《Into the fire》Chapter Seventy Five
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Wandas POV
"What?"
"Wanda?"
"I.. I can feel her heart."
"What? Wanda, how would that even be possible?"
"I- I don't know. Okay? But I felt everything. The burns, the cuts, the bruises. Like I was living through being burned instead of her, like I took her pain. And I could feel her heart. She can't be gone," I whisper my explanation.
"Wanda.. I wish that were true.. but we have monitors, we tried everything to get her back. I am so sorry, but she has no heart beat," Dr. Cho tries to tell me gently.
Ha. Can you ever really tell someone gently that their loved one passed away?
"No. I won't accept that."
I don't know why I think I can literally defy death right now, but I just can't give up. I don't know if this is denial or stubbornness or what. But she's still there, I can feel it.
"Maybe it was a last memory of hers playing out that you caught? It was an intense moment for her, maybe.."
"No. This was different than just seeing her memory. I can't explain it. But I've felt others memories before, I can pull them out from the depths of their minds where they didn't even know anything was hidden. This wasn't that."
Dr. Cho let's out a breath, "maybe.. maybe there's no explanation. Maybe this is just something that happened as she was letting go and because she was close to you and because of your abilities, you felt it. I don't have an answer and I wish I did. I really am sorry, Wanda. We did everything we could."
I nod my head, only half listening to her ramble on, "yeah. I know you did. It's Tony that should be running for his life right now."
I hear him gulp behind me. Good.
"Can um.. can you give me a minute? Please," I force the cry back down, not letting myself go just yet, and certainly not in front of everyone here.
"Of, course, Wanda. Take your time," Dr. Cho turned off the machines then pat my arm as she moved along. The other doctors or whatever they are followed her out, all giving me the same exact look of sympathy.
"Are you sure you want to be alone right now, Wanda?"
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"Yeah, Nat, Clint. I'm good. I need this," I just want them all out. Now.
"Okay. We'll wait for you outside if you need us," and with that they walked out the door, closing it behind them.
I let a shaky breath be the only sound for a moment. I needed to get my voice steady.
"Okay, Alex. I don't know what the hell you were thinking. I don't know why you were doing any of it. But I need you to wake up so we can talk about it. I need to give you the chance you deserve, the one I should have given in the first place.
"I should have trusted you. I- I let other seeds of doubt get in the way and reacted based off of that and I am so sorry. But you need to wake up. Because I want to have to apologize to you for the rest of our lives; as we move in together and throw parties with our friends and explore the world and get married. Which means you can't.. you cant be gone.
"Because I love you. I love everything about you; how you fight for what you believe in, how you stand by your friends no matter what, how you live so fully and beautifully.
"I love the birthmark on your back and the way your real smile will brighten up your entire face, which makes my day every day."
Fuck, this is hard. I feel like I'm saying goodbye, but I'm not. I'm trying to will whatever part of her back into existence. I know she's there. I just hope she can hear me.
"There's so much I want to do with you still. It can't be over. I want to wake up to you everyday. I want to teach you how to cook. I want to spend days in the pool together. I want to spend everyday showing you how much I love you.
"So you need to wake up. You have to! Damn it! Wake up! I know you're there! Just-"
And then it happens. I fall apart, sobbing with everything in me as tears race down my cheeks to the table. Regular breathing gone out the window. I'm a mess.
I don't know for how long, but I'm a mess. I let all of it out. No holding back, anymore. No one else is here, it's just us. And she always let me be me with her, no matter how I was feeling.
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When I've finally fixed my breathing and I'm emptied out of any tears, I raise my head back up to look at her.
I don't want to, but I can't look away.
And- it doesn't make sense, I know. Just add it to the list. But I reach out, placing my hand above her heart.
My hand flies to my mouth to stop any noise from escaping.
I really am losing my mind.
Because I could swear I felt a heartbeat.
I must be crazy.
I reach down to her wrist trying to feel for a pulse.
Nothing.
Great. I'm making stuff up now. Maybe it really all was a memory..
No.
What if it wasn't?
What if she was trying to communicate with me or get me to do something or-
Or I'm just upset about my girlfriend passing away?
I'd rather be sure. And if they call me crazy.. that's their own problem.
Alex deserves to have a chance to show she isn't a monster. To show this awful world how good she is. Because she is. Whatever this was I have to believe it was with every best intention. The Alex I knew- the Alex I know, she was too much of a fighter, she cared so much and loved so strong. This can't be it.
I know she isn't a monster. I know she isn't one, I do. I want her to know that.
I know the incredible person she is. And I want more of the world to see it. This arson isn't who she is.
She fights fires. She saves people every day. She wakes up knowing she's running into a burning building or a collapsed bridge or a car crash everyday. She puts her life at risk even more every day to save people she's never met.
She is a hero.
She's my hero. And I want to have her at my side for everything, to be at her side through everything.
So that starts with doing something a little crazy. I have no idea if this will work. I don't know why it would work if it does. But, at this point, what will it hurt?
I let just a little bit of energy start to move around my fingers as I place my hand back over her heart.
This is fucking crazy.
Okay, deep breaths. Okay, a few more. This is going to work. Never mind the fact that she's been dead for several minutes..
Wow. It's a good thing I don't give the pep talks.
Okay, I'm stalling.
I want this to work. But what if it doesn't?
What if they're right and she really is gone?
I- I don't know if I could handle that. So.. taking my time now, prolonging this, it's more time I have with this hope.
But it isn't saving her.
Okay. I just have to do it.
I let the energy build back up, keeping it in place for a beat before pushing it into her.
Her whole body jumps from the impact.
I don't really know if it worked. She isn't hooked up to any machine, so there's no beeping or jump in the line to indicate anything.
Do I try it again?
I feel a heartbeat, but I felt it before. Is my mind playing a trick on me, telling me it's stronger now?
One more time?
One more time.
Deep breath, let it out, and send it into her heart once more.
Okay, no. I'm not crazy. Her heartbeat is definitely there. And her pulse... yes! I feel one.
Holy shit, did this work?
"Alex? Alex can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear me, that you're here and you're alive. Please," I grab her hand in both of mine, bringing it up to my lips as I keep whispering to her, hoping it coaxes her out of this coma type thing she's in.
It's what I have to believe.
"Wanda, are you okay?"
No. No no no. Why? Why couldn't they just give me more time?
"Yeah, um," I look back to Alex in hopes that she's magically awake now. "Just, uh. Talking to her for a bit."
"Okay, well Dr. Cho is saying they need to take her.."
"No."
"Wanda, she can't stay on the table like that. And you can't stay here with her."
Who the fuck do they think they are trying to tell me what to do?
"No, Steve. You can't stay here. So why don't you go. I'm fine."
"Wanda, Alex is.."
"Alex is here with me. I love her and I'm making sure she knows-"
"I do."
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