4 years ago

Alex and I had been setting up the table in time for dinner while Hadley was watching the news with Daddy in the living room. I had placed a spoon and fork on top of each plate and Alex placed the platter of kare-kare on the center of the table beside the bowl of rice.

"Kane, call your Dad and Hadley," Mommy requested as she prepared a saucer of fish paste.

"Dinner's ready," I yelled once I reached the threshold of the living room.

"Am I smelling my favorite viand?" Daddy asked, standing up from the couch.

"Yes, it is," Mommy answered from the dining room. "You surely can smell this from a mile away, can you?"

We took our seats on the table and Daddy heaved a sigh. "I can't believe I'm always missing out on simple things like this. But I still have less than a month to savor moments like this."

"What did I tell you yesterday?" Mommy asked, clicking her tongue. "We shouldn't talk about your departure until your last two days."

"Sorry, tart."

Daddy led the grace before the meal and we started devouring Mommy's specialty. Alex handed me the saucer of fish paste and I scooped a spoonful of it and topped it on my viand.

"Are you coming with me to school next week? For the art exhibit?" Hadley asked Daddy.

"Of course, baby. And I will drive you to school every day."

"Yay! And maybe we can get some ice-cream cones on the way home."

"Sure, we will," Daddy agreed. "Kane, are you already enrolled for the second semester?"

I gripped my spoon and fork tighter and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Uh, not yet..." I slowly responded.

I still hadn't told them yet that I wanted to shift to a new course. I was no longer enjoying biology. As a matter of fact, the papers I needed to shift courses were already neatly organized in a brown envelope on my desk. They were just waiting to be filled out.

"Why not?" Mommy asked.

"I am planning to shift," I squeaked and bowed my head to avoid her eyes.

"Shift?" Mommy asked, her voice already an octave higher, and I heard Daddy shushed her. "Shifting means some subjects won't be credited and it'll take you longer to graduate. Do you know how much your tuition costs?"

Even if I had rehearsed this conversation in my head for over a week already, it was still difficult to speak my mind. But I knew if I wouldn't do this soon, I would only end up wasting my time and the money they pay for my tuition.

"But I no longer enjoy my course," I mumbled, putting my hands together under the table and sinking down into my chair. I didn't know why speaking for myself in front of my family was making me feel small.

"Then why did you take up biology?" Mommy questioned like I was the one who wanted biology in the first place.

They all had stopped eating and now they were all looking at me. I hated every second of the attention I was getting. My hands trembled on my lap and I breathed heavily. It was suffocating.

Alex, who was sitting next to me, extended her hand and reached for mine, giving it a gentle and reassuring squeeze.

"Maybe Kane has a good reason why," she explained to Mommy. "Kane, please tell us."

"I enrolled in biology because I felt like everyone wanted me to be a doctor."

"What did you say?" Mommy asked, looking irritable and confused at the same time.

I explained myself and admitted to them how I felt about being compared to my sisters. I revealed the reason why I was very competitive back in elementary and in high school. I told them how much pressure I felt every time my sisters got complimented while our relatives always pointed out what I needed to improve in myself. I added that I only took up BS Biology so I could prove to everyone I was worthy and I have what it takes to be a physician. And maybe when that day comes, everyone would stop making me feel like I was lesser than my sisters.

I was surprised I was able to say everything and kept myself from crying.

Daddy and Mommy were silent and I noticed them exchanging worried glances. Hadley frowned at me and Alex loosened her grip on my hand.

She cleared her throat. "But Kane, you are amazing and we all know you're the smartest among the three of us. And you are responsible and we admire you for that."

"I'm sorry I reacted harshly, Kane." Mommy paused and breathed in. "Sorry, we weren't aware of how you feel."

"I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry," Daddy apologized. "We have no idea you were struggling and you were feeling that way."

Alex and Hadley both remained silent.

"I didn't want to make you feel bad," I assured them and offered a tiny smile to my sisters. I wanted to let them know I was okay and I wasn't mad at them.

"But we talk about everything. How come you never told us about that?" Hadley asked, and I was taken aback. She was outspoken but I always still get surprised by her words.

"It's not that easy."

"But I always wished to be at least half as brainy as you are. You know how terrible I am in history and if it weren't for your help, I would still suck."

I chuckled.

"What course are you planning to take up now?" Mommy asked in a soft voice. I knew she was trying to uplift the mood.

"I want to shift to journalism."

"Then journalism it is," she confirmed. "Your daddy and I will always support your dreams. All three of you."

"Alex, will you accompany Kane in processing her papers for shifting?" Daddy asked.

"Of course. I can make time for that," she answered and smiled at me.

"Do you want me to drive you to your school too?" Daddy asked me.

"Really?" I asked, suddenly feeling giddy.

"Can I come to SHU too?" Hadley inquired, looking hopeful.

"Unfortunately, the university doesn't allow kids inside the campus," Daddy joked and we all laughed as Hadley looked at us with a frown etched on her face.

All those years, I had felt inferior to my sisters. All those years, I had kept those feelings from them. I was scared of how they would react and what they would tell me.

That night, I had made one of the biggest decisions of my life. That night, I spoke up for what I want and I had followed my heart and I had never felt happier. The heavy burden in my chest was already gone.

Finally, I'd be doing something that I hadwanted for so long.