《Flashback {Toruka}》Flashback 26

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"So your next show is in three days" ONE OK ROCK's manager recited for his members, who sat expressionless in front of him, at the back of the tour bus. "You have the option to reside in a hotel for the next two days, to rest your bodies from these bunks" he mentioned, looking for their answer. As neither the frontman nor the leader spoke, the oldest of the four nodded, smiling. "Yes please" he said. "Well then, I'll make sure your rooms are ready before the end of this day" he assured, going through his list again. "Any requests? Taka-san, what's the matter? You don't look so good" he addressed the grim expression of Takahiro Moriuchi, who so obviously forced himself to smile. "No no, I'm fine don't worry about me" he lied "I just miss home, that's all" he tried, as the manager sighed and turned on his heels.

"W-wait!" Taka suddenly yelled, going after his manager. "C-can I be at the same room with Toru?" He requested, realizing then that their manager doesn't know about their hidden relationship. "It's just..I don't like being alone in foreign places, I get chills..." he fumbled. "We're usually around each other often so I'm more comfortable around him than the other two" The vocalist waved his hands for the manager's raised brow, hoping his reasoning would come across. "So a room with two beds?" He inquired. "Y-yes. Yes sure!" Moriuchi stuttered, heaving a deep breath before going back to his place. He slowly leaned his head on the bassist's shoulder, his arms crossing around his chest. "Are you tired Mori-chan?" Ryota questioned the unusual behaviour of his senior. "Not quite" Taka answered softly, his eyes glancing towards his lover, who was looking at his phone, his face displaying a soft smile Taka detested.

With a grumble of anger, Taka got up, grabbing his phone. With all his might he ran out of the vehicle. Forwards he thrusted against the winds, the afternoon air wrapping around his delicate body ruthlessly. As his rapid breaths fought the power of the outside air, Taka felt suffocated, but he ran faster. Faster and faster until his legs faltered. He looked up at the fading colour of the sky, his tears threatening to fall. With trembling fingers, he went through his call log, his chest visibly inflating and deflating. He dialed his best friend and waited, the meak tunes of the connecting line against his ear. "Yo Taka!" Tyler answered cheerfully. Taka's foreign best friend, who was from the few Taka completely warmed up to, thus forming a friendship nearly impossible to break. "Would you mind giving me a minute? I'm busy with something at the moment." With a bitter tone, Taka exhaled. "Tyler" he breathed, using the majority of his will not to break down right there. "You know what" the American interrupted at the sound of his friend's voice. "What is it? You don't sound so good" he analyzed, waiting for an answer

"I..I'm just.." Takahiro tried to speak, but his emotions failed him. His tears cascaded down in waves, his breath hitching. "I'm tired. I'm so tired" he whined, using his free hand to wipe his tears. "He was talking to her again Tyler" he confided, his fist going over his hurting heart. "It hurts" Taka confessed, going silent, the only voice he induced being the faint suppressing of his sobs. "That matter again?" Carter talked to himself, while Taka nodded, as if the other can see him. "Do you really want to keep going like this? It already hurt you so much" he spoke softly, while Taka could almost see his expression through his tone. "I think I'm going to" the second oldest of ONE OK ROCK started, yet his tears crossed the way. "..break it off" he mumbled.

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Pin silence dropped, and the line went silent. Tyler was the first to break it, after few minutes of listening to Taka's silent sniffs.

_Break it off? But Taka you-

_I know. I know Tyler. I love him so much, more than anything in this world around me

_so how are you going to just let go this simply? And are you sure you want to do it during your tour like this? Please think it through.

Another period of silence bubbled around them, and Taka tilted his head up, gazing at the darkening horizon, reminding him of his relationship with Toru for the past few weeks. And surprisingly enough, it also resembled the cold, like the soft winds hitting his bare arms. "I have to let go because I love him. I handed my heart to him, but his belongs to someone else, I can't just keep him by my side. And, seeing him laughing, and smiling, even looking at someone else, the way he's supposed to look...at me, it hurts so much" he explained, his voice more stable than before, as if his feet finally found their solid ground. "I don't want to see someone else in his eyes, I don't want him to force himself to smile at me" he continued, seemingly mumbling to himself. "When are you going to do it?" Tyler sighed, frowning. "Tonight, I think" he said bluntly. "You think" the friend repeated, bewildered by the suddenness of the news. "I requested to be with him in the same room. I just need to summon the courage. But, just thinking about it tears my heart apart" the petite man ranted. "I love him, so much" he whispered, his voice breaking once again.

