Allison

The next morning, I woke up at 4:30. Well I can't really say I woke up, that was more like the time that I decided to finally claw myself out of bed. I had slept very little and found no use in actually laying in bed any longer, sleep was being elusive. I know that I had managed to get a couple of hours in at the very least. Each time I had closed my eyes and managed to drift off my dreams would haunt me with Tate and special moments that we had together. Did they mean anything to him? I wondered as tears welled in my eyes with each memory. Was he really just using me as a way to pass the time until Kimber came back from her summer away?

I didn't want to believe the negative thoughts and emotions that were running through my mind. Everything piercing my heart, causing me physical pain. I laid in bed thinking about everything, just staring at the ceiling. How had I become reduced to this? I had plans, I was fine without a mate before. I had grown up to not be dependent on anyone. Sick of the waring emotions raging inside and the dead feeling that was creeping over me I flung my covers off myself and climbed out of bed, I needed to find some clarity.

Not feeling the need to shower since I had the night before, I threw on my workout gear and headed to the gym. At least there I would be able to let out some of my anger, loss, and frustration! Grabbing my phone and earbuds I plugged them into my phone. Opening the front door to the early morning sun just starting to peak over the horizon, I let my feet hit the asphalt. Between the music strumming through my ears and the rhythmic pounding of my feet hitting the ground, I was in a trance, a place where I was able to think and not feel. Exercise always gave me the ability to push aside my emotions, so I could gain clarity to think, which right now was a good thing. I needed to figure out what I was going to do. How was I going to handle Tate? And Lily was being no help to me at all. Ever since the call with Kimber she has been curled up in the recesses of my mind, unwilling to come out of her self-induced isolation. As much as I love my wolf, she definitely has a flare for the dramatics and was always the more emotional part of me.

When I got to the gym, John was at the front desk. "Hey Allison!" He said with his usual smile, one that seemed that he only reserved for me.

"Hey John." I said back, with a flat look on my face, I could not muster anything more. Not feeling like chatting I made my way back to the locker room to put my things away and get ready for a workout. Walking back out onto the gym floor I took a deep breath, I sure was going to miss this place. It was a home away from home for me, gave me a sense of belonging after my father died. Being here always allowed me to feel his presence again, we would always come here together, our special time together.

"Allison." John called to me waving me over to where he was. I begrudgingly walked over, really just wanting to workout alone. "Boy trouble?" He questioned, wrapping his fatherly arms around me in a hug. John was like a second father to me, always had been, even when my father was still alive. And John had that special uncanny ability to read any situation or person. Right now, he focused those talents on me, much to my dismay. Giving in to his hug, I relaxed a bit and laying my head on his shoulder I just nodded my head. "Give him time, he will come to his senses. There is no one better than our dear Ally." He told me, rubbing my arms with his hands. "Did you come here to work it out?"

"You know me so well, John." I said with a weak smile.

"Why don't you go kick the shit out of the bag today? Might make you feel a bit better." He suggested.

"That was the plan, after I stretched out a bit. Then I was thinking about finishing off with some of the machinery or a spar." I shrugged my shoulders as I was a bit undecided.

"Maybe not a spar. Not sure we could keep you from killing your sparring partner." John winked at me with a smirk.

Shaking my head at John, I walked over to the bag and plugged back into my music. I wanted to drown the world out around me. Working the bag let me do that, let me hurt something the way I was hurting. Punch, kick, kick, jab, knee. Jab, knee, kick, punch, jab. I repeated over and over, losing track of the time, losing track of myself in the void that the methodical movements provided.

Leaving the punching bag, I made my way to the elliptical machine, this was my favorite machine. The ease of the motion it provided, always lulled me mimicking how I felt while running through the forest in wolf form. After a good hour long run on the elliptical, I had it all worked out. Even knowing that I was never going to truly be free of the mate bond with Tate, I knew that I had come up with the best way to live with it, really, I didn't have many options.

I was always going to love Tate and feel drawn to him, always going to feel those explosive fireworks across my skin when we touched, always be addicted to his smell. Luckily, we had not marked each other, this would make things easier, would make the separation handleable. The longer we are apart the more relaxed the bond would become, eventually allowing me and Lily the ability to find another person that we could share our life with, give our love to.

"Grrrrrr." Lily growled at me and the resolved I had built in my mind to walk away from Tate. "How dare you! He is our mate! We belong together."

"Finally came out of your cocoon?" I said to Lily. To which she scoffed at me with a wolfish snort, had she been standing in front of me I surely would have had snot dripping down my face from her.

"Lily," I started, "I wish you could understand. Human life is not as simple as wolf life. If it were, I would never leave Tate."

"It could be." She snarked at me.

"No, it isn't! Tate has chosen Kimber. He brought her with him, not us! If he wanted to be with us, we would have been with him. Not her." I snapped at Lily, I really did not have the desire to be fighting with my wolf on this.

"You aren't even fighting for him!" Lily letting her full emotion slam into me now. Not only feeling my broken heart, but hers as well. This brought me to a stop, my rhythmic motions on the elliptical forgotten.

