Wednesday morning when I woke up, I felt different, lighter. Like a weight had been lifted off me, don't get me wrong there was still a gap whole in my chest, but it was more bearable than it had been the previous days. I had been able to make it through several hours of people fretting over me, giving me hugs, and passing along their condolences. I was even lucky enough not to have to deal with Tate, Kimber, or Alpha Blackwell. I am sure it was Alpha Blackwell's doing, not wanting Tate to be near me and if Kimber were around, I am sure I would have torn her apart. My wolf has been very on edge, which is completely understandable.

I was working on packing my room and organizing the things I was going to donate when McKenna came in, "Hey girl, I'm going to have to go home tomorrow." The hesitation in her voice, letting me know that she didn't want to have to tell me.

"That's alright. I only have a few days left of things to do here; my room will be done today. Tomorrow I am going to work on the Kitchen. Friday and Saturday, I figure I will work on my parents' room. Then Sunday I am going to take everything to the pack thrift store that I am getting rid of. Monday is the dump and cleaning. Tuesday I will be taking everything else to the storage unit and returning the U-Haul. " I said laying out the plans for everything.

"I can see if Missy can come out? Or Tim? " She offered. "I really don't want to leave you alone."

"I'm not going to be alone. If I need anything, I have your mom here. Don't worry about me McKenna, I appreciate it and love you for it, but you really don't have to feel guilty about having to go home. You are a Luna; you have to be there for your pack. " I reassured here. "I have this all worked out, you know me and my schedules."

"Allison, you are really too good of a person! Even though I am here to support you, here you are making me feel better. What would I do without you? " McKenna said.

"I don't know, cause I have no idea what I would do without you." I responded, pulling her into a sisterly hug, "Thank you for everything! I love you, Sweet Pea. "

"I love you too, Jolly." She hugged me back even tighter.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With McKenna gone the small house that I grew up in now felt like a mansion. She had gone less that 24-hours and I was feeling lonelier than I have ever felt before. I know I could call Gail and she would be here in a second, however I just couldn't bring myself to pull her away from her life again to help me with mine. Even though I had a support network, and I knew I did, it was still time for me to stand on my own two feet, I needed to be strong for myself. I needed to know that I could handle the world on my own.

Bringing boxes into my parents' room I decided I had procrastinated long enough; it was now or never. Deciding to start with my father's dresser I sorted through his clothes. There were not many left anymore, I had looted most of them over the years, still wearing his t-shirts to sleep in. Since I had no use for any of his pants, I placed them in the box to donate. Other than keeping some more of his shirts, there was nothing I wanted.

I opened the top drawer of his dresser, having saved it for last. This is where he kept all his small trinkets. Nothing of monetary value, but value to him. Small pictures, drawings I had made when I was little, a couple of Father's Day cards, my favorite being the clay pot that I had made him in 2nd grade. All of the things are brining a smile to my face. I safely placed them in my mementos box, saving the special memories.

I next moved onto my mother's dresser, repeating the same process. Most of the things that were kept there were just her daily pajama changes, nothing that I wanted to remember they would all be donating. Sitting on top of her dresser was her jewelry box. Taking it over to her bed I sat down and opened it, slowly examining every piece of jewelry. My favorite pieces were her turquois sets, I loved the way that they always contrasted against her sun kissed skin when I was young. The memories warming my heart and making soft tears fall down my face, the best memories made me both happy and sad. After rummaging through the box, opening everything and trying on many of the pieces I carefully packed everything back into the drawers and boxes and brought the jewelry box to my room. I would be taking that back with me.

I needed a bit of a break, so I decided to go for a walk, my head was loaded with all the memories I had trudged up by going through my parents' room. Walking around the pack land I felt as though I was seeing it for the first time, it was probably the first time I had truly studied it in years. The fences on many of the houses were worn, broken in some places. The roads were dusty and rocky. Many of the lawns were overgrown and unkempt. I was truly seeing for the first time that these pack lands were no longer the happy ones from my memories, making me realize that Alpha Blackwell was not as great of an Alpha as I had thought.

As I was standing outside, looking at my childhood home Lily suddenly came to life, barking at me. "Calm down Lily." I said to her. She was so hyper that she wasn't even able to answer me. It was almost like I was watching a dog chase its tail by the way her emotions were all over the place.

"Can't ... Mate ... Can't ... Mate ..." Is all she was chanting in my head. And then I melt him.

A smoky whiff of pain filled assaulted my senses, bringing down any guard I had. I had to force myself not to run to him and wrap my arms around him, seeking comfort in his arms.

"What? Go to mate! " Lily growled out at me, but I ignored her.

Not even turning I could feel Tate getting closer his eyes settled on the back of my head, "What do you want Tate?" I asked, with as little emotion as I could. I didn't want him to see how much he affected me.

"I just wanted to check on you. See how you were doing?" Came his timid reply, like he was worried that I would break if he wasn't careful.

"I'm fine." Was the only reply that I could give him. There was little else for us to talk about.

"You can't lie to me Ally."

"Yeah, well I thought you couldn't lie to me too, but I guess we know how that ended up." I snapped at him. "You should go." I said, taking a few steps the walkway to the front door.