The breeze circulated, only softer this time, as if consoling the broken vocalist, tenderly tickling his cheeks, playfully messing his hair. "Toru.." Taka whispered with the rising wind, his eyes piercing the shy moon, slowly throwing off its dark veil, readying itself to shine once the black curtains befall.

"Where's Taka?" The blonde guitarist asked, taking a quick glance around the van. As he got glares from his bandmates, Toru's confidence receded considerably. "What- what is it?" He reluctantly asked, as Ryota's gaze grew tenser. "You really didn't notice?" He accused, staring Toru down with daggers. "Mori-chan ran out a while ago" he informed the leader who shyly set aside his mobile. "Why didn't you stop him?" He asked, looking for something to say. "Why didn't YOU stop him?" The drummer countered, throwing his hands above his chest. "Anyway, Mori-chan needs some time to breathe. Don't you think we didn't notice how cold you've been acting towards him. Or that your relationship isn't well" the bassist reprimanded, angry vibes swirming in the currents of his vocals.

"What are you two talking about?" Yamashita replied with a question. "Toru you" Tomoya started, only to be cut off by an angry Ryota. "DON'T YOU EVEN SPARE HIM A GLANCE?!" He yelled, to be then pulled back by Tomoya. "Toru, Takahiro's expression has been grim lately, and he faked smiles often. And whenever he was alone, he just hunched silently while hugging himself" he explained, taking in consideration his counterpart's shift of expression. "Didn't you notice how he doesn't approach you anymore? Even his cheerfulness isn't the same as before" Tomoya resumed. "Has something happened between you two?" He pestered, yet he only received a simple headshake is response. "Let me be more specific, are you hiding something?" Tomoya glared at his friend, demanding honest answers. "What makes you think so?" Toru bit back, straightening his position. "You think we haven't noticed how you hide your phone recently? And you changed your passcode so we, more likely Taka doesn't know it? And you suddenly take phone calls out of earshot" Tomoya pestered. "Why do you think you-" Toru started, but the sudden slam of a door cut his sentence short.

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"Mori-chan!" Ryota exclaimed, walking towards his senior, whom he surprisingly once feared. "Do you want any help with packing up?" Ryota offered his friend, seeing that Taka was the only one who didn't pack up his stuff. "I'd really appreciate it if you don't mind. The manager just told me we're heading out soon" Taka spoke with an unusual tone, purposely turning his face every time the bassist tried to look him in the eye. Yet as swift as he was, the youngest caught a glimpse of his swollen eyes. "Mori-chan??" He asked as worry swirmed in his eyes, holding Taka's arm to prevent him from feeling away. "I'm fine Ryota, don't worry" Takahiro smiled weakly "the wind was too strong, that's all" he continued, getting disapproving looks from his counterpart. "Where were you?" A throaty voice suddenly spoke to the two, addressing Taka with intense eyes. The guitarist swept his hand through his hair as he looked at his lover, who only resumed collecting his luggage silently. As Toru tried to speak again, Ryota's hand landed softly over the blonde's lips, his head shaking warningly.

The day bled into night, and the stars sparkled one by one. As their shy luster grew gradually, Taka silently changed his clothes, readying himself to sleep. "Turning in early today?" His roommate asked softly, seating himself on the bed not so far from Taka's. "Today's performance was exhausting" Taka replied shortly, turning his back to his boyfriend. Moriuchi curled his body up, forcefully closing his eyes. Soon he felt the mattress sink behind him, only to feel a hand in his hair right after. "Are you that mad at me?" Toru asked tenderly, slowly bending to plant a kiss on his partner's cheek. The leader carefully layed down, slipping himself under the neat cover. Spooning Taka, he wrapped his arm around the former's stomach. "You know I love you right?" Toru whispered, tightening his grip around the smaller one. Taka closed his eyes tighter, his hands gripping the sheets. Who would've thought that the word love would hurt that much. It didn't even sound sincere as Taka contemplated the sentence. His breath hitched, and he forced himself to turn around. One more time...the last time...he thought to himself as he burried himself in the chest of the man he loved, his tears falling free.

