I groaned as my alarm clock sounded. I wasn't ready to get up for the day, but I had two classes today and a paper due Friday that I hadn't even started yet. One would think that by now I knew better and would better plan my time, but now I was a glutton for punishment.

As I rolled over a bed, reaching for the blaring alarm I slapped it, the room instantly falling into silence. Laying my head back on my pillows I groaned again. Allison instantly jumped to my mind as she was what I thought about most of the time, she had been avoiding me for weeks now. Ever since that night in the common room after we made our way back from the club. We had one moment of weakness; no, I wouldn't call it weakness because that is not what it was. We had a moment where we both let our guards down and we let our feelings out. Feelings that went beyond the friendship we shared.

Reluctantly I got up and quickly dressed, making my way to our common room. I walked over to the coffee machine, grabbing a mug I poured myself a cup then added creamer. Humming to myself in appreciation of the rich aroma and caffeine it was offering, I lowered myself onto the couch and drank my first sip of liquid gold.

I was so focused on my coffee and thoughts that I didn't even notice Allison standing in the common room at first until she was right in front of me waving her and in front of my face, "Earth to Tim, come in Tim." I finally snapped to and Allison was laughing at my state. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I questioned giving her an odd look.

"Well, I said your name five times and you never answered."

I shrugged, "Just thinking." I replied. "What does your day look like today?" I asked, taking the first opening I have had in a while to actually get Allison to speak to me, usually she is long gone in the mornings when I get up.

"I have a couple of classes." She said, not providing the detail that I would have wanted.

It was Friday so I knew she didn't have to work tonight. "I wanted to know if you would like to get dinner tonight. We should talk. " Allison started to fidget, she wasn't a fidgeter, "Just to talk. I think we need to clear the air. " I assured her.

Allison slowly nodded her head, "Alright then. Dinner that Penelope's? 5 o'clock? "

"Sounds perfect." I said with a smile, my happiness of her agreeing to dinner now displayed in my mood.

"I have to get to class, see you later." She said as she walked out the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had been looking forward to dinner all day, my chance to clear the air with Allison, so hopefully we could get back to normal. It was 4:50 when I pulled into Penelope's parking lot, it was an old school roadside dinner type place that was just off the main campus. It was a frequent hang out when it was open 24/7.

Walking in I was greeted by the smell of grease, a familiar smell from all the burgers that were slung on the grill. Looking around I noticed that Allison was already sitting in the booth in the back corner, the table that our group always sat at when we came in here, she had a soda in front of her and was nervous playing with the straw.

I walked over and sat down in the seat across from Allison, "Hi." I said before I reached for the menu. I have no idea why, since I knew everything about it and already knew what I was going to order. There was already a soda waiting at the table for me. "Thanks for getting me a soda."

"You're welcome. The waitress will be over in just a couple of minutes. " Allison said still fidgeting with her straw.

The waitress came over and we placed our orders. Once the waitress had left Allision once again started playing with her straw. Except this time, it looked as though she had guilt swimming in her eyes. Guilt over what I am not sure, but I was going to find out.

"Allison..." I started, but she cut me off.

"No, let me talk first." She asked softly, I nodded my head letting her know to continue. Allison gave me a tight smile and then continued. "I need to apologize to you for what happened. I never should have kissed you; it's not fair to you. And then I ignored you thinking it would just all go away, but it didn't. I just made it worse. I am so, so very sorry. I feel like I ruined our friendship. "

"No!" I said, grabbing Allison's hand, making her jump a bit from my abruptness. "Please don't think that. You have nothing to be sorry about, YOU haven't ruined anything! " I paused long enough for the waitress, who had suddenly appeared with our food, to put it down and leave before I continued. I wanted Allison to understand that no matter what I would always be her friend.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" she nicely asked.

"No thank you." I responded giving her a gentle smile, reassuring her that we were happy customers. She then turned and walked away. Bringing my attention back to Allison I continued with what I was saying, "Nemo," using my nick name for her, "It's my fault. I have had a crush on you for a while now and I let it get out of hand. Kissing you was wonderful, but I don't think you are ready for anything more than being friends. "

Allison looked at me, sadness and guilt in her eyes again. I felt horrible because this time I am sure that it is my fault that it is there. The longer I looked at her the more I was sure of it, because now her eyes were glassy. She shook her head and sucked in a ragged breath as she was trying to hold back her tears, "You don't understand." She whispered. "I love our friendship and honestly I think I would like more, but it would never be fair to you, it would never be fair to me to be with anyone. I'm just doomed to be alone. " I dropped my head. "There will always be a part of me that loves Tate, the mate bond is always going to be there, drawing me to him, no matter how much I may not want it to. Even if I was with someone else, my heart would never fully belong to them. You know, it would never be right. A few tears now escaped her eyes as she looked down. "I'm sorry, Tim. You are a great guy and I would be lucky to have someone like you. But you are too good of a person for me. You deserve better than me, deserve more than I would ever be able to give you. "

My heart broke again for the lost girl sitting in front of me. Allison always held herself together so well that you could almost forget that she was hurting. But once she let her walls down enough all the pain and raw emotions that she harbored poured out. Looking into her eyes I felt like I could almost see her soul and how shattered it truly was, "That's where you're wrong, Nemo. I see you for who you are and what you can give. Not what you can't. " I was trying to get past the walls that she had up around her heart, Tate really messed things up, he was a real idiot for letting Allison go.