Lily was now making me angry, I knew I probably should not have been angry at her, but with all the emotions running through me, I was having a hard time holding things together. I finally broke the wall and let Lily feel it all. "I want him!" I yelled at her, my heart break flooding through my words to her. "But I can't have him, and neither can you! Tate has chosen Kimber, you heard her. You heard him, he was waiting for her to break our hearts. Maybe you don't understand now, but one day I hope you realize that I am going to do what I need to do so we can be happy. One day I hope you forgive me Lily."

Lily was now whimpering in my head, I could see that not only was she dealing with the heartbreak of losing her mate, she was not dealing with the raw feelings of being scolded like she was a young pup. If there were two things that wolves hated the first one would be anyone or thing messing with their mate. The second, would be being treated like a pup. This caused Lily to go silent and throw walls up around her, blocking me out. With the angry still coursing through my system it didn't bother me, I was able to focus back on the task at hand, running.

After moving around to the stair climber and then finishing off with a slow walk on the treadmill, I was spent. Walking back to the locker room, I grabbed my things and made my way to the shower. There was no way that I was going to be leaving this gym smelling like the sweating mess that I was. Letting the hot water rain over my tired and wear muscles, exhaustion started to set in. As it settled over me it made my emotions numb, which is what I wanted. I wanted to be numb, I no longer wanted to feel the splintering of my heart. This was how I needed to feel in order to carry out my plan. In order to be able to walk away.

Leaving the locker room, I heard John holler over to me over from one of the training rooms. He waved his arms at me, signaling for me to come over to him. When I walked a group of people all shouted "SURPRISE!" and jumped at me. Not expecting this, I jumped back and assumed an attack position.

John being John thought picking on me was the way to go, "Down Fido." And laughed once I growled at him.

"You all scared the shit out of me!" I exclaimed, relaxing.

Jabbing me in the shoulder he whispered, "Now that is not an easy thing to do, wolfy. You are off your game." And then chuckled at me when he saw me roll my eyes.

One of the gym regulars said to me, "You don't think we would let you leave for school without a proper good bye, did you?" I made my rounds to everyone giving them a hug and saying my thanks. It was nice to just be around people and not have to focus on my feelings at this point. Filling the next hour with trivial conversation and saying my good byes to everyone.

Finally, I picked up my bag and turned to look at everyone, "Thank you everyone! I appreciate you all coming together to wish me well. It means so much to me." I smiled at them, "It is going to be a while before I am back, but I promise this is not the last you will be seeing me."

"Ah, kiddo, we sure are gonna miss you around here. It has been our honor to watch you grow up and become a strong, independent person. Your father would be very proud of you." John said to me. "Before you go, we have all pitched in and gotten you a little something." And he handed me a card and a gift box.

Tearing up, I said to them, "You didn't have to get me anything!"

"Ahh, just open it. Would ya!" Someone from the crowd spoke.

Reluctantly I opened the card first, pulling it out I realized that there was a Visa gift card with $500 loaded on it. Tears started welling in my eyes, "Ahh, come on guys! This is too much. You know I can't accept this!" As I spoke a couple of tears made their way down my cheek.

"Now none of that." John spoke. "You will take it and you will use it. We will not take no for an answer."

"Well there is nothing you can do if I just leave this here." I said to them, as I wiped the tears from my face.

"Don't put is past this old man to go behind your back and put it right into your bank account." Hank, one of the older gym members said pointing to John.

Nodding my head, I acquiesced to the gift, "Thank you everyone! You truly do not know how much this really means to me." Putting the card into my bag I turned my attention to the gift box, opening it I found a framed picture of me, John, my father, and a few other gym members standing in front of the sparring ring after my first match. There were smiles on all our faces and my father was holding my hand over my head in true Rocky fashion as I had won my match that day, it was a few days before my 8th birthday. At seeing the picture, the tears really started to fall hot and heavy. This was a picture of better times and although it brought me happiness to see the love on my father's face, it also made me miss him terribly. How I wish he were here right now, things would be so much simpler. After a few minutes of hugs and huffing and puffing I was able to fully calm myself down, thank everyone and again and made my way home.

Once I was home, I went to speak to my mother letting her know that I would be leaving tomorrow, per my new ticket from Beta Adams yesterday. Making my way into her room, it was dark as the curtains were still drawn. First thing I did was open them, letting the sunlight in.

"Mama, I need to talk to you." I said, not really having the patience to ease her into it. I sat on the edge of her bed.

After a few minutes she finally sat up and looked at me, "What did he do?" she questioned. I looked at her with a puzzled expression. "I might not be 100%, but I am your mother, and I know when you are upset. What did your mate do?"

I launched into the story about everything, what the plans were, and then the call last night with Kimber. I was left in tears again. It had already been less than 24 hours and I was sick of crying over Tate Blackwell. I was not this type of person, I was the strong one, the one that held everything together. I was not the one that cried.

My mother listened, never interrupting me, and when I was finished, she finally spoke, "You know, not everything is how we see it. There are often things that are working behind the scenes."

I was not in the mood for a cryptic mom lesson, "What do you mean?" I snapped, a bit more than I meant. "Sorry." I said lowering my head to my hands.

