Alex's POV

A year later.

That's how long I've taken to heal. From the outside, that doesn't seem to be very long. But believe me when I tell you it was a year of living hell.

At first the only thing I could do was work. Putting all of my energy and time into it. If I wasn't on the job, I was volunteering.

I practically ran myself into the ground, never taking a break or a day off. I couldn't. If I stopped for one moment, then I thought about it. No, I relived it. Every second of it. Let it eat me alive.

About my.. ex. About everything that we did, everything that we said. I replayed it over and over in my mind until I was passed out drunk on my pool deck, left for Max to find me the next morning when I didn't show up for my volunteer hours.

And I couldn't let that happen again, so I worked. And worked. And volunteered and worked.

Until I physically couldn't go any farther. Until my gear became noticeably too big for me. Until I could hardly carry it up a flight of stairs.

That was a wake up call.

Not only was I putting myself in danger by my lack of self care, but I was putting my crews lives and any civilians we had to help.

So yeah, that was a few months of digging my own grave. But, once..

Once Max and Andrew and stopped by my house and found me passed out on the floor, the bottle not even have been opened, well I knew I had let it go on for too long.

That's when I started eating more, eating healthier. Started to pay attention to what I needed, made the steps to better myself.

Started to really utilize the gym at the firehouse.

I was there non stop.

And in just the few months time, I was back healthier than I'd ever been.

Some of them say that it's my whole life, that all I do besides work is workout. They aren't entirely wrong. But why not? I have no one taking up my time, so I have plenty of it for myself. It's my happy place outside of work.

And after neglecting what I needed for so long, I wasn't going to ever do that again. Now what I do, I make sure it's bettering me, making sure I take care of myself before I help others.

Sounds selfish, I know. I don't mean on the bases of helping people or my team. But I have given up so much of myself in the past to please others, and I'm fully over that shit.

I feel fantastic.

I'm climbing stairs full gear in about half the time I use to, and I wouldn't say I was out of shape before.

And.. I've definitely gained some attention from it. I can't say that women haven't noticed how much I've worked out, that they haven't appreciated how much I've worked out.

Of course I'm not on the same path as before, so I'm not chasing a different girl every night. Not that I'm taken, because I'm not. That's just not a focus of mine any more. It's part of me bettering myself. That wasn't helping. That was my self destructive ass doing what it knows best to do.

I've also lessened my drinking. Again, not that I really did a whole lot of it before. I never really liked to let alcohol take control over me. So as rare as it was for me to get drunk before, it's even rarer now.

I know, I know. I'm talking about myself a lot, right? But if you didn't want to hear about that, then why are you here?

You wanted to catch up and know how I've been, what I've been up to? Well, this is it.

And I'm happy. Genuinely happy. I'm not relying on another person for my happiness anymore; I've created my own. I'm grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. I wouldn't change it.

I don't plan to.

So, no, to answer some of your burning questions, I haven't seen her. I haven't talked to her. The most I've thought about her is right now in this conversation. She was a large part of why I was self destructing. I cleansed myself of those factors and I'm better for it.

So I don't ever plan on seeing her again.

Or any of them, honestly.

I don't pay attention to the avengers. They're not even a blip on my radar.

They still volunteer, sure. But I don't see them. I don't have to deal with them. We keep our distance and it's for the best.

Want to know a little secret?

Who am I kidding, of course you do. It's the real reason you're here. You want all the juicy details, the gossip, the tea.

I've seen Spencer.

Not in that kind of way.

But I've wanted a few tattoos, some reminders of where I've come from, what I've been through, what I've accomplished.

And it wasn't really on purpose; was I really suppose to remember the name of her tattoo shop?

Okay, I probably should have. But I had a lot going on. So I didn't realize I had walked into her tattoo shop until I was face to face with her.

That was only a little weird.

Once we got passed the fact that we both knew some of the same people and that there isn't exactly a great history there, well, we got to talking about life, we've both been through a lot. We also both like hitting the gym and have a small passion for motorcycles (occasionally even going or riding together). Then it lead to tattoos, of course.

The ones she has, the ones I wanted.

Long story short I've gone back at least four other times. But who's counting?

I didn't have any before, but I sure as hell am addicted now. It's kind of become a second escape for me, like a therapy session.

I sit back, relax, and let Spencer do her thing. Which she is incredible at, might I add.

Which is why I'm back now.

I don't have an appointment, but she said she'd be free to talk about the next tattoo I want today so she could get it designed for me. I don't want anyone else's designs but hers.

She's that good.

I walk in to that familiar scent, taking in the atmosphere I've come to love, smile on my face as big as ever.

I rode my bike here, so I placed my helmet off to the side as I sat and awaited Spencer.

"Alex!"

"Hey, Spence!" I get off the couch to give her a quick hug. "How's the day going?"

"Very well! Just finished up a tattoo only minutes before you arrived, so great timing."

"What can I say, I'm just good like that," I grab my jacket collar in attempts to fake show off. She gives me a laugh.

I know what you're thinking, me talking to Spencer leads to Spencer + Nat = Wanda. But that isn't the case. I'm her client. We keep all that other shit separate.

"So, I believe we're here to talk about your next tattoo?" Spencer smiles widely. You can really tell this girl loves what she does. It shows in her work.

"Yes! Believe it or not I am already scratching for another one!"

"I believe it, trust me. Nat has joked that if I keep going I'm just going to be a walking tattoo advertisement for my shop," I laugh, knowing Nat also probably loves every inch of the tattoos Spencer has. They look good on her.

"I support it, everyone needs to know about this place. But I also selfishly wish I had you to myself," I joke.

Her eyebrow raises as a smirk grows.

"Not like that! I just meant- oh, you know what I meant! You're messing with me."

"I would never do such a thing," she says sarcastically.

I shake my head, "right, how foolish of me. How is Nat by the way?"

"Wow. First you say you want me all to yourself, now you want to know if I'm still with Nat?" She teases.

"No! Not at all, I just-"

"I know, Alex. But you are just so fun to mess with. Besides, as much as I would enjoy a little tussle between you and Nat, and as great as you look, I still think she'd win."

Damn Spencer. I can't even help but blush at her comment. "Yeah, I know she would. My self defense classes have nothing on the black widow."

"No. They don't," she deadpans. But I would never even try to fight Nat. She's a beast. "So! Your tattoo!"

"Right! Got a little distracted," I let out a breathy laugh.

"Well, if I'm going to keep distracting you, we probably can't do this."

My mouth drops open.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding. Let's sit back in my office and we can go over whatever you have in mind.

I nod before following her out back.

Oh, relax. Spencer and I joke, that's it. It's harmless. And I love her with Nat. They're literally so perfect together, serious couple goals. Life goals, really.

If one wanted a life partner as one of their goals. Which I don't.

Anyway.

"So, what were you thinking?" She gestures to the seat in front of her which I take.

As I do I hear some noise coming from the front. I don't think much of it, "well, I'd really like to stick with the whole concept I've got going on already. I'm looking to just keep adding to it, really keep the Hawaiian culture flare at the center of it all. Hell, maybe I'll be your walking advertisement!" I half joke.

"I think you already are! I've had a few people come in here saying they had a rec from you."

"What can I say, I am in love with your work."

"Well, I definitely appreciate-"

Then she freezes, looking like a ghost just walked in.

Ha.

But wait, why-

I turn around and my face drops, I'm sure matching Spencers.

Someone I never thought I'd have to see again.

Wanda.