"Ally, I brought you food. I can tell you haven't been eating like you should." Concern etched into his words, his footsteps telling me he was coming closer. I could smell the burgers from the bag he was carrying, I could tell it was from my favorite Burger place which was making my mouth water.

"Why do you care?" The pain of his betrayals echoing in my voice.

"You are my mate. I will never not care."

"Don't promise me something that you can't deliver on." I begged, taking the final steps to my front door and walking in my house, before I could get the door closed Tate had placed his foot in the door jam. The door bouncing back open after it hit the rubber of his sneaker.

"Just let me explain things Ally. The way you left..." His words trailing off as he dropped his head, like the floor was suddenly the most interesting thing in the room.

"You can come in, but only cause I want that burger. After we eat, you go." Grabbing two water bottles from the otherwise bare fridge I sat at the table, where Tate had already placed the takeout containers of food. I handed him a bottle of water, secretly hoping our fingers would touch, but happy when they didn't. I wasn't sure if I would be able to let him go again if I gave in and let myself touch him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saturday morning, I woke up later than I had intended to when my phone rang, the emotional upheaval paired with the physical labor of packing was taking its toll on me.

"Hello" I croaked out.

"Nemo!" Came the husky voice on the other end of the phone and I internally groaned at the horrible nickname that had somehow managed to stick. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, maybe." I said sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes. I yawned, "What's up?"

"Just calling to check in. It isn't like you to sleep in." He said, the concern in his voice really coming through. I could only imagine the look on his face, the intense gaze that he had when he was truly trying to understand something.

"Thank you, Tim, but I am doing alright." I am very thankful that he called to check in with me. It made me feel like I mattered to someone, let me know that I wasn't alone no matter how much I might feel like I am. "I will be back in a few days. I am almost done."

"I wish you had let me come out and help." The meaning behind those words not being lost on me, I knew he had feelings for me.

"I know and I am sorry, but I need this time by myself to say good-bye." I explained to him. I was also thankful to have this break from him so I could evaluate my feelings for him. Not that it was currently all that easy with the loss of my mother, but I was still managing to think through that as well.

"I get it. I really do." Came his solemn reply, I knew he knew exactly what I was going through, probably better than any other person. "If you need anything, ANYTHING," He stressed, "Call me anytime, I don't care what time."

"Don't worry, you will be my first call." I said reassuring him.

"Bye Nemo, see ya when you get home."

"Bye." I whispered into the phone; hearing Tim hang up. Home, is that where I was going once, I left here? Was Haven Woods Pack my new home? Could it be? I was so confused, this had always been my home, where I always imagined that I would find my mate and settle down. How could I choose to be somewhere else?

Great! Just what I needed more to dwell on and process through. I begrudgingly climbed my way out of bed to start my day, my mine reeling with everything that is going on.

The rest of the day was even harder when I was cleaning my parents' room and dismantling the furniture. I had found letters and cards that they had written to each other over the years. Photo albums of times that I had forgotten and even more of times that existed for my parents before they had me. I got a special glimpse into their lives, the happiness that was captured in those still portraits haunted me because they were moments that I would never get with my mate and reminded me of happier times, before I was orphaned. I was ready to just give up and walk away from everything, I was just overwhelmed.

I finally looked at the clock it was 8:27 pm, I was emotionally exhausted and was in desperate need of a break. I decided to go to the only place that ever centered me, the gym. I knew that John would still be at the gym, he had a small apartment in the back, yet he always seemed to leave the gym doors open late for the stragglers that needed a place to go. Tonight, I was one of those stragglers and ever thankful that he left his doors open.

The chimes rang on the door as I pushed it open, John popped his head up to see who would be walking in. As soon as he saw me a genuine smile graced his face, "Allison, my girl! It is good to see you." He walked over and hugged me. Everyone was hugging me these days; I am not sure that I really liked it all that much anymore.

"Hey John. This place still smells the same." I chuckled at my little dig.

"Always does. Sorry to hear about your mother, darling. She was a good woman." His smiling slightly falling.

"Not you too John. Do not give me those looks of pity. I can handle it from anyone but you."

"Okay, then." He threw his hands up in surrender, "No more speak about it. What drags you here so late?"

"Wanted to see some old friends and maybe spar. Anyone around?" John nodded his head.

"JAKE!" Hollered John

"Yeah, John!" The voice boomed back.

"Up for a spar? I have someone here in need of a match." He yelled back to my old sparring partner.

"Sure, who is it?" He asked walking toward where we stood. As he rounded the corner, he spotted me and his eyes lit up, "Allison, you are the last person I thought I would see in this dirty old gym again."

"I am full of surprises, what can I say?" I grinned walking over and giving him a quick shove of the shoulder to say hello. "Ready to get your ass kicked? I have learned a few things?" I winked at him.

"You can try." He jested back. Now this is what I needed a true moment that would make me forget the pain.

Jake and I were on fifth or sixth round, each round making him increasingly more tired. However, I had not felt this alive in a while and the exhilaration was exactly what I needed. I had lost track of time, focusing on sparring with Jake when I felt eyes boring into the side of my body. His eyes. The intensity made me lose focus for a split second, which was just enough for Jake to exploit the weakness and throw me to the floor.

