It was damp and cold in New York but i still felt on top of the world. The weather didn't match my mood at all. It had been a month since I had started seeing Carter and we were still very much a secret. He had definitely earned my forgiveness and sneaking out to see him was an added part of the thrill. Thank God that Sammy and Roman had kept our secret. I didn't even want to think about the drama that would go down if everyone found out.

Carter and I were currently at his apartment, eating brunch and just having loose, free fun. I've never felt so light and happy as I do with him, he was an amazing break from my normal life. Carter wasn't like most people in the upper east side, when we were together there was no drama, no arguments and no aggravation. To me, it was perfect.

"Why do you have to leave so soon?" Carter groaned, pressing our lips together in a short peck.

"Because it's my birthday and I need to get ready for the party. And if I don't show up for the dress fitting, b and s will get suspicious."

"Right, so what exactly am I doing about the party tonight?" He asked. "No one knows about us, it'd be weird if I was there."

I looked at Carter and my teeth sunk into my bottom lip, would it be so bad if people found out? Me and Carter had survived the first month, surely that meant that we'd gotten through the tester and were in it for the long haul? I was ready to be with him. Properly.

"You should come." I didn't turn away from him, carefully observing his reaction. "People are gonna find out sooner or later anyway and I'd rather it be from us than from anyone else."

The smile that broke out on Carter's face made the whole thing worthwhile. I'd never seen him look so happy. "It sounds good to me babe."

I kissed his cheek and sighed with contentment. "Perfect. Now I really have to go, I'll talk to you later."

I headed out the door and into the car waiting for me. It'd be nice to spend some time with the girls, I suppose I'd sort of neglected them since I'd been sneaking around with Carter. It was too much work to not act lovesick.

A smile appeared on my face as I entered Chanel and saw Serena and Blair already browsing through the racks. "B!" I grinned, running up to her and wrapping my arms around her. "Guess who's birthday it is? Mine! God I love my birthday." I gushed, clasping her arm.

"Happy birthday Lex." Blair laughed and wrapped her arms around me.

"Yeah happy birthday. I can't believe you're seventeen, you're growing up so fast." Serena laughed.

"Thank you, now let's go try on some dresses bitches!" I ordered.

It was fun hanging out with the girls. It wasn't something I really got time to do often so when we did do it, it felt quite special. We tried on loads of dresses, too many to count. Though I did appear to be rather distracted by my phone. Carter was sending me cute texts and it was really making me laugh.

"Okay who are you texting?" Blair asked. "It has to be a guy, you've got your doe eyed smile."

"Is it Chuck?" Serena asked, gasping dramatically.

"Of course it's not Chuck." Blair huffed. "You have more sense than to get back with him don't you A?"

"You mean I know that you're totally in love with him and I don't want to get into the middle of that?" I smirked and nudged her.

"I do not love him! And stop avoiding the question. Who is it?"

"Well I promise that he's not as bad as Chuck...probably. Look I promise I'll tell you later tonight okay? He's coming to my party." I promised.

"Fine." Blair sighed dramatically. "Does Nate know?"

"No? Why would Nate know?" I asked, my brow raised.

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you." Serena frowned.

"No he doesn't know, nor does he have any right to. He'll find out tonight along with everyone else. That's if he even shows up, he kept making up some excuse about having something important to do with his mum, I don't know." I shrugged.

"Did you invite Jenny?" Blair asked.

"Yeah, I just figured that I'm done with high school drama you know? I've moved on with my life and it's time I put the past behind me. Let bygones be bygones." I explained. And honestly I didn't hate Jenny anymore. In fact I kinda felt sorry for her. She got warped up into the whirlwind of the upper east side and it turned her into something she wasn't. But I believed she paid her penance and it shouldn't be held against her forever, after all it happened to the best of us.

"You know, you've really matured lately A. I don't know who this guy is but he's obviously good for you." Serena grinned and nudged my arm.

I smiled back at her and nodded. "Yeah, make sure you keep that voice fresh in your mind tonight." I laughed.

"Okay, I think I've found my dress." I said, decided it was about time we changed the subject.

I came out of the changing room in a long white dress with a gold trimming and a split up the side of my leg.

"I love it." Blair nodded in approval. "But don't choose any accessories. Me and S have you covered." She smirked.

I laughed and nodded. "Happy birthday to me."

We walked to the checkout and paid for our dresses. The rest of the day was spent with me hanging out with the girls and us gossiping about my party that was coming later.

Serena was taking Dan and as far as I could tell Blair was going with Chuck but in a roundabout way. Honestly I couldn't figure it out if I tried. The two of them were far too complicated. And of course I was bringing Carter but I still hadn't told them that.

When it came to get ready we all done it together. It was so much fun! We played our music loud and sang into our hairbrushes. It reminded me of when we were little kids playing dress up. I wore my half up, half down and in soft ringlets. I made my make up look sun kissed but natural and I put on my gold high heels to match the gold trimming of my dress.

