《Flashback {Toruka}》Flashback 7(part 3)
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At that time,ONE OK ROCK has already started recording their new album. Excitement occupied the air around as various artists gathered for multiple collaborations.
And then,Taka being the sociable guy he is,randomly hugged people and smiled at them. The vocalist was seated with a woman and a man Toru recognized as his pals when he passed by.
But,something squirmed in Toru's stomach. The three were clearly enjoying themselves,Taka's tiny body seated in between, their arms wrapped around him as he laughed. After that, the woman whispered something in Taka's ear making him blush.
Toru's mood immediately transformed into an irritated one. He unconsciously glared at the woman who was all over his little friend
Just because he lets you fool around doesn't mean that you have the authority to cross the line
Toru thought as his anger rose without control. The guitarist only realized he had been staring when Taka called out to him. "You're gonna dig holes in my forehead Toru!" Taka said teasingly laughing at his friend. "Ah! I'm sorry!" Toru fumbled running away quickly.
What was that feeling? Taka has always been so touchy with people,it's been years now,he's already used to it,but...Taka's blushing face. It made his heart warm? Wasn't that weird? Emotions started coursing through the blondie effectively spoiling his spirits rotten.
Wanting to escape his confused state, Toru marched out of the building and probed his black pants for his cigarettes. Halfway through the white burning stick, Toru sensed the presence of another being right beside him before having his nicotine filled tube snatched away from his lips.
"I remember you saying that you'll quit" fell Ryota's playful voice on his ears as he watched the younger man crush the cigarette, burrying it in a trash can that Toru somehow didn't notice when he walked out there. Toru pouted like a child that was denied his favourite toy.
"Oh c'mon Toru-chan don't give me that look!" The bassist urged giving an amused grin to his friend's expression only to be instantly turned into a serious demeanour seconds later. "What's wrong?" Ryota's query took the guitarist off guard throwing his eyes wide.
As if reading his friend's thoughts,Ryota explained,"No Toru-chan you're not easy to read. It's just that I spent so much time with you" Ryota said that, however,it was obvious that Toru was troubled. Yet the bassist wasn't completely lying; over the years they spent together,he memorized a map that completely explained every crease and shift in expression of the man beside him. Time gradually revealed parts of the map until it was entirely clear in front of the bassist's eyes.
"It's nothing" that not being the response Ryota wanted to hear,he spun around completely facing the taller man "don't lie to me Toru" warned Ryota looking straight in Toru's slightly lighter eyes. Nonetheless,they seemed a bit darker then.
Ryota wanted to pull out the truth forcefully, but he knew better than to try that with Toru. Had he done that,the matter would be much worse and that was the last thing he needed."I'm here if you wanna talk it out" the youngest member of the band uttered tapping his childhood friend's shoulder for the last time before heading into the building hiding Taka and the others.
Instantly after the exhausting day ended, Toru returned home and plopped on his bed. His lids shut closed,then opened again. Exhaling audibly, the guitarist tried to cast Taka's image out of his mind. It seems like his brain has caught a new habit of imagining Taka when he's alone. Once he would be laughing,the other crying,then frowning cutely,and now he's blushing.
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When Toru realized that he's trying in vain,he let the sand man push him to sleep,even though it wasn't a peaceful one. He kept thrashing in his sleep and having nightmares,then falling alseep only to wake up abruptly drenched in cold sweat once again.
How worse will that day be? Toru thought eventually giving up his sleep at 3 am trying to distract himself with some movie. Although he was watching the film, Toru wasn't seeing a second of it. Its sound effects being thrown to the background of his mind, Toru found himself thinking of Taka once again.
But this time it was different; they were back at the park months ago, tears were streaming from Taka's eyes,his pained voice as he called the guitarist still echoed. His hands unconsciously landed around his head pressing so hard trying to pop the bubble of depressing thoughts besieging it.
The following day, Toru stood motionless as Ryota fretted over his dark circles. "It's nothing,I was just having a nightmare" Toru brushed his friends off,even Taka,when they tried to understand his troubled state.
Another day dissolved into the past and the guitarist's firm lock on his restlessness still loitered around. Toru desperately tried to go back to how things used to be,tried to regard Taka as merely his friend again. Despite that, his heart still cruelly reminded him; his feelings weren't of normal friendship.
By the time Toru decided bring up the waters from his well again,his soul has already broken down to pieces. His tears cascading down his cheeks, the melancholic man called his childhood friend. It took the band leader a handsome amount of courage to call his friend at the crack of dawn,yet,the latter didn't let him down. Ryota kissed his wife's forehead hurriedly heading outside into the chilly weather; it wasn't every day that someone might witness a blue moon afterall.