The vocalist's hands gripped Toru's shirt, his silent cries forcefully mounting to sobs. As his little body started trembling like a leaf against Autumn winds, Taka pressed his face harder to his boyfriend's solid muscles. "Taka?" Toru called confused, fondly rubbing Taka's back, who by that time, sank into a mess of cries. With quivering force, the petite man straightened into a seating position, keeping his head low, his strands covering his eyes. "T-toru?" He called weakly to a bewildered Toru. "What is it?" Toru questioned, trying to brush his lover's streaming tears. "Can you kiss me?" The unexpected question caught Toru off guard, stopping the movement of his hands. "Taka why are you even as-" he started, yet Taka interrupted him. "Please" the older whispered, looking with sad eyes towards the guitarist. Toru sighed in defeat, closing the distance between him and Taka. Slowly and carefully, his large hands cupped Taka's wet cheeks, pulling him even closer.

Their lips met ever so gently, Taka's tears starting to stream again. As Toru licked his full lips, he curled his arms around his taller lover. His love raged for the other man as he granted him access. He so fondly walked his fingers through Toru's hair, contrasting his tightly closed eyes, letting his tears cascade down his cheeks, quickly falling to his chest, like knives slowly cutting his heartstrings. Toru deepened their kiss, and all Taka felt was the strain he put over his feelings. So this is the end? He questioned his consciousness, savouring the taste of the only man he ever loved, one last time. Pain, all he felt was pain tugging at his guts as he smashed his tongue with Toru's, in the farewell kiss Taka initiated. I love you.. Taka's soul screamed as he opened his eyes, closing the tap of his tears, stopping them abruptly. Takahiro broke their kiss, steadily going back, his eyes meeting the floor again. Misery hovered around his body mercilessly, he seemed so fragile, like a thin glass slowly, painfully shattering. "Taka what's going on?" Toru inquired once again, his uncertainty more evident.

"Let's end it" was all Taka had to say for the room to die. Not a single breath was heard as silence heavily befell the chamber. "W-what?" Toru managed to stutter, not believing what he heard. "It's over, Toru. Let's break up" Taka repeated, his head still hung low. "What nonsense are you-" the younger started. "IT'S NOT NONSENSE" Taka promptly screamed, sending Toru's words back to their chambers. "I KNOW TORU I KNOW" he continued, but his voice broke down, his eyes streaming again. "I know you love someone else" he muttered, his words crumbling. "You can't even deny it can you?" He asked, looking Toru straight in the eye. At that moment, the founder of One Ok Rock could only stare back, his lips shut. "Why did you even agree on going out with me? Was I too pathetic?" He asked quietly, his voice faltering "no Taka that's-" Toru tried to speak, only to be rendered silent again. "Have you ever even loved me truely Toru?" Taka asked. Death silence was in control once again, infiltrated only by the impossible efforts of Taka controlling his tears. "As I thought" he concluded, agony grasping its sharp talons around his throat. The heavy weight of the tense atmosphere seemed to force him down as he dragged his lead legs towards the door. "Toru, you're the only person I ever loved, ever handed my heart to completely like that. It meant the world to me that you agreed to go out with me. I don't regret falling for you, not one bit. But not all flowers come without thorn, and mine is speckled with them" Taka finalised the conversation, closing the door behind him, cutting off the last string of their exhausted relationship. Leaving a stunned Toru in his wake, truth climbing his conscience.

Memories of that day came to an end, and the present Taka opened his eyes. "Why that again..." he whispered to himself as he remembered the reason he wrote the song he called 'Heartache'. He recalled how he fled to Tomoya's room after that, cried all night as the older offered a comforting shoulder. "Heh" he smiled softly, closing his eyes again. "I miss you..."

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