"Okay, happy birthday A. These are from me and S." Blair smiled and hugged me.

I opened the cards first. Blair's had obviously been custom made, it was one of those cards that you just had to keep forever, it was so beautiful. Serena's was funny and obviously shop brought, but it really didn't matter when it came to cards.

I then opened the present and smiled at what I saw. It was a bunch of gold accessories to match my dress. I held up the chandelier earrings and immediately put them in. Then I decorated my arm with the countless gold bangles they gave me.

"Thanks guys, this is amazing." I smiled.

Blair took to gold tiara out of the box and fitted it perfectly onto my head. "I know headbands aren't really your thing, but who doesn't love a tiara?" She smiled and I looked up at her. "It's beautiful B, this is honestly amazing."

I stood up and hugged the both of them with a watery smile. "You guys didn't have to spend this much on me."

"Oh please, I'm your sister and S is practically our sister too. Of course we had to spend that much on you." Blair kissed my cheek before fretting about ruined make up.

The party came around quicker than I expected and before I knew it, we were in full swing. There was elaborate dresses, people wishing me a happy birthday left right and centre.

My birthday presents were laying out on a table and honestly it seemed a bit intimidating knowing I'd have to go through all of them.

Carter would be on his way by now, us two having decided it'd be best to wait an hour into the party before him joining. I was just about to go downstairs and meet him before I was pulled into a room by an arm.

"What the-" a hand clamped around my mouth to stop me from shouting.

"Please don't scream! You'll ruin the moment!" I whipped around and saw Nate and whacked him on the arm.

"You scared the crap outta me!" i scolded him, a frown set firmly on my face. "What are you doing?!"

"Surprising you." Nate said with a dopey smile on his face.

"Well I'm definitely surprised. See ya." I turned around to back out of the room.

"Will you just wait a minute, please?" He begged.

I sighed and nodded, running my fingers through my hair. "Okay, sure."

"Okay, I know I already gave you a birthday present but. I just- I wanted to give you this. And I didn't want it to get lost with other people's presents. Just the two of us, you know?" He smiled softly.

He placed the parcel in my hands and I opened it gently. I held back a gasp at what I saw. It was a scrapbook full of photos of us all when we were children. There were so many photos of us. Starting from when me and Blair were babies and going up to the last photo me and Nate took together a few weeks back. The photos were decorated with pretty pictures and funny little quotes. It was beautiful.

"Nate, this is amazing. I- thank you so much." I smiled up at him with watery eyes.

"Jenny helped me make it. She wanted to help as a peace offering between you two. Especially since you invited her to this party. I love you, A. I always have and I always will." Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine. Pulling me closer to him.

My hands moved to push him off me but before I could our phones went off and he pulled away from me.

We both took our phones out and what was posted made me feel sick to my stomach. There was a picture of me and Carter kissing on our first date.

I looked up at Nate, my eyes wide with shock. "Nate I-" my sentence was interrupted by Nate storming out of the room we were in.

"Nate!" I yelled, immediately running after to follow him.

"Why him?! You know what he did to me, you were there!" Nate yelled, turning back around to face me.

"I know Nate and trust me, we've spoken about that but he's changed Nate! He's a good guy now and he makes me really happy! I love him." I argued.

"If you love him then why the hell did you kiss me back there?" Nate asked.

"You kissed him?" I span around and saw Carter stood behind me.

"What? No! Carter he kissed me!" I tried to explain, my hand reaching out to take his but he snatched his hand back.

"You know what? Whatever. I came here to give you this. Just... Take it, I'm leaving." He shoved the present to me and walked away.

"Carter!" I turned to Nate and pointed at him. "I did NOT kiss you, you kissed me."

"You didn't not kiss me back." He argued.

"It was shock! I was going to push you away!" I yelled.

"Wow, thanks." Nate turned around, walking in the opposite direction to Carter.

"You could've told me." Came Blair's voice, her walking up to me with Chuck and Serena.

"You could have told all of us. Us three would have understood the most." Serena frowned.

"I was going to tell you tonight, before gossip girl posted." I tried to reason.

"Sure." Blair frowned. "We're going back to Serena's. You know, I really thought things had changed between us, I thought we were being honest with each other."

"We are-Blair wait." But it was too late, she'd already walked off too.

I looked down in my hands and saw a Pandora bracelet, with a small heart shaped charm on in. "I love you to the moon and back" was written on it, with emeralds surrounding the outline, my birthstone.

I felt heated tears build up in my eyes and I let them spill over.

"You still have us." I looked up to find Sammi and Jenny stood there with sympathetic smiled. I tried to smile back but instead walked over to them, falling into their embrace.

I should have known the rain was a bad sign. Good things couldn't last forever. Not for me.