Dear Toru,

I really don't know how to start this letter because I'm afraid I'd ruin our relationship forever. However,I really had to say this to you. Toru,every time you come near,my heart flutters. Every time you put your arms around me,my skin prickles. Every time we lock gazes,my soul dances. I used to live a meaningless miserable life before I met you but,when you stepped into it,colours painted my life,it restored its meaning and prupose,the fog surrounding my mind and dreams lifted. Every time I look at you,I can hear the future calling me,I can remember why I shouldn't give up,why I should persevere;that's what you taught me. You may think that you're only a friend to me when in fact you're the star in my life,you're my sun,my universe. My feelings for you grow with each passing day. With every moment,my desire for your love widens. I love you Toru.

Sincerely yours,

Taka

___________________________

Toru read the letter repeatedly,reciting every single letter and character,pronouncing every syllable multiple times. He didn't understand,not a word went through the barrier of his mind. He didn't want to understand the harsh reality; Taka's affection was romantic after all this time.

He won't deny that the confession stunned him,or the fact that he doesn't know how to reply. Should he reject him? Or should he accept him and see if he can develop feelings for him? The blonde man's vision became blurry. He closed his lids and pressed them

Who am I kidding? There's no way in hell I'll love a man. But maybe if it's Taka....No I can't.

A while later,his lids cracked open gradually,he scrolled through his call log and pressed Taka's name. "Let's meet up". As hopeful as he is,Taka expected Toru's reply,yet little did he know the power of its effects.

In their favourite park they stood,people walking around not caring about the tension between them. Moments later, silence was discarded and Toru revealed his answer.

"I appreciate your feelings,but I can't accept them Takahiro"

Takahiro?

Toru's words stabbed right through Taka. The vocalist felt his world collapsing. Everything; his dreams,his fantasies,his emotions,everything went crumbling on his shoulders. Besides all that,the sound of his name being said ever so coldly by the person he cherished the most,his full name that he hasn't uttered for years and years,then having Toru's back turned to him leaving him behind.

The little vocalist couldn't bear all that sadness,his sorrow tugged at him,tossed weights at him until his heart was so heavy to carry that he fell to his knees,right there and then. The place where he was rejected by Toru,he'll always hate this place. The place he always loved now grew to be his biggest hell.

Drops of salty water went through the particles of the floor below Taka. Spots of damp tears embedded in the cement leaving memory of the vocalist's misery.

"Are you ok sir?" a fairly tall teenager with pinkish hair asked Taka seeing his streaming tears. "I'm fine don't worry. Thank you" responded Taka smiling at the younger man's concern.

Leaving the adolescent behind, the frontman got to his feet and wandered about aimlessly. His wounds were still open,his heart still hurt,his eyes still sting but,he couldn't break down in front of all those people,not when darkness tried to suffocate him,its dry air choking him,not failing to carry Toru's words.

I can't accept them Takahiro

An exhausted sigh escaped his pinkish lips as he finally gave up trying to forget. Taka glanced at the moon one last time;it seemed peaceful, the exact opposite to the wreck he was then. Letting the light of the moon fall behind,Taka marched forward heading home.

Several days passed,and the vocalist hadn't stepped past his threshold. His phone was powered off cutting out the world's worry about him. Taka even abandoned his yet unfinished lyrics,and hasn't eaten for days.

The door to his cave was knocked slightly striking the man with surprise. Who would come this early in the morning? He himself was awake just because he couldn't sleep since every time he closed his eyes,the demons of nightmares lined up in front of him waiting to torture the poor man in his supposedly peaceful slumber. Not dwelling on the matter any longer, Taka finally decided to pull the door open to admit his visitors inside. He looked horrible,but who cares.

Nevertheless,the people at the door did. They made a fuss about his dark eyebags and red lids,about the weight he lost within days and messy hair along with an unmatched attire.

Tomoya and Ryota stepped into the house,eyeing their friend from head to toe. Taka has decided to pretend he's okay,to remain strong in front of them only to have it all demolished when the drummer took him in open arms;his pretence crashed and tears flowed once again.

As he sobbed into the eldest's chest,he felt Ryota close at them from behind resting his head on the vocalist's, rubbing his tattooed arms. Taka felt so grateful yet so humiliated. Never in his life has he been so vulnerable in front of anyone. But never in his life has he loved someone this much either.

"So you were rejected" announced Tomoya stating the obvious. "Yeah" "well,at least you let out your feelings now" "I wish I hadn't. It only bothered him. Their power only backlashed at me too" "Mori-chan..." Ryota mumbled finally joining the pained conversation.

"Yosh! I'm gonna make some chicken wings for you,you love them right? But...I'm not that good with foreign food." "I don't wanna eat Tomo" "I'm not giving you a choice here. Ryota,can you please go out and buy him a drink? This idiot doesn't have any sort of liquid in his fridge." Without farther ado,Ryota sprang from his seat and ran out to buy a treat for his broken friend.

On his way to the store,the bassist's phone rang in his backpocket. He brought the screen to his face eyeing the caller's ID. It was Toru.

"Hello? Ryota you there?" "Yeah" "Are you with Tomo? I called him several times but he didn't respond" "w-we're out,shopping." Lied the younger obviously understanding his friend's actions;they really didn't want Taka to break down again....if he got over it yet that is.

Their friend was then like a bomb,a dangerous one,for any little agitation may lead him to explosion far beyond repair.

The bassist stuffed his hand with drinks and snacks for the three of them-all Taka's favourite without any reluctance- before heading home to find their eldest scolding Taka; a sight not seen pretty often.

"You need to put on some weight! You ought to restore the nutrients you lost you idiot!" "I really can't!" "Yes you can! Now stuff that stupid mouth of yours." Tomoya huffed hearing Ryota's chuckles as he seated himself beside their frontman who started gobbling his food cautious for another smack on his head from an irritated Tomoya.

The two watched Taka eating,happy smiles designing their lips;they really thought Taka would pass out from malnutrition from the way he looked. He has always been a thin one but now,it was just so unbearable to see.

"When will you continue the lyrics for the album Mori-chan?" Ryota inquired finally spitting the question they all dreaded. "Pretty soon. I'll modify the concept though; I really can't write a happy song right now you know" Taka sniggered while the other two doubted it was an amused one.Relieved that their friend was finally getting over his broken heart,the rhythm duo sighed.

Nonetheless,they wished they could've taken it back a week later when Taka met Toru. The three of the men noticed Taka's eyes watering every once in a while,his unusual frequent bathroom visits and abnormal stillness. Even his smile wasn't as bright as usual. But none of them dared to bring it up. They only watched the cold crack between Taka and Toru grow wider and wider threatening them to fall off the edge.

As easy as it seemed to people, acting normal really contrasted what people thought. It was really hard for the guitarist to attempt normal speech,to smile and hug Taka again. Not because he didn't want to,but for the sole reason of not hurting him any more than he already did.

Toru really regretted rejecting him but being with someone who can't return your feelings excruciated far more in his opinion. The magnitude of the situation burdened the men of the same age. Yet,none of them had the courage to thrash the gashes open once again. They just tipped at thin ice trying not to fall in danger once again.

Days and days accumulated,months passed and the incident was forgotten. There were still some tears and cries over the first portion of time,but Taka having his extraordinarily strong control of emotions, got over the guitarist in no time to count. What he didn't expect is the events the future held for him to revive his lacerations.

To be continued...