《The Boy with the Chestnut Brown Hair》CHAPTER 31

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He stepped on the brake before looking at me with his intent eyes. His breathing was shallow, and it felt like an eternity as I waited for his response.

"No," he replied and continued driving.

I scoffed, unable to believe that it was all he could say.

"Then why?" I demanded, surprised at how brave I was feeling.

He swallowed, and I watched as his adam's apple bob up and down and his jaw twitch.

"Dammit, Vino. You were such a jerk in our senior year. Do you have any idea how much you had hurt me? You made me believe you love me then you left me hanging. You left with no explanation," I yelled.

I quickly raised my hands to cover my mouth when I realized what I just did. Maybe the liquor was starting to control my mouth. I couldn't stop the words I had kept inside for so long.

"But Kane, I love you."

My eyes widened, and I opened my mouth to say something but I came up with nothing.

"I didn't—for the record, you were the one who hurt me," he added.

"Excuse me?" I hissed.

He couldn't be serious right now.

"It's true," he insisted. "You string me along."

"No, I didn't," I cried and pointed a finger at him. "It was you who hurt me. You made me fall for you then you decided to start avoiding me. You don't tell a girl you love her and suddenly leave her and start dating someone else. You left me wondering what I did wrong."

"Kane—"

"At least Gab had the decency to give me an explanation before dumping me."

Sure, Vino and I had never labeled our relationship, but everyone thought we were together.

We could have been girlfriend and boyfriend.

Vino sighed, and I turned my face away from him. I stared out of the window and realized we already entered my village.

Most of the houses already had their lights off. It was quiet and peaceful, contrary to what was happening inside Vino's car.

I noticed that the car was slowing down, not to a halt, but Vino was driving slower. A part of me was glad he did. It was only a matter of minutes before we reach my house, and I wasn't ready to go home just yet.

Especially not when we were having an argument about us.

"I loved you, Vino. I think I still do," I admitted in a whisper as I blinked back tears. "I didn't know it was possible, but when I saw you last night, all my feelings came rushing back at me. All of it. All our memories flooded my mind. It's crazy."

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I slowly turned to face him, but he remained silent.

"I—I can't stop thinking about you," I added, and I felt a pit in my stomach.

I watched him grip the steering wheel a little tighter and noticed how he swallowed, like swallowing a lump in his throat.

"There were instances that I feel like you care just like the old Vino in high school—pre-senior year. But there were times that you just seem so distant, and I can't understand you at all."

He finally acknowledged everything I said by glancing at me. Then he whispered, "I think it's time for me to tell you the truth."

"Oh, you think?" I scoffed.

He shrugged, ignoring how mean I was to him.

He picked up his water bottle and took a few sips while keeping his other hand on the wheel. I watched him place the bottle back on the cupholder. I was growing impatient. If only I could squeeze the words out of him, I would.

He started telling me about that one time he had accidentally eavesdropped on my conversation with Bianca and Lily.

"I heard you say something like you weren't sure about us, and that you feel like you weren't supposed to have a boyfriend not until you reach college. You never told me about it, and that was my first time hearing you felt that way. They asked you if you love me, but you never answered. I was there waiting for you to say you love me," he narrated, keeping his eyes on the road.

My heart thumped rapidly as I listened to his story. This was the truth I had been waiting for in years.

"God knows how much I wanted to hear those words from you," he confessed, and I could hear the sadness in his voice. "I mean, I know I told you that you don't have to say it back. And I like reminding you that I love you."

His voice was faint in the last few words, and it cut right through my chest. He glanced at me, but I quickly avoided his eyes, so I stared down on my lap.

He cleared his throat and continued, "But I thought maybe if you love me, you'll tell Lily and Bianca because you tell each other everything. I realized you were leading me on and making me believe I have a chance to be your boyfriend when in reality, you didn't want to be with me at all. I was hurt, so, I just avoided you before you can hurt me even more."

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There was a throbbing pain in my head, and I closed my eyes as I tried to process everything he had said. Then I slowly recalled what he was talking about.

"Vino..."

"I figured you couldn't tell me you didn't want me, so I did what I had to."

I remembered the exact conversation, only it wasn't exactly what he thought it was.

***

6 years ago

I had put back my notebook and pens in my bag, leaving my notepad on my desk. On it was a list of all the school works I had to get done for the day. No matter how good I was at managing my time, I still had loads of things to do. I had been staring at it for a moment when I realized Miguel was talking to me.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Lily and I are staying with her," Bianca said, and Miguel nodded.

"You girls want anything?" Vino asked, and I shook my head at the same time Lily and Bianca responded 'no'.

I watched as the four guys went out of the room with the rest of our classmates to go down to the cafeteria. After a few minutes, we had the classroom to ourselves.

Being left in the room was one of the best feelings ever, especially when I was stressed out.

"What's our next class?" Lily asked as she began braiding Bianca's long hair.

"Physics. Lab time," I replied, and Lily groaned.

Bianca asked about the guy Lily was seeing at the time. He was from another school and none of the boys in our squad knew him. From what Lily told us, he was cute and funny, and he played badminton. Bianca and I ran out of questions for her, so they asked me about Vino instead.

"So, you haven't introduced him to your mom?" Lily asked.

"She knows Vino already," I replied as I glanced at the door that was left ajar.

"Yeah, as your friend. But you're like, dating already," Bianca pointed out. "Everyone thinks he's your boyfriend already."

"He's always been so caring of you, but he's more open about it now," Lily commented, finishing Bianca's French braid pigtails.

"I know, but he's still not my boyfriend."

"Do you even talk about your relationship?" Bianca asked.

"No."

"Did he ask if he may court you?"

I shook my head.

"He didn't? Maybe's he's already courting you, but you're not aware of it. Sometimes guys don't ask, they just do," Lily explained as she sat down beside me.

Among the three of us, she was the dating expert. She was also more discreet about her relationships, but she knew a lot about boys. Bianca, on the other hand, was a little like me. We were more clueless compared to Lily and we never had a boyfriend. But our difference was, she had a lot of suitors and admirers in school.

"So, what are you going to do?" Bianca asked.

"I'm not really sure. I don't know how I am going to tell it to Mommy. Alex started dating when she was in her second year of college. At least that's what I know. So, I feel like I shouldn't have a boyfriend, not until I am in college," I answered as I played with the notepad on my desk.

"You're not going to take your relationship to the next stage, that's what you mean?" Bianca asked again.

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know."

"Do you love Vino?" Lily asked.

I blinked at them for a few seconds and then nodded without saying a word. We all remained silent, and the two only exchanged looks.

I hadn't told Vino I love him, even though he had told me he loves me several times already. Sometimes, I wanted to say the words back, but I never did. I wanted him, but I was scared to take the leap.

I had been scared of admitting my true feelings—of saying it out loud and showing it too much in my actions. I didn't think I was ready to commit to a serious relationship. I didn't want to be one of the couples who entered a relationship and breaking up later on because they couldn't handle it. But how would I know if I was ready or not if I wouldn't try?

"I guess I should give it a try," I had said ina low voice.

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