not answer and I hate to think that you were too high to respond."

"So you turned to Sinclair!"

"I didn't get a chance to even call him! He was in Marseilles when he heard I got arrested. He called a lawyer and organized everything from Marseille. I did not ask, he offered and I'm accepting because I'm in between a rock and a hard place!"

She covered her face and started crying.

I have ruined this woman's life. If I stayed away, this wouldn't have happened. Romano would never have noticed her and Jason wouldn't have beat her up to the brink of death. I came into her life and I ruined it. I might as well rip the band-aid.

"Keira. Honey look at me. Please." When looked at me. Her eyes are wet with tears, her nose red and her eyes sore. "I am sorry for the mess I have made. I am sorry for taking you on this whirlwind romance and leaving you in the middle of it alone. I'm sorry for abandoning you... I'm sorry for abandoning you..." I squeezed the bridge of my nose tightly. "...for abandoning you now, when you need me the most."

"What are you saying?" Hey voice squeaked.

"Keira, I have to let you go. Not space between us but like end things. We cannot be together and will not be together." I explained. "I don't want to lose my daughter to Margaux. If I get entangled in this, I'll lose her. If I am to choose who to lose between you and Maddie, I would rather lose you. I'm so sorry."

She looked away and painful tears followed as she cried bitterly. I listened for w moment until I could not take it anymore. I gave ruined her life and I'll never forgive myself for it.

"Goodbye Kei."

She didn't respond as she was still crying with her face in her hands. I can't lose my daughter. It is painfully to lose Kei but I think it's a decision I can live with.

He ended things.

It's no longer a break where we figure things out but it is over. The end. Finished.

When he said he can't lose Maddie, I was about to ask him if he comfortable to lose the baby I'm having. I almost asked. Almost. But then I realized that I'm a complication in his life. Perhaps it is best for us to figure things out separately. Perhaps that is what we need.

But why am I struggling to process this?

"... Miss Ballard!" I looked up at the judge. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Did you hear what I just said?"

"No your honor, I did not."

"Your bail has been denied." My heart almost flat lined. But then again, I wasn't expecting much. "Dismissed."

I looked at Rose. She looks disappointed. "It's okay." I assured her. "Every now and then life hits a brick wall. You have fine everything you could. It's okay." I squeezed her hand.

"The gun and the clothes are the reason why she denied us bail. She says the evidence is quite compelling. On top of that the prosecution says you are a flight risk because of this whole mess with Nick. I'm going to appeal. I promise I'll get you out. Before you go, someone wants to see you."

I looked at the back of the court room where Sinclair is. He hurried to the front in quick long strides. He held my face in his warm hands. "It's going to be all right ma chérie. I won't stop working to get you out of there. I promise you."

"Thank you Theo for everything. I dint know what I would do without you."

He pressed a kiss on my forehead before I was taken away.

I know how this goes. I was with Keith when he went through this. I'll be in county jail until the appeal for bail pushes through. I turned to stare at Theo. He looks upset. He pressed his palm on the left side of his chest. He has a tender loom in his eyes.

They have done their best. I accept my punishment for having an affair with a married man. This is what it is, punishment for having an affair with a married man.

I have lost nick forever. I'm pregnant. I'm going to jail.

I believe I have hit rock bottom.