Using the spare key to his friend's house, Ryota slowly protruded the stillness Toru indulged himself in. The older man was seated in the living room,his face burried in his palms while blonde bangs covered his features. The bassist tipped closer to his bandmate eyeing him closely.
Quietly he sat,his arms automatically wrapping around the guitarist. "Why are you crying Toru-chan?" Ryota whispered softly into the dim room, tenderly walking his fingers through his friend's locks.
"I don't know...I really don't" sniffed Toru through quivering lips before resuming his shaky speech "I'm just tired. I've been having nightmares every day, I lost so much sleep,my conscience beat me up relentlessly, my feelings went out of hand. I don't understand anymore." Ryota silently stroked his friend's back waiting for the series of spilled secrets to end.
Toru's words were like tragic songs piercing his ear drums "Ryota,I-I hate myself,I really do" said Toru before drowning into another fit of sobs. The crestfallen state that overwhelmed Toru hurt the bassist to a nonexistent deadline. "I fell for him Ryota. I fell for Taka after all the pain I've put him through. After I told him that it's impossible." "Calm down,calm down" Ryota mumbled into the blondie's hair "you have to calm down first"
A heavy cloud of silence hovered over,only letting way for Toru's muffled sobs to be heard. "It's alright" Ryota still soothed planting a soft kiss to his friend's head; a thing he hasn't done for ages.
"What should I do?" Toru eventually murmured after his tears dried up. Desperate for an answer, Toru looked up at his friend through swollen eyes making Ryota who lost his way through his friend's despair,wish that he knew how to help. The magnitude of the situation coated the younger's mind not letting any sort of solution pass through.
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"Why don't you go take a warm shower to calm you down? We'll think of a solution when you come out ok?" Ryota uttered trying to mask his lost state of mind while pushing blonde hair from Toru's face.
Nodding slightly, Toru headed to the bathroom obeying his friend. Only after hearing the water slamming into the floor did Ryota have the courage to call Tomoya. It was already morning then.
Hoping that Tomoya's awake, the bassist pressed his name."We're in trouble Tomoya-kun." That being the first thing he heard in the morning, Tomoya was taken aback before processing the sentence he heard.
After making sure that Toru was still in the bathroom, Ryota recited the tale of the devastated prince to their drummer.
Hearing the bathroom door click,Ryota immediately hang up on Tomoya leaving the other to his utter confusion.
"Feeling better?" Ryota inquired wearing the widest smile he could muster but it only went wide to the fullest when Toru nodded with a tiny smile.
Oh thank God Ryota thought as he watched Toru rub his hair dry.
"Toru-chan!" "Hm?" "Do you really love Mori-chan?" "Yeah,I do. A lot. I've even thought about asking the managers to cancel the meet and greet events because I don't want anybody to touch him." Toru chuckled bitterly leaning his head back watching the ceiling;an action that recently became his daily custom.
"What do you intent to do?" "Carry my feelings to the grave? I asked you over to help me Yuta not reflect my question to me" Toru forced out a chuckle having been realized his words came out harsher than intended.
"If I was in your place, I would confess to be honest" "that's because you're a fool" "I've already heard that a dozen of times idiot Toru"
Despite the weight of the matter in their hands,the two pals enjoyed each other's company,they missed the days when they hung out together,when Toru solved Ryota's problems and vice versa.
"I-I don't think Mori-chan doesn't feel anything towards you anymore-" "stop" "no! All those years of loving you won't dissolve into nothing just because he said so!" "So you're suggesting a direct confession you romantic fool?" "Mhm" "I'll think about that" the bassist's growling stomach disturbed the quietness of the room directly followed by Toru's bellows of laughter.
Ryota slapped his friend's shoulder as he tried to hide his blush. Leaving his friend to his embarrassment,the blondie marched to the kitchen and proceeded in preparing some breakfast for the both of them.
"Don't expect something grand" Toru said setting the dishes in front of the other man "should I tell him today after recording?" "If you feel confident enough" "I don't,I just wanna end things" "don't come back crying to me."
And so,the man in love waited for a chance to strike. He caught Taka and asked him to stay behind. The vocalist complied wondering what has gotten into his best friend. "Taka I-" Toru stuttered as wind played with his hair. The two of them stood in front of Toru's car somewhere near the studio. "Um-" "just say it Toru" the smile on the shorter man's face eased the nerves squirming in Toru's stomach,yet it backed up his reluctance for he didn't want that smile to be directed at anyone eslse after his dreaded confession.