Shaking her head at me, Allison stood up, "I can't. I'm sorry, Tim. You deserve more, better. " And she left before I could stop her. I threw money on the table, more than enough to cover our bill and leave the waitress a generous tip. I ran out the door trying to catch up to Allison, letting her know that anything she could give would be enough, that she was enough. That even that part of her that would always love Tate wouldn't be enough to push me away, make me leave, but by the time I got out there she was gone.

Allison

I ran from the diner as quickly as I could, using my wolf's speed to my advantage. I needed to think I needed to stay away from Tim, he had me all jumbled up. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I muttered to myself. I never should have agreed to dinner with Tim. I knew he wanted to talk and talk about things I was sure I wasn't ready to talk about.

My wolf picked the perfect time to speak up, "Tim loves us. But he is not our mate. "

"You think I don't know that?" I snapped that here.

"We should go back to Tate. His wolf wants us! " She added.

"Lily, shut up!" I yelled at her, "We can't be with Tate, you need to forget him. I know I'm trying too. We could have Tim, or someone like him. He would treat us well. " I explained to her.

"No!" She growled at me.

Stupid wolf just doesn't understand the way the world really works. Just because you have a mate doesn't mean you get to be with them. Sometimes things are just too complicated, and you don't get to be together, some wolves don't even get the chance to find their mates.

"I heard that!" Lily growled. "I am not stupid. I just think we should wait, maybe things will change, and we can be with our mate. " She was now whining and me, which I just couldn't stand so I shut her out annoyed that she was being so ridiculous.

I was sick of fighting with myself and my wolf, it was an unending battle for what to do. My emotions were all over the place. I was angry and heartbroken about Tate; he was my mate naturally my instincts were to be with him and go to him. However, he had chosen Kimber, so I was free to move on to find someone else, right?

That is when I found Tim, he was a friend at first. But then suddenly something changed, my feelings about him began to morph, much to my chagrin. I found myself wanting to be with him more, he made me happy and made me feel safe. Made me feel like I could love again and that I could be loved. And when we kissed that night after the dance club, I felt alive. I am sure it would have gone further had Patrick and Missy not come home, so I took that as my chance to slip away and then I avoided Tim. I knew I was hurting him, but it was for the best. Wasn't it? Why did everything have to be so confusing? I just wanted things to be simple.

I was so torn and didn't know what to do. Right about now it would be nice to have someone who was not biased and could offer me guidance, but unfortunately everyone I knew would only push me towards Tim. Even though he was everything I should want, and I did want him, but I was still hung up on Tate. My life is a mess.

I had been walking the streets aimlessly, the stars were out sparkling in the night sky and the temperature was dropping. Even though we were coming to the end of winter, the nights were still cold. I shuddered and pulled my jacket tighter around me, maybe it was time to head back to the dorms and face Tim, and truly explain things to him. I owed him that much.

While walking back towards the university campus y phone started ringing, pulling it from my pocket I looked at the screen. Gail was calling me, which was very much out of character for her. Becoming worried I quickly answered my phone, dread washing over me that something was wrong with my mother. "Hello."

"Hi dear." Gail said quietly, I could hear the sorrow in her voice.

"What's wrong Gail?" I asked, knowing I needed to hear the answer, but sure I didn't want to.

"You need to come home. Your mother has taken a turn for the worse. Dr. Louis doesn't think she'll make it much longer. " She spoke solemnly, "I'm so sorry Allison."

Tears were instantly running down my face, this was the call I was dreading, but in a way knew was coming. I felt that my mother was slipping the longer I was here at school. Me and my selfishness, I never should have left here. If I didn't go to school and just stay home with her, she would be okay now, not dying.

I wiped my tears and sucked in a breath, trying to marginally calm myself so I could speak, "Thank you for calling Gail. I will get there as soon as I can. " I hung up the phone and ran back to the dorm.

Bursting through the door, I was rushing to get my bag packed for my impromptu trip back home. I called McKenna the second I got off the phone with her mother and told her what was happening. By the time I had gotten back to the dorm, she had purchased a ticket and the confirmation was waiting in my email inbox. McKenna was the best friend anyone could ever ask for, I was beyond thankful to her and Linc for everything they have done for me.

Tim had been sitting in the common room, no doubt waiting for me when I came running in making a mad dash for my bedroom. He soon followed behind me looking worried, "Are you okay Allison?"

"Yes ... No ... My mother." Was what I was able to get out if I threw clothes into a carry on.

"What about her?" I continued to rush around, Tim's question not registering with me. Suddenly I came to an abrupt stop as Tim grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. Repeating his question as he looked into my eyes, "What about her?"

I pulled in a huge breath, realizing that I needed the oxygen. "Gail called me; my mother is not well. The doctor doesn't think she's going to make it much longer. " I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears "This is my fault. I should never have left. I am so selfish. With her, with you, with everything! " I could no longer hold back.

