Have I already mentioned that I love Christmas? Probably, but still...I love Christmas! And Christmas Eve had to be my favorite part of the whole thing. It was watching the Christmas films and putting the presents under the tree and the preparation and excitement for Christmas Day. Everyone just always seemed to be in a much happier mood on Christmas Eve, like for once you could believe that we were a normal, functioning family.

I was wrapping up the cookies I'd baked as I did every Christmas Eve. I put the in tissue paper with spirals of ribbon flowing from them and gave them out to all my friends. The real friends, not the friends who are just there for popularity. But one particular cookie had me stumped. Nate Archibald. Was sending him a cookie out desperate? Or was not sending him a cookie harsh?

I bit my lip as I stared at all the cookies in front of me. I had one wrapped for him anyway so the choice was still there, I'd figure it out.

"What are your plans for this evening?" Blair asked, coming down the stairs and taking a cookie from the package with her name on it. I rolled my eyes but otherwise didn't comment, I'd been giving these out for long enough that Blair would have expected them made for her.

"I'm not sure. Fancy staying up until midnight like we used to when we were kids and wanted to see if santa would come?" I asked.

"Sure sounds good. Besides mother still waits until midnight to put our presents under the tree so we could go and try and guess what we've got again like when we were little." Blair's excitement was far from hidden and I couldn't help but let the childish excitement rise up within me too.

"It's not gonna be the same without dad though." I didn't want to be a Debbie downer, but it was true. Christmas really didn't seem the same this year without the whole family.

"Yeah but we'll see him New Years and hey- who cares if we haven't got them? We've got each other and that's been more than we've ever needed anyway." Blair squeezed my hand and I squeezed hers back.

"Love you B."

"Love you too A." Blair stood up straight and then looked at the cookies. "Right! We can either deliver these now and then watch Christmas films and drink some champagne, or we can watch Christmas films and drink champagne first and then deliver the cookies."

"I say champagne and Christmas films first. Let's start with Home Alone. I can't be bothered to go out right now anyway." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Good idea! I was gonna meet up with Chuck but Lily and Bart are making them do a family thing." Blair rolled her eyes to express how inconvenient that was to her. "So I'm free to spend all day with you."

"What's going on with you and chuck now anyway?" I asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. I laid it all out there for him and now it's his move and that scares me. He hasn't pushed me away for saying it, but he also hasn't said it back." It saddened me to see my sister looking so disheartened, but I knew Chuck better than a lot of people. He was probably more than scared himself and needed time to process it and realize exactly how much he wanted Blair. But if there was one thing I was sure of, he loved her just as much as she loved him. If not, more.

"It'll work out B, just give him time. You two are meant to be, you're perfect for each other." I reassured her. "Come on, let's go watch home and alone and have a glass of champagne to go with it." I said, leading her towards the living room.

***

One glass of champagne turned into two which turned into more than I could keep count. And suddenly we found all of the home alone's to be much funnier than they were before. I glanced at the clock and my eyes widened when I realized the time. "Shit! It's 10 o'clock! Let's get the cookies out before we miss Christmas Eve all together. And I can't give the cookies out on Christmas Day!"

"You know what we should do? We should write little personalized messages on all the cookies! How cute would that be!" Blair gushed.

"That's a great idea!" I ran to grab some labels and a pen while Blair organized getting our driver to drive us around all evening.

Once we were both sorted and situated in the car we started on writing the notes. "Okay who first?" Blair asked.

"Chuck! I got a great one for him, listen to this; roses are red, we dated in May. Now you've bedded my sister, so who's the better lay?'

" I giggled as I spoke, finding myself completely hilarious.

"That's brilliant!" Blair giggled. "We might as well do Serena at the same time so how about this; roses are red, your heart did mend. We all slept with Nate so we must be best friends!'" Me and Blair both laughed loudly S we wrote it down.

"She'll love that." I grinned. We dropped them off at the van der woodsen/ bass appartment and knocked on the door before running off, leaving the cookies sat outside.

"Okay who next?" Blair asked.

"Dan and Jenny!" It probably would have made sense to do this in an order where we wouldn't have to keep going in different directions of New York, but it was funnier this way. "Okay this for dan: roses are red, Brooklyn is loud. How does it feel to finally be in the it crowd?"

"Brilliant! Okay this for Jenny! 'Roses are red, we fight and we duel, but you're still my best friend, so we must both be fools.'"

The same fate happened to the cookies at the Humphrey's loft, a place that apparently gave Blair a headache if she stood there for too long.

"Okay this for Samantha. Roses are red now give me a twirl, you may be a bitch, but you're still my girl.'" My giggle was even louder at this one, it felt good to laugh like this with my sister. There was so much angst and drama in our lives that laughing so much felt like a release of it all. Like we were letting it all go.

But there was one more package to drop off, Nate's. I didn't let Blair see the note and she didn't pry. Even though I may not have been in the best state, this one was serious. This note was different to the others, it wasn't a silly rhyme. In fact, there were barely any words at all, just three.

I love you.

❤️