As I hit the floor with a thud, we all heard a none too quiet growl come from where Tate was standing. "Your boyfriend is back." Jake teased.

"Bite me, he isn't my boyfriend." I said, reaching for the offered hand.

"Might want to be careful who you say that to around here." Jake warned with amusement dancing in his eyes, letting me know he knew about the wolves that ran.

"I think I am safe. I know more about it than you think." I winked at him, letting him know that he was right.

"I know." Was all he offered, making me a bit curious. Throwing his arm around my shoulder, effectively tucking me under his arm. His sweaty arm, draping me in his scent in a way to piss Tate off. "I know everything that happened, Luna." He whispered the Luna part so only I would hear it.

"Jake you are playing with fire." I said glaring at him, warning him not to push to hard. Jake only smirked back to me; he was trying to push his luck. I rolled my eyes and pushed away from him.

"I'm hitting the showers, good session Allison." He said releasing me from the loose grip he had on me. "Maybe I will see you again before you leave, but if not, you have my number." Tate was angry at this point having watched my interaction with Jake, not that he had any room to say anything about it. What we were doing was innocent, not to mention I didn't have to answer to him much to his dismay as was currently evident in the current posture of his body. I could see his eyes changing colors fighting to keep his wolf under control.

Jealousy looked good on him, he deserved it. After all the crap I have gone through because of him he deserved it. I laughed at the entire situation that had unfolded in front of me. Without saying a word to Tate or even giving him, another look I walked back to the locker room to shower and change.

When I came walking out Tate was waiting for me right outside the door to the locker room. I rolled my eyes, "Why are you here?"

"I went to your house to check on you, when you weren't there, I followed your scent."

"Stalker much?" I aske amused with my wit.

"No, but I need to talk to you." He said.

"You talked last night." Came my cold reply. "There really is nothing to say."

"Please Ally?" He begged, pleading me not only with his words but his eyes. Eyes that I got lost in anytime I looked at them. I shook myself out of the trance he had put me in, knowing that this probably was not the smartest I idea I caved.

"Fine you want to talk? I want drinks. You are taking me to the bar and buying me whatever I want." I said, leading him out of the gym and up the street to the old Billiard Bar. Little did Tate know that I would not be listening to him tonight, I was going to be having a good time.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HOT! I was hot. It felt like it was a million degrees and I was being smothered. Having a hard time breathing I tried to open my eyes, but as soon as the first specks of light hit them, I shut them again. Damn, how much did I drink last night. It is just about impossible to make a werewolf have a hangover. Of all the times I had partaken in drinks and no matter how much I had consumed I never felt like this the next day.

I was still hot! I needed to be free of my blanket to cool down. However, when I went to push it off, I couldn't budge it. Instead I came in contact with a solid mass. Jumping up quickly whatever or who ever was laying on me quickly hit the floor with a loud bang, "What the hell?" I heard his voice, the voice that could still make me weak in the knees no matter how much I didn't want it to, stupid mate bond.

"Yeah, what the hell Tate? Why are you in my room?" He stood up rubbing his head where is had smacked the corner of my nightstand, my eyes looking over his body. "And why the hell are you naked?" My voice and face clearly displaying the disgust I was feeling about him being in bed with me.

I didn't want this; this was the last thing I wanted. "You wanted him." Lily purred. "All night long."

I was shocked, I took the blankets away from my body to look down at myself. "Why am I naked!?!" I was seething at not only myself, but at Tate and also Lily.

"Lily you shit! What did you do?" I was angry, I had never been this angry with my wolf before. She knew I was pissed, but I don't think she cared. She had gotten what she wanted, to be with Tate.

"Nothing you didn't want to do." Was all she answered me before snubbing her snout at me.

"I am sure it is what you wanted Lily! This is not what I wanted!" I was seething at myself and my wolf. I knew Lily could feel my angry, irritation, and the shock of betrayal from her as she retreated to the farthest corner of my mind, leaving me to clean up the mess that my wolf had made. Sometimes I hated being a wolf, life would be so much simpler if I had been born human.

"I'm sorry Ally, I never intended for this to happen." Tate said looking ashamed of himself.

"Yeah, I would hope not since you are with Kimber. I am so stupid. I can't believe I did this." I said smacking myself, "STUPID! This NEVER should have happened. You have to go!" I was starting to shout now.

"Ally..."

"No, Tate. Get your stuff and go. This never should have happened; you need to leave." I was firm in what I said. "You chose Kimber! How could I let this happen? I knew last night was a bad idea! We will act like this never happened." I said, talking to myself more than to Tate.

I climbed from my bed and as I did a bottle hit the floor with a clank. Bending over I saw six other empty bottles. I picked one up, "Well this explains it." I said. "Why did we drink so much?" Again, talking to myself like a mad woman, disgusted with myself that I had even allowed this.

Tate looked at me bewildered, "Sorry Ally, I never intended for this to happen. I just wanted to see you, talk to you. There are some things that I need you to know."