"I mean, that maybe you are not seeing the whole picture." My mom put her hands on my cheeks and lifted my head until I was looking her in the eyes, "One day everything will make sense, everything happens for a reason. I know that boy loves you, but maybe you both need time to realize it and grow."

"You are being way to kind Mama. I really would love to tear his eyes out right about now. Maybe break a finger or two." I chuckled at the thought. I know, not very lady like, but I never said I was a lady.

My mom shook her head at me, "You are so much like your father." I smiled, proud to be like him. "Do what you need to do. At the end of the day you need to be able to live with the choices and decisions that you make. The only thing I want is for you to find your happiness." Looking at my mother I saw a weary smile on her face.

"I love you Mama."

"I love you too baby girl. Now go get yourself ready to leave tomorrow. I am going to miss you. But you need to do this. You need to experience a real life, one where you are not held back by me and my issues." My mother hugged me, and I hugged her back, not quite ready to have her let me go. But all too soon she was letting go, "I am going to take a bath." That was my cue to leave, that Mom was done with the heart to heart, there is only so much she can handle in a day.

Besides, I had to call McKenna and let her know about the change in plans as well. Then make my final preparations for leaving, I had to be at the airport tomorrow by 11 am if I was going to be able to get through security without feeling rushed.

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My alarm went off at 4:30, not that I needed it to. I had already been awake for an hour. Unable to sleep, my emotions tormenting me. Every time I closed my eyes, I was seeing flashes of Tate and Kimber together. Which was just making my skin crawl. I shuddered, trying to clear my mind of the thoughts of them together and climbed out of bed.

Today I was leaving, but first I needed a run. Something to center myself and calm my nerves. Deciding that it would be nice to let Lily stretch her legs I walked out behind my house, stripped behind the tree line and transformed. The stretching of my muscles and the popping of my bones as they realigned was a very cathartic feeling, always bringing me closer to nature, to my inner primal self. It was always a feeling that I relished in, I then let Lily come to the forefront of my mind and run.

Lily ran around the territory, taking us anywhere and everywhere as a way to memorize the land. Both of us a bit sad that we were going to be leaving the only home we had ever known. But, even for as sad as it was, we felt like we were being freed, ridding ourselves of the restrictive bindings our life currently had.

By 6:30 I was walking back into the house, I only had a couple of hours to get everything done that I needed before I left. I quickly made my way to the shower, not even waiting for the water to get warm I jumped in. The cold water blasted me quickly bringing me to life, it was a good feeling after being hot and sticky from my run. Ten minutes later I was out of the shower and dressed. Running a brush through my hair I decided to just throw it up in a messy bun on the top of my head. I didn't have time to mess with it today, just needing it out of the way.

I picked up all my toiletries from the bathroom and finished packing them into one of my bags. Throwing my dirty sports bra and shorts into the laundry basket, I didn't need to pack that set as I had plenty already packed. However, I did need my night shirt. There was no way I was leaving without that, packing that into my carry on, I continued to shuffle around my room double checking every nook, cranny, and drawer to make sure I had packed everything that I could need or want.

Emerging from my bedroom I noted that it was 7:15 and made my way to the kitchen. Deciding on a quick breakfast this morning I just made some eggs with peppers, onions, and ham chunks I began cooking. Once the toast popped from the toaster I slathered on the butter and chowed down. Once I was done eating, I made my way to my mother's room, her breakfast in hand. I placed it down on her night stand and then continued to her windows, pulling the curtains open allowing the morning sun to stream in.

"Morning Mama." I said smiling at her.

"Uhhh..." She groaned back at me, pulling her blanket over her head, much like a kid would do when protesting having to get out of bed for school.

I pulled the blanket over her head and looked at her. "I leave in about 45-minutes. I really just wanted to bring you breakfast and see you for a few minutes before I really needed to leave." I smiled at her.

Slowly my mother sat herself up and looked at me with tears in her eyes, "I am going to miss you my sweet Alligator." She said, using the nickname that her and my father gave me when I was little. Hearing it instantly made me cry, no one had called me that in years.

I climbed into bed next to my mother and snuggled my head into her lap. I was just a bit too big to be able to climb all the way onto her lap like I did when I was younger. She wrapped her arms around me the best she could and said, "I love you! Do great things. Be a great person. Be young, be crazy. Live your best life."

It almost felt as though my mother was giving me permission to be a wild child, but that just wasn't me. I mean I did know how to let loose now and again, but I liked control, so it wasn't very often I gave it up and just went wild. "I will Mama, I promise." I said looking up at her with a smile. Crawling out of my mother's arms was a sad moment, I didn't know when I was going to be able to see her again. "I love you too Mama. I am going to miss you."

My mother reached for her food and started eating as I sat next to her in silence. After a few minutes I looked at the clock and sighed. "Mama, I have to get going. Gail is going to be here to pick me up soon and I need to get everything outside."

"Okay baby. But one last thing. In the big dresser, bottom right drawer." I walked over to the dresser and put my hand on the drawer looking at my mother, she nodded her head yes to me. "Open it up, there is a gift in there. Take it with you and once you get settled in to school open it."