"I'm in love with you Taka." Taka's smile dropped and his jaw fell agape. "Love me? Do you know what you're saying Toru?" "I do" "no you're lying" "Taka-" "you're lying Toru! Please tell me you are!" "I'm not" Toru grabbed Taka's arm after he tried to flee "Taka please" "let go of me" "at least let me take you home!" Toru's grip tightened and tightened until Taka hopped into the car.
Even so he let Toru drop him off, the little vocalist slammed the door not sparing the guitarist a glance.
Just when it stopped hurting he says that! Idiot idiot idiot Toru! Taka thought burying his head into the pillows,deeper and deeper until it felt suffocating.
While Taka swam into his dreams, Toru's gaze pierced into the night as he stood on the balcony with a bitter smile painting his lips. "I expected that much", he whispered trying to lock his tears in place.
He tried again the next day,but the result was the same. Nonetheless, the opportunity came running at Toru's feet on its own.
Determined not to let it slide, Toru clutched the woman's arm snatching her from Taka after she glued herself to him like a parasite. The woman was one of the singers Taka was supposed to collaborate with,however, in the dark corners she lurked,jumped at Taka who was merely passing by and spilled herself forcefully on him. She confessed and tried to snatch his lips only to be pushed by Toru who was walking by because of a sheer coincidence.
The woman went scurrying leaving a trembling Taka in her wake. Seeing that sight, Toru embraced the vocalist without a second thought. "Calm down Taka,nothing happened,everything is fine now." Toru hesitated then said "I'm here"
When Taka woke up from his haze,he tried to extricate himself from Toru's arms only to be hugged tighter. "Please" he begged "please Taka, let me prove it to you" "prove what!" "Prove that I love you"
Finally regaining some of his lost strength, Taka pushed Toru with all of his might and tried to escape but Toru caught him again. "Let go!" The older man hissed as he twisted his hand out of confine "I don't want to! Please listen to me! I love you Taka" "but-" "I really do. Believe me"
By that time, tears were flowing from both of their eyes,Taka's being much heavier. "You said you can't! You said you didn't want to! What changed that? Answer me!" "I-...don't know. I just fell for you,and when I realized it, it was too late. I spent nights up just thinking about you. Whenever we're together my eyes only follow you. Your voice is music to my ears,your laugh is my medicine. When you cry my heart aches so much I want to die. I love you Taka" Toru repeated and repeated as if the continuous recital of those three words would convince the vocalist who looked up at Toru with wet lashes.
Through penetrating eyes, Taka punctured through Toru's soul searching for a mine of lies which Taka concluded to be extinct. "Really?" Taka asked again. "Yes" Toru answered certainty enshrining every curve of his words.
"I love you,I love you so much" "me too." The two words left Toru speechless,he leaned in making sure he heard right "you too? What do you mean?" "You thought I can let go completely? It was hard,painful too,but I had to play along not to lose you. I never stopped loving you." "Taka.." "but I can't accept your feelings now. I don't want to be hurt again, I can't trust them" "you can't trust me?" "I clearly said Toru" "then,trust me. I'm telling you, I've never loved someone as much as I do now and I doubt they'll stop at that. Taka a mere glance from you can get my heart celebrating. I was denying it for too long. I didn't understand neither believe at first too. But please, give me a chance"
Choosing to respond with his actions, Taka walked into Toru's embrace once again,this time willingly burying his head into the crook of the other's neck.
"If you betray me I-" "I wouldn't ever think about that." Toru cutted his boyfriend kissing the top of his head
"Taka?" Toru asked after a moment of tranquility in each other's arms "Hm?" Taka hummed inhaling his beloved's scent. "Will you let me choose the place of our first date?" Toru pleaded his lover through puppy eyes.
Taka rounded the matter in his head for a moment before acknowledging his brand new lover's request "yeah sure"
Days later.....
"HERE?!" Taka screamed in disbelief. The couple stood at the gates of the park in which Toru rejected Taka the first time he confessed. The vocalist was confused,bewildered actually, of all the places he could've chosen,Toru chose this place?! "I know what you're thinking. And yes I chose this place in particular"
Toru spoke,his voice low and smooth. Bringing Taka's hand to his mouth, placing a soft loving kiss on this back of it,Toru elaborated: "Let's rewrite our memories,my love"
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