Tim pulled me into his arm, soothing me. My face was on his chest, he had one hand on my back rubbing it, which the other he was running through my hair. "You are not selfish. Coming to school was the way you saw to make things better. Your mother has been struggling for a long time, you have to realize that she was probably holding on until she thought you didn't need her anymore." This marginally helped me calm down, enough to have a semi coherent thought in my head. Maybe he was right.

"And about me." He continued, "I was the selfish and greedy one. I knew what you were going through, but I still have feelings. Feelings that I should have controlled better. I don't want to scare you away Allison. So, take your time, figure them out, and if you end up back with Tate then know I will be happy for you. I only want you to be happy, Nemo."

I pulled away from Tim, enough to wipe my eyes and be able to look up at him. In his eyes I could see that he was speaking the truth. Tim was too good of a person; I didn't deserve the love that he so clearly had for me. "Thank you, Tim. I don't deserve you. You are way too good." I smiled at him. I pulled back from his arms and he let me go, albeit reluctantly.

"You deserve so much more than you know Allison. One day I hope you understand that. But for now, let's get you to your mother. And don't worry about classes, you stay there as long as you need. We can make sure you have access to the online platforms so you can participate from there."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was finally stepping off the plane and back on my home soil. Rushing through the airport terminal I made my way out to where the taxi's typically parked. Thankful that I did not have wait for baggage claim.

There was a taxi that was just pulling up as I got out to the curb, a man in a suit was climbing out. Perfect, the taxi driver got out to gather the man's bags from the trunk of the car. "Sir, are you still on duty?" I asked once all the bags were placed on the curb.

"Yes, I am." He responded.

"Perfect!" I said, as the driver opened the rear passenger side door for me, "Thank you." As he climbed in and hit, he meter button, I provided him the address to my childhood home. Anxious to get there and see my mother.

The driver quickly made the drive to my house, with it being so early in the morning, there was hardly any traffic on the road. As we pulled up to the house, there was a soft glow of a lamp coming from the living room, no doubt in my mind it was from Gail. She had been staying at my house for the past few days, so my mother was never left alone.

Paying the driver, giving him a generous tip and grabbing my bad, I made the short trek to into my house. I quietly stepped into the living room and as suspected Gail was there, a sleep on the couch. Stepping away, to not wake her I walked down the familiar hallway and opened the door to my room. Placing my bag on the floor I immediately turned and made my way to my mothers' room.

For as much as Gail had told me and explained things to me before I arrived, I was not prepared to see how my mother truly looked. She was gaunt, her once vibrate skin now a dull color. Her hair now ashen looking and brittle. It also looked like she had lost considerable weight not that she was in a place she could have lost any before.

Exhaustion was now settling in as I had not been able to sleep on the plane, fretting over this exact moment and what I would find. I climbed into the bed next to my mother, looking to find comfort for her, for me, I didn't know anymore. Just looking for something. Snuggling close to my mother, nuzzled in her scent I fell into a peaceful sleep.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun peeking through the window woke up as its harshness hit my eyes. I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The quietness of the house, providing an unrest deep inside me. Looking around my room, I noticed that my mother was still sleeping beside me, having not moved since I had arrived. The subtle movement of her breathing the only clue that she was still with us.

I climbed out of the bed and made my way to the kitchen, where I could hear hushed whispers being spoken. As I moved from the hallway to the kitchen, I could see the pain in her eyes, Gail and my mother had been best friends since childhood, just as McKenna and me.

"Let me get you something to eat." She said, "You must be starved after you trip."

I just nodded not trusting myself to speak. Before I knew it an omelet with sausage and peppers with toast was placed in front of me with a cup of black coffee. The coffee drawing my attention first, wanting the caffeine to help wake me up, I was still exhausted from last night.

Gail had sat next to me, sipping on her own coffee. Once I had finished eating, I cleaned up my plate, poured myself another cup of coffee and then sat back down. Finally, ready to hear the bad news that was before me, I had put it off long enough.

As if Gail knew what I was going to say, she pushed a box of tissues to me and began telling me about my mother. How she gradually shut down more and more. That she was sorry that she didn't call me home sooner, but my mother had begged her not to. And that when she had finally allowed Gail to call me, the doctors were sure she would only survive a few more days.

After speaking with Gail for a while and miraculously holding it together better than I had thought I made my way back to my mothers' room. Pulling up a chair beside her bed I sat there and watched her sleep, wishing that things were different not only for her, but for myself. How much pain can one-person handle?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am not sure how long I sat there, minutes, hours just staring at my mother. Willing her to wake up, for this to be all some sick ploy to get me to come home. I wouldn't even be mad, but she never moved.

At some point Dr. Louis came in to check on my mother, his presence pulled me from my vigil. "Hi Dr. Louis." I said, standing to shake his hand.

"Ah, Ally it is wonderful to see you again. I just wish that it was under better circumstances." He spoke warmly, Dr. Louis was a kind man and I was happy to have him looking over my mother's care.